The "sh" word

So last week I get Jessa's little duck paper out of her book bag. A duck paper is five ducks in a row that your kid colors green for a good day yellow for not bad but not really good and red for yea...totally not good. Yes, there is an ugly red duck amongst the other greens with a little note on the back from her teacher that say's "Jessa wrote the "sh" word in class today".....and the conversation follows:

Me : Jessa...Did you write the "sh" word today?

Jess: ummm..yeah

Me: WHERE did you write it and why?????

Jess: on the whiteboard in front of the class

Me: WHAT?

Jess: welllll.....

Me: WHY?

Jess: Mommmm...the teacher told us to write an "sh" word and it was all I could think of!!

In another nutshell.....

If you haven't posted for months and months you are basically reserving the right to multi-mega-post right? This is one big jumbly swirl of Christmas, Thanksgiving, Sledding, bowling and Santa all bundled up warm and snuggly like a wintery little smokey snausage in a blanket of Wal-Mart smiley faces.

Aspenoolie.......

Way to go Aspen!!!!!! She tried out for math club and found out today that not only did she get in the club...she is Vice President of Publicity!!! Wooo and a great big Hooooo!!!! AND she got inducted into FBLA last week AND she bought her first car yesterday with her very own earned money AND AND AND I heard a rumor that some tall stinky boy needs to come over to our house while she is gone this week. That couldn't have anything to do with Homecoming could it?????? Okay... I need to breathe.

So a little more about the car. Here's a pic of it. It's wrecked,and as you can see it needs a little work BUT it only has 46,000 miles on it and just needs a hood and some other misc parts and it will run like a dream :) Now she can go get me milk and toilet paper. I never have to leave the house again!

"Floppy took THIRD!!!!!"

9:00 P.M. Last Tuesday night Jessa says "MOMMMM I can't go to bed!! I have to make a veggie creation!!!" Okay, are you serious? So being the wonderful mother I am I make Doug come help make this creation because after all, he is the artist right? Jessa decides it's going to be a penguin and his name is Floppy and he has sungoggles made of bell peppers and he is the coolest of the cool. We take Floppy to school the next morning and the day after that she comes home off the bus Sooo excited. MOM!!!! I WON I WON!!! Floppy took Third place in the veggie creation contest! AND everyone knew I won because the principal said my name Mom!! She PRONOUNCED it on the PRONOUNCEMENTS!!" Her certificate is hanging on the fridge signed by the almighty principle and Floppy is chillin in the beer fridge in the garage. Life is good.

"The worst potato peel of all womankind"

I was floating in the tub last night trying to decide what pics to post from all my Summer activities. Thanks alot Amy! She posted this long and wonderful post the other day about all of her Summer activities so I figured I'd better do one too. Then I started thinking about my Aunt Janiel, my Moms sister, i'm sure you all heard that she took her life a couple weeks ago after fighting horrible depression for many, many years. Anyway, I started feeling bad thinking about how much we loved each others morbid sense of humor, and remembering that sometimes as I was blogging I would think to myself "Aunt Janiel is going to LOVE this" so, in honor of her and her love of all things gross. I give you this:


My evening was coming to a relaxing end a few days ago with a nice, hot soak in my tub....soo relaxing. UNTIL. I decide to get all crazy and actually shave my legs. A new fresh 3 blade razor sitting on the side of the tub. Doug walks by and sees my razor, opens his drawer, and gingerly sets a second razor next to the first one without saying a word. What an A-HOLE!

So I start the deed, fast and furious and then, it happens. You know the feeling "did I just..... ohhhhhh I'm not quite sure, but I think....should I look? okay......crap!...... i'm looking.....ohhhhhh it's all white........ maybe I just skimmed the surface?...ohkay, here comes the blood, and then....holy shit it's four inches long!!!!! Of course i have to do what we all do at that point....dunk it back in the hot water like an idiot. Not a good idea.

As my butt slowly unpuckers I get out & fix my leg with a high tech toilet paper skin graft bandage. I bump into Ash a few minutes later in the kitchen and I say "you should see the potato peel I just did". She didn't miss a beat. She instantly knew there were no vegetables involved. She says "oh no..let me see it". Then we proceed to oogle over it for about 10 minutes. So to make a long story short. Yes, I am going to post a pic of my disgusting shave cut.
I think I should win a prize. It is glorious and i'm sure it is the longest potato peel in history. Notice in the pic that one peice of my toilet paper skin graft has held up really well. It was days ago and it is still holding my leg together. Now that I think about it. I'm pretty sure the toilet paper has grown into my leg.


Oh, and check out my bitchin socks I wore to work today.

Jackson the wonder dog.....

We got the honor of babysitting Mike's dog Jackson last weekend. Needless to say we had a ball with him and by the looks of his smile it wasn't such a bad weekend. He spent most of his time trying to fly. Oh, that and also trying to "dominate" our male cat Simon. Needless to say, after three days of it Simon ran away for a day in protest. I on the other hand, found it extremely funny, which i'm sure isn't a huge shock to those that know me well :)

me: "Jessa, will you please get me a glass of water?"

jessa: "no, you can get it........your almost 40 years old"




hell....