A little out of it

So, right now I'm supposed to be editing...editing 4 shoots before I have 6 more at the end of this week. I have been feeling like I can't breathe. I went to Denver this past weekend to do some photo-shoots, it SNOWED on us so 2 canceled. But that was fine, less work is always fine. :) It was a heaven sent weekend actually. I was able to take my friend Emily with me and stay with 2 of my very best friends there, Michele & sage brush Mary.  They are amazing people.  Michele should live in Manhattan and Mary should live on 50 acres of wilderness. :)  They are so different, yet both have kindred hearts to mine.  (I sound like Anne of Green Gables) It was so nice to get away and regroup. I feel like I really really needed it. I'm having the hardest time learning how to balance. Balance my life. Balance my family. Balance my church responsibilities. Balance my hobby. Balance my free time. Balance my lack of free time. Balance my work. Balance my time on the computer editing. Balance my relationship with my hubby. Balance. How do you do it? It's like I either feel too busy, or a little bored. I like to feel busy, it's my nature, but I also like to know I have available time in the next month...some time. Any time. How do you balance? Is it always a struggle? Maybe just for me. hmmm. I've worked so hard to get my business where it is now, and now I'm overwhelmed and working too much...it's time to start saying no to work, even though it's my hobby, it's a passion and what I love.  But I have to prioritize better. Perhaps I need a class in balance. Back to Denver...we stayed up one night until almost 4 am talking about parenting, and the gospel. It was so good to talk, and feel so rejuvenated and ready to be a fab mother again...or for once. I came to many realizations, or reminders that night...these are just a few:

-I am a teacher to my children. I have always known this...but so often I assume they think like I think. This is not true. So I am lazy when it comes to parenting. I forget to TEACH. To SHOW, to lead by example.
-I and my husband are my children's everything. We are the keeper of their hearts. The keeper of their spirits, it is my job to nourish them in every sense.
-I need to do better at creating and implementing traditions. I have a hard time with this. I know children need rhythm, traditions are great way to create that rhythm...what are some traditions you love?
-When a child does wrong, saying "Let's try again" instead of scolding and sending them away.
-Remembering how I felt when I was a child. How it felt so so good to be held and loved by mom. How scared I would get at night when I had a bad dream, or the sadness I felt when I had a bad day at school. Mom's can make it so much better.
-LESS IS MORE.
-Be PRESENT in my children's life. Really live purposefully...every day!
-Get up earlier
-No computer unless my kids are asleep or playing at someone's house. (this is SO HARD for me)
-Say "no" when I need to (to work or extra things that take me away from my family).

There is more...but I will stop there. I could choose any one of those and have it be hard to really DO. Some days I feel so capable, and others it's difficult. So I'm resolving-again- to do better, to be better, to live better and mostly to love better.  Motherhood is such a gift...it helps me strive to be a better person.
Amen :)

Sending balloons to James

Sunday was the 2 year anniversary of Michelle's little James's passing. It was so sweet to be there with her family at his graveside to let of balloons. Michelle is amazing! We're all sending you our love!

Wishing...and hoping...

I am so sick of the cold.  I really really wish I were here right now....
bEautiful Kauai-
I think the beach is by far my favorite place on earth...
who needs botox when you have a scuba mask?

on a heli would also be nice....
or here...on a zipline that makes you look like you have the fattest g-string ever.  That's fine. It's hot. :)

The "B" word

Today Madeline told me her friend told her the "B" word.
Me: "So what is it? You can tell me."
M: "I don't want to say...." (all embarrassed)
Me: "It's OK to tell you're mom..."
M: OK...it's...it's... Butch" Slamming her hand against the roof of the car "you know, like butch!"
Me: "Ya."
For some reason, this is Butch to me....

Conference

I so loved conference this week.  Wasn't it amazing?  I thought of so many of you who commented under the trials post...did you feel some of your experiences were addressed?  I know mine were.  Elder Ballard is my hero this time.  It was the perfect end to all of the sessions.  If you didn't listen to his talk...do it!  You will NOT regret it!  Promise.  It was all about mothers.  All I can say is WOW!

funny....

I wrote the longest, most confusing post about this...then read it again and confused myself.  I'm not good at getting my point across sometimes.  So I'll just leave it up to this picture. Comments???  I know you have some.... :)

Where is My Solace

My sister Jana wrote a beautiful book a while back about her experiences with depression.  She just put it on a  blog so it's online!!  It's amazing....even if you don't struggle yourself with it, or know anyone who does (I'm sure you do- you just don't know it), it's for everyone.  

Where is My Solace

If you read it...let us know what you thought!!!  Loves to you Jana!

So trivial...

I have started to post something many times this past week...but after the response of the last post on trials, everything seems so trivial.  So I haven't posted anything.  I want to say AGAIN, thanks so much for everyone who has shared/vented/encouraged, it's really been phenomenal to see.  Please keep commenting on that same post if you'd like.  And those who shared all of their experiences...please keep us updated.  Really, so many of us now care for you, and we want to know how you are continuing to do.  If you haven't had a chance to read all of the comments, please take the time, it's really eye opening, and heart softening.  And feel free to leave some encouraging words or experiences if you have gone through anything similar.  

On a lighter note...

This is my son.  This is my son in his "max" suit (from Where the Wild Things Are").  This is my son popping his own popcorn.  This is my son dumping out the entire bag of popcorn all over the kitchen floor.  This is my son soon going into time-out.  This is me venting.  This is me not telling you all how he'd peed (on purpose- in a very large quantity) on his rocking chair.  So much that I had to throw it away...this was a conversation we had the next morning;

"Aren't you sad we had to throw your chair away?"

"Yaaaaa"

"Me too, why are you so sad?"

"I'm not really sad, I was just pretending. I like the chair in the garbage better".  

At least he is honest.