The last month at our house has been a very difficult time. First, I got sick with a terrible cough that was so strong sometimes I would throw up. I remember one night after Nate had gone to bed and I was cuddling with Scarlett and Robert on the couch saying to Robert, "At least no one else is sick right now. Especially Scarlett because she's so little." I went on coughing for a couple weeks and everyone in the house seemed to be doing fine. Unfortunately, Scarlett began coughing and it just kept getting worse and worse. I took her to the pediatrician and told her I thought it might be pertussis (whooping cough) because Scarlett was having a hard time breathing and she would be gasping for air. The doctor proceeded to examine her and diagnosed bronchitis. We went home with
Albuterol and began using a
nebulizer every four hours, sleeping her at an incline, and using the nasal bulb and saline solution to help clear her congestion. She just kept getting worse. We weren't sleeping because we had to constantly monitor her and make sure she kept breathing after her coughing fits. She started turning blue during every fit and I was terrified she wouldn't bounce back. After explaining this to the doctor, she said if Scarlett quit breathing for more than a couple of minutes that was when I should get concerned and call her again. I felt helpless. Am I supposed to watch her not breathing? I don't think so. Besides, if she was going to go that long without breathing I was calling the ambulance, not the pediatrician. Robert and I were both sick with worry every morning we'd go to get her out of the crib. I honestly thought that she wasn't going to be there one morning. I couldn't cope with that but I couldn't get anyone to listen. Scarlett has been happy and beautiful from day one. She smiles and grins and charms you. She'd do this every time I'd take her to the doctor. They'd take one look at this pink, grinning, alert baby and say, "This is not a sick child." About this time Nate started to cough and then Robert followed soon after. I called my parents, they had been on me to get help for myself for a month, and they said to take her in again and not take "No" for an answer. I asked my dad to specifically tell me what I needed to ask for if it looked like I was going to be sent home without help again. Armed with my list of questions and a determination to get my baby help we went to the doctor's again at about 2 pm. The doctor did her examination again and I told her everything we'd been prescribed wasn't working and she was getting worse. I wanted her to test for pertussis. She did a bunch of preliminary things and finally said she thought it might be pertussis and the only place that did the test was the ER. She told me the chances of it being pertussis were small, but she was beginning to get concerned. All this time Scarlett was jabbering away and smiling from ear to ear. She hadn't even coughed in front of the doctor which is what always happens when you go to see them. The kids don't cooperate and act totally normal. Anyway, we drove straight to the ER. After a lot of waiting we finally got into triage and she coughed. Thank goodness. I was so tired of everyone telling me she was fine. The nurse in triage was especially
unsympathetic and thought we had nothing to worry about. Well, when she heard Scarlett's cough she ran out of the room telling everyone we needed to be seen immediately and isolated because my baby had pertussis. Finally! So we were put in a room to wait for the ER doctor. She came in and listened to Scarlett's chest but Scarlett doesn't cough once when she's there. She says Scarlett's lungs sound clear and it's just congestion. I explained she's turning blue from not being able to breath and I couldn't take her home like that because it was getting worse and I was concerned about her making it through the night. The doctor responded that once she had someone from respiratory come and deep suction out some of the mucus, Scarlett would be fine. The doctor left the room and I almost burst into tears. I couldn't go home without help. I was to the point of exhaustion that I didn't know if I was alert enough to wake up to every coughing fit and help her to get breathing again. I'd been sick for so long and the stress of all of this was making it worse. I needed help badly. When the women from respiratory showed up they told me the reason Scarlett was having such a tough time was because I wasn't using the bulb correctly. I showed them how I'd been using it and they said I was using it right and to just keep doing it that way. Finally they did the deep suction. In the middle of Scarlett's screaming she coughed and they just kept right on going without even missing a beat. Thank goodness an attending doctor was walking by because she came in and said, "We're admitting your baby immediately". After some X-rays and
a lot of waiting for them to find a bed, Scarlett was admitted to the
NICU. By the time she was in the bed it was 1 am. It had been such a long day. The
NICU doctor came in and told me to go home. I left Scarlett there and for the first time in 2 weeks I felt like she was going to be okay. She was were she needed to be. She was in the best hands. I went home and tossed and turned. Early in the morning I went back to see her. Robert took the day off from work and stayed home with Nate.
When I walked in she greeted me with big eyes and a giant grin. I love that she knows who I am and is so happy to see me. The nurses said she'd had a few episodes that night and they now understood what I was trying to tell them. I was so grateful.
That day we got the results back from the pertussis test and it was positive. They started her on the antibiotic and prescribed the whole family some as well because we were all coughing and passing it to each other.
She ended up staying three nights and almost four days. It was a really long week, but I was so relieved. It was an easier week than I'd had in a long time. The weight of the worry off my shoulders, a treatment and diagnosis for my little girl and a little rest for the whole family was such a blessing.
The nurses all told me how Scarlett was such a good baby. They also all commented on how she was the biggest baby they'd worked with in a long time. She got better with each day. Nate was great during all of this and was always so excited to see Scarlett in the "dark room". They kept the lights dim in her room. While we visited Nate and I did activity books, watched movies on the
iPod and played pretend games. It was hard for him to understand that Scarlett couldn't play and he couldn't hold her. I finally broke down and let him hold her. I didn't get it in the picture, but she was so happy to see him.
Scarlett's always loved it when Nate talks to her. She gives him all her attention. She was listening to him tell her stories right before I took this picture. Nate has camera radar and always looks right at you as you click.
I know this is getting really long, but I HAVE to share this story and get it recorded. We had had a few tough days and I was taking Nate with me to see Scarlett while Robert was at work. With only one car, we had to be prepared to stay there for 5 hours. We packed games and a picnic the night before. We got up early and hurried Nate out the door. By the time Nate and I reached Scarlett's room, I realized we hadn't even given him time to go potty that morning. We put our things down and walked to the bathroom. We locked the door behind us and Nate proceeded to go potty all the while telling me lots of stories and asking never-ending questions. He hopped down from the toilet and bent down and pulled his underwear on never missing a beat with his jabbering. I was just leaning against the wall watching him and reminding him to flush. He wasn't hearing a word I said. He bent down and was rummaging around in his jeans. He was still telling me his story but he was getting more frantic in his movements. Finally he looked up at me and said, "Mom, I can't find my underwear!" I told him he'd already pulled them up but in his worry he hadn't heard me and was back down in his jeans looking for his underwear. This went on for another 30 seconds with me just watching and waiting for him to make the connection. He was still so busy talking. Eventually, he took a breath in his story long enough to touch his bum. The surprise and amazement on his face at finding his underwear already on sent me into a fit of laughter. He looked at me with his eyes really big and said, "Oh! They're already on!" I laughed so hard that I think people outside the door heard it. It was a very simple bright spot to be able to laugh and smile with Nate despite the other circumstances surrounding us at the time.
So three and a half days later Scarlett was discharged. Our house had felt emptier and quieter without her and we were so excited to get her home. I held her and cuddled her and kissed her so much I think Robert was worried I would smother her!
Since then she's gotten so much better. We've all finished our antibiotics and hopefully the coughs will be gone in a couple of weeks.
I learned a lot this past week. One of the things I learned which may be the most important is that I need to trust my intuition and fight for my kids if things don't feel right. I'd known for a long time things were off, but I wanted to trust the doctors who where educated to know more than me. I also learned how blessed I am. It was great to be in a city with exceptional child care. I am grateful for modern medicine. If this had happened not too long ago, there's a real chance she could have died. I'm grateful for my ward. They were so supportive and willing to help. I know it would have been much harder to go through this alone without all of their support. I'm grateful for family. I was really reminded at how precious it is. Just the fact that I have one of my own really humbles me now. I know I will never take for granted the joy my children bring me and I will always appreciate the fact that my Heavenly Father trusted me with them. To teach them and share their lives with them. What a blessing. Even though it was an emotional, long week I learned that I have more than I could have ever imagined for myself and it's all possible because I have a Heavenly Father who loves me and wants to bless me. I pray I can always live up to that blessing and always keep it fresh in my mind.
I've learned a lot this year when it comes to the blessings of marriage. The more I learn about myself and my husband the more I realize how blessed we are and how unusual we are. We are in love. We put one another's happiness first. We love our kids and are equally involved in raising them. We view our children as blessings from heaven and work together to teach them what they need to know for this life. We've had our disagreements, but we have never fought. We've hit bumps in the road but we go through them together. We hold each other's hand and work through the hard times. We've been blessed to reach every goal we've made thus far and we are on the right track to completing many more of them. I've never felt alone since I've had Robert in my life. I used to assume that this was how it was for everyone. My parents have a fantastic marriage and so do Robert's. We've had excellent examples of how to love your spouse. But most of all, I think we both understand that in order to have all the blessings of heaven we have to love our Heavenly Father and trust Him. He is first in my life and first in Robert's. I know that He is the reason we have what we have. Robert and I hold our marriage covenants sacred. Just in these seven short years together I've felt so much happiness and security knowing that my Father in Heaven is involved in my marriage. I want the promises that have been promised me if I keep my covenants and live worthily. I've so enjoyed having Robert in my life and I realize that forever is the only way I would have it with him. I want him with me for eternity. If the Lord has blessed me so much in this temporal life I cannot wait and cannot imagine what I could have in the eternities. 
