Random Dozen

Linky linky Periwinkie...It's Random Dozen Wednesday. Linda's got your questions and hey you can cheat on your answers too, just read the other's answers.

1. Describe the best sandwich in the world, according to you.

I'm not qualified to answer this one, I don't like sandwiches. But I will say a sandwich without a pickle I won't even try!
2. Which inspires you more: a good conversation, a song, a book or movie?
A "good" conversation for me involves a little gossip, which is BAD, so that can't be "inspiring". A song can get stuck in your head, and that can drive a person NUTS. I've seen plenty of movies and thought to myself and they spent a million dollars on that? I've read some terrible books...BUT there IS one that inspires me to live a better life each day...SO if the conversation, song, book or movie talks about Jesus THAT inspires me!
3. What is your favorite board game?
Ooh, right now it's United States Bingo! It has bingo cards with different states on it and they have what they are known for producing. Then you pick tiles out of the sack. Example (the tile will say) Georgia Peaches {then who ever has Georgia gets that tile, the first one to fill all there state tiles wins. We all fight over the cards because we all have favorite states!
4. As you grow older, are you more or less patient with small children?
I loved Sara's answer so I'm gonna copy it...It all depends on the day and what kids.
5. Name one item you never let yourself run out of.
Gas. And I mean BOTH car and body kinds!
6. Do you agree with Tennyson's assertion, "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?"
I don't like this question. I don't think we know the FULL effect of Love, we haven't stood in His presence yet; but we all know plenty about loss, and if pure love is so heavenly then the loss wouldn't bother us because we won't FEEL it there...

7. Name one national treasure or monument that you have visited.
I drive over the Mighty Mississippi nearly every day.
8. Which is more painful, to be disappointed in someone else or to be disappointed in yourself?
My childhood was filled with disappointments in the people who were suppose to love and protect me. So if I'm going to compare myself as a parent to the models I've had it is more painful to be disappointed in someone else. I think/pray/weigh my decisions pretty well, so by the time I make it it's the best choice for me. yes I can disappoint myself, but it is more painful FOR me when I place trust in someone and they abuse it.
9. What makes your kitchen uniquely yours?
Right now I hate my kitchen. It's small, outdated, uninspiring. I try to stay out of it as much as possible. I have a bunch of different shaped & sized baskets hanging about the cupboards...
10. Are you a crafty person?
Yes, I've been working on a couple little things lately.


11. What is your favorite traditional picnic or bbq (cookout) food?
Pringles! The only time I buy them is if we're going to the beach where we pack a cooler and spend all day! Everything else is always different but the Pringles are ALWAYS the first thing the kids want/ask for.
12. Name one leisurely activity you enjoyed over Labor Day Weekend.
I made Chili over the weekend, it was cool here. I'm talking sweatshirts and fuzzy socks. So it was perfect to snuggle up to a bonfire, listen to country songs and watch my kids fall asleep in their chairs.

Random Dozen

Random dozen time!  If you want to join in go here and see Linda.

1. What insect are you most afraid of? Feel free to post a picture.

I have two actually, first of all SPIDERS. GAH! they are nasty buggers. Second, bees. I do realize bees do wonderful things for us, honey, pollination...but I'm sorry I watch too much National Geographic and their stories on killer bees. I've been stung 3 times, I really don't like it OR them much.


2. What is the greenest/most organic thing about you or that you do?
I try not to shave my legs often. ;)


3. Tell me about a recurring dream that haunts you.
Well, it involves my dad, and if you've read hear long you'll know I haven't spoken to him in years; it never ends well for one of us. I'll let you decide who...

4. Have you ever missed a flight? What were the circumstances?
NO, but I have spent an ENTIRE day at the airport thinking they'd take pity on me and let me change my flight home without the huge fee!


5. What do you consider your best feature?
My sense of humor! (that IS what you say if you haven't got looks going for you right?)


6. What was the last concert you went to?
Geez, this will be tough to even remember. State Fair years ago, I think it was the Bodeans and, huh it's been so long I can't even remember the other band. They were my Hubby's favorites...I like going to Musicals if I'm splurging. I took Butter to Beauty and the Beast last December.


7. Describe the most embarrassing church moment you ever experienced.
I don't have one. Really, I don't. If you had asked for most embarrassing gas station moment...then well I could answer.


8. Are you a whistler, hummer or singer?
The dog doesn't come when I whistle. I refuse to answer a dirty question and the dog joins me when I sing.


9. George Washington Carver said, "I love to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting station, through which God speaks to us every hour, if we will only tune in." What is God saying to you through nature today, or this very minute?
The children are hungry, the dog would like to play fetch and somewhere there is a cricket I am praying will soon be meeting God face to face.


10. On September, 1, 1752, the Liberty Bell arrived in Philadelphia. What memorable event will take place in your life on September 1, 2010?
We are going to see Nanny McPhee Returns.


11. Taco Bell or the Liberty Bell? (You must choose.)
AH, come on! both can give one peace! How do you choose between "peace and quiet in a locked room" over "the pursuit of peace and happiness" ?

12. Do you believe men and women can have purely platonic friendships?
No, I think one of them will eventually have a dream about the other. Those things can feel awfully real!

Giving in to the urge.

I can be so anal neurotic. There I've said it.
At times I have to fight an internal battle.
"I.must.get.this.done." VS "You've got time.It doesn't have to be done this second. Relax"
See I used to be a procrastinator. A very BIG procrastinator.
Maybe that was when I knew I had someone there to, you know, chap my hide if I waited too long?
My Mom was a STICK~LER. I mean her wrath was fearsome! I liked rebelling against it. Must have driven her C~razy!
Now, something snap, crackled and popped because if there is something looming, I will DO it even if that means weeks in advance!
Example: Christmas.
I love Christmas time. I love decorating. With the exception of unwrapping all of the ornaments. REwrapping them is even WORSE then UNwrapping...
I start seeing Christmas items at Target around Mid-October. GRRRRRRR.
So by the time Thanksgiving comes I'm foaming-at-the-mouth-ready to engage!
Right around the 20th of December I'm already dreading the labor intensive putting AWAY the decorations. Christmas hasn't even come, but in my head I'm thinking. I have 2 birthdays coming...If I don't get this stuff down, it'll be up until the end of January!
I used to change things with every season. Fall, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Winter stuff, Valentines...now my mind has decided that that is just TOO much work. And the garage agrees, too much junk!
When I knew we were going to Chicago, I was packing that very night, with 20 days to go! Excitement? Maybe. Good Planning? Sure... Or just plain nuts? Uh duh!
Shortly after we booked our Chicago trip, we booked a family vacation too. It's been sneaking up on me and I've been trying to ignore it. But today, with laundry caught up and just days to go before we leave I'm giving in to temptation. In order for this storm to feel calm I.must.be.organized. And being organized means having clothes packed, snacks packed, lists made for the animal's caretaker and an itinerary of things we'd like to do. Without a plan, oh I can't EVEN go THERE. The thought gives me palpitations!
Today I need to make a short list of goodies, tomorrow will be spent grocery shopping and such for the trip...I'm really cutting it short; for me anyways.

Coo Coo for Coconut!

I don't really know when it started. Maybe it was March when the last bit of cold weather was hanging on and we had glimpses of the coming warmth. Where lazy days of laying in the sunshine, slathered with Tropical Coppertone SPF 30!
MMMM, that smell. That coconutty, deliciousness...
No, I've never licked my skin after application. Who would DO that?
Instead I will eat spoonfuls of shredded coconut straight from the bag.
I make this glaze, called "put the lime in the coconut" it's suppose to go on cake, but I eat it like soup.
Or I glaze pound cake with it. It doesn't look pretty, but it is GOOD.
So now I've become a wee bit obsessed with the coconut. I have coconut foot scrub and cream. I have coconut conditioner for my hair. I have coconut lip balm for my lips that smells SO good I have to remind myself not to eat it. (remember grape lip smackers???)
I found Edy's coconut smoothie bars in the freezer section at Cub. They have little bits of coconut in them. YUM!
If they made a detergent that smelled like coconut I'd be in heaven. What could be better then laying down at night with your bed smelling of sweet sunscreen and the ocean waves playing on your ipod.
Yes, actually being in a tropical paradise would be better, but I can't afford that.
I can only afford these small luxuries of coconut smelling and tasting treats!
I have become coo coo for coconut!

A new payment plan

I'm not sure if I have discussed my bought with depression or to what extent on this blog, and I'm too lazy to go back through all the posts to check.

Depression is an ugly pit. Where your "feelings" run rampant and lies swirl all around you and the light is very very far off to where your mind plays tricks on you whether you actually see light or only wish it were there. Hope is not solid. Again it's something only your mind can hold.
Why does everything have to do with our heads? No wonder I'm sea sick, dizzy, confused, fried.
So I'm battling depression again. Not the deep despair kind that happened the last time, but the out-of control sinking feeling. The LIES of insanity.
I am NOT worthless. (But thanks for that Satan, sure makes things "clear" when you tell me that.)
Rob and I have been in choppy waters now for 3 years. It started over money. Not enough of it, so Rob did what he had to do and took a paper route. Everyday, 7 days a week, 365 days a year he gets up at 1:30 am and gets home at 4:30am, sleeps for an hour and is off to work by 6am. He does all this for our family. It has taken a huge toll on my husband. Which then spills over into his family life. I see this man dog tired, life just being sucked out of him, struggling, I see him battling these stormy waters trying to keep us on course, even as the waves jolt us or threaten to tip us over. He is there both hands on the wheel navigating. Pointing us forward. While I'm clinging to the rails hanging on for dear life because I hate storms. I'm a nervous wreck. I need to see the rainbow to believe the rainbow exists. When we were sailing on the open calm waters I was loving it. I could function, I could "man the ship" and keep the crew happy. Throw in a hurricane and I'm the one with the death grip, yelling out orders and freaking out. I'm convinced there is not a calm bone in this body. I am wired so tight I could snap at any moment things get dicey.
Rob and I used to have a wonderful relationship communicating. Often times now it's me admitting fear and doubts and him being quiet. He tells me he can't tell me. He doesn't know. He doesn't have the words or he just doesn't want to burden me/upset me/scare me.
It irks me. I'm not strong in my own crap, That's why I talk about it it's the only strength I have. The deceiver likes when you keep quiet. That's how I work. I need to talk about the how's and whos and whats, be REMINDED that my pit isn't the ONLY pit out there. I can't STAY in my pit, I have to get OUT and help other's. Duh?! (that duh was for me not y'all, see I'm mostly talking to myself today and if you're reading you are along for a nutsy ride)
I can get so focused on the darkness around ME that I forget that everyone has it too. Some people just deal with it better then others. Some people just have a bigger support system then others, some people just have an easier time ACCEPTING help then others.
Who likes to admit they are lacking faith?
Because basically that is what I'm saying. I lack FAITH that everything will turn out for good. I lack faith that there is an end in sight, just not MY sight. (which by the way is DREADFUL, I really need new glasses!)
In times of fear and uncertainty I don't cling to the Lord. I cling to the suffering because I know the suffering better then the Lord.
(yep that really hurt admitting)
I'm gonna say it again ALOUD as I type it:
In times of fear and uncertainty I don't cling to the Lord. I cling to the suffering because I know the suffering better then the Lord.
I choose the suffering over the heart because it's LESS painful. There is comfort in knowing what pain is coming. If I isolate myself, then I know the pain of being alone. I've been alone plenty. If I grow and love and make relationships when those relationships end not only am I alone again, but now I have to feel the loss of what I once thought was good.
It is easier to stay in my pit and battle the lies then to crawl out of the pit and battle the UNKNOWN. Even if that unknown MIGHT have something good in the end. Like a rainbow.

So back on our boat.
Rob is trying to read his compass that has been dropped a few times but for the most part is steady and strong. Last night I unloaded on him. (not the way you think) I question. What is my purpose, why do I feel trapped. I watch him struggle making money, supporting us and then I have time in the day to dwell, because I'm home with my child. There is not a JOB out there that I want, well okay I could think of a few but REALISTICALLY speaking not one I'd be hired for. PAID enough to meet our bills for. I need to feel needed. That is where my passion lays. If I feel like anyone can do my job then it isn't a job for Sara. I wouldn't feel passionately about that job. EVERYONE wants to live a passionate life for God. That is what I want for my Husband that is what I want for myself and that is what example I want to set for my children. Do what is your PASSION not because you have to pay the bills, not because you need money and it's a paycheck. Do what God has designed you to do. (I was not deisgned to be in food service OR retail.)
It is unfortunate that my parents instilled the paycheck mentality instead of the passion search.
I have never had I job I loved. There were jobs that I loved parts of, but never the job itself. I was a Clinque consultant, that would be the job I must enjoyed. I loved making people feel SPECIAL, seeing their eyes light up having the one on one connection with them. I could care less about trying to SELL them make-up I wanted to GIVE them joy. The part I hated was having to close other registers at night. I hate counting money. Money sucks. There never is enough, you gotta have it, people are greedy, stuff is expensive...I hate money. I hate trying to work money out of people. (oh, so I just did your face and you look stunning now you must buy every product I just used in order to feel this way again.) Um NO. I hated that part too, usually I encouraged them not to buy and gave free samples, if they really liked the product they could come back and get it.
I'd like to pay for my things in compliments. I'm good at that, I got plenty of them, can never run out and they make the OTHER person feel good. It's money for their SOUL. We're suppose to build up a storage of that right? So yeah, let's start paying for our stuff in compliments.
EXAMPLES:
"You build beeUtiful houses. I think you attention to detail is amazing and the way you thought about how a family will interact with each other in this use of space is perfect. The neighborhood was deisgned for families to get to know each other. This is exactly the kind of home I would want for my family. Could I please have it?"
BRILLIANT!

"You just grow the best fruits and vegetables, They are so fresh and healthy looking. I love that you care enough about me and the environment to grow organically, I'd love to share these delicious things with family and friends. May I have a basketful?"
SPLENDID!

"It is so cool how you were gifted in fixing cars, God knew we would need your hands to understand our cars, and to safely get them back on the roads. I'll tell you what. You get this car running like new and I will bake you the most amazing chocolate cookie. Fair trade?"
PERFECT!

See, it would be that simple really. (I just watched Jamie Oliver and I am typing in his accent in my head.) Just thought I'd throw that out there cause this isn't rambly enough is it! HA I so hear him. Cheero pip pip and all that...

Boat boat boat:
I'm sea sick really (darn it, that accent didn't last)
I would LOVE for Jesus to come walking on out and call me out. I'd SO walk on the water, I'd just like to be out of the BOAT. Off the ride, anchored, steady. Rainbows would be nice. They are SO pretty.
See, I ended with a compliment can I get paid for that?