Showing posts with label Alcohol. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Alcohol. Show all posts

Friday, 14 December 2012

It's Always You, You, You!


You say my drinking makes you miserable;
that you don’t know what to do when I’mthis way.’ 
Why is it always about you, you, you?  
It doesn’t take much imagination
to figure out why I’m like this – it’s you, you, you!
Does it never cross your stupid mind
that you drive me to such depths of despair
with your moan, moan, moaning,
drinking is my only solace, my only way out? 
You shout and scream I make you unhappy
and you wish things were like they were before,
that this ‘sheer hell’ (moan, moan, moan)
is not you what you (moan) married me for. 
Do you honestly think I care? 
I wish you’d just leave me alone
and go and kill yourself,
cos you’re killing me with your nag, nag, nag.

Oh surprise, surprise! 
Here come the waterworks,
tears spilling from your stupid eyes
as you wail that life is so unfair,
that you can’t live like this anymore. 
Well piss off then you stupid whore. 
But you won’t, will you? 
You always say you’re gonna go -
but you always stay. 
Don’t you know I know why you won’t,
cos no-one else
would have a moaning bag like you? 
No wonder I bloody drink to drown out your
moan, moan, moan. 
Well Mrs Moanybag
I wish you’d just piss off and leave me alone.

Moan, moan, moan, moan, moan.

Anna :o]

Although my work involves caring for alcoholics and ex-alcoholics, I, as many ‘health professionals’ did not understand, did not know of the circumstances of the families of alcoholics as their story is not often told as it is hardly ever considered.

For the most part, families live their lives without any support whatsoever – unless that of Alcoholics Anonymous or similar agencies.

Without Addy’s blog Alcohlic Daze and Linda’s The Immortal Alcoholic – I would still not know.

A long-term alcoholic living with his/her family often blames his/her partner for the problem - unjustly.

This poem was written in response to the challenge to write in the second person at dVerse 'Meeting the Bar' hosted by Victoria C.Slotto.  Thanks Victoria.

Image: courtesy of Wikimedia Commons, author Steven

Thursday, 6 October 2011

Demon Drink

I do not know you. 
I thought I did before
You raised your hands to me,
Called me a fucking slut,
A fucking whore.

I did not know you. 
I now realise that,
The demon (of you)
Had not been released by drink,
Had not come raging to the fore.

I do not know you. 
I thought I did
Until those arms that
Once embraced me tenderly
Now push me violently
To the floor
Hands/fists reign blows on me
And I can’t take you anymore.

I am afraid of you
(Although I love you still
And can’t let go –
What strange thing is this?).

Some day I will.
I will let go.

(Please note that I am not ‘into’ bad language (although some four letter words are used in my mind to vent off ‘feelings’ - yet I rarely utter them), however bad language is appropriate to the above.)

As stated before, I work in a care home and love it.  The particular unit (of the home that I work in) houses those who are ‘difficult to place.”

Many of our residents are quite frankly pickled by alcohol.  Mostly they present as good men and women – believe me that several are women (alcohol abuse is not a predominant domain of men) and I regard (most of them) as thoroughly decent people – and indeed they probably were until alcohol addled their brain and impacted on their families and society.

For a long time I could never understand why these good people were ignored by their families – they state that they have a wife/husband /children yet are unable to state their whereabouts and indeed sometimes their names.

Several years ago I became aware of why alcoholics are often disowned by their families and a recent event re-reminded me of this.

The families of alcoholics are more often than not abandoned (or not acknowledged) by those professionals (GPs, SWs, CPNs, etc) who care for the victims of alcohol.  Families are very much victims too.

Alcoholics and ex-alcoholics have the potential to be bastards.  I now know why they are often ‘abandoned’ by their families.  The families of alcoholics appear to be abandoned by all. 

 I link this post to dVerse poets for I feel that all words need to be read.

Anna :o]

Friday, 20 May 2011

Denial

I don't have a problem with drink,
She has a problem with my drinking.
It is her problem, not mine.
I can take it or leave it
But why should I leave it?

Whisky, whisky my friend in a bottle
Warming and welcoming,
Never judgemental,
Soother of stress
And calmer of chaos.

She has her white tablet,
Her friend in a bottle
That she takes as she says
She is depressed by my drinking.

The miserable bitch
Blaming me for her problems.
Could I take her or leave her?
It would be easy to leave her.
No wonder it is that I visit
My friend in a bottle.
Always warming and welcoming
And never judgemental,
My friend in a bottle.

Anna :o]

With thanks to Poets United for the inspiration
and also apologies as it just needed a title!

With very special thanks to Addy at Alcoholic Daze
and Linda at Immortal Alcoholic for increasing my understanding
of sharing your life with an  alcoholic.

Sunday, 12 December 2010

Victims of Alcohol (Part Two)

Alcohol Related Dementia

At the end of my second year as a nursing student I had to give a presentation on a self-chosen topic related to health.  I chose alcohol.

In those days education was given in a school in the hospital grounds and also at a general hospital in a nearby city.  We had ward based - both in psychiatric and general hospitals - and community based placements, and gathered a great deal of practical experience there.  I overcame my dread of giving injections at a depot clinic in a day hospital.

My only observation of the old school v graduate nurse debate is that both produce excellent, good, mediocre or bad, indifferent nurses.  That is it!

We had hospital based libraries and much information could be found there.  Computers were very much in their infancy in the sense that it was pre-Wiki and the gathering of all the information that existed in the world had not begun.  And, I did not possess a computer.  My research then was purely library based and also involved contacting agencies and charities who focused on alcohol related problems.

My presentation was well received, but in hindsight, alcohol related dementia was not a part of it.  I never came across it in my research, nor was it mentioned by charities etc, nor was it highlighted that a relevant section and thus learning was missing from my project.  I do not recall any patients diagnosed with it during my time as a student nurse.

But, it existed.

After qualifying I worked in the community for many years and during the last fifteen years, in a nursing/care home setting.  I have worked in my present home for thirteen of these years and am proud to work there.  Initially our resident group was what you would expect of a nursing home, those suffering from age related dementia and a few with enduring mental health problems.

However, over the last five years or so, our resident group has changed; several of our residents have alcohol related dementia and the age at admission is getting younger and younger.  This change is also apparent in our sister homes across the country (we are a very small group and do not wish to become an uncaring chain).

What is Alcohol Related Dementia?

Alcohol related dementia is related to the excessive drinking of alcohol and affects memory, learning and other cognitive  functions.

Recent research suggests that moderate drinking may have a protective affect against Alzheimer's as against heavy drinkers or those who do not drink alcohol.  But is this information reliable?  We have to consider who is included in the research, who drops out and how dementia is identified.  Would some of the subjects in this research not develop Alzheimer's regardless of moderate drinking?

Alcohol has a serious negative effect on the central nervous system and can affect the brain directly as a neurotoxin.  Alcohol generally effects the brain as a result of malnutrition when the person does not eat properly, resulting in vitamin deficiencies (particularly Vit B1 - thiamine) or through alcohol  related liver damage.

Is alcohol related dementia a true dementia?  Evidence would suggest that in its early stages recovery is possible, especially in women.  Alcohol related dementia can present in the early thirties, but is more usual in the fifth to seventh decades.  For recovery to be possible, the person must abstain from drinking, improve their diet and receive vitamin  (especially B1) supplements.

What is Korsakoff's Syndrome?

Korsakoff's is very much like alcohol related dementia, same causes, but results in destruction of certain areas of the brain and changes in memory are the main symptoms.

Korsakoff's is usually preceded, but not always, by Wernicke's encephalopathy.  Wernicke's usually develops suddenly and presents with three main symptoms - although these are not always present.  These are involuntary jerky eye movements or paralysis of muscles that move the eyes, drowsiness and confusion and poor balance, a staggering gait or an inability to walk.

If Wernicke's is suspected treatment must be immediate, consisting of high doses of intravenous or intramuscular thiamine and most symptoms reverse in a few hours.  If left untreated or not treated early enough, brain damage occurs in the mid part of the brain resulting in severe short-term memory loss and is then considered as Korsakoff's.   Wernicke's is a giant alarm bell - it means stop drinking NOW!

This memory loss is filled by confabulation, which is an effort to make sense of the present by filling in the  gaps of the past.  Confabulation, although the reasons for it are sad, is an amazing thing and the stories (not lies) that our residents tell us and truly believe, are wonderful.

Our residents with Korsakoff's are the very same people they were before alcohol abuse took over their lives, mainly good people and sometimes, but rarely, bad.  They accept their situation, that is, living in a care home and rarely, if ever, question the reason for it.  I find them amazing and have a great deal of respect for them.

It is estimated that alcohol related dementia affect over 150,000 of our population; this may seem a small number, but it is probably only the tip of the iceberg, many sufferers being protected by their brave families, or street and hostel dwellers that do not come to the attention of the medical profession and are therefore unreported.

It is estimated that there has been an increase in reported alcohol related dementia - 20% today as apposed to 10% ten years ago - in those of early onset dementia, that is, before the age of 65.  My home would reflect that.

Why are most of us not aware of this alcohol related harm?  Most of us do not realise dementia can be a consequence of alcohol abuse.  Why?

It is not my intention to be a party-pooper as we near this time of festivity.  I drink alcohol myself and enjoy it.  But let us consider that Christmas and New Year will be very difficult for those families who have a alcoholic in their midst.  I shall delay my post re their plight until the New Year.

Anna :o]




Friday, 3 December 2010

Victims of Alcohol (Part One)

It is not my intention to preach here - just to make aware.   I like alcohol - I like the way it makes me feel; it makes me more creative; it is another guest when good friends visit.   It can add a warm glow to life or it can be the stuff of nightmares  You can control it or it can control you.

There are many quotes attributed to Churchill in regard to alcohol, such as "Always remember I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me" and "My rule of life as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and the intervals in between them."

There has been debate as to whether Churchill was an alcohol abuser and historians would contend that he was not so, but alcohol dependent.  Alcohol abuser or dependent - he was undoubtedly a great man and a great leader.

Alcohol has been a common feature in those that have occupied Number Ten.  Tony Blair confessed to using alcohol as a prop during his time as prime minister; Nye Bevan and Micheal Foot were hard drinkers; Harold Wilson was a bit more secretive about brandy consumption; Maggie liked her Scotch an HH Asquith - the last Liberal PM was nicknamed "Squiffy."  Other party leaders or deputies such as George Brown, Charles Kennedy and John Smith have/had problems with alcohol; Brown and Kennedy's careers being seriously affected by same.

Handel, Bach, Schubert, Brahms and possibly Mozart were all dogged by alcohol abuse and in most cases it was the death of them.  These were great men and think what more they could have accomplished without alcohol - or maybe, alcohol fired and enhanced their genius?

Other great alcoholics in the field of writing are Dylan Thomas, Ernest Hemingway and Brendan Behan; WC Fields, Richard Burton, Liz Taylor in the world of acting: Elton John, Eric Clapton and Robbie Williams in music and George Best and Paul Gascoigne in football - in both instances, alcohol ruining their careers and in Best's case, taking his life.

All of the above are people of great talent - but they are remote from us.  They may touch our lives with their music, their writing or we may love/hate them as politicians; but they are not part of lives as family, friends or neighbours.

In some of our lives, the effects of alcohol are close enough to touch a raw nerve.  We may be an overt/covert alcoholic ourselves; our partner might be one, our father or mother, our friend or workmate.  In some way, our life might be affected by alcohol abuse, and if so, it will probably be our unwanted little secret.

Alcohol can be a good companion or our worst enemy.  Out there, in that big wide world, there are many hidden victims and following posts will focus on their plight. 

Do you think alcohol can inspire and enhance genius?

Anna :o]

Saturday, 27 November 2010

Christmas is coming....

Yay!  It's nearly Christmas!  I love Christmas!  Despite a (non oppressive) religious upbringing - I hold no religious beliefs - but still love Christmas!  Christmas is the time when there is the spirit of goodwill - although I do think 'it' and the magic of Christmas are fading; merriment abounds, families gather and all is well with the world.

Like many people, I am beginning to stock up on alcohol; this is the only time that stocks exist in my household; okay, there may be a few tinnies left over from last week - but that's about it!  There is the box of Liebfraumilch to be purchased for Christmas Dinner - I realise that this identifies me as a wine peasant as opposed to a wine connoisseur and indicates that I am stuck in the past - but me and my family like it!  I can only find it at the Co-op - God Bless the Co-op!  I must admit, that despite being a wine peasant, I do look down on those that drink Lambrusco - ugh!  There will be vodka for the eldest son and lager for me (spirits do not agree with me as I become, erm, well drunk - quickly!) and youngest son.  Apart from what we might receive as prezzies - that will be it!

I am not interested in celebrating the New Year and never have been.  I usually see it in with a cup of tea, that is, unless it falls on a Friday.  Friday is the night I drink alcohol (and a very occasional Wednesday) in the comfort of my home.  As New Years Eve does fall on a Friday this year, I may see it in with alcofrol or a cup of tea!   I may have finished imbibing before midnight!

Working as I do in a care home, I am aware of the devastating effects of alcohol (if abused), for there are some residents in my home with alcohol related dementia.  I found this while researching and am not surprised by it.  I think the general public are largely unaware of this aspect of alcohol related harm, which I find concerning.

So, what is it with us Brits and alcohol?  Do we have a national problem?  I think that probably we do.  Yes, some of us drink sensibly - but many of us don't.  Drinking (to excess) has become culture based; a rite of passage for the young that develops into a habit (dependence?) with some, particularly the middle classes.  This last fact always suprises me as I guess I am a bit of a snob, thinking that only those who exist on the peripheries of society might have a drink problem.

In the UK, it is estimated that 24% of adults drink in a hazardous or harmful way and alcohol related disease is a significant NHS burden.  In the UK there are approximately 5 million non-drinkers, 40 million social drinkers, 10 million "at risk" drinkers, 1 million problem drinkers and 200,000 dependent drinkers.

Hospital admissions relating to alcohol are rising on a yearly basis as are deaths related to liver cirrhosis related to heavy drinking.  It is estimated that each year, 5-10,000 people die prematurely from alcohol abuse.

In England in 2009, there were over 150,000 prescription items for the treatment of alcohol dependency.  This is an increase of 12% since 2008 and 49% since 2003.

The financial costs to the UK in respect of Health (£217 million spent in 2003-4 by PCTs and local authorities in support of alcohol treatment alone ), Work (absenteeism), Crime & Public Disorder and Family/Social networks (cost not qualified) runs into billions.  Source: Institute of Alcohol Studies  - download pdf 380kb.

So "Yes", I think we do have a problem, although it is said, that the country still thinks it is a "population of responsible drinkers".  You wouldn't say that if you saw my nearest city centre some nights!

In the days when I was young - which is too many moons ago than I care to remember - I was a regular social drinker, but I don't recall binge drinking; I did get drunk on occasion, the most memorable(?) being at a works Christmas 'Do' held in the furniture store where I worked in admin.  But I remember this because it was a rarity - would I recall this today if being drunk was a nightly occurence, which it seems to be for some of our young folk today.

But I might not be telling the whole story..... perhaps in the past, I have had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol..... perhaps I haven't!

Are some of us deluding ourselves that the UK does not have a problem with alcohol, as we know that we drink over the recommended (but arbitrary) limits, and do not wish to wear the label of a 'problem' drinker?  In today's criteria, as I drink my limit on one night - I would be classified as a binge drinker.  Do I think I have a problem?  No - but others might.

What do you think about alcohol consumption in the UK?

Anna:o]

Saturday, 18 September 2010

A Different Aspect of Alcohol

Everything has beauty!
When abused, alcohol reeks devastating effects...
...but at microscopic levels, it innocently portrays a strange artistic beauty!
See here at Time magazine.
Anna G.