Something Break Through ...

A while ago, I mentioned that during the writing of NaNo, something broke through me. Though I still find it difficult and confuse to articulate what is going on, I'm giving it my best shot to write about it.

Back track - after finishing Wreck This Journal project from Jamie Ridler's "The Next Chapter" around end Jul, I found myself enjoying casual art making. So I took the plunge to learn about Zentangle late Aug. From there I started to post my tangle drawings on a weekly basis til NaNo took over on Nov.

But during this period, the urges to draw became greater and greater. I actually rushed through my NaNo writing so that I could grab my sketch book and filled it with doodles, patterns and some dream up figures. At the same time, instead of reading great authors' work for inspirations, I began to search the internet for artists' works.

I was scared and frustrated of this distraction. But yet, I can't help it. There was something about drawing which was strange but also familiar to me. I struggled. I resisted. But I always went back to it, night after night.

The timing was chaotic, however I began to think about drawing more and what it meant to me. This is what I learn. (Mind you, they are more like initial thoughts and will change over time.)

- Drawing had given me the kind of satisfaction that writing had never given me.

- The familiarity that I felt might come from the fact that all my writings (usually) begin from visual images I had in my mind. I follow the images and basically write down what I "see". Drawing is like another way to express the images. Or another way to describe it: I'm going back to to the "source".

- My upbringing had taught me to be modest at all time, but I had to say, when I looked at my little drawings, I was surprised of the quality of artwork I had produced. They were not that bad at all.

You need to understand this - the last time I drew, I was 14 years old attending art classes at school. I have no special art talent, just your usual average student. I was never into art and craft work. I didn't doodle on class works or homework, didn't sew or knit ... (you got the picture.) All I cared about was reading and (honestly) how to look good in school uniforms, i.e. "clip" the school dresses up to show more legs! ;)

So you could imagine the surprise or rather like shock when I found the compositions of my little drawings rather pleasing. I wonder where that aesthetic sense comes from.

It was during the last week of NaNo, I knew that I wanted to spend more time to draw and learn about drawing. However, I owed it to myself to finish NaNo. It was definitely an achievement and a milestone in my writing life. But at the same time, it took a lot out of me. I felt that I had bled my writing self dry, bone dry. Hence I had decided it was the right time to take a vacation from writing and do something else.

Right now, I'm exploring ways to draw and the subjects I want to draw. I'm not doing any classes but learn by actual drawing and observing / studying artists' works. It's extremely difficult, especially from someone like me, who has zero drawing skill and nil knowledge of art history. But gee, the kick I got when I overcame just one tiny hurdle, it's worth it!

This is the break through and this is where I'm now.

So my fellow bloggers and creatives, what do you think about all of these? I'd love to hear of your thoughts.