Sigh

For the sigh that is lodged deep in my chest, If I were to exhale, I might deflate to nothing. Yet not before the breath expelled set the sail of a thougsand ships sail.

Finality

I am not sure what is harder - saying goodbye or not getting to at all.  I'm sure there could be points on both sides (and heaven knows, of all people, I'd find them). 

I am not sure where to go from here - so I'm just going to go.

I have reached a point where I am just in a strange place, and so this is it. 

Officially ending my stint here at the hammock.  I'm unplugging in a lot of ways right now in my life. 

Being misunderstood rots, but it happens.  Trying hard to move past it. 

It's been good here.  I am grateful for the journey.

So long.

Oceans

Recuerda

It's Been Ten Years

Ten years today, I set out (a day late) on my solo road trip adventure.  TEN YEARS.

And it was just yesterday that I was carefully collecting books-on-tape that I would not use, and making playlists for the road, as well as not sleeping the night or two before because - LIFE-CHANGING ADVENTURE AHEAD. 

I thought in advance how I would commemorate it, but as it turns out, today is a random Wednesday into the future of what was an unknown quest ten years back, and I would need to work, pick up prescriptions, carry a dull headache three days running, fold laundry and  take natural remedies to my Ms. Jane as well as check blood pressure, because I am now a skilled expert at reading it. 

I have thought a lot about that point in my own personal history MANY times in the last week or so.

Ten years is a blink and then it is a million years ago. 

What has occurred in 10 years on my own front?

- Made a career shift to college-level teaching
-Graduated the oldest
-Endured nightmare health scares with my son - NO ONE should have to endure grand mal seizures, themselves or witness it with a loved one.
- Send Eldest off into the world and TRUST
-Began a part-time (which was really full time) college-level teaching in a mold-infested building - HOW DID I EVER MAKE IT???
- Get accepted to the teaching position full-time.  Immediately take on 3-4 additional roles.  No extra pay.
- Graduate Youngest from high school and send her out into the big, wide world (both my kids did gap years - PRICELESS. )
-Get nominated Teacher-of-the-Year Campus Wide
- Acquire a sweet rescue pup that would become a part of my pack
- Slay depression
-Take a 13-day trip with Hubs out of the back of the car out west
- Gained a Son-in-law
-Started a wedding business
-Gained a daughter-in-law
-graduated 2 kids from college debt-free
-Followed a nudging to move to the coast
-Met a homeless lady that may very well change the whole course of my life
- Started a new life in a whole new place, meeting incredible people along the way

How do I possibly sum up all that occurred, all that I experienced?  Where I am now?

The 'flesh' side of me sees that I am 10 years older -  aging isn't for the faint of heart.

There are still SO MANY MYSTERIES to that experience.

And so many things that have come to fruition.  Truths that have been realized.  Experiences that have become realities.

I'm ready to hit the open road again.  It's been 10 years.  I am due another open-road adventure.  I expect it would be entirely different, but yet new and adventurous and amazing all the same.

Catching Up

Tonight, because this is one of my all-time favorite songs. A memory I have associated with this song is that I was picking up or taking my daughter somewhere and I had the top down on my car, and we were zipping along in the dusk of the N Ga hills, the shadows of the dark trees pressing in protectively, like a big brother.  I can remember backing out from leaving her there, and because this song was on repeat, I started it over, and then sailed along under the dark limbs and deep blue clouds crowding out the summer sun, turning it all gold and amber through the leaves.  The sweetness of the mountain wind drifting through my hair and whipping it upward.  Headlights bouncing off of tree trunks, gravel roads and mere feet ahead of my car as  l lean into each curve, hard and smooth. 

There's no cruising like top down, mountain shadow, tree armor, song ascending cruising. 

So I am here - catching up, of sorts.

I don't really know where to start.  Where can I even trace the thread of the knotted point of tangled importance - where, and how?

I am nannying now.  Yes - financially we came to the end of our wiggle room, and the only unemployed gal in the room looked sheepishly around like, "Who me?" and realized that, despite my near full time situation with Ms. Jane, it wasn't paying the bills so I had to find something.   I wrestled with so many scenarios and finally landed on putting a profile up on a popular care-giving site - and I reached out to a half a dozen inquiries.  Incidentally I signed up for a CPR certification as well so that I could be more marketable and completed that the night before my interview with the family that reached out to me and subsequently hired me that day - before they even checked my references and resumé.  You ask how God works - and I can point you to the 14,327 billion incidences of His great goodness.  I need this family as much as I think they need me, and so I am in their living room and in the midst of their story, holding their treasure that is this baby boy that has stolen my heart and hidden it within his beautiful laugh.  They have trusted me within their home and their vulnerability and their faults.  How am I even worthy?  And yet,  I walk into their house with my arms outstretched, calling out for this boy that has the grin to win the world, and I know that I am where I am called. 

I would post a pic of him but I respect their privacy and refrain, but oh, if I could show you how he looks at me when I approach his bed after naps,  when he raises his arms, grin full brightness, to be lifted up again into the day, I would plaster that beauty far and wide. 

There is a calling here that is yet unfolding. 

Awakening too, is this sense of urgency and justice for those who have no voice - and I wonder as well as seek the direction I am to take. 

So much ahead and so much unknown. 
But wondrous still.

Friday Falderal

Commemorating the TEN YEAR anniversary of my life-changing solo road trip

Writing

Long missives about a controversial topic that I happen to be passionate about but not sharing those publicly.

I need to start just writing again - about anything and everything, get the wheel turning.

   

Reading

Who Does He Say You Are? (I'm leading a summer study and reading this for the info)

I honestly have not read any fiction in a long, long time so yesterday I picked up Danielle Steel's 'The Good Fight'. (If I could admit one area of complete weakness, it is this:  buying books........ I have a half a katrillion waiting to be read, but I can tend to justify a new book purchase - always.  I do try exercising self-control on this though. Most of the time.)

In a nutshell, this book is set in the tumultuous time period of the 60's and "the gripping chronicle of a young woman discovering a passion for justice and the unsung heroes she encounters on her quest to fight the good fight." - inside flap description. 

This is right.up.my.alley.  On steroids.  So I am due for a good story.  I can't wait. 

Listening

 Truthfully currently am listening to Summer hits of the 90's. 

Also 

Watching

I should honestly just remove this little section - I just don't spend much time at all watching much of anything.  Do You Tube videos even count?

Thinking

My brain is full, my cup runneth over, and I am content.  All the while, I am restless for 'what's next' and eager for what's ahead, for what God would have me do.  This is my constant reality.  

 Wanting

Honestly, to hone in on a clear direction.  Clarity on what I could do to HONESTLY begin writing something of substance.  

Needing

Hmmmm.

Looking Forward To

Opportunities.  My parents coming down next week.  The rest of today and the weekend off.  

Wearing

Running shorts, tank top - it's the official Florida uniform. 

Eating

Nothing at the moment.  Also - side note: looking into intermittent fasting.  I already basically kinda do it.  I want to learn more (there's my Ennegram 5 showing) and do it legitimately.  

Drinking

Nada

Quote of the Week

'Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed.' ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
My fave, MLK. He is a shining example of a healthy Ennegram 8 wing 9, and I love him all the more for it.

Random

Just updated our wills.  The last time (which was our first will ever) was when the kids were upper elementary/early middle school and we were traveling abroad.  Since things are very different now and my kiddos are grown, it was time for an update. I can not stress enough how important this is, especially for parents with children under the age of 18.  It is important if they are older than that too.  I have seen the mess that it can be if someone passes without a will or any direction on handling their 'stuff'.  I know that I just didn't want to leave my kids with an enormous headache to figure out. Since traveling back and forth from FL to GA and back again is now a regular thing, I just didn't want to leave anything to chance.