Appeasing the soul

Gooly almost never get angry at Lolly. Almost.... Most of the time, he thinks and says she is tooooooo cute to be angry at.

But there was this one time......he got really upset. With her. Teary eyed. Shouting mode. Crazy hand movements. No Middle finger yet.

It was because she bit him. Yes! Bit him right at the chest! Just like Mike Tyson. All because he tried to refrain her from climbing the stairs.

If not for the teethmark, i would have burst out laughing. Ok..maybe i did. A little. Until i saw how hurt he was.

So what did i do? "Aiyah, never mind la. She is still a baby" is not really fair. And "You crazy girl! Why did you bite taw-taw?" would have gotten a (cute) impish smile from her. Complete with a 90 degrees head tilting to the side trademark look of hers.

So i took gooly by surprise by grabbing his hands to the back dramatically while saying, "Sabar, abang...sabar. Jangan..jangan pukul adik." Just like a P. Ramlee cereka-drama. It took him a while to realise that i was acting out a scene. And he burst out laughing.

Now that he wasnt so upset, i proceeded to suggest evilly about selling her sister off since there was a pasar malam that day. And also to put her high chair at the corner so she would have breakfast alone the next morning. Facing the wall. Or we could also let her sleep alone, putting her milk powder and bottle at her side so she could make HER OWN milk.

He didnt agree of course. Scolded me even for suggesting.

"You not angry at her anymore?"

"Nah..she is too cute" and he looked over at her, just in time to catch her tilting her head to the side and flashed the silliest smile.

....and we lived happily ever after. Once again.

Till the next Mike Tyson WWF Championship...

The waffle story part 2

Ok..so the next day while sharing a glass of Chatime bubble tea, in the car..the conversation somehow was directed back to the "waffle story".

Gooly, I think, felt a bit suckered for giving away the waffle which he hasn't even had a bite yet.

"I was too generous-lah," he said sounding melancholic, and with a tinge of regret. "I think I give too much,"

And so I said.........(long winded words of wisdom - or not, ahead)

Don't worry about giving too much.

In life, we give and we take.

We must feel happy when we give.

God is happy when we give.

When we give, we receive. Sometimes we don't, but that's ok too cos we don't give expecting to be rewarded.

He nodded and nodded and nodded. (signs of tuning out?)

Then he asked, "You know how does God reward you when you are good?"

Hmmm..maybe with a slice of meatloaf? - I joked.

And he said, "Silly mom. Its love. And that's the best reward."

That's my boy. Full of wisdom over a waffle story.

I have heard moms teaching kids to be selfish (with added words like "a little bit selfish sometimes" - to perhaps soften the ideology of kiasuism). And I here I am telling my son not to worry about giving too much. Will he be a push over? Will he be taken granted of? Will he be hurt?

Well, I can only say.."Kindness in giving creates love - Lao Tzu."

the waffle story part UNO

Last week, gooly lamented that he was getting bored of eating vanilla bun for recess. Cant blame him, it has been what..10 months? He's beginning to look like a nun.. I mean bun. Time to change the menu!

So I bought him a gardenia waffle instead.

On the very day, as soon as he came home, I asked how was the waffle (note that it was as though I prepared him a Grade A bento set? Actually it was kinda bento-ish cos I put the waffle into a square container shaped like a slice of bread *proud*)

And he proceeded tell me the story about the waffle.

"Lam Mee Yoke took it. She just grabbed it. Actually she asked first. Then it dropped on the floor. It was Kwok Fu Shing's fault."

Wooooah..hold it hold it. That's a whole lot of info there. Who is Lam Mee Yoke? Why did she take your waffle? Is she your friend? And right at the corner of my heart - Are you being bullied? Bee boo bee boo~~ red alert red alert!!

Of course I didn't say what I was thinking. I wanted to know how he felt before planting any unfounded fear into his head.

As it turns out, Lam Mee Yoke is a good friend, and she didn't have any food with her, and she would really really like to eat a waffle that day. And so Gooly gave his to her.

Now if you knew Gooly well, you will know that he loves his food.Eating is a biggie to him. He lives to eat( like his mom). So again, I wondered if he was 'pressured' into giving his waffle.

Thus I tried digging for more details without using words like "bullied, forced, etc."

And I found out that he wanted to be generous, but not really but in the end, decided to be. A typical 6 year old's frame of indecisive mind. Haha! So everything is fine..it was just a simple case "should I give, should I not - I think I should." No bullies, momma! Geesh! The imagination of a lactating mom!

And then we came to the second part of the story, where Mr. Kwok fooled around and caused the waffle to drop.

"Were you mad?"

"Just a bit. But I must control my temper."

Ah...the last bit just made me wanna buy him a dozen waffles.

Anyways, the waffle story made me wondered - what constitutes bullying? Many times I have heard parents saying that their kids are bullied. While there are genuine cases whereby one feels ostracized or threatened by bullies, there are just some cases of overtly concerned parents. Say for example, Gooly's waffle story. It did cross my mind that he may be bullied, but I gave it a better thought. First, he's as happy as a lark. Does well academically (wooh...been dying to say this! Should I cap and bold it?? :p). So what's the problem?

We both agreed - Gooly and I, that Ms. Lam's approach is uncouth. Well, there are many kids who can't verbalise their requests politely. My nephew, for one, says "I like to eat now." Mind you, it's not like as in "i would like to eat now." He is meaning, I like, gimme gimme gimme. now now now!

So, the lack of manners, resulting in snatching or asking as though demanding.. have all caused some parents to think they are bullies. And the natural approach would be teaching their own kid some self defense skills i.e say no to your friends, tell teacher if he takes your eraser again..etc.

I dunno - lah! I suppose because parents love their kids mucho..thus this fierce protection shield.

But I kinda like less hostile scenarios. Give kids the benefit of doubt. Pasang radar betul betul. Detect the real bullies, and not just label those who are rude or (fill in own adjectives) as $/&:;$*^#% bullies.

So Ms Lam, today my son gave you waffle, tomorrow you give him nasi lemak 2.0 lah*...

Shatu mereishia ma.. (simply hentam!)

* See see she really say, "Lat sei niamah"

When to shut the gap

The other day, Gooly spent half a day at a friend's place. Bless her, she already has 3 kids, and is still willing to take Gooly in (yep, its a refugee camp there!)

As usual, that night we have a post mortem session. Ya, we do that all the time, checking our kids' (mis)behaviours during our absence. Very often we just end up with one theory - that we are both crazy mothers anlysing every thing pertaining to their behaviors (including why do kids dig their nostrils and leave traces of evidence on the wall) but that's another story.

So that day, Gooly has commented something about my friend's child being a weak reader.

In my book of manners (yet to be published), that is an offence, under section 2/3A, that warrants a serious punishment - The Torture of The Long Winded Lecture.

To begin, I asked why he said that. Duh! Not like he had a reason, and also not like any reason can justify the uncalled for comment.

As expected, he gave me a blank look. And then he kinda, in a way explained that he was just saying it, not knowing that it may hurt his friend's feelings. A very typical characteristic of the xy chromosomes species.

So i asked, "How would you feel if someone say that about you?"

"But i read well. So its not true. So i will just ignore it."

*hyperventilates*

"Ok, what if somebody said you are fat?"

"I will just pretend I didnt hear it."

*burst a vessel*

"Ok, what if they teased that you are a slow runner?"

"But I AM slow! I just have to try harder!"

*pengsan*

Ok, granted..all his responses are what i have taught him - the art of having deaf ears.

But now what i really want to teach is how to shut the gap. So I explained about positive and negative remarks. How some words make one feel good, and how some are just uncalled for. And we practised a whole list of adjectives..

pretty - clap clap
fat - zip the mouth
clever - clap clap
lousy - zip the mouth

..and so forth.

Anyways, his friend was gracious enough not to feel offended. Kids are like that. They don't take offence easily. I wonder when they grow up to be grumpy and calculative and easily angered.

Ah...analyzing again, eh? Told you I am anal- crazy. Anal as in analyzing..

Dare to discipline

Many times when a child misbehaves, I hear the parent says :

- oh she's tired.
- oh she's not feeling well
- oh she's cranky
- oh she's the middle child
- oh she just had a baby sibling
- oh she's hungry
- oh she's young still
- oh her pet turtle just died

...and whatever other 'ohs' they can think of. And voila, all the tantrums or rudeness are justified.

*hyperventilates*

Ok let me say this slowly and carefully.

Is.....your....child....a ...baby....? (ok, shit..this is clearly not working. My brain works like a bullet train. And I have a cute bum to wipe (not mine). Chop! Chop! Let's get this over quick!)

Ok, here's my thought. When your child is old enough to verbalise, she can LEARN to tell you her problems without crying or whining. Deal with the tiredness, sleepiness, hunger or whatever that's bugging her with a SOLUTION, not with another problem (crying wastes more energy and make you even more tired lor, duh!).

The other day, I met a girl who's rather aggressive. She shoved another kid for the chair she "reeeeeaaaalllly" wanted because it matched with her blue blouse. *roll eyes*. (Oh, she's wearing blue, that's why she pushed the boy cos she's wearing blue. See what I mean?Am I the only thinking how absurd this sounds. FYI, I repeated the "reason" on purpose to see if it makes better sense. Nope, it still doesn't!) Another time she scolded the maid because oh, that's what maids are for (ok, I made this up :p).

And then the parent proudly concluded, "My girl won't be bullied. She's tough." Well, here's news, mama - she is the one bullying! Stop giving her excuses to behave like crap. No, let me rephrase...stop giving her the license to ill treat others. She was never bullied before, and there isn't a need for this aggressive behavior to protect herself. If we all behaved in a civilized manner, we don't need these haughty shields, really.

And isnt it tiring to bring up a child in a hostile manner. The world is quite a beauty if you believe so. Vice versa, it's hell if that's what you think it is. (if it is the latter to you, why choose to bring a baby to this earth, eh? *puzzled*)

Some parents are in denial..some are protective. Some even say it's love, thus allowing this ..uhm..freedom to uhm...express themselves *cough* Well, there is a gargantuan difference between liberation and rudeness.

If you really love your child, dare to discipline. Next chapter, how to discipline......jeng jeng jeng...(kakaka....as if I know)

Another growing up phase..

While one lost his first front tooth, the other has started to reach out (for the stars!).

My babies are growing up too fast! Blimey!

Sports day

Gooly's school was having its annual sports day event today. For weeks gooly contemplated on going or not. He was not chosen for any events. But he'd still like to go to watch. Initially he thought it was compulsory to go, but when I said it wasn't , he kinda fleet towards "stay home to play with his cuz" agenda.

On my part, there was a lot of "uhm....errr...are you sure you want to go?" because waking up early is not exactly my favorite thing to do. Of course, staying under the hot sun is not favorable as well. But the final card was still in his hands.

Finally he decided on going. So I dropped him off at school so early that i surprised my neighbour (cos they never see me until after noon. Bwahahaha). For making it on time and safely despite with eyes half shut, I do deserve a pat on my back, don't I? That aside, gooly was a bit apprehensive as he wasn't sure where to gather or assemble. But he just braved himself and climbed down the car.

Not long later, I received a call from a parent. According to her, gooly seemed kinda worried. Reason being, very little of his classmates showed up. Only a handful of those participating in events were present. In fact, I do think he was the ONLY non-participating member from his class. I asked if he wanna come home, he said, "no."

That parent was nice enough to accompany him (I keep meeting awesome people that I should really thank god!) So all was well.

I was thinking - NONE of the classmates were there. Sad ain't it? That parents don't care about non -academic activities. Or it could be children these days are all made of candles; they melt under the sun. So nonono...they ain't no going for a stupid sports event. (I didn't like the sun either, but lathered him with SPF 30- problem solved.)

And most importantly.......(read on)

Despite not knowing what to anticipate, and then finding out that NONE of his usual gang was there, gooly was adamant on being on location. I just had to ask why.

"I just wanted to support my friends who are running.."

Now that's what I call good spirits!! That's what's missing from many parents' values.

Yeah..so to those who went to the mall or slept in late or simply discouraged your child from going to school today, guess he/ she never got to learn about semangat muhibbah today eh? Then again, it was Gooly who taught me this valuable lesson today.

And what's more, watching those athletes run, hop, jump encouraged Gooly to fair better in sports. He would like to go again next year, as a participant.

Gooly, I will be there to support you then! 100% :)

Chasiu

This afternoon gooly got a good scolding from me. On the way to school. In the car. For at least 15 minutes. Yeap, I actually stopped the car to give him a full fledged lecture. Something about manners, I think. Gawd! I was so long winded, I myself had forgotten what superb speech I spewed. *wipe saliva*

Later in the evening, I asked if he enjoyed my scolding session. Sick humor I have, I know.

To my surprise, he answered YES!

Lucky for him that I was in a much better mood (with a durian ice cream cone in hand), I didn't continue with the sequel of The Scolding. I asked why instead.

"Because I turned off my ears.." he said, licking his chocolate cone.

Jaw dropping ensued. A slight grin emerged. Both from my face.

"How dare you!" I managed in between slurps of ice cream licking, and laughing.

"When you scold scold scold, I just switched off. Ding! (sound effect some more) Then when you asked me a question, I quickly turn back on, then I can answer. Ding!"

He's rather smooth, I must say. I didn't know he had zonked out if he had not told me.

And I admit that was kinda cool. So I asked if he could teach me the trick, something I can use when talking to certain people. Thus a crash course on Idiots Guide - How To Pretend You Are Listening When Your Mom Nags Like Forever.

Here's the thing, I'm sure he has learned his lesson (the one about manners). It's just that every mom has this nagging software installed making every damn lesson longer and more painful than necessary. Thank God boys (and possibly men) have this program called Selective Hearing to survive all the noise pollution.

But still, I did mumble about an old Chinese proverb about "giving birth to roast pork" at some point of his confession. Thus the title of this post. :p

Gooly bossy

"Everyone! Pick an instrument. Take turns. You take the guitar. You, the xylophone. You first, then you...then me. Ok, everybody? Ready? NO!! Not like that....! Like this.....!"

" Ok, first you shuffle the cards. Put them down. Turn away. Give me one. NO! The other one. Ok, now you fold the card. Count them. The one with the most cards wins the game."

On both occasions, Gooly was giving instructions to me and papah. He was obviously making up some non-sensical games.

Papah laughed heartily at his antics. The word PROUD was written all over his face. He likes that his son takes charge. It must be a male dominant trait that he feels important to impart unto his son.

Me? I don't like the tone. I don't like his bossiness. The whole scenerios were not very BARNEYish.

I don't know if he is the same when he plays with his peers. I do notice that he is always taking up the role of implementing rules or creating games (even though they don't quite make sense).

And that could be the reason he doesn't enjoy parties much - because the clowns are always the one facilitating. He doesn't like that.. He wants to be the one calling the shots. The few parties we attended, he did join in the games albeit with a 'ok-lah, whatever-lah, I will join in-lah" face.

So, leadership qualities or bossiness? I will tell you in 20 years time.

Control Max

(I forgot to publish this post last month)

I came home . Gooly was standing at the door with the greeting of, "Ahmah gave me 5 dollars and I am going to buy a toy. Can we go now?"

D'oh! Why do grammas always do that i.e giving away money for no reason?

I said no.

He was upset.

I was ready for a meltdown.

But hey.. nothing happened.

He just cried a bit, controlled his usual temper to the max.

So I said ever so kindly, "Alright.. you want to go to Pasar Malam?"

D'oh! Why do mummies do stuff like that i.e being fickle all the time?

But then he changed his mind, saying that he should really save the money instead.

This is a worthy piece of memory. My boy practicing self restraint! Like finally!

(Aiyah.. I know lah. Pasar Malam toys are not very enticing.)

Piceah Rekod

I actually counted.. it has been almost 2 weeks since Gooly acted up. Almost 336 hours of peace for me. Thus, I think it's quite a feat for him since 'tantrum' was kinda like his middle name earlier this year. (Teehee, I gave him that nickname.)

Ah.. Gooly.. my huggy-bunny Gooly. What happened 2 weeks ago? I thought you would never ask. Suffice to say, there were very high decimal cries in a car for a good 15 minutes because he wanted to feed the stupid fishes who live at the other side of town, from where we were heading. But I am not going into details about the 'fish incident'.. Wait a minute.. I have told you everything! Such transparency!

Anyways.. sometimes I look at him and think, "Gawd.. I so so so love him. He is so cute! (I kinda wanted to say CUTEST but I wanted to be subtle too).I can't imagine not having him at all! I should have just let him fed the fish. "

See, I am now a holier than thou, my milshake is better that yours, self-sacrificial, no identity sucker soccer mom! Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!! Run... run... It's too late for me... You can still save yourself from this ZEN zone!

Kidding... I will be heavily ovulating (whatever that means) right before 28th. Come back and check me out. I will be all monstrous and NORMAL again then.

Talking to strangers

So.... we always go out to eat, just the two of us. Most of the time is at self-serviced restaurants, meaning he has to go 'chup' seats for us while I go order.



Yesterday was the same. I was queueing up to pay when I realised a lady was talking to Gooly. He didn't answer and turned his face away. He was that good at feigning deafness and muteness. But the lady didn't give up - tried speaking in another language. Actually, she was wondering if the seats next to Gooly were occupied.



I made a dash over and Gooly quickly explained to me that he was not to speak to strangers. That actually would be the second time I saw him ignoring strangers. And I must say I am impressed.



He is a very friendly boy with mega-watt smiles that totally make you wanna smile back. And I love it when he chats a storm with people. But I have to caution him about the evil society. Thus, I tell him - you may talk to people you don't know only when I am standing right next to you.



You see, some of the most pleasant outings we had involved talking to total strangers. Like this one time we were seated opposite a lonely old lady, who was in a reminiscing mode. She told Gooly that her daughter went to the same school as he does.



"How old is your daughter now? Where is she?" Gooly asked.



The old lady was happy that Gooly was interested to know. They spoke for a while. As she was leaving, she complimented that Gooly speaks well for his age and is very polite. She even thanked us for keeping her company.



We talk to strangers all the time; to the cashiers, to the guards, to customers. So it would seem impractical and ironic to dish out the order of not talking to strangers to kids, eh? And if he got lost, he would have to muster up his courage to speak to strangers for help.



So, the general rule is, "Do not speak to strangers when Mom is not around."



I am so glad he gets it.



P.s: I apologised to the lady, explaining that he was not allowed to speak to strangers, and yes, the seat is taken :P.

Punished!

Last week...

..whilst I was at work at the fire station , I left Gooly at home with my mom and sis. In that 2 hours, he brought the house down with his cries.

Aiseh.. *rub temples*

Of course he was unsure of himself. The new school. The new house. The new life.

I could understand all these. I empathised even. Hence I was dealing with him with utmost patience and larve....Larve Babeh...Larve......

Here is the thing.. He can be so angelic when he is with me. But behind me.. KNS! Talk about Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in da house.

Anyways, I told him , shouting at family is No No No (Sing:Don't phunk with my heart) and punishments are imminent:

a. I took away his favourite toy.

b. He has to be with me the whole time I am at work at the space craft no matter how tired, bored or sick he is (with me.)

c. We were to cancel the swimming session due the next day.

I took out a calendar and marked an X on the day he misbehaved. I told him I will warrant a star on the other days he shows no temper. And with three stars collected, I will return his toy. And with 5 stars, we will go on a special outing (like Bak Kut Teh with Sinkar swimming at the club).

He readily accepted his punishments. I know he was really sorry for losing 'it'. He needed help in controlling his frustrations. And I gave him some tips. In fact he was crying so pitifully while holding our necklace, asking me not to be angry with him.

Actually I wasn't that angry. Disappointed, yes. And he knew it. It broke his heart more that I didn't yell at him, it seems.

Two days ago, he had already achieved his 3 star status, and happily received his toy by his side. I was happy with him too cos I had placed the toy in a drawer which is not too high for him to open. But he knew he wasn't supposed to reach for the forbidden toy. *proud*

With five stars today, he is officially off his probation period. He need not stay with me at the science lab anymore. To make it more challenging, I inserted a kid lingo. I told him he is at LEVEL 2 now. Just like the video games he plays.. He has accomplished Level 1. His eyes brighten and he optimistically accepted the challenge.

*bite nails* I will tell u how he fares tomorrow.

Aiyayayayyaa....

Why?

Ok when I say what I am going to say, I have to tell you that I haven't exactly been around the world to run a survey to get the result. So pardon me if I am wrong.

Here is what I think: Gooly is the most ...is the most.... handsome? I wish!

Ok.. he is the most difficult..most strong-willed...most spirited child I have ever met. Granted, I have not seen many kids. So do accept my exaggeration.

What's the problem?

Ans: He doesn't take NO for an answer.

No, don't get me wrong. He is not rebellious. It's easy to get him to do things than to stop him from doing something. Let's just say he would hunt down Chimeara if you asked him to but don't think about stopping him from eating the cookie.

So most of time, when I say go clean up your room, he would.

But if I said, "No, you can't have the cookie" the most common and challenging reply would be, "WHY?"

And then he will make an appeal, "Ma'am, can I have just a bite?" - the same you would if you got caught speeding, "Incik, boleh settle ka?"

The appeal can be in various forms. Sometimes it is "I won't spoil my appetite."

Trust me, he can come up with 101 appeals. Each at the brink of tears. A single NO can drag to many minutes of battle. Mahmee vs. Gooly style.

Some kids are more taciturn. They are ok and comfortable to have boundaries.

But not Gooly. He is spirited. He challenges the boundaries, and sometimes authorities. He is persistent at that too.

So what do I do? Break his spirit? Let him not question why? Let him not have guts to speak his mind? Let him not have the brain to question authority?

How long can we do that? Until he can buy his own cigarettes even when we say NO?

This characteristic of him (questioning WHY before accepting the condition) is admirable if he was an adult. But it drives us nuts now because he is just a kid!

Imagine this scene from yesterday:

Papah: Put on seatbelt.
Gooly: Wait. I put on my socks first.
Papah: No! Seatbelt.
Gooly: No. Don't force me.

I had to intervene.. "You need to put on the seat belt because the car is already moving. And there might be policemen at the corner." He obliged.

He has a mind of his own. Deciding what to do and when to do it. He can be persuaded if and only if you give him a freaking good reason.

For now, we have to play our cards well. We are still holding the rein, but loosely. I know, he will resist more with each thug and pull enforced. But at the same time, we want him to respect a simple NO.

I am sorry but the answer is still NO.
You are angry at me now, I know. But please come and hug me when you cool down.

Otherwise, I have to give him options: Two cookies if you have them AFTER dinner.

Gawd..it is tiring parenting a mini man.

But when he is asleep and thus not asking WHY anymore, I think to myself, "Say, I don't want him to grow up to be a mummy's boy. I don't want him to say yes to his boss, mom, dad, gf, wife etc. just because they say so, do I?" So, just bear it and grin?

Today, I told him about house rules which I carefully explained the reasons for them. He accepted them. And then made a few of his own for me to follow.

Deng!

Ah well, its Christmas. Lemme wish you guys a Marry Kismisss!

WHY? Did I hear you ask why??????

*flex muscle* Don't let me hear another WHY, can or not????

I'm ready to cut.. no.. I am not.

The apron strings.

When do we snip them off? When do we know it's the right time? Is it a conscious effort? Or will we realize that the string has been tugged loose ONLY when the offspring leaves the nest?

It seems to me (and many others) that I am one dictator who holds the golden scissors, ready to snip snip snip, while the poor child clings on to my legs. All in the name of INDEPENDENCE (for him). Thank you for the apt title.

Look, I don't want him to be a wuss. I don't want him to cry and whine. I don't want to be wiping his arse at 40.

I want him to take care of himself. I want him to be independent. I want him to be confident.

I want.. I don't want.. Sigh.. What about what he wants or what he doesn't what? What if he is just not ready? What if I am pushing him, forcing him, dictator-ing him.. making the emotional distance between us unnecessarily wider?

Once, I met a funny lady who tells subtle, classy jokes. But she throws killer stares at her son. She silences his silly antics with one finger. (She didn't kill him lah) I thought she is a nicer person when she is not mom.

Whadyda know.. I . am . just . like . her . now. Ptoooi~

Ya ya.. 20 years later, he will know how much I had loved him to discipline him. Yada yada yada.

But what about now?

I want to be fun. I AM A FUN PERSON. You all know that....

I don't want to be saying, "Pick up your toys" every 1 hour.

I want to let him eat whatever he wants, wherever he goes.

Hell, I want to laugh when he farts at people's face!

But instead, I am a dictator!

*pout* An unhappy and unwilling one.

Anyhoo, whenever I am in doubt about my dictatorship, I read one of my favourite poems by Khalil Gibran.

It teaches me to be 'steady'

Here it is. Words in parenthesis are my thoughts:

Your children are not your children
They are the sons and daughters of Life longing for itself
They come through you but are not from you
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you

You may give them your love but not your thoughts (THIS ONE SUSAH LEH!)
For they have their own thoughts
You may house their bodies but not their souls
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strike to be like them but seek them not to be like you (GASP!)
For life goes not backwards nor tarries with yesterday

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth
The archer sees the mark of the path of infinite and
He bends you with His might that his arrows may go swift and far
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness
For even as He loves the arrow that flies
So He loves also the bow that is stable.

I am the bow. I am stable. I need to be stable. (kenot be saujanjan as a parent, ok?)

Steady..... steady.... ('Jajabing' talking. Remember that Starwars scene? Quick! Click 'comment' or X again! I am terkeluar tajuk again!)

Fight! FIGHT! Kau meng arrrr!

Warning: This is gonna be one long post involving tears, nags, disappointments, fights, busybody, MYOB, sharing, heartbreaks etc. Sila pasangkan helmet anda.

***

As the pool was closed, we were forced to play at the park instead. We were tossing a Frisbee-like toy when a group of children were spotted nearby. A boy brandished a sword, and another, a gun. Sword boy is around 6, while gun boy is older, 8 maybe? I could see Gooly was eager to join in the battle game.

After a while, he did manage to obtain the role of a combat soldier. How did the gun change hand, I am not sure. I try to stay away as much as possible so he could learn some social skills on his own.

Very soon later, Mr. 8 yr old seemed upset. He was blaming Mr. Swordboy for his 'lost' gun. Ok, time to intervene. I asked Gooly to return the gun, and he obliged, saying cheerfully, "We take turns!"

That's my boy.. always innocent and willing to share, and following the rule of taking turns. Let me tell you, every time he brings a toy to the pool, another friend (PinPin) would want to bring back the toy, and Gooly will allow (after his 100 reminders of, "Please bring back tomorrow.")

But we are not starring in a sitcom, are we? Where everything is nice and wonderful?

Far from it..because, again for unknown reasons, the aforesaid boys started fighting. The 8 yr old was raging..kinda out of control while hurling abuse at the other bloke and crying at the same time. The 6 yr old was a toughie. He shouted back, and if my Thai serves me correctly, the shouts were some-what along the line of:

YOU GET OF HERE! IF YOU DARE, COME FIGHT! (showing fist and one leg up)

The commotion of course got Gooly's attention. He stood there, mouth agape.

I motioned Gooly to come over. Mei sei gor meh?

When one of the parents came over to dissolve the fight, Gooly stood right between the boys, (Gooly, what you doing there? Come here!) and said, "PEACE! Don't fight.." *smack head*

Gooly ah gooly..don't so busy body can or not? Come here la!

While the adults were gushing over his ahem, persuasive skill, I was so worried he was gonna get punched in his face! (It will happen one day, ohmygard!.)

Naturally, everyone also no mood already, right? But Gooly thought in his most jocund-self, "Let's continue playing, it's my turn with the gun."

But he was being very sensitive as well. He sat next to the gun-boy, and consoled him. Although the boy didn't know what Gooly ngam ngam cham cham about (Are you feeling better? ), but his gestures were warm and kind (I think I saw his hand on the boy's shoulder.)

When he deemed the interim was good enough, he asked to hold the gun. (The above kind gestures may be a gimmick, after all.) The boy stood up, huffed and puffed, and stormed away.

Oh boy... Gooly was so disappointed. And flooded the place with his tears. He really thought they were friends. He would have surrendered his toy if the boy asked for it.

Outbursts as such and me don't get along too well. So I got mad as well and as hell. Once we reached home, fuiyoh.....the fury unleashed itself!

He cried, I yelled, he cried some more, I yelled louder...

Haih..what a bad evening.

There are so many things to teach him in that half hour episode. I lectured all in one huff. I am in the mood to nag, so I am gonna repeat them here. ("you" is referring to Gooly, ok):

a. Yes, I am proud you always share. But not everyone is like you. You can't force people to share with you. And more so, when the boy hardly knows you.

b. When there is a fight, walk away. It's rude to stare, and in their fury, they might hurt you.

c. MYOB! Walk away, don't get involved!

d. When someone refuse to share, say "fine!" and walk away. Toughen up, boy!

e. BTW, the two boys didn't play nicely. Don't play like that.

f. But you must still share your toys even when other don't want to share.

Am I making sense here? Arrrggh...I just want to bang my head against the wall. Have I covered everything? *Bang again*

Gooly, do you understand? *bang*

Gooly, please don't cry. *bang*

Gooly, I am sorry the world is not so nice. *beat chest*

Gooly, I am sorry you are hurt. *bang*

Gooly, I am sorry you have to be the nice guy.*beat chest*

Boohoo~

Mean Mean World, I hatechew! Anyone got plaster for my forehead?

Pening..

While galivanting with iloveedamame the other day, Gooly went out with the others and was reprimanded for being selfish. Woah.. a tad too heavy 'title' for a tired and cranky boy who missed his mahmee and wanted things slightly his way.

Nonetheless I thought it was a good chance to impart some moral values, particularly on being selfish and non. It would be a projek besar besaran in which I divided the lessons into several parts. Cheh..like real. Actually it was more like telling bed time stories for days about 'the boy who was selfish..."

Do you realise there are so many aspects of 'selfish' to cover? Generosity, charity, sharing, thinking of others first (but don't be a sucker), etc.

And so I began..

Once upon a time, there was a boy who sell fish.. (screwed up his mind a bit. Played around with homonyms and also closed one eye about the grammar mistake).
*This he laughed..

And there was a boy who had money but instead of buying Transformers for himself, he bought some medicine for his ahmah who was sick.
*This he thought acceptable...

And then there was another time about a boy who donated his money for the poor.
*This he thought do-able.

And another time there was a flood...
*This he asked to buy a diver suit, so he could dive in, and pass the money to the victims.

What the rooty toot toot? He was enacting a scene from "Little Mermaid" ka? Aiyoyoyo..

It's so difficult to explain about 'how things work' in the real world, kan? No doubt the donation box is less exciting. And diving into the water with a gunny sack of cash seems so much more heroic, eh?

While my brain cells were about to 'divide and combust' thinking about BEING UNSELFISH, he has to complicate things by asking the practical parts, i.e how come can get flooded? So we swayed from moral lessons to science, an area which I am not very good at.

Last time when I was in school, I had no qualms about 'the moral of the story'.. We all applauded when Ah Seng (not you, Sinkar, okeh?) rescued the cat from the tree. We didn't wonder how on earth the cat got stuck there, did we? Or if the cat wanted to be rescued, maybe he just liked being up there.

I need to go lay down awhile.. My head is throbbing... Susah leh...

Social Progress Report

We have been staying in Bangkok for more than 2 years now. I wonder if I have failed to mention that Gooly doesn't speak much Thai. Neither do I. We stuck out like sore thumb at the park. Being a sensitive child, Gooly knew he is somewhat different, linguistically challenged, even when he was a toddler.

I was informed that kids learn fast, and that before I knew it, he will be tutoring me on the language. I am still waiting for the day to come.

And so, he would cling on to me like my second shadow when he was younger. Now that he is older, he does venture further, becoming less self-conscious but often he would get frustrated when he doesn't understand or is being misunderstood. He is very verbal and opinionated, but only in English. Imagine his frustrations if he had to resort to sign language to express his thoughts and instructions (yes, my boy is a bossy one).

But today we made progress. A boy named Fook befriended us. In smattering Thai, I answered the best I could, about the food I like and Gooly's age. He was very friendly. The thing I notice about most local kids is that they are well-mannered and have the ability to take care of the younger ones. He made sure that Gooly didn't fall off his bike. He shaded him from the sun, picked him up when he fell. Though their dialogue consisted of only one word, NO (don't climb too high, don't go barefooted and other don'ts) I am just happy that my boy has a friend.

I was ecstatic when the two walked off with their arms around each other. I suppose the day when Gooly does become my Thai language teacher is just around the corner.

Where is the cane?

A couple of weeks back, I had a sudden visceral urge to use the cane upon Gooly.

He did it.. he really did it - made my blood boil. I have boasted about his good behaviour. I have even noted that he never asked to buy any toys at the toyshops. It was too early to note, I learned.

Not only did he ask, let me rephrase that.. Not only did he BAWL for a toy, it was a GUN he wanted. In his entire life (3 years and 5 months) I have repeatedly educate him about violent games and toys and how he should not ask for one. He understood me but decided to go against the No. 1 rule on that fateful morning.

Of course, it was partly due to the presence of his kung kung. His kung kung who said, "Never mind la.. buy la..Don't cry la." At the moment, I really didn't know who to get mad at, the rascal or the err.. old man (I'm trying hard to be respectful).

After the whole dreaded drama, Mr. Gooly came back gleeful with an M16. The one that goes duuk-duuk-duuk-duuk all day long, all night long. Gawd! It was darn annoying. His victorious smiles and the duuk-duuk-duuk were tempting me to reach for the cane.

After much negotiation, we came to an agreement. No bringing weapons to the airport which we were to go the following week. OK, I admit. The officers could probably see that it's a fake a mile away, with an eye closed. But what he doesn't know, doesn't hurt him. So no guns, plastic or real on the plane or be prepared to be chased away.

We have been back here, peacefully. But I nearly recant my vows to be patient with him. This morning at the market, I looked longingly at a cane. I shrugged the urge off.

For now.

Let's see how it goes.. how my boy fares. Please do tell me it's a phase. It's just a phase that he is defying all laws and rules.

And also it's just a phase that I find the cane a necessity in the house.

Bah!

It doesnt work that way anymore

I was an obedient girl. I think most of the kids during the late 70s to early 80s were. We shared our toys, we were polite and we slept when we were told to. My ah bu and ah pa hardly scolded me. There was no need for the cane. I remember though one incident in which my ah bu held up high the Tat Seng slipper, as though to strike us. She relented of course.

I would not say Gooly is disobedient. It's just that he needs explanation for everything in the universe. Why does he need to take a nap? Why does he have to drink his milk? Why does he need a haircut? Sometimes I have the answers. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I have the patience. Very often I don't.

Prior to writing this post, I'd naively thought that all kids fear and thus follow commands to avoid unpleasant consequences. Naive indeed I was. I had learned that hollering "Go to sleep NOW" , punctuated with an animated roaring sound doesn't work. I would now save my breath for Yum Seng combats only.

On the contrary, if I'd sung, "Pooh Bear, it's time to sleeeeep," you'd see the kiddo enthusiastically pranced into the room and snugged quickly under the blanket while waiting for his good night smooches.

Obviously the iron fist has no place in our house.

Hang on.. if it doesn't work on junior, it doesn't mean that it won't work on PAPAH THE MAN, does it..?