Updates so far for May and June

Life truly has its ups and downs.

Just wanted to post a brief summary of things that I've been dealing with, or celebrating so far.

Still loving my job as a Game Designer for Indigo Entertainment.  The work can be tremendously stressful and at times, feel like I'm juggling way too many projects with one hand, but man the idea that I am creating GAMES as a living is truly a dream come true.  The idea that I have started games that have entertained, challenged and been enjoyed by kids all over out there in the world is amazing.  I have James and Dokes to always thank for that.

My dad was recently confined at the hospital and I had to stay with him for a week to make sure he was doing well.  I was happy to be able to be there for him, given all the years that he and mom spent making sure that their second son was happy, healthy and given access to education and safety.  It was a scary time for us, admittedly, but thankfully we were able to get through it and found our bonds as family members even getting stronger in the process.  Dad's home now and on the road to recovery.  Life get's better.

I started cooking and baking again.  And each time I do, I find myself dedicating it to PJ.  I still miss PJ a lot.  I still find myself sometimes wishing he'd suddenly text or call me and ask me to head out with him to Ortigas and enjoy the music, the dancing and the laughs.  I still find myself replaying the scenes in the hospital.  Still find myself at times wishing I could have done more.  But I do push myself to focus on the positive side of things.  To remember the lessons he taught me.  To think of the tips he shared with me.    I tried using a bigger knife when I prepped dinner the other night.  I recall PJ used to always tell me that I should stop using a Pearing knife for everything.  I don't think I'll ever stop missing him.

Yoshi is also doing better.  After a bout of fungal infection, he's feeling much better now and is starting to grow back his wonderful hair.  We are considering trimming him this much once a year to help him deal with the summer heat better.  He kinda looks more like Doby the House Elf right now, which is quite endearing.

Rocky and I have also been spending lots of time celebrating our geeky life together.  He got us a pair of Star Trek communicator/badges which have powerful magnets so we don't ruin the shirts we wear.  We also invested in getting a few more board games including Risk: The Dalek Invasion of Earth, The Lords of Waterdeep, Pret-A-Porter and Merlin's Company, the expansion to Shadows Over Camelot.  Gaming kinda slowed down given the recent events and summer trips, but now we are working on getting thinks back to stride.  Rocky is also now the proud owner of the Dr. Who novels, both the individual novels for each doctor and the novels dedicated to the different monsters.  It looks tremendously beautiful on our selves and I'm happy to have helped him make up his mind to get them.

Then there's Ben Woerner's A World of Dew which is a spin-off of John Wick's Blood and Honor game.  I was very excited about the book that I messaged Ben ideas on how I'd love to expand the game.  Thankfully he took my pitches seriously and has made my contribution one of the stretch goals for the release of the book! The Kickstarter was incredibly successful, netting over $16,000 even with an initial goal of only $2,000.  This will be another chance for me to contribute to the rpg community and I'm pretty psyched about it.  You can still check out the Kickstarter here:  https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/381911690/a-world-of-dew-a-samurai-noir-role-playing-game

Finally, we're watching over Misty, Prince's dog, for the meantime while he has his trip to Cebu.  The dog has been a bit demanding for attention but I've been training him to be more calm and orderly.  He still whines every now and then, but I am hoping to teach him to be more patient and calm like how Yoshi is.  Given she's a girl and Yoshi is a boy, I've resorted to keeping them separated with a pen for now, just because I'm worried they might.. you know.. when I'm not looking.

But yeah, overall, life is good.
And tomorrow is going to be better!

Eight.

I love you, Rocky.

HAPPY PRIDE you all!

Rocky and I are celebrating Pride at O Bar Ortigas this weekend!

See you guys there!

Six months in our Journey

Life is geekily good.
Happy Sixth Monthsarey, Rocky!

Making Another Run for your Heart.

Yes, I remember that night.

  

Netrunner.

:-)  

Two Cubed plus Three Squared

A long delayed beginning.
An anticipated reunion.
A new journey.

Commitments are reaffirmed.
Promises are exchanged.
Passions are released.

Love.
It is all about love.

Geeky love.
Crazy love.
Honest love.
Fair love.

But ultimately it is not about fantasies
or wealth, or comfort zones, or familiarity,
nor is it about trophies, or debts,
or dominance.

It is about two people who realize they deserve such happiness
and that such happiness is because of love.


I love you, Rocky.
I never stopped loving you.

11/17/2012

WE3 absolutely is worth it!

Rocky saw this on the shelf while we were at Fully Booked today.
I just HAD to have it.  The back states there are 10 new story pages and 25 additional pages of behind the scenes stuff.  Simply AMAZING.  I can't wait to open it.

:-P

This does mean I have a WE3 trade paperback now for sale.  Hmm...

Got my early Christmas Gift from Rocky!

Seven Soldiers of Victory.

Absolutely an awesome read.  Grant Morrison really knows how to craft a confusing yet cool tale (which nicely comes together before you know it).   Thank you so much Rocky for this wonderful gift.

Yeah, things have been on an upswing overall in the scheme of things.  I'm frankly happier than I thought I would be given the events some months back.  But yeah, I'm now one month cigarette-free and in many ways even more geekily happy.

Too bad someone doesn't quite get it.

But yeah, he's a happy dog.  That's for certain.
Wait til I give him another banana.

Of Time Travel and Wavelength

So there's this show called Revolution.

And here's the thing about it.
I recall seeing it with Rocky some time back.  I recall watching it and talking to him about how it felt like Flash Forward, only with better concepts.  I remember telling him how I liked being able to see Elizabeth Mitchell (Juliet from Lost) again and how amusing it was that her husband's name in the show was Ben.    I comment about how the guy dies after handing the other guy the pendant, and how stupidly the other guy never brings it up to the young woman.  I remember being amused that the guy who joins the group later is good with a bow (and even remark that it might have been a Hunger Games influence) and was amused at how the pendant creates that small area of power.  Echoes of Lost and Fringe there.

Only here's the thing:
Rocky decided to play the episode the other day, and as I was watching it with him I asked why we were watching it again.

"We haven't seen this," Rocky responded.

"No we have," and I started stating what I knew was to unfold.

The events slowly did unfold.  Rocky looked at me amused and promised he wasn't pulling my leg.  "You must have seen it with someone else."  But I couldn't have.  I had no one else to watch shows with.  Usually when alone, I only watch movies or rewatch stuff I've seen.  God knows I still pull out Lost and Millennium on occasion to watch them again.  But Revolution?  I don't even download shows.  Well, save for Drag U.

"I'm sure we've seen this.  Maybe we saw it some time back?  Before the break up?"

"Impossible," Rocky explains, "This show only came out recently."  Online shows it was released September 17.  What the fuck is happening.

I know Rocky isn't playing a prank.  But I also know I remember watching it with him before.
Of course after all this, now I'm down with a fever.

Did I just travel through time or something?

Back when Rocky and I were still together, we used to muse about this thing we called a wavelength.  It was how somehow we were connected mentally and emotionally regardless of actual distance.  I wonder if it has upgraded itself into something temporal as well.

Just odd.
But in some ways, magical.
Maybe some where out there, kinda like in Fringe, there is a universe where we still are together.
Maybe that's where I'm getting these images in my head.

Just maybe.

Friday Update

So today was an interesting day.

Woke up to my alarm and rushed to prep my work for the day.  Rocky texted me later to remind me of our plans to get a haircut.  En route, however, Rocky discovered that SM Cubao already had the Mini Changers Kreons he was highly anticipating.. and guess what happened next.

HHehehehe and hey, I am definitely NOT complaining about this.  This is part of why I love the guy so much.  To see him so giddy and excited to dive back into his fandom is such a wonderful thing.  I know many people find it hard to understand us geeks, but in some ways, I've learned to just accept it as a truth of life.  I mean, I don't get why some people claim to have wanderlust, or have a deep need to buy branded crap.  I guess that's their own fandom, in a manner of speaking.

Got a hair cut at last.  Rocky has a very nice trim to complement his great looks.  I asked the barber to just give me whatever he thinks will look good on me.  Was that a good idea?  Probably not.  But I'll let the results speak for themselves.

The hair on the sides of my head have regained their touch of grey, however.  I guess the dye I once had on (upon my other ex's request) had finally failed to hide the passage of time.  But I'm not complaining.  I'd like to think I'm aging pretty gracefully.  I know of some people far younger than me who can pass for my older brother.  Or dad, even.

But I will say I do feel pretty awesome at how I look.  I guess all the working out and supplement drinks are really helping shape out a better build for me.   I've always wanted to look better, admittedly, but I never thought my body type would accommodate it.  As of the late, however, I'm starting to see development in the right direction.

So yeah, pardon me if I'm enjoying cam-whoring every now and then.

Broke a heart today.  Not too proud of it, but I'd like to believe I was honest about things from the start.  Admittedly, I feel like a douche-bag, even if I never lead the guy on.  From the start, I did clarify that I was just meeting up and having fun, but even with full disclosure, I have to admit I still feel crappy for making that person regret meeting me.  Told Rocky about it and he helped remind me that I was not in the wrong.  "He chose to meet with you," which is true.  I guess I just really hate making a good guy feel like shit.  The guy does deserve to find someone really awesome.

I hope he does in time.
I really do.

Ended up watching Grey Gardens with Rocky too.

The episode of The New Normal had touches of the movie in it and Rocky discovered then that I had NO idea what Grey Gardens was about.  Having seen it now, I have to say I am... it is hard to describe how I feel about it.  Disturbed?  Amazed?  Aghast?  Empathetic?  I feel tempted to let certain people I know see it, so hopefully they sense how they seem to be on the same path... but I dunno if that would be wise.

Drew Barrymore was such a hoot in it, admittedly.  Her ever-shifting accent was hilarious.  I just couldn't laugh given how disturbed I felt about the story, since it was based on real people.

Got a game to look forward to this Sunday.  This should be episode four of Agenda, the Adventure! - Aberrant - Aeon Trinity epic storyline that I've had cooking for years in my head.  I'm anxious for this coming game because its a chance to bring the story another step forward.  As to what direction I'm taking it, I'm definitely keeping mum about that until then.


Life continues moving forward though.  While there are clearly some friends who seem insistent in thinking I need "help" of some sort, I know I'm definitely happier and more centered than I have been during the first few weeks of the break-up.  Am I deluding myself and trying to convince myself I'm happy?  Definitely not.  However, I am aware I'm not in the happy level I used to be in.  I just don't get why some people seem more determined to prove their right than to just be supportive and happy for me that I'm much better than before.   Even worse, throw unnecessary drama.  And supposedly I'm the one being reactive.   Sighs.

I guess I just have to be understanding, again.

I survived the flight.

Back from Singapore.

Fun trip, lots of cozy moments.  Of course, took the obligatory shirtless pic in the bathroom which I'm starting to realize is part of my routines nowadays.

Currently have four jobs, so to speak.  Two ongoing gigs and two other freelance gigs.  Being the nice tax payer I am, I really find myself wishing my money was really helping make the country better.  It would be awesome if somehow the taxes made very visible developments in the Philippines.   But they're (mostly) creative work, which is awesome.  Most have something to do with writing, which kinda compels me to really ramp up on the plan to have a webcomic up and out again soon.  While I may have started with another project (http://duckandtigercritiquetheworld.tumblr.com/) called Duck and Tiger Critique The World, the comic I have in mind would be far more different in appeal.  I'm starting to toy with calling my comics  Abad Comic.  So there's a pun in there when you say it:  "Have you read Abad comic lately? They aren't as bad as you think!"

Rocky buried the book under the kids, who were here to welcome me home.

Rocky got me a hard cover copy of Habibi, which to be honest is one emotionally-charged book of storytelling glory.  When I was reading it on my iPad, I was absorbing every single page and rooting for the characters in more ways than I expected.  When the narrative took its turns and twists, I was frightened to turn each (virtual) page and honestly hating certain characters so much I wanted to scream at them.  To have this book by Craig Thompson in my hands is just utterly fantastic.  Rocky, thank you so much for this.  It really touched me in so many ways.

Got myself too a copy of Dr. Who Adventures in Time and Space, the role-playing game for the series.  A fantastic steal since it came with a lot of cool stuff including DICE!  Found myself too a second-hand hardcover copies of Mummy: the Resurrection and Circle of the Crone books, each at barely S$4.50 each.  Not a bad find frankly, for a guy who loves White Wolf books.    Grabbed a Triple-M pack of Nori sheets which Rocky loves to eat, and best yet, found a nice copy of Kylie's Aphrodite concert DVD.  Yay for more Kylie!

Yoshi is due for another trip to the Animal House, so I have to see if I can swing him by there tomorrow.  If not, Rocky may have to on his own.  I do want to though.  Caring for Yoshi feels very important to me.  I frankly find it hard at times to imagine how some people can so easily leave their pets at home.  They're the closest thing to having my own kid, right now, as far as I am concerned.

Man he's gotten stinky again though.  Gotta give him a shower soon.  But I love how he's always excited to see me.  Kita naman sa mukha, diba?

A friend shared this song too, which was nicely mellow and interesting in its lyrics.    The song does kinda reminds me of a chilled out Alisha's Attic, which is a good thing.
http://soundcloud.com/cocoon-music/flight-facilities-crave-you
I guess life goes on.  Happy to say it definitely has been getting better.

Oh and yes, belated Happy Birthday to you, Edward.  Hope you enjoyed the post Birthday gift!  Sayang di natin naubos ang pagkain :-P

The Cha Cha of Life

It is a murky Tuesday morning with the rains bringing floods in certain areas, and poor Head Chef PJ down with a fever.  Worked out to get the body going :-)  Now just sitting here at the living room with the radio tuned to my sister's radio show on 94.7.  Had high hopes of meeting up with a good friend last night, but I guess exhaustion took over and I was knocked out even before midnight came around.   Yesterday was a busy day, come to think of it.  My brain was on over-drive working on so many games for Indigo-Entertainment.  A dream job, indeed.  But a job nonetheless.

Got a Singapore trip to look forward to this Friday.  The family is flying to celebrate my mom's birthday and I foresee another trip to Paradigm Infinitum in hopes of finding more gaming material.  It has been quite a challenge to find new gaming stuff, ever since Comic Quest stopped carrying role-playing game books, Nova Fontana died and places like Neutral Grounds focused on CCGs and board games.   But even that shop is starting to cater more to Warhammer guys and other games, so I'm kinda worried.  The last time we were there, there was only ONE vertical shelf in the whole store devoted to gaming.  Sad.

Reminds me of that night when we had friends over and we had fun playing Gloom, Citadels and Dixit.  (I feel I look so engorged in the pic though)  But it was nice reconnecting with old friends.  Felt like it was a trip back to when things where simpler, Rocky and I were together, and our friends just cheered us on as a couple they admired.

Oh well.

Revived the PSP for gaming.  Ogre Tactics is still fun.  Patapon still infuriates me (I'm so bad at it, it is embarrassing) and the annoyance that the new games are for the Vita instead make me sad.  Sometimes, I do miss the 3DNDS which I got for Prince.  Admittedly the ARG games and Mario were fun to play too.  But I guess I should stay happy knowing he's still enjoying it.  Then there's the PS3.  Haven't touched it in a while.  When I do, however, gosh it is such a time sink.  I lose myself in Arkham City so easily.  Hours can pass without me realizing it.

Got a small nick on my pinky finger.  Yoshi got a bit too excited playing with me and his teeth scratched my finger.  I wasn't even playing with him that much.  I just had my hand hanging down my side while reading something on my laptop.  Surprisingly, I don't feel traumatized or panicked.  Given my phobia of dogs all these years, I used to think the moment Yoshi bites me all the fear would come back.  To my surprise, I'm handling it pretty well.

Hurts though. Darn you stinky cute dog.  I love you.

Been cooking again, which always feels good.  Cooked the famous Yaya Bebie Turbo Chicken which remains pretty popular.  Everyone from office mates, to guests just love the juicy flavor.  And what's most impressive is how simple it really is to prepare.   Last night, I tried naman to make Paprika Chicken with Arugula and blanced Broccoli.  That was okay.  The flavor could have been stronger.  And admittedly, the arugula was not as fresh and flavorful as I had hoped.  At least Rocky didn't complain.  (Yoshi wanted more.)

Over all, life has been better. The Grindr and Growlr-based affirmations of interest and admissions of attraction have been quite uplifting and ego-boosting.  I don't want to mislead anyone, so I make it a point to explain I'm only there to meet new faces and have fun.  Already had to break a few hearts/expectations from people who were getting all "I want to be your future" on me.  But as cruel as that may seem, being frank about how my heart has already made its choice is far more honest than making others thing they still have a chance.

The wait continues.  And at least I'm not spending it brooding the whole time.
Things could definitely be worse.    but things ARE much better.

It is a small world after all.

Cheers to new friends.

A sexy geek. What a contradiction. But a good one at that.

Extremely exhausted today.

Had a 9am meeting which I failed to get to on time, due to the immensely horrible traffic situation between San Agustin and Rufino in Makati.  Some jerk had somehow thought that making the once one-way Rufino street two-way was a good idea.  I hope he chokes on a siniguelas.

While the rest of the day at Indigo was fun, there's no mistaking it was a taxing day.  Lots of meetings.  Lots of new concepts.  It is a dream job, I will admit, but I must surrender to the truth it is tiring too.  While its a good kind of exhaustion, it saps me of much strength nonetheless.

Then it was another traffic-filled drive to Paranaque to handle ABBA work.  Met up with Urim who needed some time to hang out, and from Paranaque, we then raced back to Cubao in hopes of waking Rocky up for work.  Halfway through, I learned he was already awake, and upon arriving at the Sietch, just felt my body on the verge of collapse.

So I laid down and grabbed some quick zzzs.

Now, awake again, I feel the urge to write.  Met a new cool buddy on Grindr today, and he's quiet a braingasm:  Cute, bara-quality, former gamer, smart, and quite a fun guy to chat with.  I wonder if I'd ever get to meet with him in person.  And even better, be able to eventually count him among my friends.

Rocky is off to work now, juggling his own set of things.  PJ is feeling better after a spoonful of the miraculous Pei-Pa-Qua.  And now just waiting for the chicken to defrost to prep it for another Turbo Chicken meal tomorrow.  I'm feeling too tired and drained, so I foresee staying home all day later to recuperate.  Here's hoping I don't get too sick to attend Castle's birthday party tomorrow.  Told Urim I'd do my best to go.

So yeah, while the previous 48 hours felt like I was struggling through a muck of lowness, today has a momentary rise towards fun.  Here's hoping this trend continues.

And continues.

Just another update, post break-up

This weekend lost the game it was supposed to have, but found instead a familiar solace.  Meeting old friends, enjoying simpler games, and finding myself a little bit more grounded.    While things aren't quite where I want them to be, things are definitely far much more better.

Started a new chronicle with Rocky, Mahar and Urim.  After wanting for so long to run it, I finally have started the Adventure to Aberrant to Trinity game.  The first episode was a blast with pulp heroism and crazy antics filling the night.  The second episode was a solo-romp for Urim, since neither Mahar and Rocky were neither available.  I am excited for the next game which might come to pass this coming Sunday.  Here's hoping!

As I write this, Rocky and I are spending a quiet Sunday at home watching the lastest episode of Dr. Who.  I have to admit, I absolutely miss this show.  I cannot imagine how long I was able to survive with seeing more stories of Rory, Amy and the Doctor.  Yes, this episode has wonderfully given the Dalek's an incredible new touch, and I have to admit, while I predicted the reveal about Souffle girl, I was pleasantly surprised with the Rory and Amy angle.


Doctor Who?  Indeed!

Been trying out a few gay social networks, on Rocky's behest, and admittedly, of the three I've tried, so far the one with the orange interface has proven to be most interesting.  I've made a few cool new friends and tried getting to know a few others.  So far, while most seem to be worms wriggling for a bite, it is nice to find the occasional good catch worth getting to further know.  While I have no objections with meeting more people, I definitely know that this can only help me pass the time.  Because my heart has already decided to wait.

Haven't touched the PS3 this week.  That should change soon.
Haven't stopped smoking either.  That should change soon.

The potty training of Yoshi continues, and while he still pees and poops in the wrong places, he is starting to get curious of the litter box which I hope he'll learn to start properly using.  The training drops we got haven't quite helped, but its too soon to tell I guess.   Getting tips from here:  http://www.cesarsway.com/tips/puppytips/Housebreaking

Now we are watching Superman Versus the Elites, which should be fun.  Given the rescheduled Marvel Civil War game I was supposed to run for Rocky and Gene, this should be a cool distraction.  I've done some research reading and I'm pretty excited with the story I've come up with, but it will have to wait for now, I guess.

Work at Indigo-Entertainment continues to be awesome.  Admittedly, my brain is probably struggling to cope at times, I have to admit it is a job I've long wanted to have and am tremendously lucky to have landed.    Sometimes I still find myself wondering if I deserve my post, but James, Rocky, Prince and other friends are quick to remind me that my position as a Game Designer is quite justly deserved.  I guess while I might never completely stop second-guessing myself, I am happy to know there are people who truly believe in my talents.

Work at ABBA is a bit more of a struggle.  With another outsource no longer available, I have my worries about how we can handle the work load.  But I guess we just have to trust that things will fall into place the way my parents trust in things.

And lastly, I'm very grateful with everyone who has in one way or another shown me support in my choice.  It ain't easy, I will admit, but I know the goal I've set in my heart is worth it.  And I know in the end, we all find whom we deserve.

The Garapata Keeps Moving Forward

Slowly things are getting better.  Navigating these waters is a tricky business.  Too much and you may find yourself confusing clouds for signal flares.  Too little and you may find yourself marooned in an island of self-pity and doubt.

Rocky celebrated his birthday quite recently, with a touch of geekiness, Pottermania, Foreign Adorkabletude and Japanumami.  Prince found himself in a situation where his life could have been in danger.  Thankfully, both events turned out okay.  And while there are occasional moments of confusion and uncertainty, there are things that shine bright and cannot be denied.

Tori Amos has released a new song too.
Called Flavor, the song seems to remind me of her musical approach during To Venus and Back.
http://soundcloud.com/transistor-six/toriamos-flavor/s-7KPzC
Admittedly, I am still kind of hoping she steps back towards the glory days of Under the Pink and Boys for Pele.  I doubt she will ever match up to her intensity in Little Earthquakes.
Sadly, Gold Dust (her upcoming album) doesn't have that many new songs.

1. FLAVOR
2. YES, ANASTASIA
3. JACKIE'S STRENGTH
4. CLOUD ON MY TONGUE
5. PRECIOUS THINGS
6. GOLD DUST
7. STAR OF WONDER
8. WINTER
9. FLYING DUTCHMAN
10. PROGRAMMABLE SODA
11. SNOW CHERRIES FROM FRANCE
12. MARIANNE
13. SILENT ALL THESE YEARS
14. GIRL DISAPPEARING

"Gold Dust is about celebrating over 20 years of all the conversations that have happened which inspired many of these songs and it's a collection of new recordings of where they are now and who they have become."

I love you Tori, but this feels sort of like a cop out to me.  The album has far too many old stuff in it.  And seems to once again be trying to keep things in a safe side.  Where's the daring and fearless approaches you've shown before?

Had a fantastic massage.  Needed that for quite some time.  And while the family business was juggling another mess, I found myself still happy to know things aren't as dark as they felt they were a month ago.  While I used to struggle to grasp the silver lining behind the clouds, this time, the rays of light were like a rainbow of promise.

While Coron and Boracay fell apart (along with around Php10,000 down the drain), and while my bank accounts are still reeling from nearly being reduced to barely a third of their savings, we've already prepped for, Rocky and I have made  reservations for a trip to Singapore.  We're keen on catching Jersey Boys and while it isn't til November, I feel pretty good about it.  In as much as November is still quite a while away, and Rocky and I aren't exactly back together, I don't feel that out-of-sorts about it.  I guess there's a bit more optimism now.

Life goes on.
I've walked 500 miles for sure.

And I'm going to walk 500 more.