it's been a while

we had nothing better to do, obviously

all my pink things

nadira and me

ribena berries

kanak kanak nakal

been a while since i last took pictures. there are more actually, but these are from nadira's phone. thank you darling. and to all my other darlings who make my life worthwhile, saya sayang bangat sama kamu smua. sorry this week bengong. u girls know why la. hehe.

i sometimes wish there was some kind of prescription on how one thing or the other should be. but i know that wouldn't be life. but then, without all of that, i feel so aimless. i wish i felt nothing. but right now, i wish i felt something. why is this life so freaking weird. can somebody please tell me what is to be expected and what i'm supposed to expect. i'm not going to make sense for a long time. due to work overload. bless work.

i don't feel the same

I feel so weird. I think I walk around like some mindless zombie with a pink umbrella, not knowing exactly where I’m going or what I’m about to do next. I’ve never known campus life to be this horribly tiring. Honest. I’ve loads and loads to do, I have no idea where to start. I have a presentation coming up, and I don’t even have a topic yet. Wargh. But luckily that’s only for the trials. My main presentation topic requires me to do something I’m not sure I will be able to do. How on earth am I supposed to walk up to a counter, or a pharmacy and look at how much a packet of those things are? I mean, yes, I know I would most probably never step into that shop again or something like that, but then, they might start thinking I practice PMS. This is not the typical PMS; this is an abbreviation of another thing. But then again, I won’t change my mind. I’ll stick to my topic.

Loads of things have been happening in my life despite all this hectic-ness with campus and work and everything. I went to Cyberjaya last week, and finally met my cyber friend Shaf. Haha. Finally we meet Shaf. And up til now, people are still making a big fuss about me missing class. Only ONE class la. Hahahhaa. I’m only human and I think I’m allowed to oversleep, alright? =P.

Why on earth is everybody asleep? I guess I’m off to bed too. I need to get up early anyway. Of all times, I’m so freaking busy when my brother is home. Great. Is it okay if I just want to stop studying and marry a billionaire? Then, I’ll have all the time in the world to shop and sleep and cook and do nothing at all. Me and my wishful thinking- it will never end. Good night.

the story of..

chocolates and chilies

Just for the sake of updating, let me start this entry by telling you that adding two of the abovementioned ingredients will lead to a massive stomachache. But life is fair I guess. What more could I ask for. I look into the mirror and I see something I never thought I would see. I try to talk about it, but it doesn't seem to work. So I guess I've given up wondering why and what next. After all, life has always been all chocolates and chilies for me.

where rainbows end-

everybody keeps on further convincing me that i am a piece of plywood. mind you, people. i do eat, and it is not just any substantial amount to keep me alive, but a big, big amount. don't believe me? ask mummy, or jaja, or bats or dean or atong even. they know i finished that big plate of nasi beriyani in Insaf this afternoon- that after a big breakfast of nasi lemak and milk and fruit. one day, i'm going to grow into a balloon.

i'm currently stuck on a book by Cecilia Ahern- Where Rainbows End; where fate just can't stop meddling. i think she's a wonderful author. though she's only written 2 books so far (as far as i know at least), i think i know how many lives she's about to touch and how many hearts she's about to affect.

i guess life has always been like that for me. fate has always been either my best friend, or the worst of foes at times in life. i never really know what i'm in for until something happens, or something ends. perhaps she is right when she said in the book that the only certainty in life is death. yes. i believe in this cliche, although i am not ready to meet my creator. because death is the only thing without solution, without answer and without a shadow of a doubt the end of one life and the beginning of another, of which we have absolutely no control over.

last night, i took some time to reminisce the old times when i was a much younger girl (not that i'm old now though!). i remember alot of things, alot of places and alot of people. people who have come and go. people whom i have lost contact with and people whom i have suddenly refined my friendship with. and also people whom i never imagined being acquainted to in the way i am acquainted to now.

then, i came to the realisation that i was always there. through all the years, there i was, minding my own business, doing my own stuff, getting to know things from other people, but not bothering enough to do even care, but the bottom line is that i was just there. and though in the life before this i never cared enough to even be bothered, right now i care too much to the extent of being extremely bothered. you don't really have to understand i guess. but those who saw me growing up would know what i'm talking about i presume.

thinking about the fact that i was always there makes me wonder if this is it. is this where all of it ends? or are there any more twists and turns ready to make my already confusing life even more distorted. is this where my rainbows will end? or is this just the beginning? i'm off for a nap. i've never felt so tired for so long now. let's hope i dream of rainbows.

take a risk, take a chance, make a change.

at a point in life, you just want to jump and take a risk at it.
at a point in life, you get tired of living life cautiously, always and forever wondering what would happen if you acted in a certain way, or another.
at a point in life, you get tired of being scared.
so you try to gather as much courage to take a leap into unfamiliar territories.

i came to that point in life. i took that leap. i did the unthinkable. i feel the unexpected. i cried when i thought i wouldn't. i laughed. i smiled. i am every bit human. i feel so alive that i'm feverish. ouh, i don't think you'll understand. but i'll keep on rambling until i decide to stop. but i don't know exactly what i'm about to write. and if you ever come to that point in life when you get tired of routine. leap, reach out, and do those things you thought were impossible. it makes the blood go through the veins.

lalalala

Right now, I’m at home waiting for my parents to come back home. It’s Mama’s birthday, but she went out so early in the morning, I didn’t get the chance to wish her yet. I thought they’d be home by noon, so I took a ride to OU with my friend who was on the way to work (tq awak!), quickly bought her a pressie and bought myself something and bought them all some stuff to eat, and quickly walked back home, and walla! They’re not home. Sungguh marah. But never mind, never mind.

My classes start tomorrow. And as much I hate early mornings and walking to class, and listening to God knows what in class, I’m actually quite happy that life is going to be all happy and hectic all over again. (talking as if it hasn’t been all hectic and busy for the past 2 weeks =P ). I like it when I’m busy. That way, I’d have less time to waste, less time to munch, more usage of the brain, no more sleepless nights.

Actually, I have loads more to write. I have much more to tell. But I’m too lazy to type and compose, though it doesn’t require that much of an effort truthfully. I better go repack my stuff. Finally got my college. Yeay.

valuable lessons learnt

I am horribly burnt, exhausted and hungry. I learnt today how wonderful rice tastes. Today is the first day after 2 days that I finally ate rice. Yummy =). I just got back from MMS, and though it was tiring, it was fun! Yeay! Classes start on Monday, and that’s when I have to settle my college problem. Stupid management. But never mind.

Today I learnt an extremely valuable lesson. Though I’ve known this for quite some time, today I really saw that things always, I repeat, always happen for a reason or reasons for the matter. It’s best we don’t question too much of God’s doings, and let life take us wherever it wants to take us. Everything happens for a reason. God works in mysterious ways.

Another valuable lesson learnt; nobody knows what they’ve got until it’s gone. While it’s there, cherish it, and love it, and appreciate it. It might just be the best thing that might happen to you. Be careful what you wish, it might just come true. (someone i know got that wish. i don't think it was a pleasant wish come true. nak kata padan muka tak baik, tapi padan muka)

I need to bathe. I need to sleep. And I need to figure out a way to get a birthday card and a great book to give to Mama. So sad, because I haven’t had the time to properly plan her day. But it’s okay, it’s okay. Night people.

btw, the "yeay!" wasn't for "class starts on MONDAY". you people might start thinking that i'm a freak =P