rambling bout nothing

I finished reading “if you could see me now”. When I first bought it, I thought to myself, “I really shouldn’t have grabbed it off the shelf and spend a fortune on it.” It didn’t exactly tickle my fancy in the beginning, but as I leafed through the book, and let me absorb myself in the book, I ended up in tears, as always.

It’s been such a long time since I suffered insomnia. The night before the last, despite my attempts to sleep, I got less than 3 hours. Last night I got less than how many hours. I don’t know what’s going on. This hardly happens unless of course something is bugging my mind. Well, actually, there is something, but that’s nothing I wish to share.

And last night, when I couldn’t sleep, I rummaged through some old stuff in wardrobes and found the thing I had been searching for. It’s more or less the same as it was 2 years back, smelt more like wood more than anything, but well,, it was still what it was. Right after that, I got back to bed, and.. I slept. Surprisingly.

Hmm… I have never really had problems with handphones. They hardly give me any problems, no matter haw horribly ganas I am. But this one, though I didn’t exactly tend to it like a baby, I did take care of it, and now, it’s giving me a really tough time. It’s asks me to give my PIN code everytime I shut it and open it. (it’s a flip) as if I switched it off or something. Then, I’m left with an abundant of missed calls and messages.

The people in Shah Alam are helping us close the deal with the guy today. Hopefully things go well so that we can start cleaning up and moving in. It’s going to be another hectic semester. And I don’t even have a place to stay yet. Damn. I have to go to the handphone shop now. Hiccups non-stop and I’m hungry. Forgive my ramblings. I lack sleep.

i remember.. i remember IT

I was fifteen, and it was sometime during the earlier months in the year. I remember clearly. I had been saving for a long time for that outing because unlike some other people, I don’t get all life’s luxuries on a silver platter. I normally had to work to earn what I wanted. We were all sitting in that restaurant; all of us were fifteen then, pretending to look all grown up, matured and rich. Those were some of the good unforgettable days.

I remember where I sat. I remember because it was so easy to look at you from where I was sitting. I remember because the moment I saw you I felt an unexplainable feeling. I guess it had been there long before I even cared to take note. You were the one who wanted to see me first. I was so young and naïve and I had no idea why you wanted to see me. But I was so excited all the same. Confusion is a big issue for a fifteen year old, you know. Then, I saw that tall figure of yours walking into the restaurant. We exchanged hellos and goodbyes before we left, and that was the end of it.

After that, we met each other occasionally. We really did frequently meet when I was fifteen. I remember when all of us were up North. I hated you then, being the protective sister that I am. But I liked your patience because I had never met anybody like you before. At the same time I envied you because you were somewhat “stealing” somebody who is mine. It was complicated and again, I was so naïve. I hated and liked you simultaneously. That was enough of a complication for me at that point in time.

The same year, we met again during the fasting month. For me, it was a special time because that was the first time I was permitted to go out at night. And that day, I was supposed to meet up with a cyber friend of mine, whom is supposedly the handsomest bloke on planet earth. But he didn’t turn up, and that upset me. You knew he was supposed to be there, so I remember you asking me about him. I remember how you towered over my tiny figure, furious that the bloke broke his word. It felt good to feel so protected. But you weren’t mine. Not then.

After that, I didn’t meet you for the longest time I could ever remember. I finished school, but you finished first. I was back in school for an event and you were there too. We didn’t go to the same schools but you were everywhere I was. I remember myself saying hello enthusiastically, like an excited kid who had just found her long-lost kitten. That was it. We exchanged hellos; a very enthusiastic one my part that is, and we never met again.

That was until I was in my first year in university. Life had been rough, for you as well as myself. I was in the state of severe insanity. I was a walking stick, a living skeleton. It was November, I remember. Novembers are normally very sweet. And this one was no exception. I was being spoilt. I wanted you to give me something. And so, I went to see you some place near my place. I was shocked to see the person you were with. I didn’t know. I got what I wanted; I went home happy, a little bit shocked though. But I forgot to thank you. I remember because you called later that day to remind me. I guess I really was a zombie with no manners. At that time, that is.

After that, we had many telephone conversations. You were no longer with the person I saw you with in November. For some unexplainable reason, I felt relieved; I almost smacked myself for feeling good. I told you so before. I guess it had always been there, unrevealed. Things were beginning change between us. Somehow I knew something was going to happen. It did. It finally did. It shocked many. I shocked myself. It numbed some, and question marks were lingering in the air. There was traffic.

But we relieved that congestion somehow. Sometimes, all you need to do is to believe in people. Each one of us deserves a chance, chances even. And by giving, we would receive. I did just that. And it has definitely paid off.

I don’t know why the memories of you seem so vivid in my mind. I remember every little detail. I remember you. I guess you were always there. And likewise, I was there all the while as well. I guess we just took time to realize and to remember that through it all, we had always been together for a long, long time.

bless that good samaritan

I feel sick. I was stuck running in the rain on the way back home just now. Lucky for me, a Good Samaritan, Mr. Phillip, I think he said his name was, was kind enough to stop his car and hand me over his own umbrella. I am scared of strangers, really, I am. I’m even scared to get into a car with a friend of a friend. So at first I declined his kind gesture, but it was really raining like cats and dogs, and I was already drenched as it is, so I finally took the umbrella, and got a little bit of protection half way home.

Today I had lunch with the Smarties. Sorry people, I cannot say Smarty Pants, so I say Smarties for short. Anyhow, only 3 of us made it, because although Dean initially wanted to join us after prayers, he was stuck in PWTC. Bats just got back from Alor Setar, so she’s still tired. So, only Jaja, Nad and I enjoyed Christmas in Midvalley. The decorations are lovely, so we couldn’t help snapping pictures here and there. Haha, tell me one place I never bring my camera to. Semua tempat pon bawak, talk about being a camera freak. Thhihihih.

Anyhow, we had the usual talk about results and what not, and the shocking things that have been happening during the hols. People can be so unpredictable sometimes kan? And not to mention tak berhati perut langsung.. isk isk isk..

Bought new earrings, and though I know this is weird, I’m wearing one of them right now. Jaja, I love the bufferfly one, heheh. And I ate this ice cream, which I cannot remember the name.. Maconna? Or Madonna? Or Maccadonia? Or Macadonna? I cannot remember, but it was superbly milky, you’ll have to try it some day.

I need to get to bed. My head is all woozey.. and my bed is a mess.
May God bless that Good Samaritan.

“The things that happen to us are sometimes the least expected things. We think we are strong enough to make it alone, but the fact remains that until and unless we are left to live life on our own, we would never know how much we need those people surrounding us. We’ve got to stop taking people for granted, because life is box of chocolates. And we would never know what we’ve got until it’s really gone…”

Something to ponder on before you go to bed. Wanshang hao!

sisterly outings

I simply cannot live without my Mom. Thihihihih. Just finished helping my mom plan something for this weekend. I love it when my Mom gets excited about something, it makes her extra adorable, especially when it involves food, haha.

Today I had 2, oh 3 outings actually. At around noon I went to Menjalara to pick FiQqs up, and then we headed off to OU, to do some window shopping, as usual. Vincci has loads and loads of nice shoes and ballet pumps and what not, and I wish I didn’t have any books or rent or anything to pay, so that I can just splurge with pleasure. Well, anyhow, I didn’t. We had lunch at BK and talked about lots and lots of stuff. FiQqs was my junior in college, and though we weren’t exactly that close back then, I’ve always thought of her as a real sis. I guess I treat each and every starter of mine like a sis, and that’s why I don’t have many of them. (for non-TKCians, starter is a name to replace “pet-sisters” and what not). We talked and talked some more, and walked around looking at stuff, wishing we had more money, haha. As usual.

Then, at around 1600, we went to see Hood at WH. I can’t remember the last time I saw Hood, but I have no idea why I miss her so, so much. Hood and I have been pretty close throughout these years, and it was really nice to meet up, eventhough it was only for a short period of time. FiQqs and I went to teman Hood eat her lunch at Kenny Rogers and that’s when our YBs, Azali and Dean came to join us. They were taking some time off to relax from their hectic schedule. After that, we went all crazy over Hood’s new shoes which was super, super nice. Aiyah…. I also want la!!! Of all times, I am so freaking broke during the sales. Damn…

Well, anyhow, left OU after a while and sent FiQqs back home. The jam wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, and I reached home with a happy heart.

Thanks FiQqs, for the gift. I still go jelly at the sight of soft toys, though I legally am no longer a kid. Ahahha. And Hood sayang, you hang in there because things would be fine, trust me. *I can’t stop thinking about what Nick told you though*.. haih..

I’m off now. Going to watch Runaway Jury, and continue reading my new book. Nadira, you ARE right. This one hasn’t quite captured my attention yet. Perhaps I made a wrong purchase, haih..

What would life be without complications ya? Good nite lovely people.

the trademark TKC smiles =)

above to bottom: moi, hood and fiqqs, hood dear and me, last one is me with fiqqs

my stuff =)

my personal collection

new softie fiqqs gave me, i like =)

dah basi pon basi la. baca saja ya? =)

Oh, yes. It has been quite some time since my last update. It was like last month, I think? Haha. Well, anyhow, I’ve been kind of occupied actually. I wouldn’t exactly say I’ve been busy, not as busy as our YB, of course, but occupied.

Some stories have become basi, actually. The last thing I remember is my excitement about the lexis nexis course. And trust me; the course was something worth being excited about. The marketing team was super nice; the program they were promoting was superb too. All in all, it was a very good day. Of course to top up that good day, the girls and I (except for Nad, that is, because she was still jetlag from her trip to Hong Kong) went to IKEA to do some shopping. We all went gugu gaga over the furniture and the ideas they displayed in the showrooms. I have absolutely no recollection of how many times I told Mummy I wish I had a house of my own, and kids and kitchen and bedroom, well, basically I just wanted my own house. (Sorry Mummy, sure busan, cakap ribu-ribu kali).

Then, the girls and I went back to my place to have a look at my room, which was a mess, as usual. And then, Jaja wanted to go back, when she saw me playing Jewel Quest. She was stuck like glue to it, I just had to take pictures because it was so, so amusing. As displayed below. And she just started the game, and was already hooked. So you can imagine how horribly addicted I am to it, ya?

take note: tgk tuh, jaja and her handbag, KNEELING some more. addicted giler..

mummy pon sama rupa-rupanya.. hahahahahha

Then, they went back home, and I started packing because I volunteered to become one of the liaison officers for the ASEAN Civil Society Conference which was held from the 7th till the 9th December in my Uni. Unlike many other things I’ve done in UiTM, this time round’s activity was a lot more fun than usual, partially contributed by the fact that I had met many new people who enjoyed verbal sparring more than anything in the world. (Rafaie, being one of them). All in all, though the delegates did make things seem more complicated than it should have been, with their demands and queries and what not, it was very much fun and educational. And it’s such a surprise that we all acted like we’ve known each other for years though we just met then. Didn’t get to take many pictures though, because we were kind of busy running around from one place to another, doing lots and lots of stuff.

And now, I’m back at home. I was supposed to go back to Shah Alam for MMS, but I was too rocked out to even pack. Besides, my parents were away for a while and the kids needed a driver and an adult at home (though I don’t seem at all like an adult, I am a responsible sister, mind you!). And I so love Mr. Brightside, because he came to see me. Kesian dia, orang dekat movie ticket counter ingat girlfriend dia belum 18, ngahahaha. Sorry ha dear, I can’t help it that I’m short, huhu.

That’s all folks. I’m currently addicted to Text Twist. And I just bought a book by Cecilia Ahern "If You Could See Me Now" in Borders, in Ikano just now. Just for the record, Ikano is nothing exciting. So I suggest you don’t go there unless you are claustrophobic and hate crowds and until they open more shops.

Toodles, everyone. Have a very good night okay? =)

and to Melissa, you inspired me to write this one, somehow.. basi pon basi la kan? huhu

monkey business

This laptop has been going on and off for more than 5 times just this night. I am so exhausted, yet I can’t seem to doze off. I’ve been trying to sleep ever since 2130, but to no avail. Normally, during holidays, I seldom miss updating my blog daily. But for the past few days, I missed. Let’s just put it this way; it is a lot better to equate anger with silence, rather than regretting words said and written when finally outside that moment of angst. I do have a blog expressing how angry and hurt I’ve been for the few days of my silence, but I’d like to keep it to myself for now. Unless of course, you happen to have my laptop password; the key to my heart =).

Well, anyhow, today has been a good day, though I didn’t do much to start with. I only went to the market and sat in my room playing Jewel Quest, which Dude helped me download from the internet, which I am currently addicted to. Babah wanted to sort of like shoo us from the house just now, not that he didn’t like having us around or anything, he was just sick of looking at us doing nothing, I guess. But it was like 1400 ++ or so just now, so we all gave it a pass. Watched lots and lots of TV; reruns of shows I have already watched (and though this is a lot out of line, I just killed a bug, yuck!).

Then, in the evening, the weather was good, thank God! So, all 3 of us decided to take a walk at the park. Finally, I get to do my breeze walking. I was starting to think I’d start turning into a big, fat balloony if it kept on raining in the evenings.

The event of the day though, was that I was chased by an angry male (I think) monkey (with horrible fangs, okay!). I am not a monkey lover, but nor am I a hater. I used to wonder why people are so scared of those creatures, because as far as I am concerned, as long as you leave then alone, they won’t do you any harm. Today, I was proven to be wrong because that monkey, for no valid reason (as if they ever reason, to start of with), started chasing me for some good 50 meters or so. I was screaming like nobody’s business, and luckily there was a Chinese guy nearby. (My siblings were nowhere near, because I like to do my breeze walking alone. And I walk fast, btw).

After that, I looked back every 15 seconds I think, just in case there were any monkeys ready to pounce onto me to seek revenge. Haha. Perhaps it’s high time I looked for a new port to work out. It’s starting to give me the creeps. Haha.

Well. I got to go now. I’m tired, but as I said earlier, I can’t sleep. Perhaps I should go join my sister downstairs. And I want to go to Sg. Wang so badly. I don’t know why.

Selamat malam semua =). Malam ini sangat panas lah. Mengapa ni.

let hope dangle..

I have never felt so relieved in my entire life. It was sort of like 40-60, now it’s like 50-50. The surprising part is that the bising part didn’t form even quarter of the whole interrogation. It’s not making much sense, really it isn’t. I just want to go to bed now. Let’s dream about the verdict. I’m outtie people. Did nothing at all besides playing FreeCell. It’s a great game. But today rained; I missed my breeze walking. =(

Let’s also hope tomorrow is sunny. Hope along with me, please?

from dawn to dusk

1230
+lazy goat+
Gosh, I am so lazy to clean up my room. Every time I attempt to clean and tidy, I end up trying out the clothes in my wardrobe, some of which I haven’t put on for ages. Time to mix and match; it’s all getting very, very boring. Dude told me to ask outright, but I’m not very good at it. Not with Babah, not with Mama. But without asking, how can I get what I want? I don’t know.

My room is a real big mess. Sumpah macam kapal karam, tak larat dah tengok. Books are all over the place and that’s because I’ve run out of room on the shelves to put them. Perhaps I need to go to IKEA and get more bookshelves and a few frames to put my pictures in. Jaja, lets, lets on Monday, after LexisNexis, lets! Thhihihih.

It’s almost noon and I’m still in my PJs. Seriously, I don’t feel like going anywhere near the water right now, so I think by the time it’s Zohor, I’m going to smell like a goat. Okay, okay, I better go and clean up. I was so embarrassed yesterday, when Yaya came up to my room only to find a horribly untidy space. So bubye people. I might update later. It’s the hols and I’ve nothing better to do =)

1300
+tak puas hati+
Okay, I’m in the midst of cleaning up my room. I just realized that perhaps Lippy, my favourite teddy, needs a good wash. And my flower bag, and also my monkey pencil case. I’ve got loads of white things, and they all need a good scrubbing.

What I don’t understand is, why is this room so, so dusty. It’s the third floor for heavens sakes and it’s supposed to be the one which gets the freshest air etc. etc. I think I just vacuumed it recently, and it’s all dusty again, as if I live near the highway or something. My house isn’t even on the main road. Arghhh. So stupid.

I’m still in my pjs. Perhaps after Oprah I’ll bathe.

1540
+ketakutan+
I told you I’m bored, so here I am again. It’s the freaking holidays. I’m starting to feel real, real bored. But campus is going to be hell next semester since we’re planning many, many things, and besides, business has got to start also.

We all want answers; all of us wish we knew something more of something. But today, as I sit here, I wish I didn’t already know. I wish it would be something unpredictable like, "yeah, sure why not honey, go ahead and have fun". But I’m more than sure that that would not be the case. Why is it so difficult? To get to asking the question is a problem in itself, what more the answer. Can’t I just go and plead temporary insanity?

This is stupid. I want the answer to go my way. But is it ever possible? Why is it that I’m not quite able to use my lawyer-ish skills when it comes to asking permission? Madness. I’m out. But only for now.

2211
+kidnapped+
Pre-planned outings don’t often go as exciting as planned. But when you’re kidnapped, it becomes one perfect, spontaneous night. Nad didn’t even read my blog and she knew I wanted a bingeing partner badly. So she kidnapped me to Uptown tonight to have dinner and catch up on each other’s lives. Very nice indeed. And the weather this evening was so superb. The perfect kind of temperature for a nice walk. Not too hot, but not rainy. But Desperate Housewives wasn’t as explosive as I thought it would be. I just want to know the ending!! But if you’ve watched it, don’t tell me. I love some mystery, hehe =P

To ask or not to ask, that is the question. I am very, very fickle. People tell me to take the risk, and I actually have a mental vision of how it would or would not turn out to be. I shall sleep on it and I SHALL ask tomorrow. For now, I will do lots and lots of praying. Nitey =).

And for the record, I did take my bath after Oprah and of course I had one before dinner.

a perfect night to end with

goodday today =)

I had a good day today. I went out to OU with Yaya, and we did some window shopping at lots and lots of places. As usual, I want many, many things, but lack funds as always. I just paid my fees this morning. Can’t wait for the scholarship money to come in, so that I can see lots and lots of bulat bulat in my bank account, eventhough they don’t give me that much to start off with. And even though all that money will be used for buying books and photocopying stuff. And not to forget to satisfy my awfully great, big appetite. So, with the fees paid and stuff, I lack even more funds. Ouh, which reminds me that I owe Babah RM 30, which I have to pay back ASAP, before it becomes an issue.

But anyway, I had tako tako and sushi for lunch. *yumyum*. Such a great big relief after so many days of BK and all sorts of burgers during the trip. Dah tak larat asyik makan burger. I am not eating rice and I don’t know why. I just don’t feel like it, I guess. But nevermind, I’m sure the time will come when I’ll start craving for it again, then, I’ll start eating. I so want to go somewhere right now. Friday marks a special day for me, but I’m out of ideas on how I can get to where I want to go. Perhaps I should just shove the thought under the carpet for a while. It makes me depressed.

I think I lost a friend, but at the same time, I don’t think so. I have a great, big, huge ego. I am unabashedly admitting that fact. I want to talk things out, but it makes me go mad to remember the things said and done. But it’s going to be tough if we don’t see eye to eye because we would have to act professionally when it comes to work. I just hope that things don’t go out of control to the extent of a major emotional breakdown or the reoccurrence of a silent war, which would no doubt taint, our strong bond, which we have tried so hard to rebuild after the breakout of the first silent war in Year 2001. I don’t know what to do.

My tummy is singing because I only had some fish and vege for dinner. Just can’t seem to push any rice down my throat, why la? I feel big and bulky, but I think that’s because I’ve started my breeze walking in the park again. It makes me feel good, but at the same time, it doesn’t. Complicated nye.. haih.. and I feel like I have the biggest arms in the world, padan muka, try dumbbells lagi, dah tumbuh muscle, yang dah lembek balik. Hahha.

I got to go. I’ve been crapping forever, but this is interesting. Been quite some time since I last had the time to spend typing crap in this space. Will be seeing Jaja and Mummy next week for Lexis Nexis. Yeay. Excited nih! Besides Nad, where are the rest of you Smarties? Semua sihat ka? And Nadirah Haridan, sila la calling saya if nak melantak ya? I need a bingeing partner. Sronot ni. Thihihih.

Bubye. Nitey ;)

relax"lah" in Lion City

sunsets turn me on =)

I haven’t been updating, I know, so I shall start by apologising to you faithful bloggers out there, especially to my Darling Drama Queen whom is I think currently on the way, or already in Hong Kong, on a holiday along with her family and my dad’s bestie’s wife and daughter.

I just got back to the country myself, actually. Spent the whole weekend in Singapore with my family and 3 days before that in Batu Pahat, Kluang and JB. Touring around Johor was so much fun. I met this soldier in his full uniform in Kluang. *gag*. He happens to be my dad’s classmate in UTM. So freaking smart. For somebody who does not consider boys other than her boyfriend an important part of her life, this is very unusual, so take my word for it; he was super, super smart ;). Dahla Chinese yang sangat tinggi. Haih.. (takpe Ted knows =P )

Well, anyway, Singapore was fun as well. Nothing much, really. Just like KL. A lot cleaner though and the people were more friendly than the people here. But I guess, everyone is nicer to tourists. Image management they call it. Something happened at Orchard Road, which was very much like Bintang Walk, in my opinion. Well, anyway, something happened there that made me cry. It hurts sometimes to be in a position where you feel like you’re not trusted, but I don’t want to talk about that. And to top up all that misery, sales starts next week, when here I am in Malaysia? Haih, what luck. But Malaysia will be having year end sales also. Time to splurge, yeay! (cakap macam banyak duit, thhihihihi)

Well, anyway, the hotel we stayed in was so much like old English ‘B n B’ inns. So petite and cute. It was nothing grand, really, but all very comfortable. (Considering the fact that we came back to the rooms just in time for a little bit of TV and lots and lots of sleep.)

Sentosa was great too à well, at the beginning, that is. We arrived so early that none of the booths were open yet. And by the time it was noon, we sort of like "khatam" the whole island, and our feet were hurting, and we were all walking like Hunchback of Notre Dame or something. And not to mention how "sangap" we were by then. Hahaha. My sibs and I ended up riding the luge and chairlift 3 times, and they were so gayat we started screaming when passing above trees. Sheesh, I have taught my sibs to be super crazy. Fun, fun, fun. Huhu.

The best part about Sentosa was, of course, non other than the beach. Sunsets turn me on so, so much, that I felt like settling there for the night. The beaches were so, so clean. Yes, call me jakun, but the last time I saw a good beach was in Form 2, when I was in Perhentian. And the sunset in Sentosa was so, so beautiful. [Have I mentioned this already, ouh, I have ;) ]The waters were clean, too, I felt like jumping straight into it, although I am scared of the sea. Ironic, isn’t it? ;).

And here I am, back in Malaysia and currently on hols. It’s a short one, but so what yeah? Even though I don’t think I did very well in my final exams, I think I deserve a break. But I’m starting to wish I had a rumah sewa somewhere as a private retreat, just in case I get bad, bad results, so that I won’t have to hear what I don’t want to hear.

Despite all that, I still can’t live without my mom. Isn’t it ironic, don’t you think? Much love to all, I shall be busy updating. <3

agree to disagree

to start this blog off, i have not been updating because of the crazy exams. cannot aim for an A, not even for English. this blog was written last night. posted today.

It’s not easy to anger me. It’s not even easy to hurt me. But it doesn’t mean it’s utterly impossible. I was more hurt earlier in the day, but I guess I’ve been able to shut it out somehow. I guess I don’t wonder why I am the way I am no more. Perhaps, just perhaps, I’ve been doing it all wrong, butting my nose where it needs no butting. Perhaps, I should just stop doing whatever I am doing because I just don’t know anymore.

I am not all that great of a person. Better still, I’m far from perfect. I guess that’s why we all live in this world symbiotically; leaning on each other for things we are unable to do or feel ourselves. I guess that’s why we’re all made with feelings and conscience and a heart that functions.

I do not understand many things, and at this point, I would perhaps stick with my stand to agree to disagree. I may not be the best person to judge the situation, but I have had that tiny organ inside of me ripped into pieces before. No heart surgeon could ever mend it. I have seen many others including yours ripped into tiny non-existent molecules. I have seen it all. And I do not plan to see any more coming.

I shall reiterate the fact that I do not understand a million and one things. I am not a great person and the rest of the people in the world around us are not all that great either. But we do our best because we can’t help but care for those we obviously care for. I was made to feel like I never did enough to deserve some credit for simply being there. Call me emotional, but I do try even if it seems like I don’t. I don’t want to think about it, but I see it all coming back to me. I’ve seen it all, and I don’t want to see it again.

I guess it is best that we keep some things to ourselves sometimes. And I have a paper tomorrow and writing a blog. A wonderful way of revising English language.

salam raya people!

a few more days to raya. and here i am, still at home, looking at the comp. i'll be going back to Tampin tonight though, and i hope the rest of my cousins have arrived as well. but then again, it's probably okay if they come a lil' later.a few days more, i'll be sitting for my final exams. so, you can imagine what my raya this time round would be like. so unlike raya. well, nevermind. i just wanted to wish all you faithful muslims, bloggers and people who are crazy enough to bear my crapping and stuff,

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri. maaf zahir dan batin.

to all those whose feelings i've hurt before. to all those people whom i have talked badly about. to all those people whom i have mistreated, i am truly sorry.let's forgive and let live alright ya. 0-0 otay? haf a good raya everyone. eat alot, get fat and just have fun. we all deserve a good break. love you all, muahs.

mental block

I have been trying to read since yesterday. But yesterday, I ended up watching the rerun of Desperate Housewives and a few other shows and listening to the mp3s on the laptop and other useless stuff which would not reasonably contribute to the passing with flying colours of the coming exams, and this morning, I read natural justice (for the how manieth time), and I realized that there are just too many cases to memorise and I am partially freaking out. I am in the state of mental blockage. I cannot think anymore.

I haven’t touched land law yet. It always gives me the creeps. The worst thing is that it’s not that difficult, it’s just a lot. Too much, in fact. Argh. So I decided to write a blog instead and list down my time table here, so that my friends who are going to sit for the same papers can check and correct me if I’m wrong, plus tell me where the venue is for each paper, because I didn’t take it down.

10/11, 9.00 a.m. ---LAW 505, Criminal Law 1
12/11, 2.15 p.m. ---LAW 504, Land Law 1
14/11, 9.00 a.m. ---LAW 506, Admin Law
16/11, 9.00 a.m. ---BEL 490
19/11, 2.15 p.m. ---BMD 501
20/11, 9.00 a.m. ---LAW 497, Law and Politics
21/11, ? ---LAW 501,Equity and Trusts 1

So freaking stressed out. I do not like examinations. Period.

LAW 505. CRIMINAL LAW REVISION

Issue

The issue in this case is whether or not it was reasonable of me to hit a tree trunk while attempting to reverse the trooper, in the course of buying food for my family to buka puasa.

Laws and Principles
By virtue of Section 80 of the Penal Code, Accident is not mere chance. It is defined as an act by which it is caused is not done with the intent of causing it and when its occurrence as a consequence of such act is not so probable that a person of ordinary prudence ought, under the circumstances in which it is done, to take reasonable precautions against it.

Misfortune on the other hand is defined as an instance of bad luck and that it is something which is not designed nor desired but has simply happened in evil plight.

According to Section 84 and the M’Nagthen rules, in order for a person to obtain benefit under the defence of insanity, he or she must be able to prove three elements. The elements are that a person needs to prove that he was incapable of knowing the nature of his act, or that the act was contrary to law or that the act was wrong.

By virtue of Section 85 of the Penal Code, intoxication is defined as a state of stupefaction induced by alcohol or narcotics. In Prof. Halim’s class, he also mentioned that it is possible for one to be intoxicated with love. In my opinion, it is definite that one can be intoxicated with so much anger so as to cause her to act irrationally.

Section 85(2) states that there are 2 situations whereby a person can bring about the defence of intoxication. They are as follows:

S.85 (2) (a) that the intoxication was caused without the consent of that person by the malicious or negligent act of another person or;

S.85 (2) (b) the person charged was by reason of intoxication insane, temporarily or otherwise, at the time of such act or omission.

Application
By applying the laws and principles above, it can be submitted that it is possible for me to bring about the defence of accident since my act of hitting the tree trunk was without any criminal intention, or any other intention for the matter, and that a reasonable person would not have exercised extra precaution as she would never have expected there to be a great big branch dangling out of nowhere.

It is also possible for me to bring about the defence of insanity as my cognitive and intellectual faculties were temporarily impaired by my unsoundness of mind as I was in a state of anger and it was not possible for me to know the consequences of my act of reversing the trooper, and that it was wrong or contrary to law.

I may also bring about the defence of intoxication, because as I have stated earlier, I feel that it is possible for one to be intoxicated with so much anger in her. I may also obtain benefit under this defence because I was temporarily insane at the time of committing the act of hitting the infamous tree trunk.

Conclusion
In conclusion, a trooper is not easy to maneuver, and it will be quite some time before I attempt to do any reverse parkings. I also feel that my chances of getting a car of my own has slightly reduced. I will keep on naikking the komuter setiap hari supaya mereka kesian. =P. And in conclusion saya love Mr. Brightside eventhough dia gelakkan saya langgar pokok (even though this is irrelevant to the instant case, I know). Tq for dropping by yesterday night. It made me feel a lil’ better. Tapi saya still nak waffles. Jahat dah kat OU pon tamau belikan. Thihhihihihih.

Tq world for listening to me crap. Watch out for next fasting month, I might hit something else, God forbid. Setiap tahun langgar something. Haih….

once upon a time ago...

Once upon a time ago, many, many things were forbidden. I was told a million and one things were wrong and that if I did them, relevant sanctions would be imposed on me. Now, they are told that things are wrong, but the sanctioning part is still very much joked upon. Once upon a time ago, when we were still living in Seremban, going to Seremban 2 with my friends was an unforgivable sin. I got caned for not following orders. Now, going to OU or Subang Parade and coming back at 9 p.m. is not wrong for an 11 year old. It is perfectly fine. My curfew when I was 11 was Maghrib. It still pretty much is Maghrib nowadays. And I am 20.

Times have changed so much that the youngsters (not that I’m so old myself though) are scaring me. I never remembered myself to be so overly conscious about what type or what brand of school bag I used to school. I mean, hello, you’re just putting in big blocks of rock-sized books in them. So, I used brands like Swan and Stabillo, and God knows what. The kids now, on the other hand, well, are very much the contrary to what I was back then. They don’t have Quiksilver, they don’t go to school because they’re not fashionable enough. When Quiksilver is too much, they settle for less, for things like Rip Curl, or Tropicana Life. Then, they deem fashionable enough to appear in school.

The other thing that matters in school now is, “Ey, rambut awak buat rebonding ye?”. That an 11- year old is promised hair treatment in the event she gets good grades in her final exams. I craved for a bicycle when I was 11, I worked hard for it, and got it when I was 12. They nowadays don’t give a damn about what bicycles can do. They don’t even play outside no more.

Talking about bicycles, we used to cycle to the shops when we were 11. We knew how to “isi angin tayar”, and how to maneuver the bike with loads and loads of groceries on each side of the handle. The kids nowadays, “Kak, adik nak gi beli pembaris, tolong hantar bole?”. Not that I mind the driving and everything. For somebody with no car of her own, and who does not get the chance to drive very often, driving is heaven. But to go out and get one measly pembaris?. Well, need I say more about how spoilt they are nowadays? They have an option to choose from a range of choices, so they opt for the car, when they can simply walk.

And the last thing on my list of “ketidak puasan hati betapa mengada-ngada nye kanak-kanak zaman sekarang”, is the fact that parents don’t care that much anymore. I don’t mean, literally don’t care anymore, what I meant was don’t mind, yes, they don’t mind as much as they used to. Perhaps they have mellowed down a couple of ways, but for fathers to be part of gossiping about boyfriends and how to tackle girls? Wow. Times really have changed. My sister can talk with boys in front of my parents. My guy friends normally never called back when my father picked up the phone. He used to scare us all, not that he did anything to them, mind you. They were just scared of him. But the guys these days, tak faham bahasa. Orang kata kat toilet tak sampai 5 minit call balik. Tak tahan ke apa? hadoi..

There you go. What it was back then and what it is right now. Makes me scared to have my own kids. What next? Open acceptance of PMS? (the other PMS, I mean). I certainly hope not..

just for the sake up updating

Too many days have passed now, and I haven’t had the time, nor the mood to write anything. Many posts have been composed, but they seem all too private and personal for me to publish. The exam timetable has been changed again kawan-kawanku yang balik after Land Law on Thursday. They’ve even put up the venue and stuff, but I didn’t take anything down, just in case they change it again. Up till yesterday, we don’t have any Equity. They haven’t decided when we’re supposed to take the paper, so, on the first day we only have Criminal to bother us.

This is the first time in 2 ½ years that I feel so freaking under-prepared. Last semester was bad, but this time round is horrendous, I don’t even know what the exam questions are talking about. Kawan-kawanku, saya need study group. When you people want to do, pls calling calling alright.

Yesterday, I talked to Ady and Mummy about lots and lots of stuff. Sometimes, we just have to go on with life like today never happened, correct? Because other than death, nothing is sure. And talking about life and death, the country suffered a big loss yesterday when the First Lady passed away. Takziah to the PM.

I need to go and bathe now. It’s been quite a day. Bubye people. Good night.

happy fasting!

The fasting month has started and unlike the last, I am all psyched and excited about it. And like many, many other times, I am so excited about the pasar malam and tarawikh and buka and basically, the whole puasa-raya thing. The thing is, I am so, so used to going back home that I find myself not wanting to stay in Shah Alam during this fasting month, especially. Heheh. Yes, call me a spoilt brat for all I care, but I guess that’s what living in a boarding school for 5 long years does. It makes us appreciate home and the people in it more.

It really has been a while since the last update, and many things, more than you have ever imagined have taken place in my life and also the lives of those close to me. I might share them with you, but then again, maybe not. Some things are just meant to be kept to oneself, and I guess that’s the reason for my lack of updates of late.

I have been doing a lot of thinking for these past few weeks (as if I ever stopped thinking to start off with!) and I think that this life is so full of many unpredictable, unexpected, indescribable events that are bound to make us change and think and do many things we never imagined we would do.

What I can conclude from my many days of silence from my little space here is:

- That patience really does pay off
- That people may never know what they’ve got until it’s really gone
-That it’s difficult when you’ve lost yourself in the course of you life, because to get it back seems like a great big impossibility.
-That it is tough living in a world where your every move is controlled, and that you have no such thing as personal liberty and freedom.
-That some people can be so mentally distorted that it’s scary.
-That it’s tough when you know your weakness but find difficulty in remedying it
-That tomorrow might not be what you want it to be, that perhaps we shouldn’t make too many plans for fear of hurt and frustration
-That people nowadays are doing things, jobs especially, without a speck of passion in their lungs. It’s all about the money now.
-And that perhaps, I should have taken up TESL instead of law, because cases are making me sick and every assignment I have has been turned into an experiment with words, instead of facts, haha

Alright now people. I am off. I need to go do my assignments and a whole load of other stuff. Selamat berpuasa, berbuka and bertarawikh to all.

big mess that i am..

I don’t want to go back to Shah Alam. I don’t want to. I loathe work, and right now, I just hate being all busy, knowing that the exams are coming up soon, and exactly after raya to be precise, which of course lessens the motivation to study hard. So many things are happening right now that I haven’t had the time to catch my breath. I want to say so many things, but I cannot. I just cannot. I don’t think people would understand what I am going through right now. I hate it when I lack control. Moreover if it causes other people to hurt. I don’t know what I can do. I can’t find a way to tell. If only I knew, then perhaps I wouldn’t feel so bad. But anyways, leaving for Shah Alam soon, to go meet Mummy to do some work. And perhaps a little bit of planning for the coming election. AFUNDI Dean. Yeap. I’m a big mess right now, and I badly need to talk to someone who would understand. Perhaps I should just go to sleep. I told you I’m a big mess right now.

To smarties, saya malas mau upload zhaopian this time round. Too many of them, and besides, I don’t have the time to spare. Perhaps I’ll just burn it on a CD and you people can pick and choose.

my september 11th

God must have spent a lil more time on you..

.. yeah.. i'm singing this song while writing this =)

Yes, I know it’s wrong for me to say this. I know that Allah did not spend any more time on anyone as compared to the time He spent on me and you and you and also you.. Wherever and whoever you are. I just like that particular line, that’s all.

The holidays have finally come to an end, and here I am, wondering where all those days went to. I thought I wanted to fast throughout the holidays, but didn’t have enough Iman, I guess. I said I’d start working on whatever work I have by Wednesday, but I became insane, (partially contributed to the fact that Akeem was ever willing to help me lose my insanity) and went half way across the country (note: this is an exaggeration of the truth =P ) to meet my other half. I came back less crazy, but more exhausted than I had ever been. My sister came back and I am glad I was at home.

Then Thursday came, and I sat home doing something more productive than I had been doing for the entire half week. I did my assignment with Jaja, and surprisingly ideas just came pouring out of my mouth and mind and basically, I felt that my brains worked better with people around me. Friday came, and so did mama. And then, Saturday came, and I baked a cake, and brownies. All chocolaty and yummy, and then, I saw the light. I started to do all that I had been procrastinating. I opened books and read them, instead of dreading the tiny printed letters in A.C. Kapur, I tried to understand Admin, instead of giving up in despair for the number of cases are uncountable, so to speak, and I actually studied Mandarin, which made my whole family laugh because I was listening to the CD real loudly. And by the end of it all, I am also in the state of panic. Superb panicity. And because this word is underlined with the red thingy, I know it does not exist.

But then, today my Mr. Brightside traveled half way cross the state to come see me, and it made me feel a lot better. I guess it really did take us some time to get this far, but I’m glad it was with you. God must have spent a little bit more time on you <3

when you're sleepy with nothing better to do..

1. last person u wrote a testimonial?- nadd
2. sport you did last?- climbing up the stairs
3. last movie you watched?- ermm.. ungu violet, I think. Waa, so long ago.
4. what do people first notice when they meet you?- I smile like nobody’s business
5. do you like peanut-butter?- with jelly or chocolate
6. do you read comics?- nope, I read one yesterday though and it gave me a headache
7. how pretty/handsome is your crush?- do I have one to start off with?
8. do you like earthquakes?- nope
9. worst nightmare?- I don’t remember dreams
10. favorite coffee place?- none
11. wanna be happy?- uh-huh
12. your current school close friends?- the smarty pants, kchik
13. most people would describe me as- blunt and very crazy
14. things you hate about yourself? -is it okay if I like me just as I am?
15. vegetable you hate?- bitter gourd
16. do you like to go out on a shopping trip?- if I have money, yes
17. favorite person in the world?- momster saya yang sangat saya miss
18. can you dance?- not in front of you people
19. favourite past time?- solitaire and music
20. Are you happy?- couldn't be happier
21. what is the worst rumour you've heard?- ppl dun tell me things coz they think i don't gossip, huhu. i do, but not on mass scale, thank you.
22. what time is it now?- 10 minitues to midnight
23. first thing you do when you wake up?- look at the clock
24. where are you right now?- living room
25. what are the things you like to do alone?- look at photos, and blog
26. how are you feeling now?- I can’t really explain
27. how many drinks before you get really drunk?- to get drunk with mineral water is highly impossible ya? to become kembung, would be 2 big bottles
28. what can you say about the person who sent this to you?- I stole it from her, just as she stole it. what you give you get back yeah? huhu
29. what is love to you?- when tears fall for no reason at all..
30. are u missing someone?- yeah, I insanely am

sharing my AGONY

Babah will tell me that Adik is coming back tomorrow. I will feel like an irresponsible daughter and sister, not that I talk much with the both of them anyways. And anyways, he will think that I don’t like staying at home with him, which is very, very untrue. Babah rocks, yeah! No joke about that.

I have tonnes of work to do. Politics to read, politics assignment, admin to read, mandarin to study, and furthermore, I would most probably be attending a tea party this Saturday- a tea party of my childhood friend who is back from the US.

I have had enough sleep and that contributes a lot to the many things I have not been able to achieve for the past half semester in terms of satisfaction with my own semak and tak terurus appearance.

I have not met my boyfriend for the past 3 weeks and it’s driving me insane, because I see couples dating everywhere. So they say life is unfair.

Should I be all selfish and think of only me when I have loads more other people to consider?

Is it okay if I just lompat onto a bus, and come back before my Mama comes back from wherever she is, so that I will not be the sekerempeng anymore. The only things that are growing are my pimples and my cheeks. Lain sumua macam papan. Badan keding bila hati tak senang.

Tapi kesian Babah. Kesian adik. Kesian K.Maya. Tapi siapa nak kesian dekat Honeystar ni? Ha? Ha? Help. I’m going insane. Sharing all my suppressed agony with all you people out there.

But I also had fun today. Did something other than playing 40, 000 games of Solitaire. Pictures below. Love you Nadd! Muahs.

CONCLUSION: when Nadd meets Honeystar, she thinks about FOOD! sebab that's what we do best, kan, kan? eating, yumyum. hihi. aku ni suka betul buat muka. baru tau.. haih.. this does not include pix from Nadd's camera. lagi best. my battery kong just now. so stupid. huhhu

fathers be good to your daughters..

I just got back from visiting Pear in campus. Yeah, I stole the trooper, just in case you readers are wondering. I do that a lot now- I dash off practically everywhere without thinking much. After 20 years, the rebel in me has finally submerged. Huhu. Mama told me last week that I could perhaps make a formal application to Babah to get me a car. And she told me that the worst that I would get was a “no” from him. Well, I hate rejections, so I haven’t asked yet. I wouldn’t bother anyways since oil prices are bound to rise, yet again and again, and I don’t want to be spending my allowance on gas and toll.

I’m on a one-week holiday and I’m at home alone, with K.Maya, and the cats. Mama’s gone out station. Babah is at work. Adik is in camp, somewhere in Pangkor, Dude is in melaka. Yeah, Melaka. I could cry just thinking about it. Ignore me- I’m crazy.

This past few days have been a somewhat bonding session for me and Babah. I’ve never really been that close to him. In fact, I think the only time we’re able to have a really good conversation is when the car is moving and we’re both talking about his work, or my somewhat skimpy knowledge on the law. But like always, fathers surprise us. And with enough time spent together, I came to realize that my dad had been doing a lot of observation- more than I thought he ever did. Maybe it’s because I’m so much like him that he knows more than I thought he does.

I was told that I am “Keras hati”. I’ve known for a long, long time now, but I never thought it was very obvious. People told me that I am egoistic, but I have come to realize that I actually am not. It’s not that I can’t be bothered to bother or to ask when I see somebody in trouble. It’s not that I don’t care when people are not around me, it’s just that I am being me and nothing else. I prefer it when people come looking for me if they need help. At least I know they really need me rather than me being there like some busy body. Is that wrong? Gosh.

Another thing I was told by this wise, wise man who I have come to love more in the past few days; “kindness does not come naturally, I know. But it isn’t impossible to build. Someday, that kindness shall be rewarded. Try your best. Be kind. Kurangkan keras hati.”.. haih....

what would this life be without the smarties

I am definitely of no locus standi to make judgments of this whole situation. I do not know head and tail, but I basically know. How does it feel like to be left alone in the dark with no one to hold your hand or to back you up or to speak on your behalf? What would it really be like without any real friends in this world? What would it feel like to not be able to share anymore stupid, crazy jokes or to simply make fun of each other when there’s really nothing better to do? I have no answers, but do you?

What has happened has made me realized how much I love my friends. I don’t know what I’d do without Mummy, because she would be back me up no matter what. For every little good and bad that I am, she loves me as I am. She is the only person next to my real mother who is able to know when I am really happy or sad, without me having to tell her anything. She listens to me crap; she endures all my mood swings. She never gets tired of my stories. She calls me when she’s on her way back home, so that I don’t get worried. She checks on me when I don’t show up for class. She lets me cry without thinking I’m silly, and above all, she understands. She understands every little bit of me, without me knowing how she does it. She understands my obsession for “keropok pinggan”, she understands it when I tell her that “kaki kata ikut hati”, she understands it when I just want a break from everything and she lets me have it. And for all that she is, I love her to the bits.

I don’t know what I’d do without Jaja either. She has become somewhat of a confidante to me. I tell her practically everything. Well except of course the little details we think are unnecessary to disclose. We make fun of each other a lot. We both talk crap. We “steal” each other’s stuff and run away with them. We both suffer acute PMS, and talk like we’re fighting. We’re so close that Atong is afraid every time Jaja calls me up even if it’s not for a “mengadu” session. But despite the fact that we crap at each other, and call each other silly names, and chase each other like cats and dogs, Jaja is a 100% darling, honest. I love her to the bits too. And all because she understands- she really, really does.

Nad is my Aunt Agony. At first, I never really thought I would be good friends with her, to be honest. But we share many similar experiences. We seldom talk, but when we do, it’s as if magic has taken over. We just understand. Nad is like the baby of the family. We protect her a lot, and hate it when things happen to her. We’d do anything to hate those who hurt her (Remember masa first sem tak? Message best giler tuh, semorg hantar kat Loser? Huhuh.), because hurting other people seems to be the last thing on earth she does. So Nad may be vocal, she may express her opinions openly, but perhaps your eyes aren’t big enough to see that big, big heart of hers. And for the words that remain unsaid between us, I love you every bit.

Bats is the liberator. She always seems like the calm one. Also very blur, blur sometimes, too, hihhi, sorry darling, but sometimes it’s just like that. We don’t crap as much as Jaja and Mummy and I do, but we also understand each other. She knows when it’s “the limit” and when I need a shut down from some of the people around us. She just lets me be. That’s what Bats does that makes her so special. She just lets everyone be. And she is every little bit herself. And I love her to the bits and pieces.

The thorn among the roses. And very lovely roses too, mind you. He is my punching bag. Sometimes I tell him things I don’t tell other people. Sometimes I’m not even aware of it. He endures all my mood swings. He listens to me sing, even though I know I won’t make the cut for Malaysian Idol or even battle of the bands in campus. I drive his car like crazy. The engine will stop in the middle of the way, and I’d panic, but he tells me its okay. I never seem to get the car in the 5th gear, but he’s okay if we’re slow. I try to get the car moving up the hill, but it keeps on going down instead, and then we’d switch places as if nothing ever happened. He is Dean. The brother to all us sisters- the one who has endured all the crazy PMSes, mood swings and bingeing and screaming sessions.

To all these people who make my day-to-day life more meaningful. I love you all. You are precious treasures and I don’t think life would be anything without your friendship.

the first paragraph isn't supposed to be understood. it's just something that happened in the course of my life. currently on hols. cannot sleep. biological clock has gone haywire due to tests. huhu.

i told you i'm blanko

i have developed a sudden liking for this picture, huhu

23 years. That’s how long it has lasted. And here we are, well some of us, at least =P, barely a few months old, struggling to make it work. I’m bored to death. I just lost a whole folder-full of info for my presentation on Monday and trying to retrieve whatever I can. I’ve loads and loads of tests next week, and I think by the time the week ends, I’m going to look like a zombie. But I guess that’s just what I have to go through before I actually get a degree, which all seem so far away.

Things are really good nowadays, and I don’t think I’m going to ask for more. My mummy (ni yang betul2 punya mummy) forwarded a message to all of her 3 children about the secrets of a good life, and I couldn’t help but think of how true it really is. Because sometimes in life we think a luxurious car, bigger mansion and higher job positions will make us a lot happier, when it actually doesn’t. But I guess it’s only human that we desire more than we can gain. Haih..

I so badly want a break right from all this craziness right now. There are a lot of things that have happened in the past week that I don’t understand, which I perhaps never would. But then again, I don’t think I’m in a position to question him or his actions, because he has lived double the life I have, and he should know better the consequences of his actions.

I need to go now, and I don’t think I’ll be sleeping. But then again, I think that’s what I always say, and I end up opening my eyes the next morning wondering where yesterday went. bubye people. Have a good week.

one more ordinary entry

I am currently in Shah Alam, wondering what to do. I have loads to do actually, but I don’t know why I’m still wondering. So here I am, trying to write a mindless entry just to fill in some time. It has been so very tiring these past few weeks. So, so very tiring, I don’t even want to think about it. I just hope all of this ends so that I can sit still, and fill in my time writing more mindless entries about everything and nothing.

Last week, we were all given some kind of break due to the haze. At that time, I was supposed to attend some kind of camp along with a few of my colleagues. I didn’t go. I chose not to go and not to attend at all. It was all just coming back to me like some kind of dejavu. I’ve definitely seen that kind of thing happen before and in the end, I found myself in a position where I couldn’t carry myself as the person I was expected to be. So I backed off (despite the nagging) of a certain someone.

Well, sometimes in life, we are forced to make decisions that we don’t like, and it is just so typical of life to demand you to choose between 2 things that are of very similar importance, if not equally of high priority. I was stuck in that position, but now I’m out of it, because I know I just won’t be able to cope.

Never mind, what’s done is done. I went to a dinner last night which turned out to be fun. Pictures will be uploaded shortly. (hopefully). Even though somebody was so, so determined to sneak out and watch football, huhu. Thanks you people who made last night a blast.

I’ve so much to tell, yet I can’t seem to get the words out. Despite being so busy, I sound like I have no life. I have to get my life back. Masuk KL last night also like orang jakun. It’s been so long. I need to go do my Huayu. I need to plan my presentation and make up my mind if I want to present tomorrow- or not. I need to go. Bubye people.

razen and shubby

aik? bisik-bisik pulak?

akeem and kchik

mr. ted

kchik and me

kami bertiga

shubby and kchik

saya dan akeem

saya dan ted lagi skali

tobek tak senonoh ternganga

ini baru betul

ted nak kene bunuh

kanak-kanak riang ria

all i want..

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
and sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

it's been a while

we had nothing better to do, obviously

all my pink things

nadira and me

ribena berries

kanak kanak nakal

been a while since i last took pictures. there are more actually, but these are from nadira's phone. thank you darling. and to all my other darlings who make my life worthwhile, saya sayang bangat sama kamu smua. sorry this week bengong. u girls know why la. hehe.

i sometimes wish there was some kind of prescription on how one thing or the other should be. but i know that wouldn't be life. but then, without all of that, i feel so aimless. i wish i felt nothing. but right now, i wish i felt something. why is this life so freaking weird. can somebody please tell me what is to be expected and what i'm supposed to expect. i'm not going to make sense for a long time. due to work overload. bless work.

i don't feel the same

I feel so weird. I think I walk around like some mindless zombie with a pink umbrella, not knowing exactly where I’m going or what I’m about to do next. I’ve never known campus life to be this horribly tiring. Honest. I’ve loads and loads to do, I have no idea where to start. I have a presentation coming up, and I don’t even have a topic yet. Wargh. But luckily that’s only for the trials. My main presentation topic requires me to do something I’m not sure I will be able to do. How on earth am I supposed to walk up to a counter, or a pharmacy and look at how much a packet of those things are? I mean, yes, I know I would most probably never step into that shop again or something like that, but then, they might start thinking I practice PMS. This is not the typical PMS; this is an abbreviation of another thing. But then again, I won’t change my mind. I’ll stick to my topic.

Loads of things have been happening in my life despite all this hectic-ness with campus and work and everything. I went to Cyberjaya last week, and finally met my cyber friend Shaf. Haha. Finally we meet Shaf. And up til now, people are still making a big fuss about me missing class. Only ONE class la. Hahahhaa. I’m only human and I think I’m allowed to oversleep, alright? =P.

Why on earth is everybody asleep? I guess I’m off to bed too. I need to get up early anyway. Of all times, I’m so freaking busy when my brother is home. Great. Is it okay if I just want to stop studying and marry a billionaire? Then, I’ll have all the time in the world to shop and sleep and cook and do nothing at all. Me and my wishful thinking- it will never end. Good night.

the story of..

chocolates and chilies

Just for the sake of updating, let me start this entry by telling you that adding two of the abovementioned ingredients will lead to a massive stomachache. But life is fair I guess. What more could I ask for. I look into the mirror and I see something I never thought I would see. I try to talk about it, but it doesn't seem to work. So I guess I've given up wondering why and what next. After all, life has always been all chocolates and chilies for me.

where rainbows end-

everybody keeps on further convincing me that i am a piece of plywood. mind you, people. i do eat, and it is not just any substantial amount to keep me alive, but a big, big amount. don't believe me? ask mummy, or jaja, or bats or dean or atong even. they know i finished that big plate of nasi beriyani in Insaf this afternoon- that after a big breakfast of nasi lemak and milk and fruit. one day, i'm going to grow into a balloon.

i'm currently stuck on a book by Cecilia Ahern- Where Rainbows End; where fate just can't stop meddling. i think she's a wonderful author. though she's only written 2 books so far (as far as i know at least), i think i know how many lives she's about to touch and how many hearts she's about to affect.

i guess life has always been like that for me. fate has always been either my best friend, or the worst of foes at times in life. i never really know what i'm in for until something happens, or something ends. perhaps she is right when she said in the book that the only certainty in life is death. yes. i believe in this cliche, although i am not ready to meet my creator. because death is the only thing without solution, without answer and without a shadow of a doubt the end of one life and the beginning of another, of which we have absolutely no control over.

last night, i took some time to reminisce the old times when i was a much younger girl (not that i'm old now though!). i remember alot of things, alot of places and alot of people. people who have come and go. people whom i have lost contact with and people whom i have suddenly refined my friendship with. and also people whom i never imagined being acquainted to in the way i am acquainted to now.

then, i came to the realisation that i was always there. through all the years, there i was, minding my own business, doing my own stuff, getting to know things from other people, but not bothering enough to do even care, but the bottom line is that i was just there. and though in the life before this i never cared enough to even be bothered, right now i care too much to the extent of being extremely bothered. you don't really have to understand i guess. but those who saw me growing up would know what i'm talking about i presume.

thinking about the fact that i was always there makes me wonder if this is it. is this where all of it ends? or are there any more twists and turns ready to make my already confusing life even more distorted. is this where my rainbows will end? or is this just the beginning? i'm off for a nap. i've never felt so tired for so long now. let's hope i dream of rainbows.

take a risk, take a chance, make a change.

at a point in life, you just want to jump and take a risk at it.
at a point in life, you get tired of living life cautiously, always and forever wondering what would happen if you acted in a certain way, or another.
at a point in life, you get tired of being scared.
so you try to gather as much courage to take a leap into unfamiliar territories.

i came to that point in life. i took that leap. i did the unthinkable. i feel the unexpected. i cried when i thought i wouldn't. i laughed. i smiled. i am every bit human. i feel so alive that i'm feverish. ouh, i don't think you'll understand. but i'll keep on rambling until i decide to stop. but i don't know exactly what i'm about to write. and if you ever come to that point in life when you get tired of routine. leap, reach out, and do those things you thought were impossible. it makes the blood go through the veins.

lalalala

Right now, I’m at home waiting for my parents to come back home. It’s Mama’s birthday, but she went out so early in the morning, I didn’t get the chance to wish her yet. I thought they’d be home by noon, so I took a ride to OU with my friend who was on the way to work (tq awak!), quickly bought her a pressie and bought myself something and bought them all some stuff to eat, and quickly walked back home, and walla! They’re not home. Sungguh marah. But never mind, never mind.

My classes start tomorrow. And as much I hate early mornings and walking to class, and listening to God knows what in class, I’m actually quite happy that life is going to be all happy and hectic all over again. (talking as if it hasn’t been all hectic and busy for the past 2 weeks =P ). I like it when I’m busy. That way, I’d have less time to waste, less time to munch, more usage of the brain, no more sleepless nights.

Actually, I have loads more to write. I have much more to tell. But I’m too lazy to type and compose, though it doesn’t require that much of an effort truthfully. I better go repack my stuff. Finally got my college. Yeay.

valuable lessons learnt

I am horribly burnt, exhausted and hungry. I learnt today how wonderful rice tastes. Today is the first day after 2 days that I finally ate rice. Yummy =). I just got back from MMS, and though it was tiring, it was fun! Yeay! Classes start on Monday, and that’s when I have to settle my college problem. Stupid management. But never mind.

Today I learnt an extremely valuable lesson. Though I’ve known this for quite some time, today I really saw that things always, I repeat, always happen for a reason or reasons for the matter. It’s best we don’t question too much of God’s doings, and let life take us wherever it wants to take us. Everything happens for a reason. God works in mysterious ways.

Another valuable lesson learnt; nobody knows what they’ve got until it’s gone. While it’s there, cherish it, and love it, and appreciate it. It might just be the best thing that might happen to you. Be careful what you wish, it might just come true. (someone i know got that wish. i don't think it was a pleasant wish come true. nak kata padan muka tak baik, tapi padan muka)

I need to bathe. I need to sleep. And I need to figure out a way to get a birthday card and a great book to give to Mama. So sad, because I haven’t had the time to properly plan her day. But it’s okay, it’s okay. Night people.

btw, the "yeay!" wasn't for "class starts on MONDAY". you people might start thinking that i'm a freak =P

here i go again

Aiyah. This MSN. Crazy. I can’t sign in and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s a good thing also. I need to pack. Yes, people, I’m going off again. But this time, somewhere pretty near, as compared to the last time. Where is Segamat on the map, anyways? Orang Johor, please enlighten my geographical knowledge will you? *Hints to Miss Azureen =) *. Well, anyhow, I’m leaving for Johor on the 1st, so those nearby, please come visit me in Shah Alam tomorrow and bring me out to eat =). Orang jauh also can. The car consumes fuel like some black hole dear, honest. During MMS also please drop by. I think I’m going to be the only one from my Faculty. Yikes. Pretty scary considering the fact that there might be more than 2 people from each Fac. But hope for the best. I’ve already accepted the offer to become Pembantu MMS, after which, I will be known as Kakak all over again, by a bunch of 300 hundred students who might actually be older than moi. Haihya. I need to pack. Got more stuff to cram into that small bag. Bubye people.

Eik, I can sign in now. So suddenly, but that’s good. =P

note: it's all in purple. semangat Uni tak? hakhak

i'm beyond boredom

1.where have you been an hour ago?
at home.

2. state your full name.
hanisa salehin

not bragging here. but this is the only name tag i have left. =). trying to be creative here, hahah

3. do you like your name?
yes, short and sweet (at least I think so)

4. can you remember what you did on the first day of school?
uh-huh. I remember my cs very well. I remember how proud I was of myself coz I didn’t cry when my parents left me. I cried a week after though =P

5. what are you going to do first thing tomorrow?
pray, I guess

6. what is ur number?
if you knew me well enough, or had the courage to walk up to me and ask, you’d have it in your phone book by now.

7. at what age you first learn to use a pc?
14- late uh?

8. do u think u could live without a pc?
I don’t think so

9. do you feel lonely right now?
nah

10.have you ever eaten any exotic food ?
exotic drink can ah? Air nira- it was nothing yummy, honest =(

11.what is the last illness that you had?
is kemalasan an illness?

sungguh pemalas

12.do you like listening to rap music?
its okay. Not favourite, but its alright

13.have you ever thought of driving the MRT?
no. I want to drive my own car though.

14.which do you prefer? sunny or rainy day?
rainy

15.when was the last time you read newspaper?
yesterday

16.what pet do you have?
2 kitty cats, have a look at them

here they are. my kitty cats

17.what is the brand of your first wristwatch?
swatch tic tac, green colour. Very cute

18.look at your back, what did you see?
the sofa staring at kim possible. Haih, I should change the channel

19.what can you say to your friends?
say what? If I wanted to say anything, it would be- mari cari beach!

20.do you sing while you are taking a bath?
I hum, sumtimes

21.how many gf/bf's you already had?
loads of gfs. Have had them for years. Special bfs, not many. Guy friends also not many

22.dream that you remembered?
hahha. Nobody remembers this la

23.what do u usually do if ur mad?
cry and eat and sleep and listen to loud music

24.do you agree on the saying to forgive is to forget?
not really. It may be one of the processes involved, but forgiving doesn’t make you forget then and there.

25. can you ride on a bicycle?
yep

26. last thing you held before using the pc?
handphone

the handphone. nak new one bule tak?

27.Where is that place you always dreamed of?
i know this is nuts, UK UK UK

28. When was the last time your tears fell?
I cried the whole of last week. Haha. That was the last

29.Where will you go after here?
most probably the park