36 Years ago today......

I married my boyfriendI loved him then

and

I love him now....

Sleeping with burning field corn...

guarantees that you WILL wake up smelling

really really bad....

y'all know how badly a bag of popcorn smells when it catches fire in the microwave...

and then it is haphazardly sewn together in the middle of the night when I was half asleep to keep the corn from falling out of a previously burnt holes......and I am sure you notice the stains.....well those are from my dish of water I have to sit on top of it when I nuke it...because our microwave shoots flames out the side wall if there is no liquid cooking......as you can see...my bag has been struck a few times....
and wearing a glove on my hand that aches with RSD...and the reason I hold that hot bag EVERY NIGHT...
and wearing Brody's socks he left home
to bed because our home is FREEZING...
because I am too cheap to pay for HEAT!!!!
Well....I took one long look at myself in Brody's mirrored closet doors this morning and thought
WOW! AREN'T YOU SOMETHIN'?
And also...realized I smelled just like that nasty bag of burnt field corn and started wondering how in the world I/we had made it 36 years......our anniversary is Sunday...and I am sure you are wondering that same thing too.....
WHAT HAPPENED TO MY
BOYFRIEND'S "HOT" BAG????????

Our beautiful daughter...

here with her hubby and three of her four children....

lives in Utah now....

NOT just down the road from us......

and it IS hard........

but it is DOUBLY HARD when you get a phone call

and she needs me........

or maybe it is me who needs her when

LIFE GOES A LITTLE CRAZY......

I WISH I WAS IN UTAH!

Our son......

My baby....

the very youngest of our children...

flew from Salt Lake City today
to Charlotte, North Carolina

where he will be for the next two years

serving as a missionary for our church...

you know I prepared and taught my children the very best I knew how and always hoped my children would love their Father in Heaven enough to serve Him...but then the call comes and all I can think is.....

{{{HE'S MY BABY!}}}

He left our home 20 days ago...

it is just SOOO HARD to part with your child for two years...

knowing that is the last moment you will see his face or will hug him...I am so proud of him...and we are excited for his new experiences....experiences that will surely change him forever...for the better...serving others and giving of yourself can only make you a better person...RIGHT? Why do I keep choking back tears? Isn't this what I had hoped for this child? He is an amazing young man and has a captivating smile that I will miss dearly...he called us today from the airport in Dallas, Texas...it was so wonderful to hear his voice and I keep going over his words and trying to remember what his voice sounds like.....because he won't be able to call home until Mother's Day again....I pray the days FLY by quickly...

and remember everyday that he is gone...I am one step closer to that glorious day when we can be reunited...but for the time being...he will walk hand in hand with his ultimate parent, his Heavenly Father.

My ♥ is full...

I am here, it says....Here:

This is my now....

I hold on and I remember and I long for and my ♥ aches...so much of my past but mostly these last three and a half months has made me who I am today...it isn't the HOME we knew and loved for three decades but it is warm and comfortable and I can still view my beloved sky and there are trees still beautiful even though they are barren from the cold and the birds still sing and I have realized you have to live life to the fullest and seize every moment while we have them because they can pass quicker than a Dairy Queen Dilly bar melting on a 115 degree day...this is a new year and I have set new goals and dreamed dreams and have high hopes for what lies ahead.....sometimes I would give anything to go back if only for an hour.....I know I haven't written much in the last few months.....I wasn't sure how to put into words what was felt so deeply in my heart....all I can do is start now and begin again...I can't speak for anyone else but change is really really hard for me.....and there were several changes in our life that truly felt like near death experiences to me and a few times I can honestly say I could be found in the fetal position crying my eyes out.....but I have to say I have much to be thankful for too...even though I'd give anything to go back and breathe in that old familiar scent of Home and be transported back to when all of our children and grandchildren were just around the corner and our beloved dog was laying on my feet....but now I am here...still with my beloved thankfully....warmed by the memories of yesterday and looking forward to tomorrow.....our youngest child will be calling in the morning on his way from the MTC {Missionary Training Center in Provo} to his new destination North Carolina where he will be for the next two years....

A perfect home.....hmmm not sure if there is one and this one is not like the other.... but it's not just about the dwelling...it comes with the lifestyle set up for the simple pleasures and new memories to be made...and remembering that all the sugar is sometimes at the bottom of the cup...