How much does a taser cost?

The early morning dog walking routine isn't working the way I had envisioned. I thought it would be the bright and sunny start of my day. The dog and I would stroll through the neighborhood, I would clear my head and ponder the day ahead of me. Instead terror lurks around every corner.

There are only certain streets we can walk on, the rest have been deemed unsafe. Because those streets have loose dogs. What can get your heart racing faster than a Chinese Badminton Olympian hell bent on loosing? A loose dog running out from behind it's house and heading straight for you. I've ruled out carrying pepper spray because it might get my dog too, so now I want a taser. Do you have to go to a special school to carry a taser? Do I have to get a permit? I'll look into it before I start tasering loose dogs. But taser them I will, if permitted.

Also I have to be ever vigilant for the fear of running into a bunny or a deer. They may seem harmless to you but the deer cross the street and never look both ways. Therefore crossing our path and putting the dog into hunt and kill mode. Same with the bunnies, if the dog sees one before I do, I will be caught off guard and she will literally take off after it and if she could, take my arm with her.

Then last week there was a new development on the pajama mans street. We save that street for the end of the week because it has the most promise for mayhem. It's definitely not a street for a Monday morning when I think I'm going to think of something brilliant to write. It's more of a Friday street, when I'm thinking of my grocery list. We made it past the pajama mans house without incident. Up ahead a few houses as we were walking the dogs ears perked up, she slowed her pace to cautious steps and she looked at it, and so did I.
Unable to make out anything but a silhouette, we saw an ominous form sitting near a mailbox. I could see what had to be pointed ears, they twitched first the right then the left and they were too for away from each other to be a cat. Unless it was a cougar, but the rest of the body did not fit a cougars physique. So I came to the conclusion it was some unknown species that escaped from a secret government facility and we slowly turned around, headed home looking over my shoulder every 10 seconds as we walked. The creature made no move. 
We made it home safely that day. But I feel that I should be armed with more than my cell phone and a plastic poop bag for our walks. How much do tasers cost and can I get them on eBay?

There are things out there, things

Me and my vivid imagination had absolutely no where to be Sunday morning, so we decided to sleep late. The husband, me and the dog slept the morning away, drifting in and out of sleep. We would mumble about coffee, try to get the dog to start the coffee machine. Apparently this was to difficult for her and she lay at the foot of the bed like a slug. Opposable thumbs came up - again and quite frankly, I'm getting tired of that excuse. The coffee is all made, you just have to push the on button, she could do it if she wanted to.

I listened to the birds chirp, would fall back to sleep. I'd be rattled awake by the thump on the roof.

"The hell?" And then I would hear a thwap, thwap, thwap of something with a giant wing span flying away. It happened 3 or 4 times. I just can't win, I either have ducks and geese or creatures from a scientific experiment gone wrong, like in The Mist, landing on my roof to terrorize my neighborhood. Now seriously, I'm leaning towards the ducks and geese because it's morning and everyone knows horrific, scientific creatures come out at night. But what if the creatures got an early start? Shouldn't I shower? I'd hate to be chased out of my neighborhood in my nightgown and bedhead. I'm too tired to run screaming through the streets. I drifted off again.

Half an hour later, I glanced at the dog, she hadn't moved a muscle. It must have been the husband that woke me because he was gone. I hope he starts the coffee. I hope he wasn't dragged out the window by scary, horrific, scientific creatures. There appeared to be no signs of struggle, I'm sure he's fine. My vivid imagination and I went back to sleep.