i realise..

i realise that i dont know myself. i thought i was strong. i thought i have many frens. i thought i can go through anything myself. i thought i could handle my problems myself. i thought i could keep all my discomfort and complaints to myslef. i thought.. i thought.. and i thought.. but now i realise.. i was wrong. so so wrong. i dont even know myself. im so weak, i cant keep things to myself. i cant keep quiet abt my problems. i cant do things by myself. i hate this. i hate me. im think im gonna give up soon..

shity shit shit

life sucks. it does. life is getting tougher. i dont think i can survive. form4 isnt easy. plus the pressure from the people around me, the stupid jobs teachers asks us to do.. some tat they can even do it themselves, the time i ahve for myslef is.. limited. i didnt even sleep that day. went on dong my work whole night. next morning, went to school, again, runniong round the school. why? teachers. i dunno why i just hav this thing with teachers. especially in my school. mayb its me. i dunno.. why then again, why do so many pupils tend to apply for transfer? to a near school? i would have applied if my dad allowed. my only choice of getting out is eventually, scholarships to singapore. oh, and MRSM and asrama penuh.. which i doubt i will get or even go. i have been trying so hard to not be in the school i am in now since.. since form1. wait, even before i was in form1, i knew i wouldnt like being in this school. sometimes i ask myself, why am i feeling like this? i cant find a reason. i can find reasons.. but the truth is, its not the BIG BIG stuffs tat matters. its those little little things.. that will eventually make someone unhappy. and then again, i begin to wonder why many students want to transfer here. there is good in this school, i hav to admit. but .. well i hav nothing to say. im too pissed.

what a day!!

its the third day of school and i am going crazy. for those of u who are in my class.. im sure u realise that i havent been in class these few days. especially today. fropm 7.15am till 12noon, i was running round the whole school.. not getting a chance to sit for even 10 or 15 minutes. worse, when we are kind enough to run round everywhere, distributing the student planners we arranged and counted nicely, some teachers cant help but to comment. what the fuck man. some even asked us to run up to the form 1 or 2 classes just to take attendance or tell the monitor something. the look on our faces clearly chowed tat we were exhausted.. but do they even bother? NOPE. they jsut order. and when we dont do it, they get angry. so now i knwo why mgss teachers are lazy and also.. not so thin. anyways im really pissed lar. ish~ everything students do. teachers not only dont help, but they comment too much. but we cant show in fonrt of the teachers tat we're pissed and irritated. no matter how much we DONT want to do the job/do what teacher says.. we have to force ourself to SMILE widely and say.. "ok.. boleh.. boleh.. sure cikgu. ok.. no problem." .. sucks ryte. argh! what a way to start a new schooling year by talking bad about the teachers. but its a fact lar. agree? any mgss pupil who would like to disagree with me, please tell me u r not serious. haha.. ok, enough abt that. school has been ok lar... with frens its GREAT! with SOME teachers, it great! especially our new class teacher.. so sweet. but its only the third day lar.. ahha.. hopefully she stays as sweet as she is. hehee... tuition classes are taking over my life. no time to relax. im so dead. haha.. hope i will survive form4. PLUS, i hope to NOT fail any subjects. instead, get 75 and above for ALL subjects. hahahhaha.. possible? maybe.. with hard work larrr... hehehe.. anyways i wanna stop here now. i wanna sleep d. or perhaps update another blog. hehe.. gud nite evryone!