sorry

i have no idea why im doing this post. i just need to say some things out la. i guess. these few days i feel as if people have been turning their back towards me.. or perhaps im turning my back towards people. including me. i dunno.. mayb its juts me. being too tensed up and sensitive. i dont really wanna talk abt PMR now. its just less than 48 hours more.. it was raining the whole day.. perhaps God understands what i feel. yeah, only God understands. ahh~ i really dont know what to write anymore. some things are better left unsaid.

*swt!*

hmm.. people under stress.. eat alot? or. people havig problems eat alot? these few days ive been eating alot. dunno why. im not under stress anyway so yeah~ perhaps its THAT problem making me like this. but hey, look on the bright side.. i guess.. am getting fatter. kell vin says im so fat tat im fat to the max and cant expand anymore. -.-" .... yeah whatever. like i care anyway. i just cant get some things out of my head. abt my past. bad memories i guess. its killing me. argh~ ever esper asked me today, u in love ar? i said.. dunno.. haha.. well, i wasnt telling a lie.. p/s : i need a date to tht prom. would you be mine? love ya kor!

should i?

crappy.. pmr is 4 days away. my stomach is so pain now. these few days i rasa tak sedap badan la. smtg wrong with my body. -.-" anyway i got this offer for merit award. i dunno if i shud apply. hav to say its gonna cost alot but well, its for my future. i dunno.. i just cant concentrate on studying now. after i received the letter. i dunno! all i need now.. i mean, need to talk to julian. see what he thinks. argh! help! i think im getting sick.

sometimes..

i just dont know why i put that as my title, but yeah. whatever. am not supposed to be online. but again, whatever. had a nice chat with sis just now, in her room. ahhahaha.. we laughed like shit. tho didnt laugh that hard, but still.. some time off frm my ever relaxing schedule. haha. and i dun feel like studying. so heck it lah! i have the whole nite neway. i guess. unless i fall asleep. gah gah gah. i dunno wat to say. i think im crazee. some wires in my head needs repairing. or perhaps got short circuit. i dunno.. everytime i look at my parents, i feel like a bad daughter. mm.. oh btw, my pmr centre ketua is dad's fren.. sfi teacher. and one more invigilator is dad's fren again.. uncle lim. =). i knw who he is! ehhe. bluek bluek. dunno wat to type d. fell so.. confused. but yet, me very happy. but very sad. argh! dunno la wat to say. korkor iggy, aiyer! geramnyer!

love never fails?

Artist : Nick Lachey Song : I Can't Hate You Anymore An empty room can be so deafening, The silence makes you wanna scream, It drives you crazy. I chased away the shadows of your name, And burned the picture in a frame, But it couldn't save me. And how could we quit something we never even tried, Well you still can't tell me why. We built it up, To watch it fall. Like we meant nothing at all. I gave and gave the best of me, But couldn't give you what you need. You walked away, You stole my life, Just to find what your looking for. But no matter how I try, I can't hate you anymore. ...I can't hate you anymore. Your not the person who you used to be, The one I want who wanted me, And that's a shame but, There's only so many tears that you can cry. Before it drains the light right from your eyes, And I can't go on that way. And so I'm letting of everything we were, It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. We built it up, To watch it fall. Like we meant nothing at all. I gave and gave the best of me, But couldn't give you what you need. You walked away, You stole my life, Just to find what your looking for. But no matter how I try, I can't hate you anymore. Sometimes you hold so tight, It slips right through your hands. Will I ever understand? We built it up, To watch it fall. Like we meant nothing at all. I gave and gave the best of me, But couldn't give you what you need. You walked away, You stole my life, Just to find what your looking for. But no matter how I try, I can't hate you anymore.

maybee..

maybe.. im not menat to be in this world.

i wonder..

i wonder what God has planned for me. i wonder what he wrote in my bok of life before i even came into this world. i wonder.. its not like i care too much but i sure hope its some good planning, God! this shits im goiong thru now, i understand. i knw u do this for a reason. better days are ahead. i trust you. you happen to be the only person i trust actually, lord buddha. i knw i hav always turned my back towards you, but please trust me, i regretted and now im changing. please. i dont blame you for wats happening. but i knw, u hav better plans for me. i knw, i trust you.

i wan! i wan!

went shoppinggg. but didnt buy anything. oh wait! yea.. i got 4 pairs of socks! haha. big deal. went to adjst my specs. i wan new specs! i wan! i wannn!!!! i aso wan an ATM card, credit card, and my moto license! ahhaha.. i dun care! i wan! i wan! i wan means i wan! haha. nah~ tat can wait till next year. hehehe. these few days my frens and i seldom communicate. i wonder if its me, or them. mayb im thinking too much. like kell always say. i mean, i really feel the gap u knw. mayb its just exam fever or stuff. sigh~ oh talking abt exam, danial sms-ed me jus now. he said he has trials paper. frm so many states! im soooooooooooooooo jealous. shit la. so so so jealous. ahha do u people really like it when someone calls u 'dear', 'meimei', 'darling', and 'girl'. ahha. tell d truth, i LOVEEEEEEEE it! ahha. and aso when ppl call me as 'my girl'. haha. so niceee. blueks! love it love it love it! hahaha. even when its a girl calling me or teacher calls me tat. crap, i love it. feel so manja. hehehe. woops. gotta go study. good luck to me ya! lolz. and yeah~ i cant wait till HWC! ahha. muaksssss! i still love my korkor. ahha. and aso YOU!

feast for the eye

lolz. not really. was at mlk club playing squash with dad. then one BIG football team came. woohoo! ahha. okokla, kinda macho. haha. the match was between JPJ and EXPLORER. hehe. tell u, so nice man their body! ahha. nt VERy nice but just boleh tahan la. better then those ah bengs one. lolz.. too bad when i left after going to the gym they just started the match. or else, if i stayed till half time, foooo.. sure get to see their sweaty and nice body. lolz. hahahahhahahhaha. oh accoding to dad the JPJ goalkeeper was the former state goalkeeper. not bad huh. ehhe. soooo.. got ntg to blog d lah! i FAT d! ahhaha. as usual. bluekz! love korkor veli muchiee! hehehe

silent torture

just got back frm school! dunno why today so bersemangat. mayb coz last nite slept at 11 pm. supposed to wake up at 2.30am to study but as usual.. tak jadi. ahakz. so in the end i had 6 hours 45 minutes of sleep. in school today went library for the first period. whoa! nicee.. all the aircons on! so cold, yet so comfortable. hehehe.. i choose the seat where the air con blew.. so niceee! tee hee! XD . nyway, then had sejarah. teacher gave us a kertas model. hey, not bad la. i nv study, my makrs, okok la. haha.. then we did form 1 syllabus test last week. today we mark. not bad.. i tot i will get more than half wrong coz i didnt read form 1 *i NEVER did.. ehhe* but alas, i got only.. 5 wrong! wooHooo!!! hahaha.. was so happy. BUT, must work harder. strive for perfection. hehe.. sincerely, im kinda worried abt my PMR. its not like im trying to blow my own trumpet but everyone goes like.. "aiyo Elynn, no need worry lah you. sure straight A's wan la!" but too bad i dun think tat way. so does my parents, and a few people. hehe. oh well, its a way to make me prove to them AND to MYSELF tat i CAn do it! XD dunno why i feel so relaxed despite the fact tat PMR is like.. 20 days more, approx 480 hours more. i cant deny tat i hav some things tats making me lose my concentration. but i cant help it! how much i try to resisit, i just cant. temptationss! buddhism says one of the main cause of suffering is craving. hav to admit its true lor. haha. coz cravings = tempatations. ryte? lolz. went dhamma class yesterday. uncle dennis taught us meditation. one was concentrating on our breathing (too bad i didnt get to experience tat coz i lepak around temple! haha), nex was metta meditation where by meditating we kinda like spread love. yea, its hard to explain-lah! hehe. feel beter knw after all those. =) oh yeaa.. when i came home just now then sunway college sent me a good luck card! for PMR! aww.. so sweet. anyway, i wonder if exams are killing me. no, not coz of stress. haha. i am getting fatter coz i tend to crave for all those fattening food. eg ice cream, peanut butter, keropok, and chocolates! yummy! hehe.. oh and im officially stress freee! coz my preriod just came. i knw it sounds disgusting but.. if my period doesnt come means im under stress and i dun like it. haha. oh crap, later having swimming. ahh juz go into the water ni lah. aha. afterall, i always do tat wat! blueks! i knw it too early but im thinking abt nex year's tuitions. juz found out tat nex years gonna be a super duper busy year. tuiitons after school, koku activities, study, etc etc. i might not hav time to shop! argh! haha. dunno.. wanna take moto license nex year. but the one and only miss elaine suah ee leng poisoned my mum's mind into not letting me take moto license. coz accorind to the one and only might miss elaine suah ee leng (again), my far far far far far super duper far relative died coz of a moto accident. dun care. i still want my moto license! and i wan a new moto! tee heee! XD okie dokie, gotta go study. chiao everyone..

when it all falls apart

I'm having the day from hell It was all going so well Before you came And you told me you needed space With a kiss on the side my face Not again And not to mention The tears, the shame I should have kicked your Arse instead I need intervention Attetion to stop this itching to scream Cause baby Everything is left up straight from the heart Tell what do you do when it all falls apart Gotta pick myself up, where do I start Cause I can't turn to you when it all falls apart No, ooh Don't know where I parked my car Don't know who my real friends are Anymore I put my faith in you What a stupid thing to do When it rains it pours And not to mention I drank too much I'm feeling hungover Out of touch I need intervention Attention to stop this itching to scream Cause baby Everything is left up straight from the heart Tell what do you do when it all falls apart Gotta pick myself up where do I start Cause I can't turn to you when it all falls apart No, ooh Can't it be easier Can I just change my life Cause it just seems to go bad everytime With no demading No other ending I'm sick of it Everything is left up straight from the heart Tell what do you do when it all falls apart Gotta pick myself up, where do I start Cause I can't turn to you when it all falls apart No, ooh Everything is left up straight from the heart Tell what do you do when it all falls apart Gotta keep myself up, where do I start Cause I can't turn to you when it all falls apart No, ooh When it all falls apart No, ooh When it all falls apart No, ohh Everything is left up straight from the heart Tell what do you do when it all falls apart Gotta pick myself up, where do I start... i want you to be my knight in shiny armour! i love you!!

never knew

shit i feel so emo now. coz of studies. and i jus read jae's blog. i am speechless. be strong jae, be strong. hey and sam, study hard k. THIS is ur future. other things can come later. just concentrate on ur SPM first. as jae said, we all hope u do ur best and get the best. but now u hav to work hard. its all in ur hands. we're always here behind u as family members. u will always have us. please, just do ur best and get the best results. dun disappoint ur parents. god bless u. u will always hav my prayer.

bid around the bush

just came back frm school. had lunch with mum at the coffee shop near my school. in the car was 'debating' with my mum. she asked me abt my studies and stuffs. then asked me if i hav been doing past year questions. i kept quiet. i answered "not yet study finish". then the next thing i knw, she started saying.. "WHAT? at this stage? not yet finish? aiyo girl, i dunno wat to say la.." then she kept comparing me with my frens.. saying i'll cry till l=my eyes bleed if i dun get straights. yea, sort of true. then debate abt lots of things sumore.. almost half the journey. then it was suddenly silent, except for the radio, of course. then i asked ~ me : so u think i cannot et straight a's la? mum : no. not if u keep on going like this. i think u'll miss one. kh, or geog, or sej. me : *speechless* like wtf, yea i knw im lazyyy. but just tat day she said she knw i'll get straight. and now, say says no. okie fine! many many many many people thinks i cant get straights. u knw wat? I'LL PROVE IT TO YOU!!!!!!! yea i knw she's juz concerned. but cant help it. mayb wat she says is true la. aiyer. so sad and geram. received an sms frm someone this morning. so sweeeeeeeet. ehhe! blueks! okie. gotta go. wanna go club. tata

knight in armour

i want you! you! you!! i want you to be my kinght in armour! i want youuuu!!! gawd, im crazee. ahha. dreamt abt korkor last nite. so sweet. he was so extremely sweet. haha. *drools* ntg wanna type la. juz tangan gatal. lolz. love my korkor so much sialz. so hard to let go! ngekz ngekz~ ! im getting sick ler. today egtting worse. crappy sialz. aih~ hav got ntg to blog abt d. my tgn aso tak gatal d. chiaoz~ *2334 hours* im back! now im in my room with d laptop. i cnt believe dad jus told me.. "Hey, online online online.. everyday online.. no need study wan izzit? ur pmr one more month ni knw.." . i just answered yea.. and wlaked out of the rom. crap. i feel so.. useless. i really wanna talk to someone rite now but i dowanna disturb him. this is so ... confusing la! ish! okie, wanna read my geog. and kaji the kedah trials. btw, if any pmr candidates frm other states reading this, and u wan melaka trials paper, tell me k! leave a comment o smtg. and Lim Jae Mie, i wannnnn penang's trials paper la! help me laa~! taata

and the countdown begins..

well, not exactly lar. it started many many many months ago. ahah. aihz~ typed an entry this afternoon but the itchiness of my hands paaid the price. lolz. anyway, pmr is abt 3 weeks time. i dunno wat to say. ahha. my frens who seemed lazy last time, slept in class while teachers were teaching (including me), never complete thier homeworks ( me aso), and never seem to open their books for exams are now very hardowrking! excpet me of course! haha! i just hav this feeling in me.. the feeling of being uncertain, the feeling of being confident, but not very confident, the feeling of being able to do something, but having doubts, the feeling of fear, yet not that very fearful. i just dunno how to describe it lah~ all these actually berpunca daripada: PMR. That three scary alphabets! argh!! nyway, i was thinking abt my pmr. i dun think i can get starights tho people keep telling me to not worry. like.. HELLO!!! i only got 6 A's for trials. hwo can i get straights for pmr? aiyo. dunno la.. very keksim. everyinte i dream, dream abt getting bad results for pmr. its always negative wan. and worse, im falling sick! was in the bus just now, as usual. the guys smoked. but less d. coz mayb harga rokok naik. ahha. then my schoo girls were so different. coz of guys. so.. hmm.. i dunno, not their usual selves in school. oh well, girls.. and guys.. when it comes to this stage.. aih~ oh well.. hehe.. my frens hav been facing problems. i mean, my frens. most of those are personal problems. im sorry frens, tat i cant help. all i can say is, hang on babe, hang on. this will soon past. i knw u can do it! hang on k! i just wanna say tat i love everyone around me! everyoneeeeee!! yay!!!! hehe.. especially someone, i wan u to knw i appreciate u soo much! hehe! im afraid to delete ur messages coz im scared tat i would lose the one person whom will hear to watever i wanna talk abt. XD. love you! okie, gotta go.. chiao~

sowee

cant help it. hav to online. TRYing to make this d last time. today d 2nd sept.. pmr is oct 2nd. and im so relaxed. anywayy, i've not logged into frenster for a long time. coz it'll b addictive. been enjoying myself yesterday and today. so far so good.. only tat the humidity is murdering me. i dunno exactly wat to type here.. hmm.. so.. do u knw tat every nite before u sleep, someone thinks and worries for u? i believe tat. coz everynite, i worry for him, wondering wats gonna happen, coz his life is just not.. secured. i wonder wats it like to be him. everyday living in hell, worrying if anyone would attack myself. *phew* i worry everynite u knw, every single nite, before i sleep, i pray, for you. coz im afraid, i will lose someone soo important to me (well, other than family members la!). i duno why but i have never hated u despite the fact tat u ignore me, and dun say u love me at all, when i say tat i love you so oftenly. i dunno.. just feel so..cheated. but its funny how i dun get angry. at all. not once. ever. nowww.. i really dunnowat to type d. wish me luck ya in pmr! wish u people all the best aso! we can do it! muaksss!