dot dot dot..

oh yeay~! im fat already~! duh.. i tgh pms la.. aiyo.. mood bad.. bad these days.. sigh.. just now in school hari kantin... can die sia.. no enuf food to eat.. then hav to duty for 40 minutes.. and the rest of them get to rehat for 1 hour.. fair? no~! i neo i noe.. but papa dowan send me to gb.. wat can i do wor? sigh,,

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got these frm raymond.. ahha.. Thank you so much you did what i couldent you made the tears go away when i thought they wouldent thank you for being my voice when it was shaken by fear thank you for being my eyes when they were blinded by tears thank you for being my friend ill be there for you when everything feels wrong ill do everything i can do A friend is always there when ever you need her A friend will always be there when tears start 2 fall from your eyes. A friend keep you secrets and makes sure you are OK A friend always got your back no matter what you do A friend likes you for who you are and whats in your heart! You said you'd always be there, You said you'd never leave. But now I sit here, alone and crying, As I solomnly greive. I shouldn't of had to say bye, I wasn't ready in any way. But now that I think of it, I never prepared to see this day. You couldn't see a way out from the pain, And decided to choose your own fate. You took my heart down with you, I lost more than my boyfriend, I lost my s soulmate. If only I would have been there! If only I would have known, That you hide your pain so well, And your true feelings were never shown. But now it's too late. I'll never see your shining face again. Just know that I'll always love you, And can't wait to see you in Heaven.

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sigh.,.. just did my kerja kursus sejarah typing things all finish.. hand so pain, back ache.. eyes pain.. sigh.. i tell u, the kerajaan torturing us.. cna die.. then today just got our kh kk to do.. another problem.. ~!!!! anyway, i ate a lot today, then slept and never go jog.. ~! how can? nvmnvm.. wateva la.. im fat.. tats it.. and and and and.. i dunno. i kinda miissss HIM>> and him.. and him.. and eveyrone.. asp lgc and tks.. sigh.. ahha.. falling in and out of love easily is my problem that is hard to overcome.. sigh.. and and.. nowadays in school a lot of work.. so stressful u noe a not~!okk.. gtg bye

ARGH~!!!!!!!!!!!!

i cant think straight now la.. aiyoo.. i also dunno wat to do.. i mean.. like.. i dunno~!!!! yaya... i noe.. everyone's not in the mood to chat.. i mean like EVERYONE~!! and that includes me.. but why? WhY????? i just cant answer it myself.. cannot.. i dunno la.. i mean.. im having probs with everyoe.. EVERYONE~! wats wrong with me? the problem is not with them.. but me~! ME~!! wHy??? gawd.. if im ever gonna figure it out.. it'll take a lifetime.. i mean.. i myself dun understand my true self... what abt others? sometimes i just feel like giving up, commit suicide and tats it.. end of life.. some how i wish i can do it.. but how? i just cant leave my life now.. apart from all the bad things, im also going thru a lot of good things.. wasted to leave it all behind.. dont ya think? ya.. but come to think ofit, i might commit suicide.. if i am really really depressed... seriously depressed.. now im only like.. depressed.. not till tat bad.. but .. OMG~! im really out of words.. nothing to say.. im just like.. dunno.. not bored.. but.. i dunno.. nothings working out the way its supposed to be.. nothing.. nothing at all.. gosh.. how depressing that can b.. alrite.. now im like.. chattin to no one.. was chattin to sumone who was in the mood to talk but i actually pissed off in the conversation and.. now he's offline.. no reply when i msg him.. god.. thats bad.. now im bad.. well, there is this saying that goes.. 'if u r angry, just shut up and walk away..' .. guessss its kinda true.. and i read frm a book.. it goes.. 'sometimes when we're feeling hurt, we take it out on other peopl, just because they happen to be there'.. yeap.. true again.. sigh.. tat shows how much we can learn frm story books eh.. now.. let me see what can i write sumore.. ok so im going for a school trip to kl tomoro... need to wake up early.. and.. travel to kl.. with irritating ppl in the bus.. how i wish i can get rid of them by just saying a sentence or sumthing.. i wish i can.. but nah.. i guess im not tat bad after all.. u see.. another person spoil my mood.. my mood was getting better.. but someone just spoiled it... sad case indeed.. im getting more and more annoyed with myself.. dunno y.. i just feel as if.. im..... a black sheep who doent noe she is black and thinks she is white.. does it makes sense? nope.. dun think so.. now.. eveyrone's having patience.. except me.. the stoopid sheep.. why? dunno y.. its never gona be answered tat question.. guess the one whom i need when im down is also quite not in the mood now.. owh, well.. i think i will not be so selfish anymore.. people need privacy too ryte? yea.. guess so.. guess tats it la for now.. dowanna steal ur time. tat is even anyone is reading this.. chill babay~ like come on, i keep asking ppl to chill whe they're down or angyr or not in the mood, but me myself.. not chilling out:? i mean.. how can i chill out? im like sooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad at that.. i just wanna cry now.. let go off everything..

angry..

gawd.. i was in the mood to chat actually.. but dunno hat just made my mood bad.. suddenly.. its like.. PUFF~! my moodis bad... gawd.. wats happening?

argh~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

god damnmit~!!!!! how??? nothing has changed... nothing~! i did change a bit last week.. but after thursday, everything went back to normal~ eat a lot, exercise sooooooooo veyr little.. and.. i dunno la..~!! how come? u noe.. i eat so much these days.. study sooo little.. exercise lagi little.. gosh.. i think im suffering from binge.. an eating disorder... how can? test is coming up in like 2 weeks time.. this weekend gonna be busy.. sighh.. wat happened to eveyrthing? as in...... my determination and stuff??? ggrrr.... ARGHHH!!!!!!!!` if this goes on, i cant take it anymore.. someone just kill me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ns

sigh.. elaine suah got ns.. ahha.. syok leh.. but gonna miss her tho.. 3months~! goshie~~~~ haha.. even when she goes tuition i sometimes miss her.. sigh.. wat to do.. ahha.. she's lucky anyway.. she took it kinda cool.. yeaps.. happy for her too.. eefen got it..a nd she cry till teruk sialzz.. ahha.. sad case.. hhhehe..

arghh`!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! kill me~!

ok.. so now.. im pissed with myself.. i hate myself.. i have changed a lot..i know it.. in many ways,.. but why?? i had a drastic drop in my staudies.. my attitude changed, i lost my determination, wat has happened to me? TELL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just cant stand it anymore.. i just wana be my old slef.. i miss d onld elynn soo much.. i guess i better start to change myself to my old self.. i really need to if i wanna be good.. really need to change, .. oh well, i guess i have to start frm now.. i need some time.. tats all.. i might not be able to update my blog tat often d.. since im not gonna go online for quite some time i guess.. sigh.. better get started now.. wish me luck~!

>.<

hey.. sigh.. these days do ntg but sleep and eat and eat and online.. sigh.. a lot more work i not yet do u noe.. and monday d open school.. todays friday.. ahha.. i hav to do dunno wat kh drawing, hafal oral, and do sejarah folio.. haha.. one thing also not yet touch.. haha.. better start erm.. tomoro? haah.. c first la.. ahah.. i keep putting on weight sial.. dun play play leh.. ahah.. sigh.. hav to go exercise like mad d.. mhav to diet till die.. haha.. must do it~! I CAN DO IT! muahhahaha... yes, i can.. =) .. hokay.. i dunno wat to say.. ahah.. y am i not so extra determined like last time? i used to be veyr determined.. but now no more.. y????

sigh sigh sigh.,...

back frm kl.. ntg interesting la... sigh.. i online now.. tot can do wat.. but sekali.. sighhhh... eveyrone whos online is sooooo like.. i dunno how to say.. not in the mood? sigh.. i also no mood d..

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ok.. im back.. its now abr 2.41 am.. cant sleep.. haha.. scared.. ehhehe... anyway.. just now online suddenly so many ppl chat to me.. sigh.. haha.. but d most interesting was chattin to ignatius.. hehe.. other than tat was chattin to allison, wc and ck.. nth much to ck and wc.. were had the 3 ppl in a conversatiion thing.. they both were toking abt tkd.. haha.. and i hate tkd.. too bad... haha.. so i didnt say anything, anyway, after wat happen between me and ck, we dun tok tat much anymore,.. i also like.. when tok to him.. he like dowan to tok to me.. oh well, mayb we shud just stay as fren, but no tok d.. eh? haha.. guess tats d best.. i will always remember him as a very extra good fren anyway.. =) .. its true anyway.. anyway, ck if u r reading this, erm.. i really wanna b terus terang.. i think u not as frenly as laz time d.. tat time u said to me, if i treat u as fren, i tell u all my prob, but now when i tell u my prob, u just turn away and even if u advice me, its not really frm ur heart, i noe it,.. and i got no one else to tell my prob.. u c.. all my prob is inn my heart now. i cant stand it anymore.. tats y sumtimes i cant think straight.. tats it... when i met u, ok.. we were just frens.. i told u my rpobs, u helped me, my heart was so relieved.. but now.. my life is getting on like last time and i hate it.. ok.. sometimes im irritatiing.. i noe.. but i cant help it~! just the thought tat we were kidnda close las time and now we are like............... enemies.. i cant bear it anymore k .. i noe u hav a gf d.. yea.. i do.. but its not like i like u or wat la.. as a fren k.. u r like my big bro... i dunno la.. such a feeling tat im feeling now is hard to explain.. i just dunno.. mayb we shud not tok to each other already for a while.. mayb it'll b best for both sides.. i even care for u more than i care for my kor kor. u just dunno.. tats it.. sigh.. ok.. lets mayb forget abt it.. im d piece oof shit.. not u k.? just remember tat.. u were always like a star in a sky when everything around me is dark.. tats it.. but the tyruth is,.. i treat u as a big bro.. tat i respect veyr much.. everyone's midsunderstanding me now.. i hate it.. i treat u as a big bro only.. tats it.. tats all.. i think id better stop now and forget abt it.. mayb we were just supposed to be frens as in frens.. not close.. just smile when we see each other.. tats all.. bye~!

mp

ok.. im tired ryte now.. whole day at mp.. watch 2 movies.. sigh.. watched infection d jap ghost movie with david.. and madagascar with putri.. infection was nice.. but scary,... looks like i wont b able to sleep tonite.. eheh.. madagascar wasnt tat nice la.. i didnt laugh also..haha.. anyway, david was kinda quiet.. looks decent.. ehhehehe... ok. i'll stop here.. kinda busy now

why why why??

sigh.. wat a day.. waiting so long for it and yet nothing happens.. sigh sigh sigh~~~ anyway, chat to ck jz now.. not much tat we chat.. not fully recovered i guess.. or he is too tired.. nah.. i also dowanna noe.. anyway, he's going kl and genting this sunday.. hokay.. and i dunno y my mulut sooo gatal go say i wanna belanja him.. grr.. omg~! and he ask wat.. i say starbucks or coffeebean.. grr.. how stoooOOOpid of me.. ouch~! haha.. now also i no marneee d lehh... sigh~~~ who ask me mulut and tangan soo gatal.. oh well, lets just say... a drink of apology.. yea.. haha.. hope to c him in kl lor.. =P ..

cant 4get abt it..

opppss... still cant get d thing out of my head~! argh~! eveyrtime i sit down, alone.. i will start thinking abt it.. grr.. i just cant believe i did it.. if i didnt do tat, nothin would hav happen... STUUUPIDD MEE~!!! yesteerday drank beer.. cant stand it d ma.. so saddie u noe..

sigh..