The First Step

Well, how'd you do yesterday? It was a beautiful weather day here and my day was busy like most with blessings throughout. I went to church in the morning and am always so thankful to be in the house of the Lord but also to be among what I call my faith family. These are the people that walk along side me and encourage me to be the very best that God planned all along. They urge me on and lift me up when I stumble. And believe me, I stumble.

How so? 

When I stumble, I start my day without a thought of God, my Higher Power. I wake up and charge into the starting gate ready to rock the world. Or I hide deeper under the covers and I just don't want to start anything. Anything.  Over the years of recovery, which led me to a much deeper walk with my Savior, I've learned to allow myself the time to wake up and thank up first. Thank up? Yes, sending my thanks up to God who is giving me another breath of life and a new day to begin again. Do you know how much God has promised us in His Word? Do you know how often He offers us forgiveness, help and a hand up? 

Look at what He says here. 'Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.' (Isaiah 41:10) 

Who couldn't use this kind of help? I sure need Him to hold me up often! 

I stumble through the day when I don't respond to people correctly. Sometimes we say that's just the way we are but if you strive to be better than the day before, it requires looking at yourself and the way you interact with people. I came from a very large family and often the atmosphere was a survival of the fittest which could mean a lot of different things to different people. In our home it might have been the quickest wit, whether funny and lighthearted or sharp and painful, wins. It wasn't necessarily about which way it was delivered but you had to get it in first. This could create a myriad of heartache if you were a nano-second behind. If you came in second, you lost the moment. Strength in words can either build people up or tear people down. Now, everything ever said in our home was not negative and unkind. At all. Telling others to toughen up might not always be the answer although in our culture we could use a little bit of that thinking for sure. It surely is a fine line, isn't it? Truth in love should be spoken but truth in hurtful pokes and barbs is never correct. 

I also stumble through the day when I let electronics keep me from doing a task that requires my full attention. I've been decluttering for months. Months, I say!  Some days I respond to the task well at hand and other days it appears overwhelming. The reward in decluttering however can come in delightful surprises. I'm finding as I go through clothes that didn't fit me just right a year ago (but I didn't pass on) are now fitting me just right. Bonus! 

All this to say that starting my day with God is simply so much better than when I stumble into the day with a face plant. When I sit down with my Bible and recovery reading, without realizing it, I start out with a deep, relaxing sigh. I've noticed that every time. It puts me in a place of surrendering all that I was carrying to our meeting spot. When I start the day with saying 'Thank you for a new day' it sets my mind on God walking me through today instead of me running ahead and asking God to hurry up!

I hope you have found your place with God and people to support you through whatever obstacles face you today. His Word is a great place to find all that He has promised to those who believe. I can testify that it's true!!  Do you know that God says He has loved us with an everlasting love?? If we don't know that, we can't fill up with His strength and confidence. 

The First Step of Recovery which says: We admitted we were powerless over ____ (fill in your own struggle) and that our lives had become unmanageable. We are recognizing and saying that we have no defense over our situation, substance or people. What a great way to start the day. Acknowledge that you are powerless and ask your Higher Power, (God for me, the maker and creator of all things), to lead you in the way that you should go.  I don't need to stumble into the day at all! 

And don't forget, all the strength you need to get through the day is found in His Word. In case you don't own a Bible, you can go to Bible Gateway (https://www.biblegateway.com/) and find His love letter to you there! 

Check it out!  Need some suggestions? Send me a note! 

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Letting Go

Life is full of choosing.  Do I stay or do I go? Do I love or do I walk away? Do I eat this or choose that?  We are constantly being challenged in our own thoughts to choose wisely or indulge. Sometimes you can do both, but those moments are rare, indeed. 

Letting Go is a topic that follows us everywhere.  In the last few years the song from Disney's Frozen "Let It Go" has been used in a variety of commercials, background music and children's birthday parties.  The lyrics have been sung by people of all sizes and ages in a quest to answer their own dilemma at hand. 

This past week at my meeting, we were discussing the topic to Let Go. One by one, male and female, shared the struggles and scenarios that are so familiar to families in drug crises and varying expressions of nodding, grimacing and sometimes tears were displayed unashamedly. One parent is in such raw pain and so new to this place of healing but not yet understanding how in the world she will ever be able to let go and step away from the child she loves who is active in addiction, she cannot fathom letting go. "But, I'm her mother" and "What if she needs me" were sobbingly stated. "I don't know how, I don't know how. I can't do it - I just can't let go".  

Identifying with her pain, I silently whispered a quick prayer for God's Spirit to comfort her and strengthen her resolve. I didn't want her to be in that place that we all have to walk through.  Being the great enabler that I am, I so wanted to ease her pain and take it from her, but knew that there is simply nothing any of us can do, but stand with her, be available for a phone call or just find the time to sit by her side if she asked. 

As each person shared from their own perspective,  some things were said in the direction of the crying mom in hopes of her realizing that we too, have walked her walk and felt her pain. That only time, and sometimes distance, really is what needs to be given in order to begin to heal. 

Finally, one of the true veterans of this meeting said something very helpful about Letting Go.  "People are often saying let it go, let go, or you should be letting go. What they are leaving out is the rest of the phrase which is to Let God.  If you are carrying something precious to you, such as a beautiful glass dish, or a valued picture frame holding the photo of someone you cherish and you need to suddenly let it go, what do you do?  You don't just drop it and let it fall to the floor in a million shattered pieces. You place it in another pair of hands or into a cabinet, on a table or in a drawer where it's safe.  When someone you love is in addiction and it's time to Let Go, you need to  actively Let God.  Place the one you love in God's capable hands where you know they are safe if they so choose. You have placed them lovingly into the hands of the only One who can change them and make a difference in their life. Oh, you'll attempt to take them back, but keep placing your darling into the hand of God and you will begin to find rest for your self."  

Her message is a great reminder to all of us of this simple practice. And it is a practice that needs to be repeated again and again as we navigate through our own maze of challenges; we have to practice keeping our eyes on our own path to peace and let others experience the same. 

May you find peace and love tonight in Letting God. Let Him in, let Him love, let Him heal, let Him lead you.  

It will only get better, this I know. 

What's On Your Bookshelf?

This summer I purposed that I would read more.  I used to love to sit and read for hours, but in the pace of life those days are precious and few not to mention that when I curl up and read I fall asleep. It's taken a lot of practice to be able to sit again and not feel lazy by passing the time away leisurely reading. 

When I first began recovery and even through the years since, I've found that a lot of my reading time has been wrapped up in the topic of recovery from every angle. Some days I couldn't get my hands on anything quickly enough to pacify my pain or answer my frenzied search on the what, why and when questions I had of enabling and codependency.  Soon, my bookshelf contained the excellent writings of Melody Beattie and Angelyn Miller to name a few and I couldn't take it in quickly enough. Boundaries, CoDependent No More, The Language of Letting Go and The Enabler consumed my every waking hour outside of work. 

As excellent as those books are and as medicinal as they were during various times in my life, I soon found that I was often looking at the world through a frown; the topic of recovery and addiction had become an addiction to me.  I wasn't balanced on any scale in my world, and soon I was eating, drinking, thinking recovery on every level of my life.  As we know, addiction to ANYTHING is deadly.  Over time, my chaotic living began to settle just a little bit at a time and I began to see that there was another world beyond my obsession and it was going on without me!  Music, movies, reading for enjoyment (not denial), art fairs and theater.  My world began to open up as I learned to no longer be consumed by the addictive behavior in Cliff's life and in my own.   If you are new to the world of recovery, come on in!   But learn as quickly as you can to be educated and pro-active but not consumed by all things recovery.  That's just as unhealthy as enabling and codependency. 

What's on your bookshelf?   What are your interests?  If you're stuck in a rut due to mind numbing living, ask your friends to suggest something light and easy.  Take the time to sit under a shade tree and listen to something that you can sing along with. Work on a jigsaw puzzle with a younger child or grandchild. Expand your horizons!

Step out of the ash heap and smile because staying in it won't change the ones you love.  You may as well make yourself lovable and remove the frown that the whole wide world sees you wearing.  

You are only promised today. Be set free and read! 

Unforced Rhythm of Grace

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. 

I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”  Matthew 11:28-30  (The Message)

When was the last time you read something from God that sounded so inviting and refreshing?  Did you think that recovery and God's Word didn't go together?  Look again. Be comforted. You are invited to rest and recover your life -  Your life! His Word doesn't ask you to come to Him to save your spouse, son, daughter or parent.  It invites you to come and recover yourself. Ahhhhhhhh.  I can feel my shoulders relaxing and loosening up.  I can sense the weight coming off of me as I breathe just a little bit deeper.  I love the invitation to come and "learn the unforced rhythms of grace."

Grace.  A way of moving that isn't stiff.  A charming or attractive trait.

The word grace conjures up many a picture in my mind.  Being that I loved to dance, especially ballet as a young girl, grace is a beautiful arabesque followed by a quick glissade into a spinning turn with skirts of chiffon twirling about me free and flowing while following a gentle pattern of beauty. Some of you might see Audrey Hepburn in your minds eye.  Others will see a soaring bird or a swimming swan with wings lifted to show its grandeur.  Each of these scenarios is an unforced rhythm ~ it just happens, involuntarily, unplanned movement. 

Grace. A virtue coming from God.

How I've enjoyed grace weaving it's way through my life allowing me to live freely and lightly but I didn't always have that grace in my life. Oh, I thought I did but when I was chasing after dreams, ideals and rules that weren't mine to have, live or enforce, I was living in a forced pattern of rigidity that brought me nothing but chaos, angst and sadness.   I just didn't realize it.  I didn't know how to let go and let God, so to speak.  I didn't realize how freeing it was that I could merely live my life and let others live theirs and that I could choose to be close or distant from the chaos and poison.  I knew nothing about love with detachment or boundaries. But, now, WOW!!

Grace, grace, God's grace.

God's grace allows me to let God be God and lets me be me just as God created me to be.  Little ol' me that doesn't have to keep track of what everyone else is doing and why they're doing it that way. Grace allows me to leave the ones I love and care about into the marvelous grace of God's hand where they too, may find the unforced rhythms of grace.   When we choose to let God be God in our lives it brings an overwhelming amount of grace to us and we learn to give grace to others.  We don't deserve anything more than those who haven't come to the table yet. But the only difference is we've made a choice to live in a powerless place which is right where God is waiting.

Grace. A wonderful gift!

The Sun Rises and Falls

In the world of recovery it would be so comforting to be able to say that all is smooth sailing. But life as God created means the sun comes up and the sun goes down and in the midst of 24 hours life goes on often with stops and starts. Just when you begin to feel as if things are humming along nicely you get a call or hear from someone with news that can be disturbing, unsettling or downright tragic.

When I first began attending recovery meetings almost three years ago, an attractive spunky looking little gal walked in and already I didn't like her. Oh, not really, but I was a tad jealous on my first glance of K. She couldn't have been anything more than a size zero. Her hairstyle, clothing and demeanor was edgy. Cute as a button, heads would turn when she walked by. You know the type~you simply can't help but notice women like K. I began to get to know her a little at a time as she went to the addictions table while I went to the table for codependency. Our struggles were on opposite ends of the spectrum. It didn't take long before I realized I had nothing to be jealous of; her demons were large and fought for her life choices day by day. K had huge consequences due to her constant companion of Jack D. and spent many a day incapacitated by alcohol. Jack D claimed her life this week. Cute little K hung herself yesterday as this demon convinced her she was worthless in this life and that her life choices couldn't be forgiven. He sold her the big lie that recovery doesn't work and that she was a horrible mother. I'm saddened and devastated with the loss of this person in my life.

I've always struggled with this aspect of anyone in addiction recovery. When my sons were living under the influences of these damning choices I battled repeatedly with trying to figure out what would cause someone to feel so hopeless in the first place to make that choice.

Grasping again at what I find to steady me, I realize even more so how powerless I am over all of life except my choice to surrender my will and my way. I'm thankful for a support group that reaches out to each other with shared grief but shared affirmations to continue on our path of recovery and strength through God as our rock. I'm thankful that I began my day in prayer and readings that, unbeknown to me, prepared me to receive this news and not take it on as my personal cross to bear. I'm simply allowed to grieve as it should be.

The sun comes up and the sun goes down and the clock still ticks.


I'll miss K.



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Rest

I was wracked with grief last week. Not from any one thing in particular but a mounting sort of grief. This happens on occasion when I'm frustrated with the things I cannot change. This is the gut-wrenching hard part of recovery. This is the hard part of trusting God, my Higher Power, with everything, absolutely everything. I keep taking it back to "help a little bit" and suffering all the more.

So I gave it back to Him again and am putting into practice at long last, something that I preach. I'm making sure I find the time to spend with Him in the morning with readings from scripture and from my al-anon books. Over the years I've jumped into this routine and then let life sort of push me around and I forget just how much I need this practice. It truly allows me to go into the day in a much better frame of mind and keeps me from having misplaced struggles.

Yesterday, I had such a good day and it showed. Someone I work with told me I was "extra" bright looking and she attributed it to my haircut, but I knew where that little light was coming from. The peace that surpasses all understanding when I recognize just how powerless I am and ask Him to lead my life and know that I can rest in the palm of His hand.

Again.

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Turn About

My employer is 10 years younger than I. He has a family that he is actively helping raise, is equally active in his church, volunteers constantly and manages a business well. When I was brought on staff a little over three years ago, I was taken back by the level of interaction he had with his team of 14. It was impressive that if the coffee needed to be made or there were empty cups left in the sink, Mr. Boss would make coffee and clean cups. Every birthday was honored with pie or ice cream for the crew, always served by Mr. Boss himself. It's something I hadn't seen in any of the places I've worked over the past 25 years. Through the trials and tribulations I've personally had in my life since my employ, Mr Boss took a vested interest and always offered support morally and sometimes financially too. I am not the only employee to be treated with such graciousness.

Now, week after week I see Mr. Boss coming to work looking rather haggard at times. Sleepless eyes and weakening limbs. He's plagued by a back that more than twinges and during this stressful time of businesses going down, the back was uncooperative. Week after week my stomach's been in knots at the end of the day, wondering if tomorrow the ax will fall.

This past Thursday I was called in for the meeting I've been anticipating. I was almost giddy as we went to the conference room just for the fact of KNOWING what the plan was for me even if it wasn't what I hoped for. I didn't want to be unemployed but at least when you know what's coming your mind set can move in another direction.

As we sat down, we chit-chatted for a minute and I asked Mr. Boss how he was doing. He stated that it's been the hardest time in his life as a business owner. I told him I've been praying for him and our company for months during these trying times. Then, not surprisingly, Mr. Boss said "Unfortunately, things aren't good and we can't continue to operate in the manner we have been and stay in business. Sales aren't going out and receivables aren't coming in. It's economically impossible to continue to operate the way we have been and remain a company." I knew this. Then, surprisingly, Mr. Boss said, "I want you to think about something. As far as the office is concerned, I am going to lay you off, but not lay you off." Huh? What a turn about!

He continued to say, I would be removed from the element in which I work and set up in another room in the building to strictly focus on accounts that haven't been pursued via our database, our ignored house accounts and working on an industry list to generate some sales. Additionally, Mr. Boss said that our company has been considering adding an additional product line of steel and perhaps I would exclusively manage those sales as a separate entity of our company. Go ahead and think about it, he offered. Two seconds went by and I said yes.

I was honored that Mr. Boss felt strongly enough about keeping me on the payroll as an asset to this company and created a place for me. Overwhelmed with thankfulness, really. In the mix of time I was also able to negotiate a little different start/end work day too, which makes my life a bit easier for my evening obligations. We both seemed satisfied when we left our meeting. I thanked him for giving me this opportunity and Mr. Boss said, "see, maybe your prayers are being answered."

I drove home in conversation with God and thanked Him too, for the trust that has been given to me and prayed that this transition, which will be in about three weeks, will go as Mr. Boss has imagined it would with sales numbers improving. They may be slow at first, I reasoned, but asked God that something would be generated in a quick enough time frame so Mr. Boss can breathe a little bit easier and know that he made the right decision in keeping me on in this capacity.

The next evening another shop employee was laid off.

I'm grateful for the fact that I now know I'm powerless but also am assured that I'm in the palm of the One who has His eye on my every breath. I love it even more that this assurance isn't exclusively mine. You can know this too.

"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand."

Phil. 4:6a

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