So this is Christmas.....

"So this is Christmas, and what have you done? Another year over, and a new one just begun"

Each year the strains of this tune by the legendary John Lennon gain strength and echo out this famous question through the festivities of the season.  Dare I say that I'm not a huge John Lennon fan (gasp!) but I sing along with my generation whenever this song is playing. 

This season of the year which is a joyous celebration for so many, especially if you are a Believer of Jesus, is also a season of anguish for just as many at the very same time. "And what have you done?" echoes through my mind like a tolling bell reminding me of some things that have simply never changed. 

Oh, I spent years kicking it around and played out scenes over and over of what would be different if only I had made a different decision, but as you know if you're in recovery, that scenario is a dead-end street. Sometimes the residue of stinkin-thinkin creeps into a fairly routine life now, just to shake things up a bit if I'm not on my toes and wearing my shoes of awareness. It's easy to play the same record of regret over and over if this year isn't any different than last.  Perhaps you don't know where your addict is but repeatedly you set a plate for him at the dinner table just in case he arrives on your doorstep. You don't notice the others rolling their eyes when he shows up, or you choose not to notice because you think for a moment, the fatted calf has come home.   Maybe you don't leave the house because, you know, you don't want her to walk into an empty home on Christmas. When and if she does walk in, the turmoil wafts in with her, just like the cloud that surrounds Pig-Pen wherever he goes, but you choose not to see.

"So, what have you done?" Are you in the same boat as you were last Christmas and the year before that and the year before that? Oh, I surely hope not!

Addiction and alcoholism are no respecter of seasonal calendars and today someone's phone will ring with the news that their addict overdosed or their drunk blacked out and never regained consciousness.  Are you sitting in the dark with the Christmas tree on counting your blessings or bracing yourself for that phone call? Are you in a state of mourning year after year for what can't be changed?  Have you taken the steps this past year walking into wellness with others who will support you if your phone rings with tragic news? 

Perhaps your vision is blurry with one bad decision after another. But here's the good news - Jesus was born for this situation.  Yes, contrary to what many would say, Jesus came back for the sick, not the righteous.  He came to redeem the wretched man or woman, not the one who toes the line, believing they don't need a Savior while looking down at the others.  Jesus also came to help you walk out of that chaos.

Possibly you have a relationship with Jesus but stumble through the debris of loving an addict.  You're most definitely not alone but you can trust that God doesn't want you to continue to choose someone else's life over your own well being and relationship with Him.  Jesus was born in a stable to reach even the most downcast soul and lead them in a different direction if only they choose to walk with Him.  You can choose for yourself, too.  If the one you love won't decide to live a clean and sober life that's up to them but you can decide differently for yourself and be set free! The choices they make have nothing to do with your heart of celebration today or any day.

Remember the father of the Prodigal Son?  He didn't run around town asking people to keep an eye on his son who was determined to go his own way and purposely live against the Jewish laws he was raised to respect.  He didn't try to circumvent the problems at all.  No, he just merely kept an eye out for his return and when he came home a changed man, the father welcomed him home with joy!

I pray that if you celebrate Christmas today, that you will find joy in the midst of those you are with, and if you are alone today, don't look for reasons to feel sorry about it.  Watch a movie you've been wanting to see, read a book that's waiting to be opened.  Play the music you love at the highest volume you can handle.  Take a walk, make something you like to eat, but just be sure to find some joy in your day and a reason to be thankful.  Watch the Grinch or It's a Wonderful Life and see if you can relate to the ending!

Christmas isn't about romance, food comas or gifts galore. It's about God's love for you.  Find it - believe it and walk in it.  I promise - you WILL find joy.

Merry Christmas!   

The Struggle is Real

You know, it's been over 10 years since my son was in active addiction and for that my gratitude runs deeper than my words can express.  With the surging business of social media we are becoming much more aware of the far reaching ravages of addiction and the pain strewn around like petals falling from a beautifully bloomed rose bush.  It's everywhere.

People are becoming more vocal about this uninvited guest that wormed its way into the midst of their homes, jobs, bank accounts and family gatherings.  It seems the unwanted, lurking blood-sucking traitors are now out in the open instead of tucked away in some dark, web-filled corner of the attic.  In many ways, this "outing" of the problem is good.  What was automatically considered a life of crime, is now thought of as a life of disease.  You will find 2 very strong opinions regarding this topic of conversation and how to handle the outcome of those stances.  Personally for me, I'm glad to see that the issue is coming out more in the ways of education and our culture realizing that the addiction is not the only identifying feature of the person we love.

Sometimes I'll read an obituary on FB, that has no relevance to me, other than a parent is grieving yet relishing the person beyond their battles. What were they known for? Perhaps they were a great dancer, a flourishing writer, or record-setting ball player.  Did they have a scientific mind that functioned on the realm of genius when they weren't in the battle at hand? Was the dearly departed beloved, the next king or queen of cuisine that was honing their skill when untouched by the thief of life? I'm thankful that life is now being celebrated beyond the ravages of sorrow, filled with pain and rejection. It's hard enough to grieve alone when your addict is actively using, let alone hiding your grief in death because we are still ashamed of the place and way they were or are living. 

If you had known me 20 years ago, you wouldn't recognize me as the same person and you surely wouldn't believe that my son is the same man he was under the guise of a needle. My appearance isn't so different but my actions, reactions, ability to focus and hopefully my demeanor are markedly different from then till now.  Cliff's life is NOTHING reflective of the years of active using.  He's been clean from the needle for 10 years but has worked extremely hard in the last 2 years to make changes since his past addiction.  It's not been easy for either of us but when Cliff finally "let God" in to the places of hurt that hadn't been dealt with, he slowly began to make life-changes that I believe will follow him all of his days.  Isn't this what every parent dreams of?  

Cliff has come to the realization that even though much of his childhood was filled with angst, anger and abusive situations, his choices now are up to him. He's reading daily devotionals and letting the truth of God's love for him fill into every joint and marrow that oozes positive choices, decisions and words, quelling the memories from days of old that attempt to stir him into a temperamental eruption.  Additionally, he's choosing a peaceful presence in all his surroundings which has flowed into my life, too.  I could take a lesson from Cliff in my food choices and exercise routine.  Those who follow a plant-based diet and movement for wellness (Cliff has been battling back and neck injury for the last 2 years) would laud Cliff's life-changes and call him king! It's quite possible the addict you love is one step away from the life-change you've been praying for.

For those still in the battle with your loved ones, I know the struggle is real.  But your support is more real - more real than you may believe.  Check for meetings in your community whether it be AA, NA or Celebrate Recovery.  Plant yourself in the middle of a well-run, long withstanding group that has years of recovery behind them.  Let yourself be loved in a healthy, supportive way because most likely you've been withholding getting close to anyone, as a form of unintended defense, for a very long time.  And make a list of what you love (loved) about your addict.  Don't let the enemy of your heart and soul rob you of all that is or was true.

Whatever you do, please don't try to manage this all alone.  There is a community of wellness waiting to help you see much more clearly than you can muster alone.  You're almost there.

"Pain is no evil, unless it conquers us"

Charles Kingsley 

*Picture from Google*

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