I am attempting to step up my job application effort. I know that the right job will happen.
TJ has been on a tidal wave. He got an email from his boss's boss...praising him for his quick mind, tenacity and telling him how important he has become to the company (I told TJ they are buttering him up so he won't get a FULLTIME job with anyone else...not that he didn't deserve the praise but he recognized over kill). They are going to train him for on air news casting. He played me his demo...he's good! and I'm not just saying that because he's my son. Also, he and the fiancée seemed to have worked out their differences and getting along really well. AND he sold his old car...after having it advertised for only 12 hours.
Bethany, on the other hand, while continuing her excellent grades in college has contracted a virus and it has left her with a sore throat to deal with. The doctor can't give her anything for it so I make her throat coat tea, a spray with lidocaine in it, and cool burst multisympton Tylenol to relieve pain also. She also takes some type of teslon perls (?) for any coughing.
I am doing much better myself. Feeling like my joy is returning. I love women's bible study...except for the woman that I wrote about in my last entry...the one that was divorced 10 years ago. She is angry at her sons for communicating with their dad. The one that had not had anything to do with him for 10 years is just now communicating with him and she is angry. She said they are being disloyal to her. She needs to get beyond herself.
On the other hand, Evil Spawn (ha ha) seems to have dumped Scary Spice and TJ decided to communicate a little with his dad. I do not have a problem with that. I think it would be bad if he and Bethany could not communicate with him at all. While E.S. dumped S.S, he has quickly replaced HER. Not sure what with and I really do not have any interest. The kids may be but...that is up to them.
I am concentrating on me. I am concentrating on my inner being and my physical being. I have jumped head long into diet and exercise. I have committed myself, for now, to exercising off the same amount of calories every day, that I eat that day. That will give my body fuel but also force it to burn fat. E.S. will be here in May to get his stuff and I would like to be a lot smaller. It is not FOR him but for me to see the look on his face....and for me. I need it for me. However, working towards the look on his face is a great motivator to me right now. And really...whatever gets you there!
Sunday, January 25, 2015
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Me, Myself and I
Going along with the examples put before me as I grew up, I found that putting my focus on myself was considered to be selfish.
Then I 'made friends' with Joyce Meyers. I love her books. I like to listen to her on television. I have also been listening to Charles Stanley and Kenneth Copeland. I need those kinds of teachers and friends. It is helping me to quiet the anger, and just take things as they come.
I attended the women's bible study last week and will again each week until the book is done. We support each other with bible teachings, sharing our stories and giving encouragement, perspective, and prayer. I met someone new there last week who shared her divorce story with me afterwards. She had been married for 34 years and raised 2 boys. Since her ex was once the superintendent of our city schools, the scandal of his affairs and their divorce was splashed across the front of the small town newspaper. It has been 10 years and she is still bitter. She also still lives in this small town, even though she teaches elsewhere. I would not stay here if that was the case.
Hearing other women's stories of their divorces focuses the light more intently on how blessed I have been throughout my divorce. Divorce, no matter what, is hell. In my case, the marriage was not great and I wanted out anyway. I really have no idea why I was so angry at him about it. God helped me out.
I have learned more about the replacement of me that he chose than I ever wanted to find out. My son just recently discovered she is also 12 years younger than his dad. Our son says that by looking at her FB page and what she writes on it and how she writes, she is somewhat of a teenager. I told him that she is his dad's age then...maturity wise. They will do well together. Let them be. It is not hard for me to slough them off. It is more difficult for the kids to have to put up with the fact that their father is emotionally younger than they are. At some point, they will figure out what to do with him/about him. Right now, we all seem okay with him not around and not having to deal with him. The kids haven't communicated with him since the FB pictures that were posted by Baby Spice (my nickname for her). My son did send his dad an email but he has not talked to his dad. Evil Spawn (aka Skunk Weed) tried calling TJ but TJ did not answer and has not returned the call...over a week later.
I am formulating a plan for myself...my physical, emotional, and career. One day at a time.
As for the kids and their relationships...TJ and Brit had a big blow out last week and I thought it was the end. But, it turned out that they actually got a lot of things out in the open, and seemed to come to some agreements on things. They SEEM to be getting along better than ever. As long as they can communicate, it is good.
Jordan moved into his own place that I grudgingly call The Shack...cuz, well...it is. But he wanted his own place. Not sure why he was in such a hurry about it. I am just concerned because he is working long hours at his new asst mgr. stint at the local Domino's and missed the return date for his studies this semester. He was whining about missing classes...I told him not to lose sight of his goal. Bethany will be done with her schooling next November and will be finding her first job. If he is still diddling around a year from then, and they are still together, they may not be after that. She will move on. He was acting rather, as the kids say, buttish for a bit. But I guess he was just over tired...I don't know. Bethany was perturbed with him. Maybe it was the weather.
Tonight I was glad to be such a planner. I made sure each of the kids had jumper cables, a quart of oil, a funnel and a container of coolant in their cars. When one of the girls went to leave work tonight her battery was dead. No one had jumper cables except Bethany. She was so proud that momma had the foresight to supply her with them. I just want to make sure my kids are not caught out there with no way to help themselves.
Now, to sleep so that I can start my day off with my exercise, a decent breakfast, and hitting the job boards and sending out applications. I also have a lot of filing to do. Things are piling up. I hate filing. LOL
Then I 'made friends' with Joyce Meyers. I love her books. I like to listen to her on television. I have also been listening to Charles Stanley and Kenneth Copeland. I need those kinds of teachers and friends. It is helping me to quiet the anger, and just take things as they come.
I attended the women's bible study last week and will again each week until the book is done. We support each other with bible teachings, sharing our stories and giving encouragement, perspective, and prayer. I met someone new there last week who shared her divorce story with me afterwards. She had been married for 34 years and raised 2 boys. Since her ex was once the superintendent of our city schools, the scandal of his affairs and their divorce was splashed across the front of the small town newspaper. It has been 10 years and she is still bitter. She also still lives in this small town, even though she teaches elsewhere. I would not stay here if that was the case.
Hearing other women's stories of their divorces focuses the light more intently on how blessed I have been throughout my divorce. Divorce, no matter what, is hell. In my case, the marriage was not great and I wanted out anyway. I really have no idea why I was so angry at him about it. God helped me out.
I have learned more about the replacement of me that he chose than I ever wanted to find out. My son just recently discovered she is also 12 years younger than his dad. Our son says that by looking at her FB page and what she writes on it and how she writes, she is somewhat of a teenager. I told him that she is his dad's age then...maturity wise. They will do well together. Let them be. It is not hard for me to slough them off. It is more difficult for the kids to have to put up with the fact that their father is emotionally younger than they are. At some point, they will figure out what to do with him/about him. Right now, we all seem okay with him not around and not having to deal with him. The kids haven't communicated with him since the FB pictures that were posted by Baby Spice (my nickname for her). My son did send his dad an email but he has not talked to his dad. Evil Spawn (aka Skunk Weed) tried calling TJ but TJ did not answer and has not returned the call...over a week later.
I am formulating a plan for myself...my physical, emotional, and career. One day at a time.
As for the kids and their relationships...TJ and Brit had a big blow out last week and I thought it was the end. But, it turned out that they actually got a lot of things out in the open, and seemed to come to some agreements on things. They SEEM to be getting along better than ever. As long as they can communicate, it is good.
Jordan moved into his own place that I grudgingly call The Shack...cuz, well...it is. But he wanted his own place. Not sure why he was in such a hurry about it. I am just concerned because he is working long hours at his new asst mgr. stint at the local Domino's and missed the return date for his studies this semester. He was whining about missing classes...I told him not to lose sight of his goal. Bethany will be done with her schooling next November and will be finding her first job. If he is still diddling around a year from then, and they are still together, they may not be after that. She will move on. He was acting rather, as the kids say, buttish for a bit. But I guess he was just over tired...I don't know. Bethany was perturbed with him. Maybe it was the weather.
Tonight I was glad to be such a planner. I made sure each of the kids had jumper cables, a quart of oil, a funnel and a container of coolant in their cars. When one of the girls went to leave work tonight her battery was dead. No one had jumper cables except Bethany. She was so proud that momma had the foresight to supply her with them. I just want to make sure my kids are not caught out there with no way to help themselves.
Now, to sleep so that I can start my day off with my exercise, a decent breakfast, and hitting the job boards and sending out applications. I also have a lot of filing to do. Things are piling up. I hate filing. LOL
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
Building Blocks
The holidays are over. I thought Christmas Day Skype was bad enough for my kids. But they woke up the day after New Year day to pictures of their dad and his new female friend.
He had not even admitted to them about a gf...and this was how they found out...and what she looked like. He had not actually put the pictures on his page himself...she had tagged him in the photos so they would show up. Then he tried to say that she didn't know they would be on his page if she did that. I told him that either she did tell him that and he is just ignorant enough to believe it and he is being manipulated OR he is trying to feed that BS to us believing WE are stupid enough to believe it.
I went off on him for being such a piece of crap. They may be adults but they deserved better than him telling then it was HIS business then displaying it on FB for the whole world to see. The kicker?
He has complained for years about women covering themselves in tattoos...he thought it was cheap and made them look bad. He also did not like extra piercings on ANYONE.
Well, she has a big old tattoo across her chest, other ones in various other places and at least one cheek piercing.
At least somethings never change...he says one thing then does another. I told him that too. I also went ahead and called him stupid more than once. It was cathartic. It was mean...and it made me feel better.
He called both kids and tried to explain it all away to them. TJ bit his tongue about it all and just told him he was not thrilled to find out like everyone else. Bethany called him on his BS and told him what she really thought about it all. TJ has pronounced to me he is done with his father because he is one big liar.
Now that this has all hit the fan...I am hoping I can move on. Just when I think he can't surprise me anymore. I never saw the pictures...I took him off my friend list a long time ago and he had found the settings button on his FB so he could keep me from seeing any friends on his list that we didn't have in common and I couldn't see recent pictures. I went ahead and just blocked him and had my son put her name in to block her too. I don't want to deal with her....or anyone else he might associate himself with. Need to keep it separate.
TJ bought himself a new car (new for him) on his own (well, I was there and giving him some back up) the day after New Year. It is nice but right away I had to take it to a dealer and have a new key made for the car locks and a new fob programmed. The fob that came with it worked at first but then it just quit. The key he had would not unlock the car. We ended up getting one of the local cops to open the door so he could get his work stuff out...then he had to drive my car to work the next day. I called our mechanic and told him what happened. He asked me if a new ignition had been put in. I said, "yes, it looks like it." He told me the key had not been fit to the locks. And to call the dealer to have them test the fob.
So I did. They had to program a new fob and make a new key with the code chip on it. Then, he got the car going. He has loved it! And he is thrilled that his dad had nothing to do with it. I am proud of him. Just one more block in his confidence building.
He had not even admitted to them about a gf...and this was how they found out...and what she looked like. He had not actually put the pictures on his page himself...she had tagged him in the photos so they would show up. Then he tried to say that she didn't know they would be on his page if she did that. I told him that either she did tell him that and he is just ignorant enough to believe it and he is being manipulated OR he is trying to feed that BS to us believing WE are stupid enough to believe it.
I went off on him for being such a piece of crap. They may be adults but they deserved better than him telling then it was HIS business then displaying it on FB for the whole world to see. The kicker?
He has complained for years about women covering themselves in tattoos...he thought it was cheap and made them look bad. He also did not like extra piercings on ANYONE.
Well, she has a big old tattoo across her chest, other ones in various other places and at least one cheek piercing.
At least somethings never change...he says one thing then does another. I told him that too. I also went ahead and called him stupid more than once. It was cathartic. It was mean...and it made me feel better.
He called both kids and tried to explain it all away to them. TJ bit his tongue about it all and just told him he was not thrilled to find out like everyone else. Bethany called him on his BS and told him what she really thought about it all. TJ has pronounced to me he is done with his father because he is one big liar.
Now that this has all hit the fan...I am hoping I can move on. Just when I think he can't surprise me anymore. I never saw the pictures...I took him off my friend list a long time ago and he had found the settings button on his FB so he could keep me from seeing any friends on his list that we didn't have in common and I couldn't see recent pictures. I went ahead and just blocked him and had my son put her name in to block her too. I don't want to deal with her....or anyone else he might associate himself with. Need to keep it separate.
TJ bought himself a new car (new for him) on his own (well, I was there and giving him some back up) the day after New Year. It is nice but right away I had to take it to a dealer and have a new key made for the car locks and a new fob programmed. The fob that came with it worked at first but then it just quit. The key he had would not unlock the car. We ended up getting one of the local cops to open the door so he could get his work stuff out...then he had to drive my car to work the next day. I called our mechanic and told him what happened. He asked me if a new ignition had been put in. I said, "yes, it looks like it." He told me the key had not been fit to the locks. And to call the dealer to have them test the fob.
So I did. They had to program a new fob and make a new key with the code chip on it. Then, he got the car going. He has loved it! And he is thrilled that his dad had nothing to do with it. I am proud of him. Just one more block in his confidence building.
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