Disengage from Inner Critic (Radio Station KFKD)

Geneen Roth features this key step as pivotal in healing your relationship to food. Her text from Chapter 10 of her new book, which I've briefly excerpted below, is brilliant. Does any of this sound familiar?

The biggest obstacle to any kind of transformation is the voice that tells you it's impossible. It says: 

You've always been like this, you'll always be like this, what's the point. No one ever really changes. Might as well eat. By the way, have you taken a look at your arms recently? And what were you thinking when you wore those pants today? Have you noticed the rolls cascading over your pants? And excuse me, did you forget to put on makeup today or is that what you look like when it's already on? That hair. Those thighs. Why do you even bother? Did you just say what I think you said to your boss? Who are you, Queen of the Universe? How many times do you have to fall flat on your face before you learn to keep your mouth shut?

Anne Lamott calls it Radio Station KFKD. Less lyrical people (like Sigmond Freud) call it the superego, the internalized parent, the inner critic. I call it The Voice. 

You talk to yourself like that from the time you awaken until you close your eyes at night without one teeny thought about the cruelty factor; you've become inured to the insults. And therein lies the pickle: The Voice feels and sounds so much like you that you believe it is you. 

The Voice usurps your strength, passion and energy -- and turns them against you. Its unique way of blending objective truth - that you've gained weight - with moral judgment - that therefore you are a complete loser - leaves you feeling defeated and weak, which then leaves you susceptible to latching on to the next quick fix or miracle cure. Anything to stop feeling so desperate.


When you disengage from The Voice, you have access to yourself and everything The Voice supposedly offers: clarity and intelligence and true discernment.

-- Geneen Roth

As I said, brilliant. An exercise Geneen suggests is to start naming The Voice when you hear it in your head, and to write down the exact statements your Voice makes. This is a very effective means of starting your disengagement. Read her book for more juice and guidance.

Women & Food: Anorexia of the Soul

I'm reading Geneen Roth's new book, and it's rather riveting. I've never been a fan to date, but this new book is more compelling for some reason. Perhaps I'm more open and curious? I define compulsive eating broadly, broad enough to include restriction, obsessive dieting, obsessive weighing and thinking about weight, exercise bulimia, vomiting, bingeing and just plain ol' overeating.

What's been proven to help: a food plan, written in advance (ideally the night or day before), sticking to the food plan, and writing down everything you eat; eating a big breakfast; getting sufficient balance of good fats, 5-7 servings of fresh fruits and vegetables (blah blah blah) plus protein at every meal; understanding the root cause of why you overeat and if you cannot, get help, e.g. join a 12-step program such as OA or FA.

I'll share a gem, and then I really need to unplug and go to bed....

Compulsive eating is basically a refusal to be fully alive. No matter what we weigh, those of us who are compulsive eaters have anorexia of the soul. We refuse to take in what sustains us. We live lives of deprivation. And when we can't stand it any longer, we binge. The way we are able to accomplist all of this is by the simple act of bolting - of leaving ourselves - hundreds of time a day. -- Geneen Roth, Women Food and God

Never underestimate the inclination to bolt -- Pema Chodron