My baby...

You're the gift for our first anniversary, also the first in my 2012 wishlist. Almost 6 weeks old by then.

I waited for a while to suprise your grandparents ( I made them visited us in Kedah for that purpose) with the news. Family and close friends shared the news later on.

For the next 10 weeks of having you inside me, it was a pleasant experience. I was very thankful for the mild morning sickness and support i received from colleagues. Your father pampered me very well.

Scan at 8th and 13th week were uneventful

No abdominal pain. No bleeding.

03042012: At 16 weeks, I walked up to the antenatal clinic for routine antenatal check up; all excited to see you again. 

 But where's your heartbeat? Why you seemed all crumpled inside?

My O&G colleague said we should do Doppler's ultrasound for better view but deep inside, i knew. 

I've lost you. 

My heart crushed into pieces. I cried my heart out in your father's arms..A strong tuck at my heartstrings.

It was missed miscarriage.

05042012: I was admitted and induced for labour. 

An hour of contraction pain. Selawat syifa and Surah Maryam from the iphone.

Uncomplicated delivery. Fetus still attached to the placenta sac. After the ultrasound, we opted to go home first and came back after a week to do repeat ultrasound and decide on D&C

It's been a week now since you left us but only Allah know when actually your heart last beat.

You're put to rest very close to your greatgrandfather's, fondly called as Tok ayah by us.

I took comfort knowing that you're in better place, waiting for us. So we need to become better Muslim to see you again. 

Rest now, my baby. 

With Love.

This hardship has renew-ed my love towards hubs. His undivided attention and sacrifice ease the pain .

This hardship has reminded me of those people around us who really cares and wish for the best for us.

Most of all, this hardship brings us closer to Him..


Updated:

Actually, i had created a separate webspace for my journey of pregncy but Allah knows best..I will keep this memory inside my heart until it's time to write in there again, insya Allah..

http://teenyweenythought.blogspot.com/

Nikmat sepertiga malam..

I sort of abandon this blog for the longest time ever, my bad...

It's already 2012.  The last 3 months last year wasn't something i would like to keep in my memory. It was too painful,  the darkest point of my life so far. My only strength during those time was faith in Allah and parents. I had come to the state where i could plan my future with the possible new situation.

But at the end of the day, patience paid off. Allah gave me this test but HE also lead my way out of it. It's almost miracle when things unveiled itself, one after another. When i look back, how close i am to lose something i hold on dearly, but its Allah's will that not only i got it back but also in much much better way.

ALHAMDULILLAH.

If there's one thing i would keep in mind is whatever that happen in our life, nothing is out of Allah's knowledge. pray to HIM, ask from HIM for what's best for us. We'll be suprised of how gracious and forgiving Allah is. The best time to ask from HIM is 'sepertiga malam yang akhir' so if we really really wish for something, sacrifice half an hour before subuh to submit ourselves to ALLAH for solat tahajud, solat taubat and solat hajat.   Insya Allah, He will ease everything for us as HE is the BEST KNOW-ER and MOST MERCIFUL. I actually learnt about this from Prof Haji Kamil (author of Travelog Haji) when i chanced upon him in Muqaddimah slot on tv9 during my emergency leave.

So , stay strong.. lovely people!

Top 3!

I dragged this post for more than a week now..whenever i made a mental note to come up with new entry, i ended up dozing/surfing net/watching TV or doing housewife's work...

So this is it. I'm not going anywhere until i click 'PUBLISH POST'

Put my life update aside, i wanted to share this first. It's my top pick for fren's blog update since my hiatus (hahah, dah lama x guna perkataan hiatus..dulu2 kalu jiwa kacau sket je konon nak hiatus from blog, tup tup esok tuh dah ada new entry...pbbhht!)

So instead of updating my blog for the past few months, i went blog-hopping and had good hearty laugh reading this post


KISAH HANIN DAN KUCING
Hanin oh Hanin...penuh ekspresi diri..!

KISAH FARINA DAH KHAIRUL FAHMI (ehehe, tajuk meletopss!)
Memang terbaekkkk!

but nothing can beat this...

*drumroll*

KISAH FATMA DAN K-POP

I had my OMG moments reading this...literally ROTFL, ok! just to calm myself a bit, i had to text Fatma to thanks her for this entry of the day..i just couldnt figure out what's in their mind, seriously...and to quote Fatma

'You can't dressed Ali, Ahmad or Supardi with tight leather pants and vest, tunjuk-tunjuk dada macam tu, and call them K-Pop artist and expect that we didn't know any different and will fall for you and call you, "Oppa! Oppa!". Ugh. Geli akak.'

I'm not a fan of K-pop (as in the real group in Korea) but still cringe upon reading this...so i cant imagine what Umie@Jebon would feel..LOL

Ok, dah siap. Nak solat zuhur plak..

OPPSY DAISY!

Whoppsss, i have neglected this space more than intended..too occupied with so many things, i still have June magazines un-read! huhuh

Will try to come up with more rants and updates later..as for now, selamat menghayati bulan Ramadhan..top up our usual ibadah of berpuasa with tadarus Al-Quran, solat tahajud and sedekah;)

And no, that is not my transformed husband;)

Mere mehboobaaa...

Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge goes a long way in Hamzah's clan, pioneered by our very own Cikyah. If i'm not mistaken, she travelled from Ipoh to Kl thrice just to watch this movie in cinema.

During school holiday, she brought back the VCD and premiered it for the first time in our house. Mind you, back then we didnt have VCD player and had to borrow someone else's (can't remember whose..) and to make it more interesting, there wasnt any subtitle either.. so, imagine us watching the telly while at the same time listening to my aunt's narration..LOL!

i was just 13 years old (kot!?) back then but Cikyah's passion towards this love story transpired.. we(girl' siblings) instantly went uhhhhhh-ed for the hero..SRK was the newbie in the industry and look at his style in this film, all innocent and charming! The next thing we know,during school holiday we would go to Cikyah's house in Ipoh and enjoyed movie marathon. I remembered vividly our experience watching Dil To Pagal Hai in the cinema and went home all smiling, dreaming of our own Rahul. In the car during road trip, we'll sing along to Hindi songs with our Late Ayah Lah..

1998- I'm sure my SSPian girls remembered the year where it all started. Shah Rukh Khan's mania in Malaysia and us got no exception. People were talking about Kuch Kuch Hota Hei everywhere and our very own Headgirl was the first in batch to watch it during her outing..Were were having our Sunday's night prep and instead of finishing homework, we crowded around Fatma's desk and listened to her bragging. hehehe!

My friend and i decided to follow her leadership- we must go and watch the movie ourselves..! we chose Sunway Pyramid for that matter and there were 6 of us -Myself, Liyana, Peon, Kak Ani, Jasmine and another girl whom i couldnt recall.. We were all excited and giggling before going in ..I remembered passing tissue to one of them during the show ,LOL!! (guess who?!)

Following that, saturday afternoon become our favourite time.. we had our self-created group who would pass the words around and by 2pm, gathered in Bilik Rekreasi Blok A &B for some gala time... I was actually an outcast because my dormitory was in Blok C but what's the joy of watching Hindi movie alone there, isnt it??! Those were one of the best moment in high school memories. We would find our fave spot and went uhhh-ahhhh whenever the hero came out to rescue the heroin...

There's one time when Miss Shal got all confused with the noise and quickly flipped through her telly-only to be more confused when she couldnt see any logistic reason for our abnormal behaviour downstairs..LOL!

Remember when some of us got called up by Cik Aisah, headwarden during prep hour for some 'Namaste' talk??..gosh, rumours had it that on top of all craze, someone actually had the nerve do some paper-cutting from the newspaper in her room to add up to Salman Khan's collection.




Huh, aku suspek budak PA system yg buat..hahaha!

As a punishment, i was reprimanded from going to Bilik Rek A & B..kahkahkah! It's not as if they can stop us from continuing our girls' session. Did i tried to sneaked into the room again for our weekly dose of Hindi's? i cant remember now..

Headgirl and i also shared tiny secret related to this..Fatma, dumping ground depan rumah besar..does it ring a bell to you?

Actually this entry was especially dedicated to Farina . Now you go have fun with your saree tomrrow and make us all jealous in homeland! pffttttt:p

Short stint

June last year.

Instead of staying and wasting my time, I took a de-tour. I applied to go to district hospital. I got a chance to talk to a certain specialist from another hospital, it’s going to be a good experience before pursuing into my special interest. From the beginning of housemanship, I’ve been feed with lotsa stories about district hospital and what’s like so of course, I was all nerve. Instead of ducking off, I choose to have a taste myself.

Again I had to fight to go to HTM instead of HKK (knowing fully well that I’ll be the scapegoat if I agreed for the latter.)

I was in charge of medical and during oncall, it’s going to be either casualty or medical/paeds. So that’s good enough for a start. Things got a lot better when I teamed up with this particular committed MO and guided by another committed specialist. Shared workload and continuous teaching made it all easier.

It’s true when people said that you can easily scrutinize peripheral’s management unless you had working experience there. Dealing with incompetent staffs (but I have to admit some are actually really good and keen) during critical time, making sure that everything’s under control while waiting for (up to 4 hours!) transport, made do with whatever facilities/medication you had at that moment and putting up with your colleagues from tertiary centre.

Suprisingly, I couldn’t recall any moment that I have regret about my decision. Even when I was struggling in the casualty during late hours or staying past 4pm on Thursday because the specialist wanted to do a quick round in the ward, I have no grumble. I wouldn’t say I was all excellent and competent (failed twice in intubation during the early days,heh!) but I made sure I learnt. I didn’t hesitate to call for help but I tried to improve along the way.

I had a taste of dengue death too. It happened so quick and you’d wish two large bore branula would appear magically by the time you arrived. Think of mortality audit as just another learning process, or else you’ll have sleepless night beforehand.

Patience would also be tested by relatives. One eventful oncall saw me facing denial son-in-law who accused me of making wrong decision by putting a tube into his father-in-law’s nose (which I’m sure he meant the ETT into the mouth and not Ryle’s tube) and gotten him worse, when the poor chap was actually gasping and ABG showed PCO2 has climbed up to 85%. I was just glad I had my mask on. I could’ve snapped back, instead I continued with my remaining task and called his wife aside to re-explain.

I learnt better about humility. Patient who’s a sole breadwinner as tin-collector and came in with bad arthritis, a lot of them cant afford to pay for hospital facility, majority of them requested for welfare during follow up-among the many. This place humbled me.

I would especially remember my fellow colleagues and staff in casualty there;)

Of farewell and such..

Doing housemanship in Kelantan wasn’t my choice. I’ve always envisioned myself working in KL where my social network is based and second home since 12 years old. Instead, I simply fulfilled my parents’s wish after having me abroad for good 5 years. They rarely ask anything from their children so I thought maybe I’ll do it for them this time. So it’s HRPZ II in the application form.

“Dudukla dulu dengan ma abah, nanti dah kahwin ikut suami pulak..’

Their exact words..

Perfectly honest, I cried when I opened up the offer letter as I was indeed posted to Kelantan. It’s this girl thing who grew up with her friends so the thought of living out of town far away from these people made me cringed. But I take in the tears and hope I’ll get something out of it.

Allah is the most gracious.

I went through hell during first month of housemanship..adjustment disorder, in an understatement tone. My parents never leave me alone… They travelled for almost an hour every night just to make sure i had my dinner and kept me company until the next morning, all cramped in that tiny cubicle of hospital quarters. Everyday, my mum would check out on me and give me comfort.

Parents’ unconditional love.

By 2nd month, I can forgo the idea of resignation letter. (I can actually LOL at that thought now!)

As time goes by, I met wonderful people so there were plenty of eating galore and a few road trips/picnic in between work-related grumbles..I also fell in love with my job;)

The past 3 years proved that distance is just a mind over matter. I made monthly visit to KL and still able to enjoy girlfriends’ time on a regular basis. It became more beautiful when they made their presence on my wedding day, laughing at my antics and calming my nerve..

BFF’s, hiks!

Renewed bonding with family and working in comfort zone, now it’s time to go for another adventure…whatever future holds for me, bring in on;)