Sat, May 13, 6:14 AM to me We come to earth alone. We spend our lifetime trying to connect with others. Sometimes we think to connect we have to be the same as another person. That's when we get jealous or discouraged as we compare rather than celebrate our unique qualities. But courage and love can spring from the recognition that every single person, distinct from all others, is a God in embryo. Every person has the capacity to become the best version of themselves. Imagine how we could learn to connect from places of fullness and goodness! Sage Gallagher Thu, May 18, 5:40 AM to me On Thu, May 18, 2023, 5:27 AM Sage Gallagher wrote: Like turning nervousness into excitement, take your discouragement and turn it into humility. Let those times of trouble be the downturned head of the Publican who seeks God's mercy. Change the way you see the failings in your heart to become humble pleading before God to give you new direction and sustaining guidance. Rather than succumbing to depression and anxiety, seek Christ to carry your burdens and feel excitement to learn your life's mission and purpose. Find meaning in suffering and strength in trials. Sage Gallagher Thu, Jun 1, 6:30 AM (1 day ago) to me Sometimes the sorrow in my heart is so deep and I explore it by guessing what I should have done differently as a mother. The feeling of regret is falling into this deep hole and not seeing my way out. It would be easy to stay down in that hole as there is little to grab onto in those moments when I wish for a different path chosen in a place and time beyond my reach. And then I realize I must forgive, as that is giving up hope in changing the past. My hope must be in the present and the future, that I can change what I need to change in the way I interact with others, with God and even myself so that love will be stronger and purer. I have to work so hard in my mind and in my heart to root out despair. Jesus Christ is always the answer and although turning to Him doesn't change the source of my sorrow, it does change how I see. And that makes all the difference I need--since that is my only option to climb out of the sorrowful pit that beckons. I must forgive myself for mistakes made and move forward with today seeking to be guided by the Spirit to know what to do.

Edges and boundaries are the teacher

I woke up at 12:45 am and then again at 4 am on Sunday night. I knew why. I hadn't respected my "boundary" of gluten-free eating. We went to visit with our neighbor whose daughter returned from the Alpine German speaking mission on Thursday and gave her homecoming talk on Sunday. My friend, the mom, had made these delicious little cream tarts drizzled with chocolate (another boundary I haven't been respecting). I ate about 4 of them. (They were so good, it might have been worth it!)

I learned this weakness in myself when I was writing about my virtues in the self-authoring program through Jordan Peterson's website--how I didn't succumb to temptation once on a beach in Hawaii. Writing about it made me see I had my boundaries too wide about what I would do. An 18 year old girl shouldn't have traveled alone to meet someone she'd just met. Nor should I have been kissing him on the beach. God surely protected me from myself. Yet I had only seen it up to that point in my life as evidence of my own virtue because I had answered that I couldn't separate myself from my beliefs.

While in the bathroom at 4 am I picked up a book from my reading stack: "Living Yoga." I had started reading it years ago, as evidenced by the penciled notes annotating the margins. My toilet paper bookmark was on the page where the notes ended. I read the essay on Edges/Boundaries and the Self. My notes summed up the first paragraph about how the edge was the teacher. Then clear margins. I teach about pushing gently against the edge of your stretch when I teach yoga. But I hadn't considered the application of this idea in other areas of my life as ways to understand and shape my identity.

Approaching the edge of your self with love and respect and pushing gently against it brings growth. Ignoring the edge doesn't bring growth and violently or greedily shoving against the edges of your self is harmful and counterproductive.

"Know as you are known and see as you are seen" is the ultimate goal or boundary in this life according to scripture. Choosing our boundaries is part of our mortal experience and allows us to create ourselves to some extent.

 

Coming to know yourself is a life-long process. As you make choices throughout your life your identity is revealed. 

The Greek philosophers' maxim was to "Know Thyself." Some thoughts about that from the internet:

"In Ancient Greece, the philosopher Socrates famously declared that the unexamined life was not worth living. Asked to sum up what all philosophical commandments could be reduced to, he replied: 'Know yourself."

Another entry on Google stated: "To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom." --Socrates

"In ancient Delphi, the phrase ‘Know Thyself’ was one of several philosophical sayings allegedly carved over the entrance to the Temple of Apollo. These phrases came to be known as the ‘Delphic maxims’. Clearly ‘Know Thyself’ was influential enough in ancient Greek society to feature so prominently at one of its most revered holy sites."

https://www.thecollector.com/michel-de-montaigne-and-socrates-know-thyself/

Scriptures say Know as you are known. Examining our faults and virtues helps us begin to see who we are.  Searching ourselves to know our deepest desires helps us know what our purpose in life can be and who we are as beings. Recognizing aspects of ourselves that we want to change is also part of the process of coming to know ourselves. Socrates stated it is only the beginning of wisdom to know yourself. I think we move from that to self-mastery and connection with others, especially God and our family.

 

1 Corinthians 13:12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. 13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

 

D&C 76:92 And thus we saw the glory of the celestial, which excels in all things—where God, even the Father, reigns upon his throne forever and ever; 93 Before whose throne all things bow in humble reverence, and give him glory forever and ever. 94 They who dwell in his presence are the church of the Firstborn; and they see as they are seen, and know as they are known, having received of his fulness and of his grace; 95 And he makes them equal in power, and in might, and in dominion.

It takes a loving hand to push firmly in the right ways against the boundaries of your mind, body and spirit in order to grow with patience.

In relation to others, how does pushing gently against the edge create connection?  What are the boundaries of my love for my husband and children? Is there truly love without boundaries? I think it becomes destructive without limits, (i.e. incest as the worst imaginable one)

How does this idea apply to magnifying my calling at church? What do I do to show my class I care about them and that I love God?

Memories of One Haunting Mistake

 You know what's funny?

I still remember the problem I was told I got wrong on the test I was given to enter the gifted program in elementary school, not sure but could have been first or second grade. It has bugged me to this day, because I understood the way the question was worded differently than the person giving the test. She asked me how many weekdays there were. I said five, referring to Monday through Friday, not counting the two days of the weekend. It wasn't that I didn't know there were seven days in the week. It was a misunderstanding of the way the question was worded. Did she mean weekdays, weekend, or the whole week?

Why has that stayed with me for almost fifty years?

Frustration at being misunderstood, perhaps. I also resented that my parents wouldn't allow me to join the gifted program that the school wanted me to join. I wanted to learn more. I would have had more specific teachers. I did tutor the first graders in reading when I was in third grade and go to the programming class during math in sixth grade.

I would have gone to sixth grade at the junior high rather than elementary if my parents had put me in the program. I am not sure I understood their reasoning for their decision, except that they didn't want me to be prideful. Water under the bridge, but I wonder if I had learned to work a little harder at school-related things if my life would have been different: silly question, of course if my life had been different then, it would be different now. But does that matter? Am I doing what I want now? Am I working as hard as I want to now?

I do a lot of play. But I am working on developing myself and creating the most interesting and valuable life that I am capable of at this time. That makes each day worth living and exciting to experience.

I am developing as an artist. And working on my writing. And paying attention to all the areas of my life. 

So, despite being misunderstood about various things in life and I'm sure misunderstanding those around me, I am grateful and happy for the experiences I have had and continue to have. 

I was in the honors program when I started at BYU. I could have chosen to graduate with honors, but I rationalized that doing so would be seeking the praise of men rather than God. So I didn't do the work necessary to graduate with honors. So maybe I've rationalized my way into being lazy. Hmm.

Notes for the book I want to write one day

 BODY AND SOUL: HOW YOGA AND MORMONISM SHAPE MY LIFE

 

Because the mortal body is imperfect the Greeks wanted to replace it with pure spirit in the afterlife.

 

India chose to subdue it through yoga.

 

How do we treat the body? Do we see others as fundamentally flawed or as capable of good? It all depends on what we chose to do with our bodies. Do we give in to the lusts, cravings and weaknesses inherent in us? Or do we seek to subdue and balance the physical in support of the spiritual?

 

How do we come to one heart and one mind without causing guilt and rejection in those imperfect souls we all are?

 

 

2 aspects of being human: Ability to think and ability to act.

What is the relation between the two?

When thought and action are unbalanced tragedy can occur.

Mistakes will always happen so God's grace is needed.

 

 

I am learning to be humble. I want to improve in my yoga practice and as a dancer. But I don't improve if I don't know where I'm wrong. Having a teacher to guide me is vital. Listening without anger, embarrassment or resentment is required if I am to make a change. And then I have to make the correction in myself again and again as it doesn't come naturally...I hold my neck funny, or don't bend at my upper chest or I am not straight in my hips during a pose. Being willing and even happy to have the correction, makes improvement possible. Any other option won't work. But too often we don't want to hear correction. We fight against it rather than seek it. With this physical demonstration of how to improve I see that emotionally and spiritually and mentally I require the same humble seeking of correction to improve.

 

If I know better but don't do better I am no better.

 

It is what I know and what I do about what I know.

 

 

 

 

Breath is the beginning of awareness in yoga. As you breathe you know you are alive. You feel this body is separate from you, that you can control it; that it is the machine that houses your spirit.

 

From there you gain awareness of each muscle and limb and recognize how you can move and hold it. You are aware and you are in control. 

 

This awareness is more than just physical. You begin to see how your emotions respond to others around you. How your heart changes with consistent practice: you gain patience with yourself and understand other's struggles match your own.

 

 

 

One of the most beautiful things I've learned about the body in my yoga anatomy studies is that the design of the spine allows for stability and movement.

 

When you think about that it is quite incredible. 

 

Reminds me of how God asks us to keep his commandments, and the most important one is to love others. Don't sin but love people who do. Stay on the straight and narrow while loving others. As ourselves...which implies that we treat them with expectation to be the best they can.

 

Structure and movement. Moveable stability. Support that extends.

 

First draft of Poem

 Wandering in the Wilderness


Forty years, a time, wandering

looking for what God told us

we could find, a Promised

land.


Searching in those days

for manna from heaven,

Seeing water spring

from rocks, some days,


Other days surrounded

by people building

a Golden Calf for

their heart's desire.


Wandering in the wilderness,

wondering who to become.

Wondering what path

would lead to promise.


The people of Nephi

wandered for a time,

in desert lands with broken

bows, and uncooked meat.


This pattern repeating

in a life, from youth,

wondering where to walk

to find some promise of life

well lived, some forty years on.


A young heart yearning

for love and self,

wandering in the wilderness

of this world. Wondering

where to find the manna

of love from God and others.


Searching in books, searching

in faces and friendships for

what life would become.

Wondering where water would

Spring from solid rock.


Finding bits of manna

on the ground, fallen from

heaven. Examining desires

of the heart, gold or God.


Crossing through the waters,

sometimes turbulent, others

clear as glass. Immersed in

what will be on the other

side, promise of green and growth

and honey and milk.


Wandered in the scarlet sins

of youth to find the pure snow

of the Promised land. Forty

years of wandering for the

Promise of forever.

Thoughts on Love

Love and Judgment are two different things that are not mutually exclusive. Because I make a judgment about someone doesn't mean I don't love them. Because I love them doesn't mean I won't make judgments about them. 

God said the second commandment is to love my neighbor as myself. Here He tells us how to love others: as ourselves. I love myself by making and keeping covenants and commandments. I love myself by developing discipline in my physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and intellectual spheres of my life. How does that translate to loving someone else then?

For me love is about the state of my heart in relation to someone else. To me “no exceptions” of loving my neighbor means I don’t immediately condemn or feel animosity toward someone because they have chosen differently than I have. But I will judge if I will choose to allow them in my life or listen to their opinion. I have seen good people listen to the wrong voice and change their lives in bad ways and bring others down with them. I do believe in right and wrong, good and evil and that we must choose wisely in order to stay strong in our faith.


Loving my neighbor means I wouldn’t shoot a black person running in my neighborhood (or anyone for that matter, unless they were attacking me and my family at that moment and there was no other option and I knew how to shoot a gun). To me loving my neighbor means I listen to the Spirit to know what I can and should do to serve them. That might be like what you need to do with your neighbor that would harm your children: stay away. Does that mean in your heart you don’t recognize his humanity? No. It means you can use judgment and love at the same time. 

Loving others mean seeing them as children of God, even if it means you call them to repentance for their sins. What is more important than loving others? Loving God. Loving God is the first commandment. It requires obedience to Him. Many people think loving others means tolerance of any behavior. That is an absolute lie. Would I love my children by letting them do whatever they wanted? That would not be an example of a loving parent.

Loving others and judging them are both necessary parts of living on this earth. When I’ve judged someone to be dangerous it is up to me to stay away, call authorities, or protect myself in the way that I am inspired to. So that requires that my inspiration be right (not crazed or deluded) which goes back to loving myself by developing discipline and knowledge, reading scripture and listening to the voice of the Prophet. Being human is complicated.

I do love the teachings in The Anatomy of Peace and Bonds That Make Us Free. These are both so good at teaching how to implement and develop a loving heart. I highly recommend them. 

Poem

My Broken Heart

There's not enough room

In my heart

For all the blessings

Pouring in bushels

From every side

Again and again

You give me

What I desire and ask

For. How? How

Am I worthy to receive

More than I can hold?

The seams of my heart

Ache with joy

Stretched beyond capacity,

Heavy with gifts

From every side.

There's not enough room

For this fruit.

But this stretching

Makes me grow.

Even though my

Seams have burst

You bless me again--

Sew me up, healed.

A husband with patience

Sturdier than our trees

Every day his kindness

Holds my heart.

Oldest son. So good

And works on his

Own to love and lift.

Bringing me more

Children, daughter in law

And granddaughter to

Love and learn from.

Second son full of wisdom

And goodness. Thoughtful

And striving to become

And create a world of good.

Oldest daughter, sweet from

Day one. Attuned to others;

seeing beauty, remembering

Their souls with word and image.

Music and word fill her world.

Middle daughter. Full of creative

Power. Strong and determined

To make what she sees

Come to reality. Growing 

in beauty wildly.

Youngest girl with a mind

To connect with others

For hours in play. Open and

Loving, putting ideas together

To understand how things work,

My scientist. Animal and robot lover.

These, the low hanging

Fruit filling my daily basket.

Also art friends to lift and inspire.

Dance and yoga friends that

Believe in me. Friends I can

Let see my heart.

Connections with unknown

Souls through button clicks

Fill my desire to serve and lift

In far away lands from my

Home's overflowing comfort.

There's not enough

Room in my heart

For so much. Thank you

Is not enough. But thanks

Is all I have to give.

And you bless me again.

Overflowing. Overflowing.

Hopefully to share

So much good fruit.

Early morning thoughts

I asked myself years ago what would change in my life if I were a millionaire, a state our culture glorifies as an ultimate goal. I decided the main thing I would expect as part of that imaginary picture would be better daily habits. I wouldn't want to be lazy, in a dirty house, with an unhealthy body if I had the means to be otherwise.

But of course I realized that I didn't need to be a millionaire to change my habits and develop the needed discipline to become what I wasn't because of lame excuses.

I thought much on how discipline and disciple shared a common root of language. I posted this thought on my wall for my kids to read: True discipleship requires discipline.

Then I set up a relief society meeting (this was in the days of Home, Family and Personal Enrichment Meetings) that focused on developing discipline in mind, body, and spirit. I made binders for each sister (purchasing them myself) that would allow handouts to be organized in each area. (I still have a box of them in my garage if anyone wants one).

My own efforts at discipline have been spotty and inconsistent over the years, usually affected by my health problems.

Yet, this concept that I was in control of my behavior and my daily life stayed with me. It is powerful to recognize one's own actions make a difference. It can also seem overwhelming at times when depression or health issues take over. Those have been my battle for so many years. I have to fight the negative voice in my head that says I'm annoying and unloved. 

It is always when I focus on Jesus Christ that hope comes back into my soul. I might still feel abandoned and lonely but I feel loved and guided by my Creator and Elder Brother.

Lately my life has been a series of super highs and serious lows. I've had so many blessings. And I've felt friendless for reasons I can't understand or see.

I try to focus on gratitude and on my love for God. That sustains me during the dark days.