Unsolicited Advice

Unsolicited advice is what you get when you give someone who isn’t listening, counseling they didn’t ask for, offering recommendations you probably aren’t even following yourself.

I recently created a profile in one gay social network, and has gotten quite a few messages from people. They are usually inquiries, though (as if I didn't post my blog link there so they can refer to it, duh?). But this one I am posting below got me-- got me not in an interesting way, but somehow got me a bit uncomfortable. Let me just be clear, I am NOT in any way uncomfortable with the person, but uncomfortable with the situation.

Maybe, I am simply not comfortable with an unsolicited advice, whether giving it or being given one.

Here goes the conversation:

him 08. Feb. 2011 - 09:37 : hi 

d-ubermensch 08. Feb. 2011 - 09:49: hi also 

him 08. Feb. 2011 - 09:51: musta k? 

d-ubermensch 08. Feb. 2011 - 09:53: am doin great. and you? 

him 08. Feb. 2011 - 09:54: ok nmn.. im waiting for the confirmatory result from doh 

d-ubermensch 08. Feb. 2011 - 09:55: oh, you've had  test already? 

him 08. Feb. 2011 - 10:00: oo fren reactive nga. dont worry tpos n aq s period n depress. im accepting it pra positv mn lumbs sa confirmtory ok n aq..kw musta k? ng arv kb? 

d-ubermensch 08. Feb. 2011 - 10:01: no, i havent been takin arv, though my doctor has been suggesting that for a long time now. am stubborn. hehehe 

him 08. Feb. 2011 - 10:03: take mu fren pra humba tym mu..san b clinic mu? libre nmn. 

d-ubermensch 08. Feb. 2011 - 10:04: well, id like to forego as much as i can. i think am in good shape. but for sure, ill take that soon. 

him 08. Feb. 2011 - 10:06: take it plssss....fren sana mging txtmate din tyu..me nkilala aq d2 positv xa..mabait xa ngturo lht pnu ggwin ko. sana tyu din mging ok. 

d-ubermensch 08. Feb. 2011 - 10:08:  i will take it, in time. i dont like it forced nor want to do it just because. =D 

him 08. Feb. 2011 - 10:11: depende nmn sa cd4 yn..mtaas b yun sau? 

d-ubermensch 08. Feb. 2011 - 10:16: its not all about CD4. arv is a lifetime commitment, and i dont wanna commit to something i cannot fulfill just yet. ill get there when i find it time to do so 

him 08. Feb. 2011 - 10:17: time is running my fren i hope u realize that soon. 

d-ubermensch 08. Feb. 2011 - 10:22: living with HIV is not just about arv. there are things to the life of an hiv positive aside from the nudge and the constant reminder that its there. its living it, and living with it =D 

him 08. Feb. 2011 - 10:26: nu number mu? 

d-ubermensch 08. Feb. 2011 - 10:28: uhmmm. sorry, cant give my number just yet. 

him 08. Feb. 2011 - 10:39: ok lng pg ok n txt me 092784****** (I edited the number)

Anyway, what do I wanna say? Unsolicited advice is almost useless for one simple reason-- many lessons must be learned, not just intellectually, but emotionally. It is NOT simply a plain statement of facts. Taking action to change your life requires not only thought, but intent, and intent is driven by our internal pain and pleasure associations.

I recognize, though, that while they may seem useless in most cases, unsolicited advice is usually motivated by a genuine desire to help the other person. Specially for those who’ve 'been there and done that', the temptation to offer unsolicited advice can be very overwhelming. Avoiding doing so feels almost like watching someone go into cardiac arrest and not calling an ambulance. But there’s a big difference between the analogy and the reality-- The ambulance will actually help that person; unsolicited advice will not.

Moreso, while some may be give out unsolicited advise out of pure intentions to mean well, others do so to validate their own point of view. This kind of advice is often given to or by people you don’t know really well, or given about a subject you’ve just started learning and are looking to feel smarter about by giving other 'newbies' advice. In both cases, this is more often motivated not so much by helping the other person as by 'needing to be right.'

Not that I am totally discounting the values of an unsolicited advise. When they are genuinely motivated by the desire help, unsolicited advice can be okay, in microscopic doses.

I, myself, give unsolicited advise, one way or another. My writing, for example is one outlet I use to give (unsolicited) advice. It allows me to say anything I want, only that it is consumed only with reader consent. If you don’t want my advice, you don’t have to read it.

So, my advise to those who give unsolicited advice? Never overuse it. Learn to get the hints that you have been going too far.

To Be or Not To Be? My Thoughts on ARV

I am scheduled to go back to PGH to see my doctor today and discuss to her whether I should start taking ARV (Anti RetroViral) drugs or not. I know I have to make a quick decision as my CD4 count proved to be below than expected, but at the same time, I have to make a wise decision since going through the ARV Regimen is lifetime commitment, and commitment is simply such a big word that it scares the hell of me.

On a serious note, I have to carefully think about the odds. I am not trying to outsmart my condition or something like that. i just simply want to make sure that if I decide to go on with the regimen, I am completely ready with the routine and its implications. For sure, going through ARV treatment doesn't simply end in taking loads of drugs on a regular basis.

With those salient factors in mind, I am deciding to suspend my ARV treatment for the meantime.

Delayed Reaction: My CD4 Result

It is only today that my CD4 Result is starting to make sense.  I am at 260 as I write. Not that I didn't understand what this means, just that I was already consumed by the pain my finger is causing when my doctor gave me the results.
Now, after a few pain killers and anti-biotics and a few hours of sleep, 260 is starting to become something I couldn't simply ignore.

When you become infected with HIV, the virus invades a type of white blood cell (cells that help your body fight off infection and disease) called CD4. The CD4 cell count test measures the number of CD4 cells in your blood, and is a good indicator of your overall health and how your HIV is progressing. The lower your CD4 count, the more at risk you may be for infections.

Normal CD4 counts in adults range from 500 to 1,500 cells per cubic millimeter of blood.
In general, the CD4 count goes down as HIV disease progresses.

When I had my CD4 test in June, I was hoping for at least 300-350. And now, knowing that mine is below my target is simply saddening. Well, I am more alarmed than saddened. I mean, I know this will come. I know I will come to a point when I will have to start taking these medicines. But I was expecting that somehow, I can still go on without taking medicines.

Most HIV patients start with the ARV treatment when CD4 is at 300-350. I was advised to start Anti Viral Regimen. However, my doctor told me to get additional set of laboratory tests, then I have to go back to them next week to discuss further.