I'm over here!

So I haven't been here a lot, but there's a very good reason. I am a stay at home mom. Do you know what stay at home moms do? We stay at home. The end. Although I am infinitely thrilled with the cuteness of Navy Bean and all her extraordinary powers, that's what her blog is for. I do have a few IQ stories, but, quite frankly, now that I'm a mom, her level of involvement with her son depresses me. But I do have some house news.

This is the Navy Bean's room.

This is what the house looked like yesterday.
We have a roof!

This is what it looked like last weekend, when we took the kids out there.

The kids are beyond thrilled that we're building a bigger house. They really didn't believe us at first. They thought that we were looking at houses and wanted to know what they thought (like we care what they think!). They were very excited when we told them we'd already bought it (ok, not really, we don't close until it's built, but you can't explain that to kids). Strangely, when they told their mom how huge our new house was going to be, she really didn't want to talk about it. (When she left Wes, she told him that her new husband was a multi-millionaire and they were going to build a new house. They still live in a rental and the x has told Wes they are basically living on our child support.) We are very excited and Oct. cannot get here soon enough. It is torture to come back to our little rental and cook in our tiny kitchen, knowing that soon I will have a kitchen the size of, well, a lot bigger. A lot, lot bigger. Meanwhile, hope everyone is doing well.

That didn't go so bad!

Apparently I'm not as huge as I feel. I had originally decided to wear a tight shirt, one to show off my belly, to pick up the kids, but then decided maybe something a bit more subtle would be better. I guess it was too subtle. I had to tell Wes's x I was pregnant. Even she couldn't tell. We were talking over the kids' heads because I told her I wanted to tell them later. She congratulated me and then asked if it was planned. Hmmmmm???? I wonder why she asked?

We were eating lunch when I told the kids. Allison was very happy, but Victor thought I was joking and he didn't think it was funny. I finally pulled my shirt up to show him my belly. Then, he was just "shocked", and remained so for most of the day. Apparently he "wasn't expecting it." Allison was thrilled that it's a girl. Victor just rolled his eyes. They did have questions, but not the ones I was expecting. I had to explain several times that, no, your mom will not be the baby's step mom, your step dad will not be the baby's step dad and your stepbrothers are in no way related to the baby. I think they finally got it. Then they wanted to know who knew I was pregnant first (um, me!) and if we wanted a baby (yes!), will daddy be home for the birth (he better be!) and if they would be here for that (probably not).

Victor did make one very strange comment (several times). He told Allison not to get too excited because the baby could die when it was born, because that happens all the time. I explained that it does happen in poor countries like Africa, where there aren't enough doctor's or medicine, but that in America, it doesn't happen very often. I don't know if he was hoping or if he was worrying about it. Later he got very upset when he realized we have stairs and what if the baby falls down them and gets hurt?!? Well, we'll get a baby gate.

Allison wanted to know what we're going to name the baby. About two hours later she told me she thought Navy Bean was a beautiful name. I'm glad she approves. Victor wanted to know how we could name the baby without knowing what it looks like. A good point, but since we don't really have a back-up name, Navy Bean it will be. Victor also wanted to know what she would look like, so we talked about how Wes and I looked and how that might make the baby look. Allison wanted to know if it would be crawling when they came to see the baby at Thanksgiving (I'm due the 8th of Nov.) and I had to tell her no. Victor quickly pointed out to her that she wasted her time hoping for a little sister to play with since it wouldn't be able to play for several years. So then we discussed what kind of playing they could do with the baby.

Now, all these conversations have been spread out over a couple of days. It's not been baby time 24 hours a day. We've also played hero scape, monopoly, life, uno, and kids' trivial pursuit. But, the baby finally moved yesterday when the kids were right there so I let them feel it (they wanted to know how I knew it was the baby). They looked at me like I was that guy from Alien, you know, the one who has the alien pop out of his chest. I think it freaked them out just a little bit. Today, we're going to go to Target so they can see what I registered for. Allison actually wants to buy something for the baby, but I think we'll wait on that. Maybe I'll just have her draw a picture for the baby's room or something like that.

Oh, Victor did say at one point that he was scared when I told them I was pregnant. He didn't elaborate, but I told him that the baby didn't change how much we loved them, how much we wanted to see them and that we still want them to come live with us. I guess things are still not much better over there. Matter of fact, he was telling me that his mom thinks he's going to flunk out of middle school and because of this, he's not sure if he'll be smart enough to go to college (he's 10 and going into 5th grade. While school is important, I don't think this is the best way to impart that). He's also back on his medication because they didn't want to deal with teaching him how to handle his emotions (that's really pretty much what she said). So, even though it went well, I know that it's not always going to go this well. But this is a good start.

Say what now?

I'm going to get my husband's kids today. I haven't seen them since my husband left, since his x doesn't see any reason in driving them 1 1/2 hours just to see me (they live 3 hours away). I understand this, yet, my husband and I are really trying to instill in them that we are all a family, and if they're never here, how does that work? But right now, my main issue, my main fear, is that they don't know I'm pregnant. Yes, various people think we should have e-mailed them, or called them and just told them. But we want to be in charge of that conversation and that situation, and we wanted to give them time with just us (or me) to ask questions, talk about their fears, and try to make it feel normal. Yes, we are afraid of what his x might say to the kids. We've heard enough from the kids to know that she is not always honest with them about the divorce, about my husband's career, about the entire situation. Why wouldn't she try to twist this into something bad as well. Now, don't get me wrong. She doesn't talk bad about my husband and when he's home, we get the kids as much as we want. However, when it comes to the divorce, she obviously can't tell the truth (well kids, Anthony was just better in bed and he told me he had a lot more money than your dad, so I left) (Also, I am not indicating that I believe Anthony is better in bed. I have met Anthony and I actually have a hard time imagining Anthony having sex with a woman.). Therefore, the reasons she gives the kids for the divorce are just ludicrous: he choose the navy over the kids, he pays the navy to work there, so he doesn't have any money (which is why we pay an arm and leg in child support), he doesn't love the kids, that's why she left (and gee, that's why we get them as much as possible, because we don't want them). I'm just wondering how this is going to go over. Yes, the kids knew we wanted more kids, but that doesn't mean they understood we would have them, or how that would change their lives. So I'm a bit worried. But I'm going to try to make it as good and exciting as possible. Send good thoughts my way.

Serious, funny, serious

Wes talked to his x. According to him, it was a very good conversation. She adamantly denied that she told the kids that she left because Wes didn't love Victor. I'm very proud of Wes, because he didn't just go, "oh, it must be an understanding" but rather pointed out that both kids thought this and she better do something to correct it. Apparently there are some issues with the other two kids in the house. My husband pointed out that he doesn't give a crap about those kids when their behavior is negatively effecting his kids. He also let her know we would be happy to take Victor in the future to get him away from those bad influences. Since Allison is the only girl over there, she is not having the same problems as Victor, but we'd be happy to take her too. He said it was a great conversation and he feels much better about the situation. There is still a problem though: if Victor thinks it's his fault that they divorced (and apparently he does), denial, without telling the truth really won't change his mind. And she's not going to tell the truth because then her children would lose all respect for her. It really makes me wonder, what was she thinking? Did she really think they would never ask why she left Wes? Did she really think they would be the brady bunch? Did she really think the kids wouldn't want them to get back together again? I just don't understand it. I hope everything does get better, because the kids are great and they don't deserve to live like this.

Now something funny, because we can't have too much serious. I have a pregnant friend, and, to put it nicely, she has a border-line IQ. Here are a few examples:

When she called to tell me she was pregnant, I asked her if she had any idea how long she had been pregnant. This was her response, "I'm pretty sure I was pregnant before the day I took the test."

She and her husband were both shocked that she was pregnant, even though they were not using any form of birth control. Me: Well, you haven't been on birth control for 6 months, you can't be that shocked. Her: But we weren't expecting it. I mean, we didn't want a kid right now, so how did it happen?

After the sonogram, the doctor moved her due date up. Me: So, you've been pregnant longer than they originally thought? Her: No, they just got the due date wrong.

The doctor gave her a coupon for the drink Expecta. Her: I need to ask the doctor if I can drink this while I'm pregnant.

Discussing the possible sex of the baby. Her: It just doesn't seem right that I'm the mother and I don't know what sex the baby is. I guess it's just because this is the first one and I'll know next time.

Last phone conversation. Me: You sound sick? Are you ok? Her: I don't understand how I could have gotten sick. I mean, I'm supposed to be immune. Me: Um, actually, you can still get sick. Her: I guess the immunity just doesn't work at my parents house.

These are indeed actual conversations and I have not made any of them up. The sad part is that she grew up in foster care because her parents could not take care of her and she's terrified that she will not be able to take care of the baby and it will be taken away. The sadder part is, I'm afraid she may be right. She doesn't work and yet, her house is disgusting. I want to help her, but I can't do all this by myself. And her husband, he's in denial about the entire situation. And he's gone to sea. Her solution is to just hire someone to do it all. I think she needs to do it herself. I'm not sure how to go about the entire thing, but I'll figure it out.

Have a great weekend.

new year, old crap

I was going to blog about Christmas and such, but now, since it was ages ago, I can't really remember it. What I do remember is that Wes and I went to visit some of my family. We had 12 adults and it took us 7 hours to open the presents. You read that right: SEVEN FREAKING HOURS TO OPEN PRESENTS. That is not fun. Not even remotely. With the kids, it only took us two hours to open presents. And it was a lot more fun. You can tell we're a gaming family, because between the 4 of us, we got 10 board games. We still haven't opened them all yet.

My favorite part of Christmas was my present to Camille. When I learned to crochet, the first afghan I made was for her. But that was waaaaaay back in March. Ever since I learned to crochet, every time I talked to her, she would be all, "so who are you making an afghan for now?" I could tell she really wanted one, and was maybe a little hurt I hadn't made her one yet. It was so hard not to tell her I had already made her one. So when I mailed her present, I put a note in there; "did you really think I had forgotten you? yours was the first one." She loved it, which makes me sooooo happy. I knew she would like it, but it's nice to know how much she liked it.

I had my doctor's appointment yesterday. We won't know the test results for a month, but she told me to go ahead with our trying to get pregnant plans. She said that the probability of my having cancer was slim, and even if I did, they would take care of it after the fact. Today I did not take my birth control pill.

Finally, I hate blogging about this, but I need a record. Yesterday, the kids broke down. They told Wes (both of them did, not just one) that their mom had told them that she left Wes because he didn't love Victor. Victor said he didn't believe her, and we know kids don't always correctly understand what they're being told, but both kids believed this is what their mom said (she left because she was having an affair with the man she is now married to). And, they are miserable at their mom's. They say it is chaotic and loud and unorganized and their step-brothers (they have two who live there) bully them. My husband was devastated and angry. He rarely talks to his x about things because he's afraid of rocking the boat but I told him that if he doesn't say something, then he is not protecting his kids. It is not possible for us to have custody right now, and she wouldn't give it anyway, but I'm willing to bet money that in a couple of years, when we could have custody, she would let us have Victor. I feel so bad for the kids and I really want to punch his x in the face. That probably wouldn't help the future custody battle though.

Well, I suppose I should do New Year's resolutions.
1. Pray more. Learn to accept things. Don't get stressed out as much. Let go.
2. Exercise, because it makes me feel better.
3. Make more time for fun and relaxation.
4. Figure out a way to become a multi-millionaire without doing anything.
5. Get more organized. This one is funny because many people think I'm the most organized person they know, but I constantly feel like I'm on the brink of chaos.
6. Quit making unrealistic lists of things to do that only make me feel bad when I don't do them.

Happy New Year!

This is good

Sorry I haven't written in a while. I travelled to Charlotte, NC to visit my friend Tiffany! She recently moved to NC from Wisconsin, where her advisor (not the same one as mine) crapped on her too. Something about Wisconsin advisers. The saddest part, I think Tiffany is waaaaay smarter than me, so I totally don't understand what happened. But the good news is that she moved pretty close to me. We hadn't seen each other since I moved, so it was wonderful seeing her again. We ate a lot of food, laughed a whole lot and talked about everything. I think everyone I know and love should move within 6 hours of me. That would make my life much happier. I can't wait to see Tiffany more often though.

On my way home, I picked up the kids. Wes had managed to score free tickets to Water Country USA because he's in the military. Now before you get all upset that us military people get everything, I would like to point out that Wes and I have been married for 18 months. Of that 18 months, we have lived together for eight months. Three of those months I lived in Madison while he lived here, but the rest is all because of the Navy. So, I think we deserve some free stuff to have fun. The kids had a great time and didn't burn. We had a great time and got a little pink, but no burns. Since I had spent the entire day before in the car, and then all day at the water park, I was just a little bit tired yesterday. And today.
We had a great weekend, but we found out some information that doesn't exactly make us happy. First, Wes's x told Victor he could get his ear pierced for his birthday. She did not consult Wes. Wes doesn't have a problem with boys getting their ear's pierced, he just thinks that Victor is too young. And he's very angry that she didn't consult him first. Secondly, the kids told me that due to some money emergencies (the cat, Victor's teeth, etc.) that their mom had to "borrow" all their birthday and Christmas money. This really upset Wes. On the one hand, the x left him for the "multi-millionaire" that she is now married to. And she has never worked, although we think she may work part time right now. On the other hand, these are his kids and he wants to make sure they are being properly taken care of. I think he may suggest to his x, when he discusses the ear piercing, that if they don't have the money to take care of the kids, even with the huge amount we pay every month, that perhaps the kids would be better off living with us. I hate the entire situation because it upsets him so much.
This is my first official harvest from my plants. We did pick one jalapeno last weekend for nachos, but this is the first time I picked more than one. And the plants are still covered. We're going to be eating peppers forever. That's ok though. It was fun, they taste better than the stores and our beautiful "back yard" of concrete was covered with something pretty.

Well, there is no food in the house, I have no clean clothes, I need to pay a few bills, and I really need to e-mail/call about 10 people. I hope everyone had a great weekend and I'm happy to say that I will be reviewing War and Peace before the end of the week.

The Penelopiad

Margaret Atwood writes a haunting retelling of Odysseus's travels through the eyes of his long-suffering wife Penelope. While this re-telling would have been richer if I had read The Odyssey within the last 10 years, since I did read it several times in high school and college, I remembered the basics of the story (and I also play Age of Mythology, which helps). While Atwood writes about their families and their marriage, most of the book is dedicated to the question most women ask after reading The Odyssey. Why did Penelope stay faithful all those years? Atwood answers and yet doesn't answer that question. This poignant retelling should be read in women's studies courses and also with the reading of The Odyssey in literature courses. Unlike other retellings that I've read, Atwood stays faithful to the myth yet opens up new possibilities to an old story.

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My husband is coming home soon. (And I stayed faithful because he wasn't gone for 20 years and having sex with various goddesses.) I've been e-mailing his x and trying to arrange for us to have the kids as much as possible when he returns. She sent me an e-mail the other day in which she made me so angry, she was lucky we weren't having a conversation. I know that she was trying to say, "gee I really wish Wes could spend more time with the kids and therefore I will let you have as much as possible", but it came out as "I'm so sad that Wes chose the navy over the kids and therefore doesn't get to see them often, which is bad for the kids." And I know that's what she meant. How do I know that? Because the kids have asked why daddy chose the navy over them. They are also convinced that Wes has to pay to work in the navy (yes, I am being serious). I know that someday the kids will grow up and know the truth, but until then I hate the fact that this is what they think. Especially when the truth is "the kids don't get to see their dad because you decided you wanted some other man's dick in your twat and so left your husband for some guy you met on the web and had only seen in person twice. You're such a great mom that you got on a plane and flew all the way across the country to move in with this guy, even though you had only met him twice in person. So don't tell me it's my husband's fault that the kids will only be able to count the time spent with their dad in weeks and months. If you had honored your wedding vows, they would be able to count that time in years."

Ok, I've been lazy and my house is a mess. I must get to that. Hope everyone has a great weekend.