Showing posts with label Easter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Easter. Show all posts

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Easter Eve Brain Soup Mash-Up, Zombie Style

Til Death Do us Part is for Pussies - Photography and photo design by Ives Hovanessian
On the eve of the celebration of a hugely famous and even more hugely misunderstood person rising from the dead and freaking out many, I think it's only fitting that The Cosmicomicon pays tribute to zombies and zombism everywhere, high and low.

The first item of interest is this cool service called ZombieMe.com, the free zombie generator.  On this site, you can get a little preview of just how you might look if stricken by a zombie plague, or lovingly nibbled upon by the living dead.  Some people "cry ugly."  Now you can see if you die ugly ("die" being a relative concept).

The creation that I came up with was a valiant effort, considering the software and the fact that I have elbows for fingers, but it did serve to inspire my wife Ives to try her hand at doing the same on her own.  Her results were typically brilliant, totally fucking rad, and offered to you all up above.  From Addams Family to Zombie Couple Painting The Town Red, this Horror stuff runs thick in our blood, binding us together and throwing us in the back of a cramped trunk.  Trunks can be cozy when you're with your soul mate.

The second story involves the militaristic and the absurd, as truth rapidly tries - and usually succeeds - in out-strangeing fiction.  Dear readers, I present to you the Russian Zombie Gun.

Okay, so that description is just a bit misleading, as according to the actual article, this...


... won't necessarily turn you into this...


But hey, when "Zombie" makes it into international, geopolitical news headlines, you know that something once relegated to the dingy shadows of horrorhead geekery has truly gone mainstream, and is now used to garner eyeballs with the same effectiveness as new relating to insipid talent shows, aristocratic scandal, and "shame for fame" proto-starlet trainwrecks.

Finally, and inevitably - the force of unnatural nature that is The Walking Dead.  Never, to my knowledge, has one television show done more for Horror in general and zombies in particular than The Walking Dead.  Friends who wouldn't be caught dead (and/or decaying) near any zombie product are not just occasionally watching the show, but now rabid, committed fans.  I believe that I've mentioned this before, but Ives, who always thought zombie films were silly, redundant, not-scary, and totally boring, is now obsessed with The Walking Dead, as the writers and creatives involved in the series have truly humanized not only the group of humans battling for survival amid a nightmarish holocaust, but the zombies themselves, who are victims as well.

Chomp your rotting teeth down right here for a list of links that tease the ridiculously anticipated Season 3, which starts shooting next month in May.


So, Happy Easter, meat sacks.  May your body someday gently fall to dust, rather than to the bottom of a fetid, reanimated intestinal tract, bite by bite, piece by piece...

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Easter, The Monster Bunny From Spain, and the Santa of the Spring

Easter arrives this Sunday, and as per usual, we here at The Cosmicomicon like to find a darker angle on things normally associated with light.

As such, I give you THE FIVE MILLION YEAR OLD MONSTER BUNNY FROM SPAIN!
A bunny the size of a sheep dog, and it couldn't even hop!  IT WAS THAT LARGE AND MONSTROUS AND PREHISTORIC!

Scary, yes?  No?  Yeah, agreed. Not really scary, but kinda interesting, at least to this rabbit owner, blessed to be raising this little dollop of pure furry nectar:

But back to Easter, and the pagan tradition of the Easter Bunny.  Like so many of our American holiday traditions and Disney-mined fairy tales, the concept of the Easter Bunny came from German settlers (WOOT!), who called the egg-laying, mammalian freak "Osterhase."  I'll let Wikipedia, the exacting, air-tight chronicle of unsullied history, do the talking for my stupid ass:

According to the tradition, children would build brightly colored nests, often out of caps and bonnets, in secluded areas of their homes. The "Oster Hawse" would, if the children had been good, lay brightly colored eggs in the nest. As the tradition spread, the nest has become the manufactured, modern Easter basket, and the placing of the nest in a secluded area has become the tradition of hiding baskets

Did you know that the original Easter Bunny was an actual HARE (not an actual "rabbit," per se - Yes, I had no idea that there was a difference outside of syntax), who demanded that children create nests of grass, in giddy anticipation of the arrival of colored eggs deposited from its hinder?
This Bad Jack is all about handing out twigs as opposed to chocolaty treats.  So goddamn German.
And of course, the whole earthy Easter thing was quickly snatched up and drained off all soul and meaning by corporate interests, who just wanted to squeeze more cash out of the populace by installing a new Santa of the Spring.
So, Happy Easter, hoppers and hares. Eat some chocolate, go to church, hang with family.  Spring has sprung.  The egg laying rabbit just told me so.