Battling Pornography, Moderation in All Things or How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love Porn

I've noticed a fair amount of references to pornography and the various "battles" some of my good friends out there are having or have had with it.  All of it got me thinking about attitudes toward pornography.  I believe we can be divided into roughly three basic attitudinal groups with respect to porn.  These are just descriptions.  I make no effort to judge whether each group is “right” or “wrong”.  I’m just sharing my thoughts on the subject.  

1.  Many are among the religiously devout who believe that pornography is evil and wrong at all times and in all forms. These folks firmly and sincerely believe that pornography has at least contributed, if not been the primary cause of, conduct inconsistent with their religious beliefs and much of their trouble in the world. 

They believe pornography is a scourge and is at least as damaging as drugs and alcohol.  They often trace their struggles to early adolescence and have fought against it from the beginnings of sexual maturity (even earlier sometimes) to the present.  It is a long discouraging battle with seemingly no end.  Making matters worse, pornography almost always goes hand in hand (no pun intended) with masturbation, the second of the twin evils that the LDS church counsels its young people to avoid.  Guilt abounds here. 

For most of my life, I was a member of this group.

2.  Then there are those who do not see pornography in moral terms at all really, provided that the participants are of legal age and are truly consenting.  For these folks, pornography (and masturbation for that matter) is neither sinful nor evil, but merely a normal part of life, albeit one that most people are unwilling to openly admit to participating in.  In other words, they enjoy a good peek, but would prefer their “magazines” be wrapped in brown paper, while Newsweek can be out in the open for all to see.  This is the crowd that will freely surf the web for porn, but will be sure to turn the private browsing mode on and will shrink the browser when someone walks in the room, which is soooo obvious of course. Better to have another page open and then switch to it.

However, I think most of these folks believe that moderation in all things is very relevant in their pornographic endeavors.  Obviously, if porn is interfering with one’s ability to earn a living or take care of one’s affairs it’s an addiction that needs to be dealt with.  But, with this crowd, regular enjoyment of porn is considered unwise.  These folks will often set limits to how often they will indulge their desires since to do otherwise is unhealthy for reasons that they can’t fully explain even to themselves, although I suspect they often fear that porn will take the place of real human interactions.  On the other had, many in this group will spend endless hours on the internet reading and writing blogs, such as postings on the subject of pornography.

If you haven’t figured it out already, I would currently place myself in this group.

3.  The last group are the anything goes folks.  So long as it’s legal, the participants are consenting and you are taking care of business, knock yourself out when it comes to porn.  It’s just a pleasure like any other and if that’s how you want to spend your time, go for it.  These folks always know the best dirty jokes and have no problem freely admitting their interest and experience in sexual things.  Like porn, masturbation is just fine.  They will happily acknowledge their fondness for both.  They think (usually good naturedly) that those of us in groups 1 and 2 are just uptight dudes who must have been potty trained at gun point.

I think I am definitely not a member of this group.

So, do I have it all wrong?  Have I missed a group?  Take my survey and tell me where you fit in.

Things That Trouble Me

Why is the word "full" spelled with two l's, yet the word "thankful" is spelled with but one?  Such questions keep me up at night.

What Happens If It Doesn't Get Better?

Please don't misunderstand the point of this post.  The recent effort to persuade young gays and lesbians that they need to give life a chance and just see if things don't improve is commendable.  I fully support it.  I think young people haven't lived enough of life to understand that there is almost always a peak for every valley; a crest for every trough.  At least when you are young and haven't accumulated enough scars and mistakes to narrow your reality and eliminate options.

But, it is just that very narrowing and elimination of options that I have been pondering.  Because the truth of the matter is that, at some point, most of us really do see our options limited.  We are no longer young.  We suffer from physical disabilities.  People we might have loved are no longer here, or have made commitments elsewhere.  Friends or family we might have made amends with have passed on. Mistakes and just plain stupidity limit what we can do.

I do not believe it is always possible to start over.  It's possible that we have reached our maximum potential; seen our best days; bowled our best game; etc.  No, I don't put much stock in statements like "there's always tomorrow" and "you can be anything you want to be."  Platitudes and warm fuzzies in my book.

I feel like I'm there now.  As the subtitle to my blog says (and was shamelessly stolen from the Jack Nicholson movie from the mid-90s):  "What if this is as good as it gets?".  How does one live with a life that, really, is a failure and will not realistically improve?  I'm not trying to be dramatic here.  I'm not suicidal at all.  Life interests me enough to stick around, at least for the foreseeable future.  I seek not the comforting assurances that I have it all wrong.  I do not have it wrong.  

No, I'd like to ponder some ideas for accepting that things are not going to get better.  While all comers are welcome and their thoughts appreciated, I can't believe I'm the only one who has had to face this reality.  I'd like to  hear from others who have looked in the mirror and said this is it. 

When Life Gets You Down

The cure to what ails in hard times:  Go visit someplace beautiful.  I have serious doubts that there is a God, or if there is, that he takes any particular interest in our lives.  But, places like Crater Lake National Park, which I recently visited, are the best arguments yet for the existence of a creator.

Go someplace like this.  Take a couple of good friends.  Have no obligations or commitments.  Just good times with good friends at beautiful places.

Kissing, Identity Disorders, Witchcraft and Self Love

Kissing - I recently read the following statistic.  I haven't a clue whether it is accurate or not (my source is somewhat dubious - Uncle John's Bathroom Reader - Golden Plunger Awards).  But, if it is true, what the hell happened to me? Let's just say I'm a big factor in keeping the average down and leave it at that.

"An average person spends about 20,160 minutes of their life kissing."

    

And another thing.  Is Christine O'Donnell really, really, the best the Republican Party has to offer?  As a former Republican who can still appreciate a reasoned center-right approach and the intelligence and rational arguments of thoughtful people who have conservative values, WTF.  I mean, besides hating all things gay (we, after all, suffer from an "identity disorder" says the former dabbler in witchcraft), she has waged a single handed (sorry, but some of us require two hands Ms. O'Donnell) war against the evils of self love.  This is what passes for a serious politician these days.

So, I find myself realizing that I am a kiss-less, identity disordered, two handed self lover who sadly hasn't explored my inner witch.  Maybe I should run for the Senate from Delaware so the good citizens of that charmingly tiny state (a veritable Lichtenstein of the United States!) can have a clear and distinct choice.