Chatty Christy

FIrst I'll tell those who don't know (and I'm assuming most of you do since I have you on my FB, my mom talks to you, or you read my tweets) that I was diagnosed with C.Diff. on Wednesday night. I had been having some symptoms since I was in the middle of the last course of antibiotics that I took, but I always have intestinal symptoms on antibiotics, so I didn't think much about it. I had been off the antibiotic for about a week and I started having severe diarrhea, and a high fever (101 which is way high for someone who takes prednisone). I was feeling so bad that Jason took me to the ER Wednesday night around midnight.

The first thing I told the triage nurse was that I needed to be tested for C. Diff. After looking at my history, she agreed and sent me straight back. I have heard of so many people having this go misdiagnosed for way too long, and I didn't want to be one of those people. After about 5 hours in the ER, they informed me that I did have it and would start me on Flagyl for it (this is after talking to my transplant team at Duke, which he was way eager to do thank goodness). Of course being in the CF/transplant community I have heard horror stories regarding C. Diff. like not being able to get rid of it with Flagyl or the ONLY other drug that works on it.. Vancomycin, and one story I heard even involved removing a section of intestines to finally rid her body of it.

So, after having read "The Secret" and deciding that positive thinking goes a very long way, I decided right then and there that this Flagyl WILL take care of it, I will NEVER have anymore problems with it, and that will be that. :)

I will talk about something that some people think is taboo to talk about.. depression!!! I am an RN, so my thinking may be different than some of yours, but in my opinion, if you need to be treated for depression, get treatment. Don't "fight" it, don't think it's going to mysteriously disappear, DO something about it. Now there have been many times in my life that I have had what I call "situational depression", you know.. that depression that comes when some event in your or your family member's life just plain sucks and you feel helpless. A lot of those times, I'm all for waiting it out, looking for ways to change things, and talking it over with others. And believe me, I'm ALWAYS (no matter what the cause of depression is) for praying!!

Well, as I've told some of you, I've had some depression after my last transplant. Yes, it happened after my first one too, which required me to be medicated for it for about 6 months until things got back in order. So, I've been dealing with this depression for several months trying to work through it (not that it was a situational depression at all) by talking it through to others, praying, and trying to keep busy. The depression got worse!!!!!!! AND WORSE!!!!!! And finally to the point where I knew that I needed a mild anti-depressant to get over this hump. I started on one a couple of weeks ago and am already feeling more like a person again, and getting back in touch with those that I have withdrawn from.

Now there are some people who think you can pray your way out of depression. My question to those people is... can you pray your way out of Cystic Fibrosis, Diabetes, Cancer, or any other disease? I mean don't get me wrong, I do pray, and I do ask people to pray for me, but in addition to prayer, I take my insulin, I take my CF drugs, if I had cancer, I would definitely take the treatment. What's the difference with depression? As a nurse, I learned there is none. If I don't try to make myself healthier by treating this depression, then I may as well stop taking my anti-rejection meds too. The body is a "whole system". It's not just dictated by one bodily part or one system, it works by being healthy as a "whole", and believe me, mental health is a VERY big part of that WHOLE!

I know that some people are influenced by what their parents told them, and THEIR parents told THEM, etc. AND some people may even be influenced by Tom Cruise himself, LOL. But please, I beg of you, if you think you might need to be treated for depression, get help.. just like you would get help if you had diabetes or any other illness. It's NO different.

Why I almost ate a whole pound of M&M's

When I was younger, probably 10 or so, I was told that sitting down with a carton of ice cream and eating the WHOLE thing will cure depression. I tried it once.. it does help.

I knew it would come. I was expecting it. I was prepared for it. But that doesn't mean I have to like it. I'm having some post-transplant depression. Not the "I can't go on living", "my life has no meaning", "I'm so miserable I can't get out of bed" depression. I just have the flat affect, blah depression. It happened after my lung transplant too. As a nurse in the post cardiac surgery unit years ago, I would talk to my patients about the possibility of depression after they got home and were feeling better. Everyone always wondered why the depression came AFTER they were better instead of before. I'm still not sure of the reasons, but it's a reality for a lot of folks.

I know I'll get better. I am not hopeless by any means, and I don't think I need an anti-depressant to get through this. It's just going to take some time to get back to feeling like myself again. I have everything in the world to be thankful for. I do know that, and that makes me feel a little guilty for having these feelings.

So.... that's why I almost ate a whole pound of M&M's, and took a whole lot of insulin to go with it. :)