Twas the Weeks Before Christmas...

Twas the weeks before Christmas and all through the house...
Wait... my life isn't anything like a Christmas story. It does seems to have a good climax in the story of my life though. Everyone loves a good cancer survivor story!
Back to real life.
We have been busy I am going to mostly post some cute pictures and some mental ramblings. Probably not my normal post but it is the best I can do at the moment!

Ben: He has been doing really well. We finally got the results back from his first bone marrow biopsy! We got our very first official 'Cancer FREE' report which is a HUGE deal. Actually getting the news was a bit anti climactic for us but I think that was in part due to the expectation and also in part to the fact that we know that a 'cancer free' report does not mean that he is in remission and it absolutely does not mean that this process is over yet. We are very very excited so don't get the wrong idea! I was happy to shed a few tears of joy finally over all of this! Then this past week we also got the news that Ben's bone marrow is 100% Mallory which is the very very best we could ask for! That was another one of those jump and cry for joy all at the same time! His liver is also starting to turn around and they are weaning him off of his steroids which is fantastic progress! We were hoping to get permission for Ben to move home this weekend before Christmas and then just stay home but they told us no. They said we could go home for Christmas Day but then we would need to come back. We interpreted that as 'go ahead and take a 4 day weekend over Christmas but come back after that'! I also had to laugh at the look on the doctors face when he found out that Ben has been going to church for the last few weeks! Haha, I'm not sure if his shock was more from the fact that he was doing it or more from the fact that he hasn't gotten sick from it yet! Overall Ben is making good progress. He gets a little better every day, energy is still low and he tires quickly but resting and sitting for a while often gives him the boost he needs/wants to keep going with his day.

Sarah: I have been good. Busy and a bit overwhelmed more frequently than not. I feel like I never sleep and when I do sleep it doesn't seem particularly restful. I am not sure if that is just from stress or the fact that it seems my kids all think they don't need to sleep all night and if they do sleep all night they need to be up at 6 AM. Either way I am frequently tired. Day to day life involves a lot of driving. I go back and forth to Denver to play mom, nurse, maid, etc. every weekend and then come home and try to fit a weeks worth of stuff into three days while I am here. I have actually been finding some good ways to get more done in less time which makes me a happy mommy. I am getting better at being more in the moment with the kids which has made all of us a little happier and laid back. I love watching the kids grow and learn and figuring out some of their individual personality quarks. Christmas shopping has been almost completed for almost a week which is a huge accomplishment for me because I'm usually one of those insane shoppers the week of Christmas trying to shove in the last few things! Most importantly in my report on myself is that I'm happy! I got the best Christmas gift ever by getting my WHOLE family to be together and healthy for Christmas! It's a miracle!

Eliza: She has been busy with school! Eliza absolutely loves school it is kind of like pulling teeth to get her to tell you about what she did each day but we are learning that she has some things that make her very excited to tell us about so we key off of those parts! She is really getting into the idea of learning to read and I frequently catch her playing school and having reading time with her siblings! Those are memories I hope to hold onto forever because I don't think there is anything more precious than watching little ones sit and read to each other! Eliza is the best big sister ever! She may think that she should pick on her siblings on occasion but more often than not she makes a true and honest effort to keep everyone happy even when that means sacrificing the thing that she really wants! It gives me hope that she is that sweet and kind even when I am not around! In the past few weeks she has been obsessed with Christmas and how soon it can get here. She had a Christmas program at school which I recorded and will attempt to load on here but I make no promises! I love preschoolers! We got a really cute dvd slide show of pictures from the year as well! Eliza loves to play dress up and family, I absolutely love to quietly listen to her play her imagination games with her siblings because she is so creative. Sometimes I have moments of humiliation as I hear my own voice coming out of her mouth lecturing her 'daughter'. Eliza has also started to sing. All. The. Time. She sings at every given opportunity and her favorite things to sing are the things she learns at school and in primary.

Alayna: What a ball full of energy... sometimes very stubborn energy. She has entered into the "terrifying three's" where she suddenly has a need to test every boundary she has ever been given. Sadly this also means that she thinks she should have lots and lots of tantrums. Thankfully we have a very kind big sister who like to try to solve problems (at least when she's not causing them). In fact there was one day that poor miss Alayna spent a good portion of the day in her room because she just could not get it under control. I on the other hand had to spend some quality time in the basement trying to contain my laughter at the incredible challenge it is to be 3 years old! I seem to forget how some fits are just so darn funny! Alayna's speech has been coming along nicely she is pretty easy to understand most of the time now which is fantastic! Her very best friend in the whole world is Eliza and she has this amazing gift for making Parker laugh. It is frequently in the car that you hear this random outburst of laughter from Alayna and Parker who are now in full hysterics laughing so hard that I am thankful for the diaper covering the baby! Alayna also has an incredible musical sense. She can keep a beat and loves loves loves to dance. She has some strange taste in music that she likes to dance to (rap, anything with a really strong beat). The other day we were at Friday's for dinner and she looked like she was 'crumping' to the music it took every ounce of will power to not laugh, but she really isn't too bad at it! Alayna and I are finding that we love the preschool hours together with just us! Parker will sometimes nap during that time and we love being able to snuggle up and watch a movie or read books, tea parties are the other most popular mom-and-me activities!

Parker: Is growing and growing and growing. I keep trying to tell him that he is my baby and that he needs to stop growing but for some reason it doesn't work. He loves food! Baby food, grown up food, stuff that isn't food and that mom then chases him down to fish it out of his mouth! All of it. Everything belongs in his mouth (just ask him!). He is learning to crawl and almost has it figured out. We keep catching him doing the full hands and knees crawl but it's one or two 'steps' and he goes back to army crawling. He loves to army crawl on the wood floors at the apartment because he can slide but otherwise he moves around more at home. Parker cut his first two teeth in the past week and is working quickly on two more. In fact he is sporting the Merritt rash, drool, and fever that goes with cutting teeth in this family so I am sure the next few teeth are not far behind! He is super friendly and has the BEST smile and laugh in the whole world! He is painfully ticklish so that uncontrollable giggle that he gets it easy to fish out of him when you need a smile!

Major Events: This is not specific to any one person but I did want to give my congratulations to my brother Jaron and his new wife Adalia they had a beautiful wedding and it was fanatic to go be a part of that! I was thrilled to be able to have Ben there with us so thank you for getting married in the Temple so it was close enough for him to come! We had a great time going to the wedding, after the wedding we went into the Denver store to drop off some paper work for changing insurance companies in January. It was fun to go in with Ben because everything in the entire building stopped the entire office (and no I am NOT exaggerating) came and swarmed around Ben! They then swooped each of our kids up and took them to go play while we did paper work stuff! I can honestly say that I was overwhelmed and touched by how much those people all care for a love Ben. They have treated us like family and we feel so so loved! They were even calling the people who were not in the office at that moment and told them Ben was there if they wanted to come back! so loved. so so Loved.
We busted Ben out of Brent's Place for a 4 day weekend with the family! We are thrilled to be home and only wish he was here to stay but he will be going back to Brent's place the day after Christmas.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! ~Love the Merritt's

 bubble bath!!

 mow-hawk

 wrinkly toes, you just want to nibble baby toes!

 The Happy couple!

and my amazing Parents! Thanks mom and dad for everything you are the very very best! Happy 29 years of marriage this year!

The kids newest obsession is "color bath's" so yes the water is green! Merry Christmas!

About Dang Time!

Well it's about that time that I really desperately need to sit down and write. Just to write so I may be completely random and scatter brained in all of this but it will at least let me put it down somewhere and process a little from there.
I need to back up a few weeks.
The week of Thanksgiving:
Eliza did not have school that week so we spent the entire week with daddy doing the full time nurse, maid, mommy, chef, etc thing. I can honestly attest to how exhausting it is to be in a little apartment with three little ones who just want to run and play and they really need to just be quiet. We watched way too much TV during that week. Ben had doctors appointments as usual. Everything seemed to be moving along nicely. All except for his liver. That didn't move so nicely. His bili ruben levels doubled in about a week. So with that we established that he has some liver failure and they began treating that with high dose steroids. (average is 20mg he's taking 80mg).
We had plans that on Thanksgiving day we were going to get Ben a 'day pass' to go and have dinner at his parents house but that ended up not working because his dad got sick and with Ben's liver giving him trouble they didn't want him to leave Denver anyway. That made us all sad. I was looking forward to the time with family and getting out of the apartment but instead I made my first official Thanksgiving dinner, (not to shabby if I say so myself) and we had a quiet, peaceful Thanksgiving as a little family of 5. I think that I was most thankful for the ability that we had to HAVE thanksgiving as a family rather than through a computer screen, so maybe it wasn't exactly what I wanted but it was still a wonderful day!
Random odd comment about Brent's Place: There is something very very freaky about the light in the kitchen. It turns everything neon colors, cheese looks inedible and nothing looks like you should eat it because of the light! So weird!

So this past week. I think I lost my mind completely in the past few days alone. I don't remember the last time I tried to cram so much stuff into such a short amount of time. I did a little bit of cyber Monday shopping, cooking, cleaning, tending to children, taking Ben to the doctor, laundry, etc. Tuesday Eliza had school then we went to Loveland after that so that  I could accomplish some birthday shopping with the help of my mom who could entertain the kids while I got sneaky and shopped! Ben was so lucky and he got to have a liver biopsy that day...eww. He said he could feel it when they clipped the piece of his liver out. They go in through a vein in your neck to get the sample but it's still uncomfortable!

Wednesday I can't remember anything. I know I spent the entire night wrapping gifts and ran non-stop for the rest of the day. It is all starting to really blur together what I do all day!
Thursday after school I loaded the kids back up repacked (i'm not sure why I ever bothered to unpack in the first place) and we went back to Denver. Eliza was so lucky she got to open her two gifts from Grandma Merritt while Grandma was still there! She got a puppy that can walk all by itself and a headband making kit! Which she is aching to play with but it is at the apartment!

 Friday morning Alayna woke up with a cough so I spent the morning calling my parents asking them to please come get the girls because they couldn't stay around Ben if they were sick. So my dad was awesome, he left work came to Denver brought a birthday cake and we had a short and sweet birthday celebration with Eliza a day early where she got to open her gifts from us and eat cake for breakfast! It was a lot hectic and as soon as they left I spent the next few hours sanitizing everything they could have possibly touched! I took Ben to his appointment that afternoon and we are still not seeing improvement with his liver. It isn't getting worse but it isn't getting any better either. That evening Mallory came over and took some pictures I ask for and as you can see, They turned out amazing and perfect! I look forward to taking new ones in a few months when Ben's hair starts to grow back and he looks less like a cancer patient! Photographic evidence of progress helps me not forget what we came from!
 Saturday was quiet It was Eliza's birthday and I was glad to call her and talk on the phone for a bit! The rest of the day I cleaned, rested, and we went to the store and picked up Ben's Christmas gift.
Sunday came around and I picked the girls up from Loveland thinking that I would be taking them back to Denver with me because Alayna didn't have symptoms anymore... but  to my dismay when I arrived to get the girls Eliza had symptoms instead. Eliza really wanted to just go home and not back to Grandma's house so I made arrangements through my amazing sister-in-laws to stay with Ben so that I could take care of my babies! Thank you Abby, Mallory, and Evan for the help I really needed it and I know how much it meant to my kids to have their mommy! Sunday after church since we were not making a mad dash back to Denver we put up the Christmas tree instead! It was a blast I actually set aside my obsessiveness long enough to let the kids do all of the tree decorating except a few extra fragile ornaments that were promptly put on the top of the tree!

 This Lil Man just worships his daddy!

 the freaky looking macaroni and cheese from the lights!!

 Photographic evidence of my first thanksgiving dinner!

 This little man really really loves to hide under the couch!

 gettin/ his first kiss... full open mouthed lovin!

 nothing like a cute little naked baby bum in the tub!

 Decorating the Christmas Tree

Now if only we could get all of our kids healthy and functional then I would be golden and we would be ready to go back to Denver to be with daddy again... but I fear that will not be happening until next week. Wish us luck and have a fantastic week!

Freedom!

 My little Elf!!

 this is exactly how the girls would arrive at home most nights. Passed out in their Pj's and mommy is relieved to be sleeping!

 At the pool to celebrate Alayna's Birthday!

 This was Parker's first pool experience... he did not love it.

 Alayna... was a little too excited for pictures she this was the best we could get!

 Wonderful 'teaching moment' If you are going to color on the walls I don't advise signing your name! or doing it right above your bed.

 Ben's final list of his blood counts sorry it's sideways.

 Gavin and Parker after their Bath thanks to Gavin's second blow out in a day! He wasn't so pleased.

 Sitting so BIG! Gavin is still a little too top heavy to sit very well or very long!

 Passed out after an eventful morning!

 Daddy having a nap at Brent's place. One of those moments that my motherly instinct kicked in and all I wanted to do was wrap him up in my arms and hold him!

 Parker swinging for the first time in a big kid swing!

Ok so it has been way way too long since I posted here. I am actually a little sad that I have not done the last few weeks of posts because it would have been nice to look back on these past few weeks and see exactly how did I survive the few weeks that have past. I am sad that I already can't remember what I have done and how I have made it work but that is life so instead I will post about what i can remember and move on from the rest with the knowledge that sometime in life we are handed challenges that make it impossible for us to do anything except survive and that is exactly what I did.

The week of Halloween: I had a fantastic lunch with a Stephanie Floodeen! We took the kids to Chick-Fil-A for food and play time. They had a great time and I really enjoyed getting some good adult conversation in! On Halloween Eliza had a Halloween party and presentation at school she did a great job with her songs and I loved every bit of being able to be with her for that! I think I am enjoying school as much as she is I love how excited and happy it makes her to go and then tell me all about it! We are working on her willingness and ability to expound on her school day other than the standard "it was fun" answer! In that week there were a few trips back and forth to Denver to spend some time with Ben! He had a tough week having his counts continue dropping was difficult it wears you out to have that much massive cell death. He started getting some really horrible mouth sores that were miserable and made it extremely difficult to eat and drink. They eventually put him on some pretty powerful pain meds to help with his mouth and the pain in his legs. They were very helpful in getting him the rest that his body really needed!

The first full week of Novenber we got the best news ever!! Ben's counts finally started coming back up! His marrow is starting to work! The stem cells started to do their job and I was thrilled! I went to the dentist which went shockingly well. I am not doing as much damage to my teeth as I expected with the reflux issues I have been having. I have a fantastic dentist! Eliza had school and Alayna and I did all kind of things together. I made  a few trips to Denver to snuggle up with my hubby! The kids had a play date on Wednesday so I could finish up some birthday shopping for a certain young lady who turned 3!! On Thursday the day was insane. I mean that in every way possible! I don't even remember everything I HAD to get done that day but I do know that by the end of the evening trying to get everything settled for our family get together to open gifts I called for re-enforcements! We had a fantastic time celebrating Alayna's birthday Ben participated via facetime on our phones as one would die we would call him on another! It was a good time. Alayna got all kinds of things that she just LOVES! The two things she ask for specifically this year were a pink elephant and a giraffe... the giraffe was the easy one to find... pink elephants are hard to come by but we finally found one! She loved everything she got! So Happy Birthday to the BEST, happiest, cuddliest, and most cheerful 3 year old ever! We love you to the Moon and Back Miss Alayna! Sadly I did not take a single picture that day. Terrible but true. That Friday we got the final and official word that Ben would be getting out of the hospital on the following Tuesday! This was beyond exciting because it was about 12 days sooner than what we were expecting!

Now on to this week! I can give more details about this week because it is a little fresher in my mind! That and in a sense it has almost been simpler and less stressful... at least parts of it have been! Let me start out by stating that as exciting as it is to have Ben get out early it really threw me off so I was not mentally prepared for the actual process. After a little melt down at the Merritt's house that was thankfully managed very well thanks to Mallory who helped Diane and I make a plan! Most of Monday was spent playing with Natalie and Jackson and making some tree's for Grandma for her Birthday that day! It was a fun activity for me and the kids had a great time running around with friends!
Tuesday was busy. I got Eliza off to school left the other two kids with my mom and made my way to Denver. I got us checked into Brent's place (the apartment we are staying in) and then went to the hospital and got Ben all packed up. After all the packing and training was done we finally left the hospital around 3:30 that afternoon. I then unloaded everything and got Ben moved into the apartment before his mom came with food that we moved into the apartment as well. Mom cooked dinner and I quickly made my way home to get the kids and put them to bed! It was an exhausting day I was thankful for my bed at that point!
Wednesday started out nice and early with my nephew Gavin joining us for the day! It was fun to have the extra little one in my house again after going so many months without allowing other kids into my house due to germs! I felt a little bad for poor Gavin who seemed to have a bit of an off day. He screamed for a few hours and had two blow out diapers that finally resulted in getting a bath he wasn't exactly happy about either! Poor kid it's tough to be a baby! The good part was that I still had fun playing with him and once he finished his fit he slept for 3+ hours! That afternoon after school Lindsay (my older sister) came from CO Springs and took the girls to lunch and then the Children's museum before meeting us over at Brent's place where there was a wonderful and happy reunion between Daddy and his kids! It was fantastic to see him wrap them up in his arms again and see their little faces light up when they saw him! It made for a bit of a late night but we worked it out just fine and the kids passed out in the car on the way home which was perfect!
Thursday I spent the school hours packing up to go to Denver. Then I spent another few hours after school packing some more things for Denver. Then after that I took the kids into the doctors office for the other half of their flu shots. Alayna also had her well child check which proved that although she was my biggest baby she is my smallest child by far! She is in the 25% for her height and weight where both her siblings are about the 50% for those things. She is my petite little snuggle monkey! After the doctors appointment I booked it home then to the Mott's house to borrow a high chair since I managed to lock my portable one up behind a freezer. I then followed up with a long drive into Denver in the evening traffic and thankfully had my brother in law Evan there to help me unload the week and a half's worth of stuff for me and the kids. Did you know we require a TON of junk to function! Especially when you are going somewhere that you need to bring your own toys and other quiet activities! That night it was difficult for the girls to fall asleep but that is normal for any new and exciting place!
Friday was quiet and darn near perfect! Who would have thought that I would ever feel like a perfect day would happen in a little apartment in downtown Denver!? I sure didn't but being together as a family with kids that are happy and healthy makes for a darn near perfect day! It's all about perspective! I cleaned and did laundry and I sanitize everything all day long but my kids are patient and very helpful with it! They love doing the laundry here and think that having an elevator for their house is the coolest thing ever! We played games and colored all day it was great to be together as a family no matter what we did!
Saturday has been good as well. Grandma Merritt came and sat with the kids while I went with Ben to his doctors appointment. That took forever! The Saturday appointments apparently always take a long time so I am thankful that he will be switching to Monday, Wednesday, Friday appointments. On mention of his appointment Ben's blood work came back very well! His counts are ALL up in the normal range! They are low normal but they are still normal for a healthy normal person! The only thing that is still low is his hemoglobin which is why he is still exhausted but he is doing excellent! We are hoping to get permission next week for him to go to Longmont to his Parents house for Thanksgiving dinner... It would be awesome if he could but if not we will still have a fantastic Thanksgiving as a family here! We also took the kids to City Park today which was fun. Parker thinks it is really funny for mommy to hold him while she pushes Alayna on the swing he was laughing so hard! I have no idea why it was so funny but it was! The other major funny of the day was an interaction between Alayna and Daddy:
Daddy - "Alayna, are you eating a lollipop!?"
Alayna- "NO! It a Sucker!"
Daddy- "oh, is it yummy?"
Alayna- "yes!"
Thinking that the conversation was done daddy laid back down in bed only to hear a little voice chime in and add "I suck!" ... makes sense when you're 3!
Sunday hasn't officially happened yet but Abby will be coming to take care of Ben while I take the kids to our ward for church. Ben is going to sacrament meeting here but after that he will come home to rest up some more before we get back from our own meetings!