Rejoicing in the Inheritance

Isaiah 61

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,[a]
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
     and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor.

They will rebuild the ancient ruins
    and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
    that have been devastated for generations.
 Strangers will shepherd your flocks;
    foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.
And you will be called priests of the Lord,
    you will be named ministers of our God.
You will feed on the wealth of nations,
    and in their riches you will boast.

 Instead of your shame
    you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
    you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
    and everlasting joy will be yours.

 “For I, the Lord, love justice;
    I hate robbery and wrongdoing.
In my faithfulness I will reward my people
    and make an everlasting covenant with them.
 Their descendants will be known among the nations
    and their offspring among the peoples.
All who see them will acknowledge
    that they are a people the Lord has blessed.”

I delight greatly in the Lord;
    my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
    and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
    and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
 For as the soil makes the sprout come up
    and a garden causes seeds to grow,
so the Sovereign Lord will make righteousness
    and praise spring up before all nations.

Our children's past is their own private past, even though today I walk alongside them and help carry some of those burdens.  I live daily with the effects of what happened in their past before becoming a part of our family and I am uniquely familiar with each of their stories because I am their mom.  I cannot understand exactly what they have lived through because their stories in adoption are not my story.  We each have different stories and we each respond differently.  It takes time and maturity for children to be able to understand and accept their own stories and to see what God has done and is doing in their lives.  

I love these precious children.  They are resilient.  They are survivors.  They are overcomers.  They are image-bearers of God, fearfully and wonderfully made.  They are cherished and dearly loved by their dad and I, by their grandparents, by aunts and uncles and cousins, by their church family and friends.  

We are humbled to have been chosen by God to walk this journey with these amazing children.  It hasn't always been easy.  The burdens they carry haven't always been light or typical or uncomplicated.  Instead, at times their burdens have been very heavy, very complex, and very complicated.  Knowing that God is at work sustaining our family and doing His work exchanging  the brokenness of the past for His promises of future grace has made all the difference.

We delight in seeing God give beauty for ashes.  Little glimpses one at a time, day by day, we see God bringing joy in place of mourning, bringing praise in place of despair.  It is our prayer that ultimately any shame or despair or sorrow would be replaced with a double portion of rejoicing in the inheritance of a family.  And not just an earthly inheritance and family, but an eternal inheritance and family with everlasting joy.

It Matters

Psalm 147:3 

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

As I sit and write this I feel something itchy in the back of my shirt and pull out a handful of grass and leaves.  It is the residue from an earlier game of raining grass that I was playing outside with the littlest ones of the family.  It was a silly game that probably looked rather meaningless as we pulled out handfuls of grass and tossed them in the air to rain down on us but it mattered to these two little ones as they laughed and giggled until they were out of breath.  And it mattered to me as it brought simple sweetness and joy to my afternoon.

I have been reflecting on what has really mattered in my life and I cannot stress enough how much my own adoption has mattered.  I absolutely love my adoptive parents - they are truly the best.  I am grateful that God in His sovereignty and love chose these two to be my mom and dad.  Not only that, God chose adoption as the way I would come to understand family.  My parents and their love for me growing up taught me that adoption was a wonderful thing.  In every way it helped me to understand my eternal adoption as a child of God.  

My own adoption story is beautiful.  It is a story saturated with love from a birth mother who sacrificially chose a family to love and raise me, to parents who lavished love upon my brother and I, to grandparents and extended family who joyfully welcomed us into the family.  Growing up I knew that being adopted meant being loved. 

This love and belonging is what has motivated my heart toward adoption and foster care.  It is not always easy but because of my experience I know that it matters to these precious children. 

I understand that not all adoptees have such a joyful and ideal story as I have experienced.  In fact, many children come to their adoptive or foster homes with tragically broken hearts unable to even understand love.  In those dark days of anger and fear, when a child rejects all that you are aiming to give, the love of adoptive and foster parents matters.  When the seasons of rejection seem long and heartbreaking for adoptive and foster parents and siblings, what you are doing really does matter in the lives of your children.  

And it matters in the lives of the children who are already established in your home, whether by birth or adoption.  They see your love.  They see your mistakes.  Well, I know my kids see lots of my mistakes in our attempt at loving all our children.  (This is a valuable opportunity for us to model repentance and humility and for them to learn from my mistakes.)  They see your dependence upon the Lord to walk this journey of joyful obedience, even through much heartache sometimes.  They see that God is faithful and that He is able to heal the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds.  They see that eternity is what really matters and modeling the love of the Father and adoption into an eternal family can be done in even in an imperfect, earthly family.  They see that it is worth spending their lives for love, being poured out as a fragrant offering.

Those extended family members who have been chosen, too, as a part of an adoptive or foster family - their roles matter.  Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, family friends...you matter in the lives of adopted and foster children!  Never once in my childhood did I ever believe that I was less cherished because I was not born into the family.  My grandparents' overwhelming love for me confirmed in my heart that I was precious to them.  When I look at the love our parents have for all of our children, both foster and adopted, I know that it matters to our kids.  This summer I was reminded again that the example that our siblings and their spouses give to our kids is priceless. When our children see how we interact with our grown siblings and their families, how we love one another and care for one another, they are learning that family is forever, even into adulthood.  This is an example that some of our kids have never seen prior to coming to our home - adult siblings who love one another and care for one another.  By seeing this lived out they can see how they might someday interact with their siblings and with us.  Knowing the love and support of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and family friends matters!

Tonight I'm thinking of several of our friends who are walking hard roads in adoption these days.  I think of all the people in our lives who love and support us and our growing household of children.  I want them to know that what they are doing matters.  I want them to know that it mattered to me.  I see in my kids' lives that it matters to them, too.  When it is hard, when it feels futile, when it feels broken, when it doesn't make sense, it still matters.  

The Rest of 2015...

Deuteronomy 7:9 

Know therefore that the LORD your God is God,
the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love
with those who love him and keep his commandments,
to a thousand generations,

It is over.  2015 is over.  And already a new year has begun.  It is time to recap the rest of 2015 that I didn't have time to put into words, those moments that are now memories we hold dear in our hearts.  While the year was too full to take much time for blogging, it was a good year of learning to delight in God's faithfulness and steadfast love for us.  Not a moment of the past year was wasted in learning that precious lesson.

In July we celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary 

with a little Minneapolis stay-cation and a quiet night at home.  

To quote Andrew Peterson's Dancing in the Minefields: 

"It's been harder than we dreamed, but I believe that's what the promise is for..."

Our family traveled to Louisville, KY, while Nic worked for a week this July.  The kids and I used the opportunity to learn about US history in the area after having completed a year of US Geography last school year.  

It was a wonderful adventure to have together.

Aliah turned 15 in August and Serena turned 17 in September.  

Precious daughters, it seems like only yesterday when they were 8 and 10, 

and we were stumbling through life together, just getting to know one another 

and learning to be a family.

In October Maria turned 18... she is now the oldest at home, is driving, finishing her senior year of high school, taking clep prep courses, earning college credits, volunteering at church in nursery and pre-school, and is working as a nanny for a family with five children!  It has been quite an eventful school year for her!

At the end of October were were blessed to officially finalize our adoption of Silas.

We are so thankful for God's protection and provision in Silas' life.  We are grateful for the care of our county child protection workers, foster care licensing workers, permanency workers, and our family court judge.

Fall 2015

Maria, Serena, Aliah

Noah, Nic, Megan, Silas, Corinn

*

Silas turned 2 in December.  He is so full of joy.  

Every morning he exuberantly exclaims, "I waked up!"

Most recently he has been wishing everyone a 

"Pretty Christmas and Happy New Year!"

Corinn turned 11 just days before Christmas.  

Our very first child, she is a dynamic daughter full of wonder and delight!

*Missing in the family picture is our oldest son, Hugo, who no longer lives at home.

Refuge

Psalm 5:11But let all who take refuge in you rejoice;
    let them ever sing for joy,
and spread your protection over them,
    that those who love your name may exult in you.

Back in January I certainly never anticipated that this year would be quite as busy or consuming as it has turned out to be, hence the lack of blogging or connecting with others via social media, email, or phone.  All-in-all it has been a good sort of busy and consuming.  I am so grateful to see evidences of God's grace abounding all around me!

This weekend I had a brief 24 hour respite in which to reflect and be refreshed in the Word.  The concept of joy has been in my mind and on my heart as we press in to the Lord daily, even through busy and consuming circumstances.  Today I was able to spend time contemplating, meditating, and reflecting on Psalm 5:11 which lead to a sweet time of prayer for many in my life.

What really stuck out to me was that we all have a need to take refuge in the Lord, whatever is going on in our lives, in our families, with our kiddos, in the world, our only real refuge is the Lord and as we take refuge He wants us to rejoice.  He offers us His protection.  When those we know are dealing with seemingly disastrous or entirely overwhelming days this is my prayer, that God would spread His protection over them, that in the midst of great trials they would love His name, and that they would exult in Him!

I am so grateful for a God who is able to be our refuge, our protector. It is my prayer that you would be encouraged to run to Him and rejoice in Him and exult in Him with great joy.

Potholes

Joel 2:25 

I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten,
the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, my great army, which I sent among you.

Isaiah 58:8 

Then shall your light break forth like the dawn,
and your healing shall spring up speedily;
your righteousness shall go before you;
the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. 

It is commonly heard that in Minnesota there are only two seasons: Winter and Road Construction. We spend all winter alternately pouring salt and sand on top of snow and ice covered roads and  then scraping the snow, ice, salt, and sand off the roads.  During a really nice winter we actually make it a few times to the mid-thirties and we have some nice thawing and freezing action going on.  All of this, the elements and the chemicals, make for some great road destruction.  Gotta love Minnesota, where potentially before the last snowfall of the year and even before the ground thaws, the road crews begin working to repair some pretty impressive potholes.

Life is full of potholes.  Emotional potholes, physical potholes, mental potholes. Sometimes we get stuck in them.  Other times we get a little help filling them in and smoothing them over. Some seasons are those in which the potholes of destruction fill our days and other seasons are for repairing the potholes.  Sometimes we don't even notice a pothole being formed and other days we don't notice them being filled in.

On our route to the YMCA there is a road that has been terrifically marred by potholes.  For years now I have straddled the potholes on this particular road in order to protect the wheels, alignment, and suspension of our "megabus" as the kids affectionately call our big van.  This week, however, I noticed that the road had been repaired, the potholes filled in, and we were cruising on a new and improved road. The road was smooth but I was driving on it like the potholes still existed. I actually had noticed the months of work that began this past fall and are not entirely finished yet.  I endured the road construction and re-routed traffic for a time.  It wasn't like I was oblivious to the fact that they were fixing the road all this time.  I had just gotten in the habit of driving like the potholes were there, even though they are now all gone and it is a smooth ride to the YMCA.

Sometimes life is like that.  Our kids have come from some pretty tough places. Their past has created some potholes in their lives, some deeper than others.  I wouldn't expect anything different given the circumstances. At first it seemed like there were some exceedingly large potholes, and definitely some that we would need to straddle the rest of our lives. Admittedly, those potholes looked pretty overwhelming at first.

And then something happened over time.  Some of the potholes were filled in and smoothed over.  Of course I noticed all the "road construction" going on.  I was, in fact, part of the road crew.  Endless hours of listening, advising, redirecting, crying, praying, weeping, teaching, counseling, comforting, redirecting (again), encouraging, disciplining, affirming, redirecting (again!).  And then suddenly the ride got easier and I had almost missed the fact that the potholes were largely diminished, almost entirely gone!  

The potholes in your life might be different from those in ours, but we've all got them.  It is the effect of sinful man living in a fallen world.  But we have a redeemer who is mighty to save, who is able to redeem our broken years and smooth over all of our difficult places for His glory.      

Full Hands

Psalm 68:6a  

God sets the lonely in families... 

Psalm 127:3a 

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord...

Often while I'm talking with someone, either a friend I'm reconnecting with or someone I've just met, they will say with mild exasperation, "Wow! You have your hands full."  I have spent quite a bit of time reflecting on that statement.  I wonder if they mean that it seems like I'm going to start dropping things (literally or figuratively) or that I look like I'm overwhelmed and about to fall apart. I generally try to avoid giving a negative impression about large family life, adoption, and foster care.  I certainly hope that is not the case.  I love these things, and "having my hands full" to me signifies a life full of blessings and opportunities to depend on the Lord. It is a good life.  It is a full life.

Full is...well...it's full.

A full life is often overflowing with challenges - organizational, practical, emotional, physical.  It is real and sometimes it is messy.  Real messy.  (The more there are of us in the house, the more the mess increases exponentially.)  And on the flip side, a full life is overflowing with joys, laughter, growth, togetherness.  And while the mess may increase exponentially, the teamwork also increases, and clean up doesn't take nearly as long. 

While we were traveling somewhere in the past year, our family stopped at a fast food restaurant for a bathroom break and a quick meal.  (Honestly no matter how many stalls there are in the bathroom, there's no such thing as quick when 10 people pile out of a van for a bathroom break and a meal!) We make every effort to avoid these kinds of expensive and unhealthy meal choices, but sometimes there is not time or energy to plan for every meal on the road.  During this particular visit to a fast food restaurant, the woman taking our order at the cash register got a little flustered and half-way through the order interrupted Nic by saying, "Wait!  Are you ALL together?"  I suppose a larger family with a wide age range of children can be potentially overwhelming to those who may not be expecting it. But really, we drive a 12 passenger van, not a bus. How overwhelming can we be at an eating establishment that is expected to handle entire bus loads of hungry teenage athletes after sporting events?

While it was a rather peculiar way to say it, I believe that the clerk at the restaurant was saying somewhat the same thing I often hear, "You've got your hands full."  Her unguarded response revealed more about the situation than I often see when others say it.  She wasn't quite prepared at the thought of all of us together.  And maybe the response of others who comment on how full my hands are are really saying something similar, something more along the lines of , "Wow! I can't quite imagine that kind of family lifestyle." Or "Wow! I had never envisioned family being brought together from multiple continents in such a way."

Yes, we are ALL together.  And my hands are full.  And my heart is full...so very full.  It is full to overflowing with thankfulness to God for bringing us together, setting the lonely in families, caring for the orphan and widow, being sovereign even over our brokenness and hurt, being purposeful in ordering each of our days, turning mourning to dancing and sorrow to joy.  He is a good God and He has given me full hands.

Adoption Support

Hebrews 10:23-24 

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works.

When I look back on our journey of adoption as well as our new ministry of foster care, the most helpful thing in the past 10+ years has been having the support and encouragement of an understanding group of like-minded believers.  This support system has been exceedingly more helpful than any book or training on adoption, attachment, trauma, neglect, abuse, culture, or development.  At times during the past 10+ years this support system has helped us hold on to our Hope while we were so weak.  When our faith wavered, they reminded us that He who promised is faithful.  And they continually aimed at stirring us up to love and good works.  

For a short season during our first adoptions we co-led a support group for adoptive families in our area.  When we adopted our first sibling group of older children, we walked through a dark valley for a season and we set aside our role in co-leading that group and the group eventually quit meeting, though several of the group members have continued to be a cherished part of our lives, even today. We are so thankful for friendships that have weathered some of our darkest storms.  

Once we were able to regroup enough to leave home for support group meetings again, we tried out a variety of support groups in our area. We found that most had a focus that was not helpful for our family - either relying too heavily on contemporary psychology and the advice of the world or spending too much time focused on the disasters, dilemmas, diagnoses, and disappointments of adoption.  Our hearts craved a group that was focused on Christ and not on our circumstances and that had a Biblical view of adoption.  We needed a group that would do as Hebrews 10:23-24 directs. We needed reminders of God's faithfulness.  We needed others who would help us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering in those dark valleys that we knew would eventually come again in life.

We are so thankful for the adoption support group that we meet with once a month.  The group lives out Hebrews 10:23-24, effectively propelling one another on toward love and good works.  This group is literally the hands and feet of Christ to come alongside adoptive families.  An added bonus to this support group is that our children are all welcome and involved.  The older children meet for open gym time in a supervised setting and the younger children meet in a nursery/play room setting. The adults who minister to the children make it a priority to propel them to love and good works as well. We have seen our children step up to be purposeful encouragers of other kids who may share a similar background.  It is a sweet thing to see children embracing the opportunity to build one another up and come alongside someone who is struggling.

If you live in the Twin Cities metro area and are looking for an amazing support group to encourage you in your journey with adoption, foster care, or Safe Families for Children, please consider visiting the support group we attend.  It is called Propel after Hebrews 10:24.  Propel meets the second Friday of every month during the school year from 7-9 at New Hope Church in New Hope, utilizing the parking lot on the back side of the building.  We would love to see you there and to consider with you how to stir up one another to love and good works.        

Saying Goodbye...Again

2 Corinthians 5:17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

Recently, as I looked around my house a sense of despair came over me.  There were shoes everywhere.  Soccer cleats, sandals, tennis shoes, and, oddly, winter boots sprinkled here and there as if they were land mines just waiting for the tired parental unit to trip on them.  Knitting needles were hidden, tucked into couch cushions, waiting for the unsuspecting parent to collapse exhausted into the couch only to be stabbed in unspeakable places.  There were stacks of schoolwork, looming like mountains on all the flat surfaces of the main floor of the house.  Piles of Geometry, Algebra, and one of every other level of math, skipping grade levels down to kindergarten, seemed to rise up like soldiers and surround me after bedtime. A continual grocery list was lost again on the kitchen desk that never got cleaned off.  Phone calls hadn't been returned for over a week.  Emails hadn't been returned if they managed to slip off the first page of my inbox, which they seemed to do instantly.  Paperwork needing to be turned in for various things was clipped together in a pile with the most urgent on bottom and the most recent collecting dust on top, mostly all long overdue.  

These were the visible, the daily physical things, that threatened to overwhelm me.  I really hate to be unorganized, late, and messy.  I love (in a manner akin to idol worship) being prepared, organized and structured.  Seven years ago at this time I was preparing to leave the country to travel to Colombia for five weeks to adopt our first child.  I was missing the last five weeks of the school year at the small school where I taught kindergarten.  Even though my very trustworthy student teacher was coming back to sub for me and knew the routine and the students, I still made five weeks worth of daily folders for her so that every worksheet, newsletter, and supply was ready for her at the beginning of the five weeks.  By being prepared, I felt in control of my little classroom, even from a different continent. 

As I assessed our home, the non-physical observations in my home seemed to pile up, too.  I saw, heard, and felt broken hearts at every turn and in all the dark brown eyes I searched.  I sensed fear, anger, anxiety, and disappointment.  Navigating hurt pasts, making sense of being together now, and communicating hope for a future together as a family seemed like a high school track and field event in which someone quadrupled the hurdles and doubled the hand-offs in an event of relay-hurdles.  I compared our family with an unknown, unrealistic ideal and we fell short every time.  

Crying out in prayer, I laid my frustrations down.  Again.  I asked for an eternal perspective and for eyes to see God's work and purpose.  I begged God to not let me be swallowed up by comparisons and unrealistic expectations.  I kept hearing the words say goodbye over and over in my heart as I struggled to grab onto the joy and purpose He offered for my life in His Word.

I needed to say goodbye.  

Again.

Goodbye to expectations that weren't meant for our family or for this season of our life.  

Goodbye to comparisons that were unrealistic and unfair.

Goodbye to complaints over physical circumstances and emotional wounds and baggage.

Unless I say goodbye I am unable to say hello to the incredible blessing God has given me, the wonderful opportunity to welcome these children into our hearts and home.  I don't want to overlook our reality (the shoes, school work, mess, and brokenness).  It is simply too big to overlook.  Instead, I want to be able to rejoice in God's work within our reality.  With a new perspective I am able to rejoice in hearts that are being made new, relationships that are blossoming, a future and a hope for each of these hearts and lives.  With a new perspective, my mess is acceptable, my burdens are made beautiful, my hurts begin to find healing.  I cling to the hope that Christ has made me a new creation and that I can say goodbye to the old idols of organization, control, and perfection as they pass away daily, and embrace the new that He works in me moment by moment.    

          

Six Years Ago...

May 4, 2005

Six years ago today Maria Clemencia, director of the Ayudame orphanage in Bogota, Colombia, placed our first daughter into our arms. The emotions and memories of that day come flooding back as if they were yesterday.

Easter 2011

And in a blink it seems like the days and years have flown by. Our precious daughter is growing up and when I look at her now, the emotions of awe and gratitude to God and joy are overwhelmingly similar to that day six years ago. He has done great things for us.

May 3, 2011 - Corinn & Miss Kristi, her dance teacher

Corinn, God has given you a joyful and compassionate heart that loves Him. You are growing up to be a beautiful little girl - beautiful in your heart toward others. I love to watch you read, dance, sing and play the piano because you do it with so much joy. We are thankful that God brought you to our family for His good purpose in each of our lives! We pray that God would continue to guide and shape you as you follow steadfastly after Him. We love you!

On My Heart

James 1:27

Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.

Psalm 68:5

Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation.

Psalm 82:3

Give justice to the weak and the fatherless; maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute.

Our hearts have always been tender for adoption and orphan ministry. We have had the wonderful joy to experience international, infant, and older child, sibling group adoption. It has been the most amazing journey that has taught to us to hold tightly to Jesus and treasure Him above all else. It has been beautiful and wonderful and at times terribly painful. It is possible to imagine that after an intense and hard season of struggles through older child/sibling group adoption, our hearts might have hardened toward adoption, but God has held our hearts and kept them so tender toward adoption and orphan ministry. We rejoice that each of our children show tenderness and great compassion in their hearts toward adoption and orphan ministries as well!

I am not so good with technology, websites, blogs, buttons, etc., but I wanted to share the link to my dear friend's blog where she will be helping to advocate for several families in adoption over the course of the next month. She and her family have their own amazing testimony through adoption and God's care for their family and she is truly the hands and feet of Christ as she works to defend the cause of the fatherless in many ways. If I were more techie I'd put a button (???) here, but instead I'll just direct you over to All Are Precious In His Sight to pray over, rejoice in, and see what God is doing in some areas of orphan ministry and adoption. Enjoy!

Sermon For Adoption

John 14:8

I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.

Our desire to adopt has always been clear and strong. Our road to international, infant adoption was beautiful and easy. Our journey into older child, sibling group, international adoption was something far more challenging, and lead us to a different kind of beautiful dependence on God, where we learned to treasure Him far more than we ever had in the past. Through it all, God has kept our hearts, and all of our children's hearts, tender toward adoption. Our desire to adopt continues to be clear and strong and we wait on the Lord for His direction, guidance and timing. Until then, we daily learn to grow in dependence and trust in Him as He renews our hearts.

I have recently listened to this sermon on adoption (twice in the past month) by Voddie Baucham that so clearly captures our reasoning and desire for adoption and orphan ministry. It is well worth the time to listen and think through. If you are considering adoption, or have felt God calling you to support orphan ministries, you will be blessed and challenged by this sermon.

The Lord, Your Healer

Psalm 103:2-6

Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits,
who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,

who satisfies you with good

so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all who are oppressed.

I have been honored to know and pray for some long distance friends from Texas since our families were both adopting our older children from Colombia over two years ago. In the months prior to that adoption, we prepared, agonized, and poured out our hearts together in prayer over the phone and in emails for our big kiddos who were waiting. During the process we were in Colombia at the same time, picking out piojos (lice!), riding waves of shock and amazement, and crying tears of rejoicing and fear together, though in different cities. It has been a privilege to pray for these dear friends who have grown so close to my heart through the past two years.

After their Colombian adoption they went on to adopt six more children, making a total of ten children in their family to date. Last spring I shared a call to pray for their family as their daughter Chrissie underwent a very intense heart surgery. After a month in the hospital, Chrissie was healed in the arms of Jesus. I have learned so much about trusting Jesus by watching and praying for these dear friends. My heart learned to cry out to God as our Jehovah Rapha as I prayed for Chrissie and for her family.

Tomorrow their youngest daughter, six month old Selah, will undergo an urgent and complicated brain surgery. They have a tremendous story of trusting God in the face of uncertainty and loving their precious children. More awesome than their story is the awesome God they trust, who is their Jehovah Rapha, their Lord, their healer (Exodus 15:26). You can read the entire story of how they trusted God to parent this sweet, medically fragile child and you can also follow along for updates and prayer requests on their blog, All Are Precious In His Sight.

Please pray with me to the Lord, our healer, for Selah and her family!

Giants In My Promised Land

Numbers 13:17-33

Moses sent them to spy out the land of Canaan and said to them, "Go up into the Negeb and go up into the hill country, and see what the land is, and whether the people who dwell in it are strong or weak, whether they are few or many, and whether the land that they dwell in is good or bad, and whether the cities that they dwell in are camps or strongholds, and whether the land is rich or poor, and whether there are trees in it or not. Be of good courage and bring some of the fruit of the land." Now the time was the season of the first ripe grapes.

So they went up and spied out the land from the wilderness of Zin to Rehob, near Lebo-hamath. They went up into the Negeb and came to Hebron. Ahiman, Sheshai, and Talmai, the descendants of Anak, were there. (Hebron was built seven years before Zoan in Egypt.) And they came to the Valley of Eshcol and cut down from there a branch with a single cluster of grapes, and they carried it on a pole between two of them; they also brought some pomegranates and figs. That place was called the Valley of Eshcol, because of the cluster that the people of Israel cut down from there.

Report of the Spies

At the end of forty days they returned from spying out the land. And they came to Moses and Aaron and to all the congregation of the people of Israel in the wilderness of Paran, at Kadesh. They brought back word to them and to all the congregation, and showed them the fruit of the land. And they told him, "We came to the land to which you sent us. It flows with milk and honey, and this is its fruit. However, the people who dwell in the land are strong, and the cities are fortified and very large. And besides, we saw the descendants of Anak there. The Amalekites dwell in the land of the Negeb. The Hittites, the Jebusites, and the Amorites dwell in the hill country. And the Canaanites dwell by the sea, and along the Jordan."

But Caleb quieted the people before Moses and said, "Let us go up at once and occupy it, for we are well able to overcome it." Then the men who had gone up with him said, "We are not able to go up against the people, for they are stronger than we are." So they brought to the people of Israel a bad report of the land that they had spied out, saying, "The land, through which we have gone to spy it out, is a land that devours its inhabitants, and all the people that we saw in it are of great height. And there we saw the Nephilim (the sons of Anak, who come from the Nephilim), and we seemed to ourselves like grasshoppers, and so we seemed to them."

Numbers 14:36-38

And the men whom Moses sent to spy out the land, who returned and made all the congregation grumble against him by bringing up a bad report about the land— the men who brought up a bad report of the land— died by plague before the LORD. Of those men who went to spy out the land, only Joshua the son of Nun and Caleb the son of Jephunneh remained alive.

God has been reaching my heart with His message of Sovereignty and hope through His Word, words of prayer and encouragement on our behalf, a few powerful, personal testimonies, as well as through the opportunity to teach my children each day. This week in our history and Bible lessons we are learning about the Israelite's return from Egypt to the land of Canaan. In my own quiet time, I happened to read the passage above.

I could have been one of those 12 spies.

My first grader sings this song about these 12 spies in her Wednesday Connection class at church. It has actions and is great for kids. It is one of those songs that grows faster and faster each time it is sung repetitively, and I am usually lost after the first round because it goes so fast. It goes something like this:

12 went down to spy on Canaan

10 were bad and 2 were good

What did they see when they got to Canaan?

10 were bad and 2 were good

Some saw giants big and tall

Some saw grapes in clusters fall

Some saw God was over all

10 were bad and 2 were good

Looking back on the past two years and on our journey into older child adoption, I am ashamed to say that I would not have been Joshua or Caleb. Even though we were well educated regarding adoption issues and we thought we trusted God in this step of adoption, all we could see were giants. We saw giants of attachment disorders, giants of disabilities and delays, giants of violence and aggression, giants of maladaptive manipulation.

Don't misunderstand me, we clearly trusted that we were to walk into the journey of older child adoption. I could liken it to our own journey into Canaan and say that God was "calling" us there. And just like those twelve spies, the giants we encountered were real. I find it interesting that Joshua and Caleb didn't discount the truth of the other ten spies when they told of the fortified cities, or the Amalakites, Hittites, Jebusites, Amorites, or Canaanites that they would have to overcome. Those challenges were real and not to be discounted. Caleb only said, "We are well able to overcome it."

The giants we faced were real, too. The precious children were not giants in any way, but the fears and hurts they acted out became giants in our home. What is worse, my own fear, like that of the 10 bad spies, became a giant. Somewhere in the past two years I found myself not trusting like Caleb that we are well able to overcome it. I doubted whether or not God could overcome all of these hurts in our home.

Fear and doubt were big giants in my heart.

After our adoption of our big kiddos, some people tried to tell us that these giants did not exist, as if by believing hard enough that the Amalakites, Hittites, Jebusites, Amorites, Canaanites and walled cities did not exist the Israelites could have just waltzed into Canaan and took over. That was not Caleb's understanding of the situation - he saw the reality of the situation too, and he trusted God would overcome. God commanded the Israelites to actually battle to wipe out the Canaanites. This was not a mere walk-in-the-park kind of overcoming that the Israelites were facing, but Caleb was confident in God's power. From a parenting perspective, it was hard to hear advice that sounded a lot like, "Oh, they're just kids! Relax, all kids do XYZ! Kids are resilient!" Our big kiddos couldn't handle us waltzing back into normal, American life and jumping back in with them, even when we took it really, really slow. Eight and ten years of an unimaginable lifestyle can take a bit of subduing, but it was hard for others to see that, especially when it was painful for even us to realize how much subduing we were in for.

Their challenges were real and they seemed like giants to us at the time because we did not realize God's sovereignty and His power to overcome the challenges.

On the flip side, others (mostly from the adoption and psychology/mental health communities) gave advice or perspectives that magnified our kiddos challenges a hundred fold, creating super-giants out of diagnoses, disabilities, and past trauma, and striking more fear in our hearts. This was not a God-centered view of adoption, parenting or disabilities, yet I found this view perpetuated even among Christian adoption and psychology professionals.

Fears can seem like giants and anything we fear more than God can become an idol.

It was in this agony that we prayerfully made an adoption plan for our oldest and newly adopted son. We wrestled with not being able to maintain a safe environment at home and we wrestled with our commitment to love him forever. We prayed that God would provide a family that could see God's sovereignty and believe He could overcome the giants in our son's life. And God did provide.

Sometimes provision does not look like what we originally wanted or imagined.

Romans 11:33-35

Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!
"For who has known the mind of the Lord,
or who has been his counselor?"
"Or who has given a gift to him
that he might be repaid?"

As one year turned to two, our home continued to be carried along by daily crisis and exhaustion. We felt somewhat battered by the opposing views of the world regarding our situation in adoption (that the challenges were inconsequential or that the challenges were larger than life) and yet we pressed on with what mustard seed sized faith remained, holding onto the Truth we knew. God is sovereign. God is good. God loves us. God is for us. In all our wanderings He did not let us go.

Psalm 56:8-11

You have kept count of my tossings;
put my tears in your bottle.
Are they not in your book?

Then my enemies will turn back
in the day when I call.
This I know, that God is for me.
In God, whose word I praise,
in the LORD, whose word I praise,
in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
What can man do to me?

We have feared. We have failed. We have lost. We have grieved. We have received. We have been comforted, kept, and restored. We have learned so much more about God's everlasting and sovereign love for us.

Romans 8:31-32

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?

We are thankful that we are no longer facing giants in our promised land, that we can embrace with joy the blessing of parenting our children. We are able to rejoice in God's sovereignty for us, seeing the beauty of challenges that have drawn us nearer to Him. We trust that while challenges remain, that He is for us and that even these challenges are for our good.

I look forward to sharing more another day about delighting in glimpses of God's grace, joy and sovereignty in our journey.