"Sanctity of Marriage"

Okay... so this debate is over right? We're done, right? Enough, already! With a 50% divorce rate, you have not proven your case at all. Need an example, or two... or three... or four... or...?


Spitzer


McGreevey

Clinton

Craig

Vitter

Spears

Haggard

If that doesn't do it for you, try this! McGreevey's aide says he, McGreevey and Professional Victim (Mrs. McGreevey) were threesome-ing it for quite some time. But, she "had no idea" he was gay. Um, when he's sucking crank in front of you, lady, that's a BIG DAMN CLUE!


[UPDATE: McGreevey admitted to the threesomes... I think want to go into politics]

Still not convinced? Try to figure out the "sanctity" of this, this, this, and this—plus, I'd love to know God's take on this and this. And if it doesn't work out there's this and this. Or for you do-it-yourselfers this and this.

This completes the end of the debate for Sanctity of Marriage. Why not let gays do for marriage what we do for property values? Give us marriage rights and we will fix it up and make it better. Honesty, do you really think we'll do a worse job than you?

However, if you're going to continue denying gays the right to marry—not civil union, not partnership, but full-on fucking MARRIAGE—you had better come up with a better reason, because that one NO ONE buys anymore.

Oh, Jesus Christ...

Ted's Finally True to Himself

Well, poor Ted Haggard. First, he’s outed for buying drugs and hooking up with a gay escort. Then, after two weeks of therapy he became “completely heterosexual.” And now, well… now, he’s been booted out of the program to keep him straight.

I guess Ted’s just too fierce for The Hets. I keep wondering what that conversation was like to finally convince them that he wasn’t going to “turn”:
Counselor: “Ted, you need to pray harder!”
Ted: “Can I just suck your dick instead?”
Counselor: “Um… I think you should leave…”
Ted: “So, is that a ‘no’?”

Message to Ted:
Dude, look… you’re gay. You know it. I know it. God knows it. Everyone knows it. So, come out, already. Just come out. Start a big ole gay church—make it flashy and fun (you know you want to). Reinterpret The Bible (oh, it’s done all the time—you know it. I know it. God certainly knows it…) Get The Gays to give you money: they’ve got it; you want it—it’s a win/win.

Disadvantages: The religious nutjobs will hate you—but they already do. Doesn’t matter in their book.

Advantages: Still get to be a minister. Still get all that money. Get even more dick. Lots and lots of schlong-age! And you want that… you know it. I know it. And, Heaven knows that God knows it. After all, he made you (totally gay).

Special thanks to Scooter for the most excellent "Mr. Slave" pic--fantastic suggestion!