Facebook Help = Welcome to Hell

So, I've been locked out of Facebook for a day now. No access to my account, friends, etc. I have no idea what's going on. Every time I enter my password, I get a "site maintenance" notification. Really? Facebook maintains their site? Really...? Really...? It runs like shit and every time they make an 'improvement' the site runs even slower than before. I should note that all these 'improvements' are without any notification that they've made said improvement, you have to muddle through and figure out what they've done.

I've had issues with these fuckers before, and it usually clears up in an hour or two, so I've learned to have some patience, even if these issues come at the most inopportune time. Yesterday, while unable to access Facebook, I was able to access Farmville (yeah, I know... but I feel very Karen Blixen: "I had a farm in Africa. I had a farm in Africa at the foot of the Ngong Hills."). I harvested, played with the ducks (I love those ducks!), and then managed to 'back door' my way into Facebook, which was running like shit. Why? Because they'd just done an update that isn't just pointless, it's counter productive. But that's Facebook--if it ain't broke, it soon will be!

Today, I can't get in online, through Farmville or through my iPhone. Each attempt is met with a "site maintenance" notification and a request to "try again in a few hours". A few hours?! Really? No notification that there are issues, just a half-assed pop up when trying to get in. It might have worked better to have Bill Lumbergh appear with his cup of coffee saying, "Oh yeah... that. Yeah... we've been having problems with that, so you might want to come back later..."

Deciding that something needed to be done, I shouted, "Something needs to be done!" and proceeded to the Facebook "Help" Page to find the answer. What I quickly discovered was that most Facebook users have to be idiots. The FAQ page consisted of questions like "I want to change my password." Seriously, you need help for that? Looking around is too taxing, eh? Whatever...

I scanned the Login issues page and not finding anything relevant, I clicked on the Login and Password issues page--I look through the list. My issue is there, but it doesn't answer any questions. Basically, Bill is back saying, "Oooh... yeah... not gonna happen." When I click on the 'My bug is not listed here button,' it takes me back to the beginning. No other options available, and no option to get assistance. Basically, my account is dead and there's not a damn thing I can do about it... and Facebook certainly isn't going to waste their valuable time working on it.

So, the question is, do I start a new account and waste more time? Or should I wait and let Facebook's incompetence catch up with them and let them be bypassed by 'the next big thing' like My Space before it?

I'll miss talking to all my friends... but I'm really going to miss those ducks...

Twitter Me This...

I’m a man of few talents… well, some talents, but one can’t make money at them (legally—wacka-chicka-wacka-chicka-bow-wow!). I am somewhat content with my lot in life: it’s not a lot, but it’s a life! (Ba-da-BING! Thank you, I’ll be here all week… try the veal…)

I know who I am. I know what I am… and then came Twitter.

I don’t get it. While, I’m not the most technical guy around, I do have a general understanding of technology, computers, the web, etc. I may not always understand it, but I get it. I’ve got a blog (duh)—actually, I have several. I have a Facebook page—which I find silly, stupid, pointless and so incredibly addictive. However, I don’t get Twitter.

With Twitter, I can tell people what I’m doing right now, which is only good if you continuously keep telling people what you’re doing all day long. Facebook, on the other hand, is very participatory. I can see what all my friends are up to, check out their pictures, join some groups, have an online conversation, change my profile, post 25 things no one knows and/or cares about me, all while pretending to work—even as I send someone an imaginary gift that they don’t want.

But Twitter… what the hell does it actually do? I can post minutiae about myself all day long, but it doesn’t really prove anything other than I’ve got nothing to do but post minutiae about myself continuously all day long. I know I don’t have much of a life, but do I really need a website to confirm it for me?

Feel free to prove my point: Twitter me all about it…

Despair Knows Facebook


In response to those annoying tags requesting "25 Random Things" on Facebook, Despair, Inc. came up with a fantastic T-Shirt response. Click above for a better look... and it's only $18.95 on their website.

Go on and buy one... you know you want to. And it will help the economy, which is going into the shitter faster than you can say... well, "shitter."

Sort of Busy...

I've been busy lately. Well, not just with work, but for my new love: Facebook! Good Lord, how did I live without it? I've created a snowman army, sent good karma to friends near and wide, found out that a friend was "wishing [she] was someplace fun!" Wow. To really get into someone's mind... amazing.

Yes, it's a bit silly, but it's incredibly addictive! I've started searching around for old friends and old crushes. They've all moved on to great things, whilst I am barely able to crank out a blog post on a daily basis without depending on YouTube to save my sorry ass. Life is fun!

Speaking of YouTube, here are today's posts of note--enjoy at will:

Toby’s New Trick…





“What’s that Boy? Billy’s Trapped in a Well?”




Those Aussies Have a Lock on Subtlety




The Wait is Over… (but it’s on again until May)


I need a cigarette after that one (AWESOME!)