The Yearly Catch Up

I am too lazy to write about myself.  I maintain a journal and sometimes feel that I have nothing of interest to tell the world.

- PoF : I was on it for a month.  Nah, its not for me.
- A month later, I realized that I like living alone.  It's absolute heaven. 
- I read a lot.
- When my son said that I should not ask about his personal life it was a real shock.  I thought I was part of his personal life.
- The day after the above conversation, I applied to work every Saturday as a Personal Carer.
- I have never mingled with old people, let alone care for them.  Now I wash them, dress them up and even cook for them.  Makes me proud that I am so totally out of my comfort zone.
- I am finally able to accept to myself that I want to be rich, stinking rich and famous and great. And I really do believe that I can be all that. 
- Last month I went ahead and got myself a pixie hair cut.  Yes it's really short and I love it.
- I started running regularly from April and used to run 6.5 km on week days and 12 km every weekend.  Running is on hold this month.
- Daily running hurts my knee and I am on a rest break now.
- I lost 7.5 kgs and feel great.

Today, this very second, I am content and am feeling very blessed.

Coming Soon.....My PoF experiences

Peeking

More than three years since I wrote my last post and now I am definitely at a better place.

- Son is now at Uni
- Bought a cute house and moved in.  Alone.  You guessed it - not in Southall.
- Still with the same company and got promoted last year
- There was a man for about six months. Then I found out that he was unhappily married and after about six months found out that his wife didn't know that they were "unhappily" married! That was the end of that.
- Feeling much more comfortable in my body and confident about my looks.  I am beautiful when I smile.
- Resuming Japanese classes again. Go for philosophy and healing classes regularly.
- I am content

Day 1

My son will turn 18 end of this year and right now he is more than 6 ft tall.

Every morning when he comes downstairs for breakfast, I have to actually pinch myself.  Shit, this tall chap is my son, my very own flesh and blood!  

Thank you God for bringing him to my life.  

Don't Want To Be Forgotten

Alright - so I don't get depressed any more.  But take a look at my blog address. Tears In Southall - tears? No c'mon really?  Which idiot decides to name a blog with tears?  Anyway, this idiot certainly did.

So whenever I come to my blog, that's all I am reminded of - the depressing days, the tough times.  No more; I don't want this blog to be remembered for someone who always moaned.

To tell you the truth, I am keeping a journal.  So this is like double work trying to update the blog.  Right now I am in a comfortable place and want the whole world to know that.  Who knows - at some point people would come to my blog and read about "Happiness In Southall".  Sounds so strange; Southall is not exactly a place where people come to be happy.  People come here to see how a place in the UK can look so Indian, no make that so like Punjab.

Anyway I am going to try and write daily - just one line.  One line - about my blessings of the day.  

New Year

For some people, no change that, for everyone New year starts on 1st Jan.  Not for me though.  For me, my New Year started on 1st Dec.  OK go on, ask me the obvious question - why?

2012 was a horrible year for me. 2013, despite the lows was much better.  2014, my friends, is MY year and 12 months of it is just not enough.  Also I moved to my new assignment at work today.  A new job, a new year and a fantastic me.  This is how I see it.  Surprisingly, and so unlike me, I have been in a very content space the past two months.  It is as if I have everything I need.  I have so much of stuff - clothes, shoes, makeup, bags (no, that does not make me stop from window shopping), I cook and eat such good food, DH & I - we are good with each other (and hopefully good for each other too!), my son, mom and brother are healthy and for once we have started accepting each other as we are (Not an easy thing I tell and it took us a long time to get here).

There is love, there is peace and above all there is Harmony.  Maybe that was missing before - HARMONY.  I mean, I wanted people to be this way and that way without ever looking at a middle ground, a half way through.  Happiness does exist there too.

I no longer feel poor (Sure I could do with a million dollar lottery win), I feel beautiful, healthy and wanted all the time.  Yes WANTED ALL THE TIME (DH deserves a lot of credit here).  Like relationships, feeling beautiful and healthy requires a lot of effort.  These days I look at myself in the mirror and am surprised at the pretty woman staring back at me.

I do not feel the need to blog.  This blog, I associate it with unhappiness, discontent and tears.  But today, this very second, I don't care.  Everything is perfect.  Perfect, not in a perfect way, but more like all the imperfections have a perfect fit.  Does that make any sense at all?

Totally off tangent now.  I had to stop my Japanese classes in November.  The weekly trips to SOAS was too much to squeeze in to an already busy schedule.  Rather unfortunate as I was really getting the hang of learning a foreign language.  Today at my new work place, I found out that they were giving Mandarin classes for a piddly fees.  And you bet your sweet ass I enrolled for it as soon as I saw the advert.  Classes begin in January and every Wednesdays, during lunch time I will attend these classes. When one door closes, another one opens - is all that I can say.

God / the universe is with me. Wait and watch me fly this year.

How was 2013 for you?  What are your plans for 2014?

Of This and That...

I wear more make-up - primer, foundation, mascara, blusher and lipstick. These days I even touch up my make-up in the afternoons.

I like going to the office every morning.  I like the drive even better.  Though it's just two junctions on M25 it takes me an hour each to and fro.

I am at peace with myself, more so after accepting that I should not really expect anything from others, especially from people that I am close to.

I do my thing and let others do their thing.

I do not compare myself to others - their situation, status in life, car, house, etc, etc. you get the drift.

I am now able to log in to Facebook and read about other's happy stories / status without feeling sorry for myself.

I even made a LinkedIn profile for myself.  And once I made my profile, I swear to God it looked so impressive.

My true worth does not lie in how my classmates, colleagues, bosses or friends think of me.  I am alright as long as I think I am worth it.  It? Whatever it is.

Damn to comfort over style and those mosquito bite scars on my legs from the India visits.  I WILL wear dresses with heels. I feel sexy and therefore I dress sexy.

I bought a concealer pallet.  It's a boon to womankind.  I no longer have dark circles.  Well enlarged pores is a different matter altogether - no amount of primer can help me with those.  Yet, I look beautiful (to me at least).

Last year I saved 60% of my monthly salary.  This year, I saved maybe 20% of my monthly salary.  Guess which year I was happier?

I eat more vegetables and very less meat.  I don't uses spices in my meals anymore.  I have lots and lots of fruits.  I am losing weight, but the process is very slow.  I am comfortable with my body shape now.

Did I mention that I exercise regularly?

I got 88% in my first year Japanese exam.  Tomorrow I begin my second year of classes.

Love does not conquer all and communication is not always the key.  Took me 42 years to learn this.