Over the Hill, Onto the Next One.

 Recently I turned 40! WOW!  I made it to being old.  

Far from the truth actually.  There is still plenty of things I'm looking forward to doing.

I was walking the dog the other day. 

Oh, did I forget to make a post about our dog?  Juno, just turned 4 and is a dream come true for me. I fill you in on her another post.

So, back to walking the dog. I was thinking about that phrase "over the hill", and how it probably came from the really old days. You know, when people got around with horses and wagons, and phones weren't even thought of?  Yeah then. When I looked at the life expectancy in the 1800s it said 39-40!! What!?! 

From grammerist.com:

“Over the hill” is a pretty common idiom in the English language, and we use it to describe someone considered to be past their prime, mostly in terms of age.

It’s a statement that says, “Hey, you’ve reached a point in your life where you’re no longer young or energetic.” In most cases, it’s used in a lighthearted, humorous way toward someone you know well. But it could have a negative connotation if you used it as a hurtful comment.

Origin of the Idiom Over the Hill:

It came around during the mid-1900s and originated in England.

The idea of a “hill” is supposed to represent the metaphorical peak of your life, with the “climb” up the hill meant to show youth and growth, and the final descent on the other side is the decline that inevitably comes with age.

Well shoot! That sounds reassuring.  Actually there is good news.  The life expectancy rate has changed dramatically since then. In 1998 it was 77 for the US. Today it says it is 75.8 for men.  Hmmm, seems like that number is going backwards again. Weird. 

I heard recently that scientist only did studies on men to find out data. Now they realize that women are important to study all on their own, and it's funny that they recognize that women are different and need different things. HA!  Like women need more sleep than men. 

Okay, sorry, back to the topic.  Women are expected to live until 81.1.  That's 5 more years than men! 

I'm glad, I am not expected to die anytime soon. 40 doesn't seem that old to me anymore. I don't even have wrinkles!  3/4 of my grandparents died in their 70-80s. So I feel like I still have many more years togo.  More "hills" to conquer. The idiom seems outdated. But I will say this.  I do feel older. This feeling has started creeping up on me in my 30's.  I've started to realize things I know I don't feel comfortable doing anymore, and other things I know I won't be doing ever again... like jumping off the bed of a truck. 

I'm sure my metabolism has slowed down, I has been pretty obvious these past few years. I just don't have the energy I used to. It makes me kinda sad, and at times I feel guilty.  I want to do more.  I can still think of so many things I want to do. But I just don't have it in me to run all day to accomplish things. Sometimes I get this feeling like I've worked hard enough and I should just be allowed to rest and relax. But there is one thing that stops that way of thinking. My kids.  They still have so many things to experience, and I don't want to miss out on that. I have been thinking about this and I know I have to keep working. On what? On my own health. I can't just stop and eat whatever impulsive food crosses my thoughts. I need to be smart. I need to stay active and keep exercising everyday. I still have a whole other half of my life to live. Graduations to witness, weddings to attend, grandchildren to meet (hopefully not for at least another 10 years!). My point is, I've got things to live for. I have to move forward with those in mind.  I may not have the stamina I once had, but I do have some more wisdom.... so hopefully that will help.

Anyway, lets go back to thoughts while I was walking the dog. I was actually thinking to myself because I didn't have my phone. I typically bring my phone to listen to a book when I'm by myself. But on this evening I was alone with my thoughts. I knew I had a spiritual thought the next morning, so I thought this would be a good time to focus my thoughts on that. It was a little after dusk. The sky was a dark blue, street lights were on and fireflies were silently blinking. Temperature was cooling down but the air was definitely still humid. It was the perfect atmosphere for thinking.

I began thinking if this night might be similar to what it was like before TVs and Phones kept us entertained all day and night. "What would there be to think about? What would I be thinking about?" I sometimes feel a little jealous of the time when we didn't have all the distractions of modern technology. When I read accounts of the past from great leaders, it seems like they use bigger words, and thought about deeper subjects.  When I read the account of Joseph Smith, and learn of his quest to find the true church, I marvel that at his age he was thinking of those kinds of things. I wondered if it was because he had loads of quiet time to just think and ponder. It wasn't something they had to schedule, it was just a normal part of their day. If they had something on their mind, they thought about it; while they were riding the horses, working in the fields, or walking to the store. If they rode in a wagon with other people, they had an opportune time to talk with whoever they were with and a chance to discuss through conversation. In any case, when they didn't have an answer, I imagine they pondered, if it was truly important, until they got an answer.

We could argue that in our day, we don't have to have time to discover the answers to some of those questions, because we have found answers and finding those answers are easier then ever.  I agree. A trip to the library to research isn't even necessary. I can just google all kinds of side quests in the middle of the day and I am able to find 67 answers from different people and every way they came to the same conclusion. But, do we really have the answers to all of our questions?

I'm not so sure we do. There is still plenty of curiosity in the world, problems to be solved and ways to make things better. Heck, there are still wars and arguing in the world.  We surely don't have everything figured out.

But on this night, as I had a little me time to think, I realized that I liked that quiet time to process.  I find that having the silence really helps me to feel calm and relaxed.  That might be another sure fire sign to the reader of my age and the need for less stimulation and noise because "it hurts my ears!" That tells me I'm getting closer to being geriatric. But maybe because I'm actually in the middle of my life, you could learn a think or two from the generations past & for the future generations to come. I don't want the time to ponder to be lost.

Pondering time is holy time. It reminds me of the song 'Take Time to be Holy'. I had to opportunity to sing this with our stake choir at one time. I has stayed with me. Along with making sure I'm taking care of my physical body so I can live longer, I know it's important to take care of my Spiritual needs too. The truth is, I can feel more direction from heaven when it's peaceful and I don't have something blaring in my ears. I fall victim to the temptation to find entertainment every time i have a free moment.  Too many times I choose to scroll and then an hour later, I am caught off guard when I see the time and realize how much time I've wasted... especially if I have no new knowledge to show for it.

So this is my ploy to myself to create what I really want my future to look like. Similar to the way I made life goals as a young women and a young adult, I must keep looking forward. 

Honestly, the solution and goals I need to make keep me puzzled.  Because I've seen what's happened in the past, I fear I will repeat it in the future. My brain is neurologically spicy, and I struggle with executive function. I can make all the plans I want, and have the best of intentions, but it is really tricky to follow through, managing, and stick to goals that are extra hard. Being spontaneous, is a natural gift for me, so sticking to certain things can be very boring. Diets feel like torture. I know I have to build habits for my goals to stick.  They need to be lifestyle changes.  But how can I adopt a new way of doing something when everyone else around me is doing the same thing as before. 

I've racked my brain for years and years trying to figure out what I can do that would stick. I'm getting worn out trying new things-- except that is kinda my M.O. Actually I need something fun to try that is fun todo everyday and I'll want to stick with. 

That is my latest brain dump. Hopefully I find the answers I need.

  

 

Being Me is Hard

     I haven't written anything on our blog in ages.  I don't even know if anyone I know does blogs anymore.  But I kinda miss putting my thoughts down, so maybe I'll start doing this again.  It's a great way to process my thoughts. 

I haven't kept up with my blog because well, I just can't do it all!  I packed up many of my hobbies and set them aside for a day in the future because I know I will regret it if I don't spend the precious moments with my kids while they are young and at home.  I put so many things I love doing on hold because I just couldn't  juggle all of them. I thought I'd be able to pick them back up again someday, when all the kids are in school.  My baby is almost 6 now, and in Kindergarten. Is it the time again to pick up some of those things and dust off a few hobbies? Honestly, I'm not really sure. Life hasn't actually slowed down. I want to be a good mom, that's always been my biggest dream and that job never ends. I think it will be the one I'm most proud of when I'm old. But I always feel like I'm not doing enough.

I see those things I used to love, and wonder is it something I'll ever love again?  Do I get rid of the stuff that just takes up room? I don't want to live in clutter, but I don't want to start from scratch in the future. Especially if the materials I have are still plenty good to use. Also, my problem is that I have SO much that I am interested in that I've actually picked up new things. The things to store and keep track of can be a bit overwhelming.  I really want to stay organized so life is functionable but I tell you, it is difficult to find a place for everything, so everything can go in it's place.  Sometimes I have to create a new space to store or reorganize the one I have.

This has led me to where I am today.  How do I decide what to do first.  I. AM. NOT. GOOD. AT. PRIORITIZING. I just see one thing after another and get mostly overwhelmed.  Sometimes, I start something and I run out of motivation before I can finish, and other times I have to put my all into it. I start on a chore thinking I can just do a little, but before I know it I'm starting over and redoing the whole thing or starting 10 other things too. 

My brain works very differently you see.  I have ADHD.  I haven't talked much about it on here, because I have only within the past 3-5 years really been open about it. It's a story for another post, but I understand that my brain operates differently and that is okay.  It is just so frustrating sometimes.

I know how to do so much!  I'm a jack of all trades personality type.  If I really want to, I am happy to learn and figure out how. I make plenty of mistakes and I recognize that there is so much I don't know. Because of this I know so much about different things. But what most often stops me?  TIME.  There isn't enough of it in a day. And what happens when you don't keep those skills up?  The technology or way of doing things passes by your understanding and you have to relearn.  This is true of most of my hobbies.  New technology and inventions make things easier. But then I have to keep up with it.  It makes me feel so tired to think about it. 

So what is the point of what I'm putting down today?  I don't know where to start.  I have a finger in so many pots that I've starting using my toes too. I see things everywhere I go. I have projects I have started or have materials for EVERYWHERE! Just as I start one I think of ten more that would be good todo too.  

I know how to do so much, but if I think about all of it I will go crazy!  I want to stay up to date with everything but I know that is impossible. I always want to plan ahead and stayed prepared but I am so behind with so many things, it feels like I wont ever catch up. I have so many dreams or ideas of how things could run smoother but those can't ever get into place fast enough.  I try to remember everything, but then before I can write it down I forget it.  Every idea costs too much money and too much time.

BREATHE!!!

I get excited about all the possibilities I am capable of.  I want to accomplish so much. I know I have so much potential. But my body can't keep up with my brain.  If my body ran around as much as my brain does, I would be in incredible shape! But part of being me, is accepting my limits. I know I can't do it all.  I know I have to allow myself to rest.  I have to focus on my family because they are what matters the most to me. All of my hobbies benefit my family but their cost is depleting. My mind can't take it all. So I tell myself, there is a time and a season for everything. What matters the most are the people I see first each day. Not the stuff.

Being me is hard.

Emma's Birth Story and Name Choice

I realize now that my baby is nearing her first birthday that I never wrote down her birth story.  I guess that is another thing that I have let slip a little now having three kids.  But I want it recorded so she can read it later on and for the benefit of others.

I was totally expecting my 3rd baby to walk out. Andrew was 4 days over and Callie was only 2.  Plus, Andrew's labor was 20 hours long and Callie's was only 4! I thought she would come very close to her due date, if not on her due date, and was almost fearful that I wouldn't make it to the hospital in time.  That, was not the case at all.

My appointments at the doctor in the weeks leading up to her due date showed little progress.  I wasn't against help to start labor but had not at all needed it with my other two births.  So when my doctor asked if I would like him to strip my membranes at all 3 appointments before my due date, I declined.  I had a kind of, "You'll see. I won't need that" attitude. Plus this particular doctor must have had small hands I thought because it was a little more painful than normal to be checked. I though it very odd that I wasn't progressing even a little in the weeks before my due date.  It worried me a little. I was having plenty braxton hicks and cramping when I was on my feet.

40 weeks with baby 3

I had a different doctor the appointment after my due date. I just so happened to be 5 days past that "guess date".  I was a little baffled.  I tried to walk a lot, and even walked up my street straddling the curb to help open my hips. I even tried nipple stimulation like I did with Callie. I went to that appointment a little stressed out and had a whole list of things I wanted to talk about and try, before I would let them induce me.  I was even more stressed because the doctor I was to see was very abrupt.  I had met her before and felt like I was being talked down to.  I like it when my doctors talk and confer with me and help me understand.  I like to come to conclusions together.  I knew from the previous doctor (with small hands) that she would not be happy I was this far past my due date and would be mad he hadn't scheduled an induction date, especially because I was measuring 2 weeks ahead anyway.  But I didn't want a date scheduled until after I was over my due date and wanted to be able to go over. I just knew I would go into labor on my own. I have also never had a problem going over my due date.  I liked them fully cooked.  I was uncomfortable sure, but I never begged anyone to induce me early. They come when they are ready.

At that last appointment I had progressed but my blood pressure was high.  So the doctor said I was to go straight to the hospital to be induced.  I wanted to do a non stress test, try to have my membranes stripped. But I didn't want to be induced. The doctor left to make the call to the hospital to see if they had room for me. I started to cry. This was not what I wanted. The nurse was very kind.  I had rehearsed what I wanted to say, because of this doctor's personality and she wouldn't ever hear me out. She didn't even give me any alternatives, or ask to know what I wanted. They had room at the hospital and I was suppose to go straight there.  But I didn't.  I called Briant in the car and I decided to go home first until a babysitter could get there to be with my kids.  I had plans and I wanted a little bit of control. I called my mom in the car and had a good cry about the situation. About an hour later we were on our way to the hospital. The babysitter was at my house and our bags were in the car.  I felt good leaving knowing my kids were being taken care of.

We got to the hospital and got checked in around 3PM. I was at 3cm and contracting sporadically on my own about 7 minutes apart. My blood pressure was also normal.  I think I need to have that good cry and feel in control.  I wasn't stressed out anymore and I honestly think that is why my blood pressure was elevated in the first place, because that doctor stressed me out going into that appointment.  I knew she wouldn't be on my side and I would have to try to convince her to do something she wouldn't want to do.

The doctors at the hospital were VERY kind.  They talked with me, and told me they would let me choose if I stayed to be induced.  They heard my side of the story and my reasons.  They let me talk it out. We talked about the dangers of high blood pressure and said everything was looking good know and that it would be nice for things to stay that way for the birth.  I agreed.  I always like to be safe rather than sorry.  I wish now I would have remembered my wants back in the office and just had them just strip my membranes and done a lot of walking to try to make things get more regular.  But I forgot all of that and I agreed to stay and start Pitocin.  We talked through my birth wishes and what they could let me do.

We started with a low dose at around 5:30PM.  I was determined to still have as drug free labor as possible. I started out sitting on a ball watching TV.  As the hours passed and they turned up the pit. the contractions indeed strengthen and got closer together.  After being on the ball I stood for a while, as I knew that would bring baby down.  Then I got in the bed on knees and knelt over the ball for a few contractions. The nurses were so nice and supportive. It didn't feel comfortable like it had with Callie.  They were getting more intense.  I layed in bed on my side and listened to a calming playlist I had made.  I began to moan through contractions.  That's a good sign things were getting closer to being over.  I was getting through them but it was getting harder, and there was not the 3-4 minute break between the surges that I had had with Callie.  That pit. was not giving me the breaks that I needed.  During Callie's birth I could tell myself that I just had to make it to the next break and that was a big part of what got me through Callie's labor. This time around they were so close together I felt like I never got time to breath and rest. Nevertheless, I persevered and kept going. I don't remember what exactly Briant did, but he was there to help whenever I needed something new.  He was there to support me in new positions and I knew he loved me.

They checked me around 11PM and I was a 10cm.  We joked it would be great to have this baby today, because her birthday would be 11/7 and our anniversary is 7/11.  I was then after that determined to have her before the new day, and worked harder for that. I don't remember the same urge to push as I had with Callie.  I just knew I need to.  I was also lying flat on my back and I wish I would have asked to sit up a bit more, because I was harder to curl up. They didn't count... I didn't need it. They did encourage me when the right kind of pushing showed good progress. I was hard to push her down.  I know now this is because she was a bigger baby.  When she was crowning, it really hurt.  I knew I couldn't stop and I just had to get this over.  Before I knew it, she was born and crying, and HUGE!  She was born at 11:29PM. Wow! She was so chunky and those cheeks!  So was gorgeous and perfect! I was able to hold her right away, and catch my breath!  They honored my wishes to delay cord clamping until the cord stopped pulsing.

She latched on soon after and nursed like a champ.  Because she was so big, they had to monitor her blood sugars.  They weighed her and she was 9 LBS, 3 OZ and 20.75 inches long! I felt every pound of that as I accomplished my wish of a pain drug free.

Girl talk coming up:
I asked them to get me something to eat!  I was hungry.  After they did all their work on her, Briant held her and they asked me if I would like to get up to go to the bathroom. In the back of my mind I knew I wasn't ready yet, but I agreed. Before I came back to bed I was standing up and the nurse was helping me clean up.  I remember feeling dizzy and the next thing I knew I was laying on the floor seconds after.  There was another nurse there to help get me back up and into a wheelchair.  My BP dropped. I got back into bed and stayed there a long while. They checked my bleeding and uterus several times as they always do to make sure they were shrinking down and not bleeding too much. My bleeding was good. No hemorrhaging. They were concerned about my uterus however because it didn't seem to be contracting down as quickly as it should (even though I was cramping a ton). They said it felt squishy.  They gave me some medication anally to help with that. Afterwords, I tried to get some sleep.  I was freezing and I couldn't get warm.  After almost sleeping for a while, I was feeling  better.  They moved me to my new room. My pubic bone had been hurting for the last bit of my pregnancy as it always does and made it difficult to lift my legs.  The nurse thought I had had an epidural.  It was a problem until I got adjusted by my chiropractor a week later. Anyway,it was difficult to get in and out of bed. After I got to my new room, I wanted to hold that sweet baby again. I once again got to love on and adore my new baby girl. They did some blood work for her because of her blood sugars, then we did more skin to skin and tried to rest.

I didn't feel like I got much rest in the hospital.  It is a teaching hospital and so there are always students and people coming in to check you and baby out.
I feel like it was harder to recover from this baby than my others.  Maybe because I'm older. I don't know. I felt pretty crappy for a good week after. So hard to get in and out of bed, turn over and such.  I had terrible hemorrhoids. Sorry, TMI.  But after a few weeks I started feeling much better.

NAME CHOICE:
We both like the name Emma.  It stuck with us early on and we just never found another name we like better.  For her middle name we gave her my middle name.  I have the same middle name as my mother and so we three generations of Kaye.

Introducing the Newest Member of Our Family

Well, our newest member is nearly 4 months old now, but, you know, better late than never as they say.

Welcome

EMMA KAYE GILES

Born on November 7, 2017. Weighed in at 9LBS 3OZ and 20.75 inches long.

Here are some hospital pictures:

Meeting Mom

Pretty in Purple

Got some pictures of her at 10 days old

Just in time for Christmas... one of the best presents I've ever received!

She's got some great facial expressions!

With the crib blanket I made her.

Emma's Big Brother and Sister love her SO MUCH!!!

First family photo. FAMILY of 5!!!

Sweet girl at 6 weeks.

She was blessed by her dad on Christmas Eve!  Grandma was able to come in from Idaho! It was so nice to spend time with her!

Pictures at home in her blessing dress

Had to add this one.  Perfect time to do a nativity, we had a baby to play Jesus!

Sisters!  I always wanted a sister.  I hope they always
have a great relationship!

She's been holding her head up really great the last month or so.

Emma is our biggest baby!  She is already in some 6 month clothes! She is a very happy and content baby most of the time! We love her so much and we know she is just what each of us need in our family. So grateful for this sweet little girl!

Baby #3 Gender Reveal

This is our tie breaker baby. >>>

I totally though she was going to be a boy, but I was wrong!!!  The girls in the house won!!  More girls than boys!   I can hardly believe it.  This will be totally different that the way I grew up!

Tribute to my DAD

The same day I found out I was pregnant, I found out my dad was going to die.  I had just taken the test, and went to sit down and soak in the news. I was actually looking at baby names when my brother called me.  I immediately knew something was up. A couple days before my mom and I were talking on the phone, and she had mentioned he was not doing well at all.  My brother told me it was time for me to come home if I wanted to say goodbye before he passed away.  I was kind of in denial.  No way could this be happening this fast.  My grandmother had several scares like this and she pulled though. I looked at flights but I couldn't concentrate.  Briant usually looks at tickets because I don't know what a good deal is. I called Briant and asked if he would help me get a flight out the next morning.  He was so calm, and I was not. I had to pack and for who knows how long, in just a few hours.

I was able to make it to Idaho the next day around 1PM I think.  We spent the whole day by his side as a family.  We laughed and cried and shared funny memories.  My dad would have liked that.  We all went to my mom's house to sleep that night except 2 of my brothers. We got a call in the early morning hours that my dad was gone.  He waited for everyone to be out of the room. I was sleeping with my mom and we just hugged and cried.  

We spent the next few days preparing for the funeral.  Finding out more about dad. Briant arranged to fly in for the funeral.  The kids stays with Briant's parents.  They were so young, and I wanted their final memories of their Grandpa to be him smiling. There are more reasons but that was the main one.

The viewing and funeral were great.  The Police Department where my dad worked had Officers there to guard the casket and they changed the guards every 10 minutes.  It was really special.  They were also there to take us to the cemetery. 

Police Department honoring Dad.

My dad was a Navy Veteran.

My family

Almost all of us.

The Boy Scouts of America lined the street with flags to honor my dad.
He spent much of his life supporting scouting and was even presented a Silver Beaver.

The following are the remarks I made about my dad at his funeral:

Memories of my Dad

My remarks from his funeral
March 4, 2017

By Melissa Giles

Life in our house was busy.  With six kids there was always homework to be done, piano lessons, sports, laundry, a garden to care for, chores and food to make. I have many good memories, when I was little, of my dad taking time to spend time with just me. He would ask me to go with him to run errands or help him with a special job.  He always asked my opinion when choices were to be made and that made me feel pretty special.

I remember a couple weeks in the summer where mom had to be gone for a whole week either to go to girl’s camp or some other scout thing. I was too little to go so I was stuck at home with all those boys.  Dad took the time to help me not feel so lonely and gave me a little extra attention.

A couple times a year he took me on daddy daughter dates and I really appreciated his example of how a true gentlemen should treat a lady.

My dad worked very hard to support our family, sometimes holding 3 jobs at once so we could pursue our interests. He fixed a lot of things around our house himself to save money.  We were expected to help out with chores around the house and dad was not shy about teaching us new things or request we do them his way.

All of us kids took piano lessons and that meant there was a lot of practicing at our house.  I remember often times dad sat on the couch and just listened.  My dad never criticized my playing, no matter how many mistakes I made. But, when I was finished he would always say, “Sounds good!”

My dad was always very protective of our family.  He was always the last to go to bed so he could be sure to properly lock up every lock on every door.  Even after I married and had a house of my own, he would remind me to lock up my doors after he left.

One time I got up in the middle of the night to get a drink. All of a sudden I heard my dad getting up.  My dad sleeps in his underwear and I was afraid I would get in trouble for seeing him. I tiptoed over and hid under the table.  Turns out he just needed a drink too, and I decided that while he was preoccupied with that, I would dash to my bedroom and hope he wouldn’t notice.  Once there I quickly jumped in bed and pretended to be asleep.  Little did I know, my dad saw my shadow as I passed in front of the microwave clock. Pretty soon, my dad was shining his flashlight around in my room.  I continued to fake sleep. I thought he would call me out, but he didn’t say anything and pretty soon he went to bed.  The next morning I told my mom what happened and she said, "You better go tell your dad, he was so worried that there was someone in our house and patrolled the whole house last night with his gun!"

My dad was a pretty great guy, he taught me many good and practical lessons that I use every day.  He loved me and taught me to love the Lord through his example, testimony and dedication to the church.  He reflected often and made changes in his life because of the things he learned in the scriptures, and I saw those changes. I know that I am the person I am today because I had a wonderful dad, whom I will never forget.  I hope I can follow in his footsteps. God be with you dad, until we meet again.

2014 - My Dad's last big trip.  He came out to see us and to be there for Callie's blessing.

2016 - Last time my kids got to see my Dad.  This is last time I saw him smile.