All sorts of stuff on my mind...

It's been a few days...even though I had things to say, I just didn't have the time to write! So this will be another jumbled post...

Things I have been thinking about...

TIME. And how fast it flies.

--I can hardly believe Brandon is ALREADY done with his first externship. Seriously. I am without words...how did 4 weeks go by in the blink of an eye? This doesn't mean I thought they were easy weeks...he had to be at surgery almost every morning, which meant he left the house by 6 a.m. And he had some long days! But somehow those 4 weeks flew by...

--Watching the kids lately, I am amazed at how much they are growing and developing. Little things here and there, and shopping for new summer clothes...WHEN did Jenna grow so tall?? (I say should say TALLER...she is still the smallest one in her class. ) And how is it that Spencer is looking more and more like a little boy...and not so much a baby anymore. (which is how it should be, considering that he is 2 1/2)...and where did Kaden pull out that hilarious personality, complete with knock-knock jokes and funny comments?

--This pregnancy has gone SHOCKINGLY fast. I honestly have to look up on the calendar every couple weeks how far along I am...mostly because people ask me, and I feel really silly when I don't know. So imagine my disbelief when I looked today and realized that this baby will be here in just over 14 weeks. WHAT? Seriously? Where did the time go? I know that is still a ways out, but it also means a good chunk of time has passed...somehow without me knowing. :)

Also on my mind lately?

COPS.

---I know what you're thinking...WHAT!?

Seriously though, the past few weeks as I have been driving here and there, I have seen SO many police officers disregarding the very law they enforce. Talking on cell phones in no talk areas...speeding (and I mean SPEEDING) down the freeway, no lights on or sirens...just driving fast to drive fast. I have encountered numerous officers who don't signal when turning or changing lanes...etc.

This really FRUSTRATES me. I am not saying I am a perfect driver. And I would expect that should I be seen breaking a traffic law that I accept the punishment for it...I have before, as frustrating as it's been--

But it just feels like cops (at least the ones I have seen) are above that law...like, it doesn't seem to apply to them. IRRITATING.

....aaaaand on to other things...

SPRING CLEANING...

--We have had a major clean out lately. Well...I have at least. :) I have been on a roll--and it feels SO good to dejunk and get stuff outta here! Even when it comes to food, we have been cleaning out our cupboards and making meals to use up the stuff we have had leftover in the freezer, etc. It feels so nice to get it to a manageable place again, and to be able to restock our food storage with fresh stuff that won't expire for a long time...

Ready now to tackle the basement, and get it looking tip top. It feels so much nicer to have that space organized!

TRAVEL

--Unless I get a no-go from the Dr., we have officially booked tickets to go back to Idaho for a few weeks in June while Brandon is on an externship. My sister Sarah, who I hardly ever see, will be there from California...and my sister Esther will be there as well....so it will be a fun couple weeks with everyone who lives close there as well. I originally just counted the idea out, since it's expensive and we now have to buy tickets for every member of our family, PLUS it was at the end of my pregnancy. But some awesome things happened and it all started to come together for us to be able to go. We definitely feel blessed!

Plan is, as of now, to get Jenna to her kindergarten graduation and leave the next day, and then stay for a few weeks in Idaho. I have to fly home earlier than I would like, because I will be due 3 weeks from the day I fly back...

I have never gone into labor on my own...so clearly not ever EARLY. I am hoping that this baby is not the one that will change that track record...especially not in Idaho, or on an airplane. :)

But most of all, I am GRATEFUL that I won't have to be alone for 2 months straight while Brandon is gone. I was scared stiff about it... :) At least 3 weeks of distractions will help take the sting out of his being gone so long.

So counting down the days to family and friends, and sno-cones, and lazy summer evenings...

I just can't wait!

Can you believe it?

3 whole years later I sit here with 1,587 posts and thousands of pictures documenting the past 3 years of my life...our life.

It is hard to believe that this little blog of mine started out with one measly little post announcing that we were having a boy...Spencer, to be exact.

And that was 3 years ago...today.

In 3 years, there have been ups and downs...

There have been hard times...and a lot of really, really wonderful times.

I have learned...from myself...from others...

And the relationships I have formed as a result, have included some of the nearest and dearest friends I know--many of whom I never would have met if it hadn't been for the internet and an online place called blogspot.

I sit here in awe. 3 years. WOW.

Blogging is what got me writing...expressing more feelings...sharing more things about my life...

It is what helped me feel the urge to photograph more memories, to record more stories, and to find more meaning in my daily life.

It has been a good thing. A really, truly good thing...even despite the junk that has come with it at times...the occasional hurtful comments, the worrying sometimes that people see me as a frazzled and overwhelmed person who can't handle life...stuff like that.

I am glad though, that 3 years later, I have pages and pages of memories...of experiences...3 years of my life that I wrote down as it happened. It is something I truly cherish...

I looked out my window and what did I see?

I think one of my favorite things is to be able to look out the kitchen window and watch the kids, who are totally unsuspecting, play...

Sometimes I just sit and watch them...sometimes I go out and play too...but there have been a few times lately I had to grab the camera because I wanted to capture those moments that were unfolding before me...

Case in point...last week. Awesome, sunny day. After dinner ice cream cones...

And Spencer. Oh Spencer. This boy loves to smile for the camera. His smile, however, is only real to him if he is squeezing his eyes as tight as he can.

The sequence of numerous photos of him that night were...me taking a picture of him eating his ice cream...

Him seeing I was taking his picture, and then trying to smile for it...

And then him running for the camera yelling, "SEE, SEE".

Ironically, his best shots are when he is running to me FILLED with excitement at seeing himself on camera with his cheesy smiling face.

The picture that originally stole my heart that night was this...all 3 kids, sitting on the picnic table...talking to each other, sitting by each other, eating ice cream...just being good.

Then, the other day, I was cleaning up in the kitchen when I peeked out to see this...

My 3 little gardeners...who insisted on watering the flower buds...and digging around them.

Seriously, I just love those kitchen window moments...

104 MILES....

Is how far I drove to finally put to rest my need to find a 2nd pair of maternity pants that fit.

Yes, 104 miles.

Ridiculous, I know.

If you follow me on facebook, you probably have seen (and are sick of) my endless comments as I have searched high and low for a pair of pants that fit me right! It's always been something wrong...and it's been driving me nutso!

Until a few weeks ago, when I came across a pair of jeans that fit perfect. Lucky for me, they were on clearance. However, that luck would turn on me when after looking for weeks after that for one more pair of pants, I came up empty handed every time.

I jokingly told my husband the other night that I should call corporate headquarters and have them search for my perfect fitting jeans...basically the twin version of the exact pair I already own.

But it was a joke no more the following morning, when I put into a plan of attack. Phone call after phone call, I worked my way up the chain--through different departments--different stores even, trying to find these pants.

See, because they were on clearance, that also meant they were discontinued...and only in a certain number of stores somewhere across the United States.

Riiiiight...

Long story short, another store clerk helped me locate a pair about an hour from my house. This was on day 3 of wearing my one pair of pants. :) I was desperate. At that point, I didn't even care how far I had to drive or what I had to do, I just needed another somethin-somethin to cover my body.

And so today, the boys and I had a mini day trip to pick up these dream jeans. :)

And together, we drove 52 miles...we bought them...we had lunch together...we laughed and talked and the boys played...and then we drove 52 miles back. It was a good time...

It was quite the contrast from our day yesterday.

My attitude was different. My spirits higher. I had the determination to put more into the day...so I could really feel satisfied at the end.

And I do. At the end of the day, I have a new pair of jeans that actually fit. I have 3 sleeping children with whom I enjoyed most of our moments together today...and I have a lot of funny memories from throughout the day.

It's been a full day....in many ways. :)

Happy Wednesday...

The difference between giving your best and getting by

Today I got up...

I showered, got back in my pj's, and went through the motions of getting ready.

Dropped Jenna at school, staring out at the dreary rain and gray skies the whole way.

My body felt sluggish...achy...unforgiving.

I wanted to roll up into a ball on the couch and watch movies all day.

But that would be lazy, I thought.

So instead, I walked around the house--looking at what needed done.

I dragged my feet around...finally forcing myself to change my shirt, so I would not be wearing pajamas all day long. I half-heartedly attempted to be productive, but failed in every way.

I ignored those promptings during the day to set my blahs aside and read to the boys...

I disregarded the feeling that I should push myself to take the kids out somewhere...

And I pushed aside the impressions to take my day and make something great of it.

I know I would have felt better had I listened, even once.

The TV spoke to my kids more than I did today.

I mustered the energy to only throw in a frozen pizza for dinner.

And I told my kids, "give me one minute" way too much.

And all afternoon, that has bugged me.

I have just not given today my best. I haven't.

I can't go to bed tonight knowing that this day had my 100%...

Instead, I just skated by doing as little as possible.

And that makes me feel kind of sad...

I know many of you have had these same blah days...

the kind of day that sucks the life out of you...

And I want to say, it's okay...it's okay to have those days...

But after today, there is a big part of me that is not necessarily true. Not for me, at least.

Because every day I only have 24 hours...

And every day, I have 3 kids, who need me.

I have a husband to support.

And I have MYSELF to care for.

And I have the chance every day, to show Heavenly Father what I will do with those 24 hours.

I know...I FEEL...that had I just listened ONCE and my day would have felt so much more energized and full of life.

Sure, we have days where things aren't as smooth as we hope...

And we have days where we don't look top notch.

And we have days where we don't have the best attitude...

I get that. I do. I have them too.

But when I recognize these things, and try my hardest to give it my all,

there is such a difference at the end of the day.

Today I truly noticed the difference between getting by, and giving your best.

So now I sit here thinking of how different this day could have been...

and how different I will make sure tomorrow is.

Love and marriage

I have been debating writing about this for a couple days now...

But I just have felt like it was time. Don't know why. Maybe for nobody but myself. So here goes nothing!

Every year on March 18, I think about how life could be so very different. I could be married to someone different, living somewhere different, having totally different kids. It isn't that I look back and WANT this "different"...but it does always make me think about the consequences of the choices I make.

See, 10 years ago this week, I was supposed to get married to somebody else.

The details are totally unimportant...but what it came down to is that a nagging feeling about my relationship with this person that wouldn't go away, and so 4 days before the wedding, I called it off.

I struggled for a while...a long while. It is a humiliating thing to call off a wedding--it left people to whisper and speculate, doubting for years my ability to make legit big decisions...it left me with gifts to return, money to send back...having to start a new life alone. I worried, and wondered if anyone else would ever love me again.

My dad had said something to me while I was engaged...he said, "In life you will have a GOOD choice, a BETTER choice, and a BEST choice...which one is he?"

At the time I thought he was the best...I was all wrapped up in that whirlwind and excitement at the thought of being engaged and the prospect of starting a new life with someone. But towards the end, I realized that while he was a good person, and perhaps better than other people I had dated, he wasn't the best for me.

Over time, I moved on...dated other people...went on to fulfill some goals in my life, and was focusing on trying to be happy just being me.

....and then I met Brandon.

...I was friends with Brandon.

...and I fell in love with Brandon.

I have seen so many things this week that have confirmed to me that he really IS my best...not only my best friend, but my best choice. He has listened to me after I had a complete meltdown. He has given me space when I needed time alone, and he has held me close when I needed to cry. He has watched the kids, played with them, and made them funny crafts and treats--who else would make a 3-d rice crispy sculpture of the bones in the foot? He has worked like crazy to do well in school, because he wants to be the best provider he can. He is dedicated...to God, to family, and to our relationship.

He is a good man...a great man.

Does this mean we have a perfect relationship? Is there such a thing?? Well, if perfect is defined by two people who talk together, laugh, cuddle, fight, miscommunicate, and find ways to make it all better and get back to two best friends who love each other...then I would say we have a PERFECTly normal relationship. :) We don't always understand each other, or why we do certain things, but I think a lot of that is part of being male vs. female. And at the end of the day, we love each other for who we are and who we are becoming.

Brandon inspires...he uplifts...and he makes me want to be MY best so that I can try to live up to all I feel he deserves.

We have 3 beautiful (and absolutely crazy) children together...and another one on the way...

We have had a complete roller coaster of life filled with ups and downs and flips and turns and the unexpected splash of water thrown in your face.

And looking back at the decision I could have made 10 years ago, I know the tough choice then was the right choice for now. I just cannot picture riding this ride with anyone else...or not having the children I have...or going through the struggles we have gone through that have made us so much stronger.

He was my best choice...back when we got married...now...and he always will be.

If a picture's worth a thousand words...

Then this post is worth about 18,000... :)

Not much to say...the pics speak mostly for themselves. Have been LOVING the weather...lots of time to play outside, climb trees, find rocks, and explore. Had our first park visit of the season today and thoroughly enjoyed running and sliding and climbing and swinging.

We just love Spring. Who doesn't??

Oh, and if you're wondering about Kaden's latest fashion statement--(the clip on tie with t-shirt), I can't explain it. This kid loves to dress up. He wears his suit all day on Sunday...he wears a tie with t-shirt almost daily. EVERYWHERE. It's pretty darn cute though...

NOTE: Notice Kaden's funny face in this picture? He realized he could see his reflection in the slide, and made an assortment of hilarious faces... :)

As per the green shirts, we celebrated St. Patty's day low key...a few little things, but mostly spent the day in green shirts playing on green grass. That was sufficient for us.

Happy Wednesday...and St Patty's day!

The juicy scoop!

In our house, we love orange juice...and we LOVE saving money!

So one day while shopping in the grocery store, a carton of Tropicana OJ caught my eye, with their promise to save me up to $15 on anything from golf outings and massages to family outings, sportswear and camping gear.

I was intrigued, so I picked some up and took it home. Not only did we love the juice (and the cute little orange shaped cap that tops it off) but we set up our own account online at Tropicana.com in only a few minutes and entered the code that came with that carton of OJ. {DING, DING, DING} The points were instantly there and we could start shopping for discounts we wanted.

It was so easy and, for lack of a better word, rewarding! :) We have already picked a few different discounts redeem as a family in the coming weeks, and I am excited not only to have some family time, but to spend LESS doing so!

Already participating in the juicy rewards program? I would love to hear what you are saving up for or what you've already done!

"I wrote this review while participating in the Tropicana Juicy Insiders Ambassador program by Mom Central on behalf of Tropicana. I received 12 free Juicy Rewards points and a $50 Visa gift card to use in redemption of the points and to facilitate my review."

The birthday roundup...

It's been a crazy, busy week...yet we somehow packed in a lot of little bits of birthday celebrating--and I don't want to forget that! So here is the rundown...

We celebrated last Saturday by heading to Red Robin for our traditional birthday dinner freebie--and invited some friends along. Since Travis (Brandon's brother) has his birthday a few days after mine, it was a good excuse for us to all celebrate together!

LOOOOVED my free birthday burger and fries!

On Monday, my actual birthday, we started the day with an assortment of birthday goodies...

A. My grandma sent a card that makes noise when you open it. The kids were IN LOVE with it and played with it much of the day...and DAYS after. :)

B. Jenna chose some birthday blower things (do they have an actual name??) that we passed out in the evening.

C. The official birthday BLING...gold medals, that everyone got a few of. :) Also chosen by Jenna...and absolutely LOVED by all. And yes, I wore mine.

Brandon got to go in late to his externship, and got off early, so he took care of getting Jenna to/from school that day. HALLELJUAH! Seriously one of the NICEST presents ever! :)

Also ranking up there with BEST presents ever was the fact that my birthday was SUNNY and warm. After all the snow we have had, it was A RELIEF! :) So in the morning, Brandon cleared a path through the snow from the garage and we broke out the barbecue.

I spent my day cooking...and getting ready for dinner. If you know me, you know I LOVE to barbecue...love everything to do with it...the food, the cooking, the prep...and especially the eating. We had some Jack Daniels chicken, potato salad, baked beans, corn on the cob, chips...mmm....it was all so yummy.

And in the afternoon, Jenny came over to help me with my attempts at an ice cream cake. Let's just say it was quite the experience...and now that I know what I did wrong, I will do things very different in the future. But it still tasted delicious (what dessert filled with ice cream and candy bars WOULDN'T taste delicious!!!???) and was the perfect after-meal treat.

With all the birthday freebies we get, I try to take advantage of as many as possible--and take each kid on their own special date with me to do so. Jenna's date was to pick out some new shoes (for her...and only because they were needed. :) and then we went for some icecream. (forgot to take pics... :( She was very cute about picking out her shoes...and exclaimed at one point, "MOM, You have GOT to get me out of this place! There are too many great choices!" She's growing up...my little Jenna.

On Wednesday I met a blogger friend, who has a birthday close to mine, at Coldstone so we could redeem our free icecreams there. It was the bright spot in my really hectic day...

Kaden's special place is always Texas Roadhouse--he LOVES that place. And so do I...really. :) Every time he sees it, he asks if we can go to "Peanuts" (since they give you a big bucket of peanuts to munch on while you wait for your meal). So this is the birthday freebie that always is with him He was so cute all dressed up in running pants, a t-shirt, and a striped tie clipped on over top. All if it his choice. He made the perfect date...insisting on sitting next to me, cuddling up to me time after time and saying he loved me...munching peanuts in between hugs and sharing our dinner together.

My birthday week also included loads of sunshine...loads of it! We spent a lot of time outside mostly with me cleaning out the garage while the boys played in the mud...and yard.

My birthday date with Spencer had to be postponed, just with the rest of the craziness we experienced this week. But I can't wait to spend my time with him this coming week. :)

Saturday morning, I got to slip away for a little bit while Brandon watched the kids and I ran some errands, picked out two new shirts, and cashed in on yet ANOTHER birthday freebie at Aveda...

I had never been in there, but DANG was it cool! SOOO relaxing...I got to pick out my own essential oil combo to put in perfume, massage oil, or bath salts (valued up to $25)...and then went home with THAT for free...as well as also getting a free stress relief something therapy massage...I can't remember what exactly it was called...the saleslady had me at free stree relief and massage. :) And WOW did it feel good!

Then last night, I remembered my Baskin Robins freebie was expiring, so I made a late evening run to pick up some ice cream and Brandon and I made a date of it sharing our tasty treat and watching a movie...

I have several more freebies that I will hopefully get to in the next week or two. Seriously, birthdays are the BEST time of the year... :) Although, I am afraid to get weighed at my Dr. appointment this week...I've eaten more than my share of free birthday ice cream. :)

Pulling it together....

It's a new day...a better day.

And if I could write a prescription for happiness, it would definitely include 60+ degree temps with full sunshine and blue skies...

Just waking up to THAT was a good start...

But I also worked my tail off today, to get life back on track.

My dishes are all clean and put away, my table wiped down, the floor swept and mopped.

My garage is 90% organized, all the bins have been sorted and things put away.

The baby clothes have all been washed and gone through...put away according to size.

My car is washed and vacuumed, even though it will rain tomorrow...

I put a new air freshener in and hauled in all the random goodies.

My living room floor can be seen. This alone is a miracle.

And after numerous trips to the store for as assortment of mishaps, we FINALLY have a new microwave sitting on our counter.

It's been a lot of work today. But it's been good work. Productive.

And seeing the results have boosted my spirits and pulled me out of that blah place I was in.

Yes, today was a new day. A productive day.

A good day.

drained...

Tonight I feel drained of emotion...

I feel like I have been through some of everything today,

I have been running all day, and it has seemed that when I would have 2 seconds to sit, something else would go wrong and I would end up solving other problems.

My eyes are sore from crying...

Brandon asked why...and I told him my emotions were just on overload.

It wasn't that there was even ONE reason.

Just lots.

It's like I had good, bad, sad, frustrating, angry, annoyed, hurt, etc. all rolled into one giant emotional cycle. And I really just wanted to jump out and escape. :)

At this point in the day, I just want to curl up in a ball and fall fast asleep with hopes that tomorrow I will wake up and my microwave won't be broken, my house won't be a mess, and I will be much less irritable than I was today.

One can hope, right?

Thirty - 30 - the big three O

Today I turned the page on the beginning of a new stage in life...a new age bracket on the phone surveys...and new first number in my age.

Today I turned 30.

I have thought about this day for a long time...wondered if 30 would feel different? Look different?

No, the magic number doesn't instantly change one's appearance. Clearly that is all father time and mother nature slowly playing their tricks on me. ;)

The occasional strand of gray hair has become more of a daily issue...

My body has been fitted with more aches and pains.

The wrinkles in my hands are deeper and more plentiful...

And I find myself at an age that not so long ago, seemed SO far away.

But turning 30 is so much more to me than just the physical changes that are inevitable.

30...technically speaking...is 1/3 of my expected life span. I don't mean this in a morbid way, but turning 30 has made me think...

In 30 years, who have I become? Am I happy with that person?

Have I done for myself, my children, and my husband what I have set out to? Have I fulfilled dreams? Have I done enough for others? Have I lived a life without regret? Have I tried to right my wrongs and make good on promises?

Have I embraced this life I have, wholeheartedly?

And more importantly, what will I do different in my next thirty years?

I look back on my life...and so many memories flash through my mind...I reach back for the tiniest memory at the earliest age--I remember the little dress with the petticoat my mom made me, the sandals my dad bought me, seeing E.T. in the movie theater, high tops, really crazy hair, family vacations, and playing church with my sisters in our bedroom.

I remember hating parts of turning 12...loving that I turned 16...

I remember our family struggle with my mom's cancer...and our seemingly endless streaks of terrible luck. I remember the trampoline and sleeping outside. I remember singing, playing instruments, and that I always wanted to be the angel in our family Christmas pageant.

I remember mistakes. Lots of mistakes. But I also remember good things...good decisions...decisions to go to school, serve a mission, marry a really great man, and graduate college. I remember giving birth...all three times..I remember sleepless nights and days, lots of laughter, and a joy that you cannot find anywhere else but within the walls of your own home.

I look back and I see a life...so blessed. So rich. Perhaps not with temporal things, but with experiences that have molded and shaped me to who I am now...an imperfect person who is trying hard to live a good life and be the best me I can.

And THAT is something I will try to do, through all the experiences that will face me in the coming days, months...30 years, even...

Here's to another 30 years of challenges, memories, and life.

Maple Syrup makin'

I have been wanting for a long time to take part in my friend Mindy's photowalks--a little ongoing photography challenge she has for the year. So even though my camera is being a little wonky still (wish I knew why!!) and I had the whole family on hand, my goal was to go for it this weekend.

We decided to check out a free event they had at one of our local metroparks, on tapping trees for sugar and making pure maple syrup. Apparently our Ohio climate is prefect for this--who knew?!?! :)

It was really interesting to see the whole process, which has been done for a LOOOONG time. It's a lot of work, but like our tour guide pointed out, if that was your only sugar for the year--you'd probably not think twice about doing what it took to get it!

After stomping through the snow beneath gorgeous blue skies, sampling tree sap, and watching how it all came together, we ended with mini pancakes topped with freshly made maple syrup.

So, without further ado, here are my photowalk pictures...

Glimpses...

When we found out what we were having, I was stunned. It wasn't that we weren't happy to have another boy...it was more because I just couldn't PICTURE what our family would look like, and be like with so many BOYS! :)

Well, today I caught some glimpses of our future when we babysat 2 little boys for some friends of ours...

I think we will be seeing...

lots of climbing, chasing, jumping, tackling.

I think we will be hearing...

lots of screaming, laughing, squealing, shouting.

I think they will be friends...good friends...and rivals, seconds later. :) And then they will make up and run away laughing together to find one more place to hang from and explore.

And I also think I will be tired. :)

Grateful for glimpses...of sweet boys, and what I hope our family will be.