The Tale of the Lost Motivation

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess. She lived in a gigantic apartment with two bedrooms, 1.5 bathrooms, and a kitchen MULTIPLE people could stand and sit in at once. It was a glorious place. "I could finally write my dissertation after two years of ambivalence and procrastination," the princess thought as she arranged her new office, straightening the picture of '90s Hillary Clinton meant to inspire hard work. Her patron (a fantastically bearded man who also happens to be her husband) suggested she stop the receptionist/administrative assistant temping she'd been doing for the last few years while unsuccessfully applying to dozens and dozens of full-time jobs to focus on writing. What an opportunity! Temping is the worst! Being a receptionist is nearly as soul-sucking as being a grocery store cashier!* Writing is the best!

The princess spent her time getting her new apartment all nice, checking many more books out of the library, and talking a big game about this dissertation proposal. She read and took notes and even came up with a possible argument and chapter ideas. "I'm going to write this proposal by Thanksgiving!" she said, thinking maybe she could actually do it. Then she got a little sidetracked sleeping until 2:00 or 3:00 p.m. everyday and helping raising a shit-ton of money for her improv theater, and then struggling to do anything besides lay under a blanket because anxiety is an asshole and does not mix well with food or productivity. Also, winter had arrived in the kingdom of Minnesota. Living in Minnesota is pretty much like living with that one chick from Frozen, but with less singing and very few magical creatures.

So the dissertation proposal has been stalled at one paragraph and now it is Thanksgiving. The princess tries not feel too bad about it because that feeds into the anxiety cycle, which is probably caused by a jealous witch's curse or something. The princess, who is now undeniably completely nocturnal, wants to get writing, for school and for fun. So perhaps a dissertation proposal will materialize by Christmas. This is the new goal. The princess also has plans to write some more vice presidential posts for this blog and to consult with The Sexy Gay Jesus on how to be more fabulous in her everyday life. At the very least, she has an unopened Frost & Glow highlighting set in the bathroom, and everyone knows that being blonder always makes one feel better.


*This is one of her patron's current jobs and one of the princess' former jobs, so she knows what she is talking about.

April of the Day: Lazy insomniacs unite!

Hi friends,

I'm awake after 3:00 a.m., which is not that late for me and I am totes going to pour another drink because I don't have to be to work for 9 hours and booze is in the top 5 of my best friends (no numerical rankings available). But also April is amazing and I feel like I do shit like this on a regular basis, but then I see it on awesome TV shows and start to wonder if I'm, like, derivative. Then I remember that I met one of my closest friends in college calculus and my Perpetual Roommate kind of tutored me through it, so math ain't all bad. Anyway, why my half of the bedroom looks the way it does:

The rabbit hole starts here.

Pick my dissertation or something

Guys, it's kinda down to the wire. I'm supposed to participate in some sort of dissertation workshop next semester, and I don't even have a topic yet. No committee, no proposal, no nothing. I've been thinking probably I'd write about some ghost show shit, but I don't even know anymore. Why am I still doing this PhD thing? Anyway, in hopes that they'll inspire me to get my ass in gear and think about it and choose some shit, here is my fantasy dissertation committee with some helpful input:

I feel more motivated already.

Feel free to propose which topic I should propose in the comments. At this point, I'm like, whatever.

Diet madness and anxiety

Hey friends! Remember our buddy the I Love America Diet? I finally edited some old footage for your delightful consumption. Brock and Cynthia and I made "ham and cheese crescent pinwheels" and were drunk and also there are silly America's Next Top Model-themed songs:



As mentioned in the headline, I am an unfortunate ball of anxious energy these days. This translates into procrastination, frustration over procrastination, and occasional emotional breakdowns that require watching all six parts of the BBC (AKA Firthy Version) Pride and Prejudice miniseries in one sitting. But besides hating everything right now, ladies and gents, I has another funny friend! My buddy Rebekah (whom you may remember from her appearances in the french-toasted tuna sandwiches videos) is blogging about apartment living, household decor, pop culture references, nerdiness, and being generally amusing at The Apartment Dweller's Survival Guide. Go look at the pretty pretties and love it. I will try to churn out something creative soon if this last semester of taking classes and teaching doesn't COMPLETELY destroy my soul. Or I'll just work on the giant jigsaw puzzle on the floor some more (under 1500 pieces is a waste of time in my opinion).

Whatevs,
L

What I'm up to

I know all .2 of you who aren't my Facebook friends and therefore don't get to see my constant finals/procrastination whine-a-thon are like, "What is Lauren doing since she released her last awesome video? Also, remember when she used to actually write posts?" I am not sure who you are talking to. Each other? Yourself? Me? Anyway, I'm trying not to fail out of school/life right now, but I've got some more (slightly-less-epic) recipe videos ready to be edited and I've also been working on a secret Twilight project since I sucked down a bunch of vodka at a The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 1: Mostly Boring Wedding Crap screening a couple of weeks ago. I will give you a taste of the awesomeness/crazy ridiculous time-suck on my part to come:

We all do, Jacob. We all do.

Anyway, at least there's new Very Mary Kate. She's funny and also has a real camera.

This is what I have to offer, America

At least one guy I kind of know got totally police-brutalized in New York the other night while I fascinatedly watched eviction live feeds from under a cozy quilt on my couch and avoided doing my homework. I thought I should head down to Occupy BG the next day to show solidarity, but the next day was Tuesday which is my worst/busiest day and there is nothing worse than a busy lazy person. But what I'm saying is is that important are happening out there in the world AND random former VP-related trolls come by really old posts to tell me I have blasphemed their forebear's name and am clearly not a nice person and so now I am going to be mean about Pluggers again. I never SAID I was nice!

The economy is so bad, Pluggers have turned to candy stores to feed their children. Though I'm pretty sure Congress just declared green candy a vegetable anyway.

I was disturbed to see this giant bear-coach with these tiny PeeWee animal football players in the locker room after some recent news in the sporting/raping world, that's all.

Pluggers will use any excuse for a good drunk-dial binge.

Fact: My mother used to threaten us with episodes of The Lawrence Welk Show if we were bad. So many bubble hairdos and matching formal '70s outfits with sappy arrangements of easy-listening favorites and old standards, you guys. SO MANY.

Middle-aged Plugger-chicken-ladies' lives are so empty, they've turned into writing utensil kleptomaniacs.

Why is Anti-Halloween Christian Fundamentalist Grandpa Plugger trying to terrify the small child with his reenactment of the crucifixion? That's almost as bad as giving out toothbrushes or this poor excuse for candy.

I'm sure those outdated reference books will come in handy after the Soviets cause a nuclear holocaust and you are forced to live in your underground bunker/bomb shelter/compound and you need to teach your inbred grandchildren about what life was like on the Surface.

Semi-guiltily sleeping through the revolution*

Oh, hey guys. I've heard some rumors that some political things are happening in this country right now. I have heard that regular people dirty, jobless hippies who hate America have been taking to the streets to express their displeasure with the economic crisis and how the federal government spends all its time calling each other names and getting reelected instead of working on that whole crisis thing--but I guess that's only okay to do if you are conservative and carrying a gun. But whatever, we hear in Little Apathetic College Town, Ohio have an OCCUPY of our own! Can you believe that? And the fact that only 1/35 students had even heard of Occupy Wall Street three or four weeks in actually has driven me to attend more than one event! Yes, their apathy was so strong that it actually broke mine!

But unfortunately I am lazy and hate joining groups and making commitments and showing up places and doing things, so I haven't done much, but I have participated in more than one general assembly meeting! And they are so long and so full of kind, well-meaning people who think we should vote on how we will decide which decisions we should put up on Facebook and whatnot. Anyway, I am conflicted by guilt by not feeling inspired to do more.  Protest corporate banks downtown? But it's Friday, and I need a nap. Make the movement visible on campus on a Saturday morning? Did you say Saturday morning? Bitch, please.** Also: it is getting COLD. And I lived in Minnesota, I know winter, but I do not like winter. I consider winter something one must pass through hurriedly between heated buildings/drinking establishments. I do not consider winter something I need to sit in for a cause. I will never be that hardcore. (Re: that link- 21ST CENTURY TRENCH FOOT! That should be a band name.)

See, I feel solidarity with the Occupy movement in general because I went to hippie liberal arts college and I am poor. Our economic inequality is pretty extreme here in America and one of the main reasons I am considering abandoning an academic career is the severe lack of job or financial security in my future. This guy cleverly explains the situation. Assuming I decide to finish and get my degree, I will be part of a two-PhD couple competing for the same scant jobs. We're probably looking at years of trying to patch together a decent household income adjuncting. Adjunct instructors have no security (semester-to-semester contracts, no benefits, considered "part-time") and also get stuck with all the intro/required courses. I don't know if you guys know this, but the kids who are in these classes do not want to be there. Here is another fact: neither does the instructor.

So friends, I have now shared with you my conflicted feelings from my cozy warm couch. Now enjoy this ridiculous Herman Cain "Imagine" parody video I jacked from Wonkette:



FUN FACT: My first real job (post-paper route) was at a Godfather's Pizza.


*And not in a tent in a park or a brick courtyard or any of that shit.
**Sleep is far more important to me than political action, clearly.


UPDATE: I should also mention that I actually am quite busy during the week. I've got lesson plans and grading and hundreds of pages of reading and classes to go to and office hours to sit in and sleep sometimes when I'm not too anxious between assignment due dates. So, it's only, like, 53% laziness. It's when I DO have free time that I actually feel guilty about not getting out of my sleeping Burrow to protest shit.

My house has fleas; I'm probably a Plugger

Guess who's gone to Wal-Mart, like, 1905783 times in the past week or so? Would you guess your humble blogger? Because you would be correct if you were to do so! We live close to Wal-Mart now and we're in a house. Houses need a lot of shit. A lot more shit than apartments. Sometimes your house has fleas and you have to go to Home Depot and talk to a man about Ohio's current south-to-north moving flea infestation. Sometimes you buy lawn furniture, or just giant cases of Diet Coke. Other times you buy house plants, 3M wall hang-y stuff so you don't destroy the walls like you did in your last place, and/or curtains. I never thought I'd buy curtains, but there were already rods on the windows and I'm sure as hell not going to install mini-blinds in a rental home, even though they're more allergy-friendly. Speaking of allergies, the previous owners had pets, and I keep finding clumps of their stupid animals' hair stuck to grime and dust in corners, the upper parts of doors, and all over the fucking curtain rods that become exposed when I take off the dirty, dirty existing curtains to be washed. What I'm saying is, I live in a house and I'm starting school/my assistantship on Monday, and I'm doing lots of house shit. Also, we have fleas. Did I mention that? I think I've turned into a Plugger.

So here's some of the most ridiculous recent Plugger strips:

Oh, we all know it was a plugger who invented those heinous things in the first place. The real mystery is why other people thought they should buy them and wear them. In public.

Duh: prescription drug addicts. WE KNOW.

Pluggers are destroying the earth (shock) and old-man perverts (double shock). Those dudes definitely also have fleas.

Still alive for now

I went on vacation a few weeks ago. Then I sat around my apartment and sweated. And now I'm moving, so I'm sweating at my soon-to-be-former apartment and in our new house while carrying all my earthly belongings in box form. Though the new house has AC, so not quite as much sweating there. Anyway, I'm too lazy to blog right now. My awesome friend Emily isn't too lazy to draw comics and post them on her new blog, though: Irish Breakfast. Some of them involve coming to Ohio for my wedding. All of them are funny. I'll be back with some random/fake presidential trivia one of these days. Oh, BTWs, I'm reading Gore Vidal's Burr and wish I could use all the gossip in it as blog fodder. Unfortunately it is a novel and so does not reach the high research standards I require for "factual" posts like articles on Wikipedia do. It is good. I'm tired of moving. Truck tomorrow. Laptop broken, so using old-timey desktop. Internet at new place on Thursday. Go read someone with something to say now.

In which I just use a Gchat I had with Isaac to fill up a post with our tasteless, America-hating jokes

Isaac: It's never a bad idea to have cupcakes on hand.
I think they're trying that in Afghanistan to short circuit the insurgency.
me: how's that working out?
doesn't sound very manly
mcchrystal must've hated that shit
Isaac: It's just more of that faggy French crap, but apparently Obama is all about the baked goods.
me: gross
that shit softens you
like a flaccid you-know-what
Isaac: Srsly bro.
You know what doesn't?
Killing civilians.
Also, landing on aircraft carriers.
me: let's go run 0198734 miles before sunrise
and then insult our powerful boss in a music magazine
Isaac:Woah, that shit was off the record.
Where is your sense of journalistic ethics?
me:don't got 'em
not a real man
my word don't mean shit
Isaac: I usually beat my stories out of people, but apparently that's frowned upon.
me: limp wristers
Isaac: I KNOW.
This country was founded on robustly wristed men.
me: the founding fathers spent their time chopping down fucking cherry trees, writing constitutions, and doing wrist curls
Isaac: Also, 12 oz. curls.
me: 12 ounces of BEER?
Isaac: AMERICAN beer.
I think their brand was Old Milwaukee, actually.
me: even before the city existed, that's how badass they were
Isaac: "Yeah, we'll conquer that shit soon enough. Name it that."
me: I know, right?
Isaac: Such foresight.
Does that mean there's an "Old Baghdad" coming out soon?
me: oh, it exists
manufactured and available only in the green zone, though
Isaac: Fucking Green Zone.
That seems like it should be a limited edition patriotic version of Mountain Dew.
me:comes in red white and blue stripes
!
Isaac: I'm a little concerned about those hippie socialist extreme sports kids on their roster, though.
me: srsly
in my day, we played baseball, football, or lynching
none of these namby-pamby "board" sports
Isaac: Donald Rumsfeld was actually the captain of his high school lynching team.
me: obvs
Isaac: He was also part of the Blackface Revue show choir, I think.
me: it's a national tragedy that those competitions are dying out
I think "Glee" should cover this important issue
Isaac: I think Finn would look sharp as a Sambo character.
me: oh god
btws, today's chat is pretty awesome and I'm thinking about using selected passages as a blog post
Isaac: Use away.

In which I substitute my own Facebook updates for an actual post

How could you resist a trailer like that?

Over the weekend I was awoke to find that Isaac was watching a film from the stellar Patrick Swayze Collection he bought for $5 at Wal-Mart when we were really supposed to be buying wedding soda in massive quantities but were drawn in by the cheap movies also. I was grateful it was not "Red Dawn" (because it is so boring and terrible). Instead, it was a glorious 1986 sports classic that actually stars a young Rob Lowe (not that he ever ages anyway) with Swayze as the older brother-type mentor on a competitive junior hockey team or something. I think the moral of the story is that real men know how to fight bearded dudes on the ice, even if you think you shouldn't have to throw punches to win at hockey or at life. Or something. Anyway, partway through I started posting ridiculous things about the movie that my friends seemed to enjoy so I'm copying and pasting that shit here:

The pinnacle of masculinity is perfectly portrayed in a 1980s Patrick Swayze/Rob Lowe hockey movie.

"Just hit it, pillowhands." Now Rob Lowe's brother is teaching him to fight so he can avenge Swayze's head injury!

In the barn. Barn training montage!

Okay, now his dad is making him fight him on the ice.

[Matty: Oh my god. Please keep going.]

Though is apparently a junior league of some kind, Rob Lowe's arch rival appears to be at least 29 years old with a full beard.

Coach's pep talk: "All right, one period left. One period away from winning it all or losing to these miserable hackers with their shit-eating grins and their Saturday night wrestling tactics."

Rob Lowe scores again to tie it up, even while missing a tooth!

Beardy goes to the penalty box and Rob Lowe takes the penalty shot. Also, the rival goalie with the skeleton mask just did the splits to intimidate Rob!

Rob's got to prove to the coach that he can stay on and get the beardo in the last 3 seconds. "Watch your stick," the coach says.

Rob: "Let's go, pretty boy." They are jousting with their hockey sticks!

Dad, brother, coach, and team are so proud of Rob Lowe for punching the other guy out after the game was over.

Now he's kissing the girl despite all his facial injuries. I miss the beginning when he was being hazed through tequila shots and forcible balls-shaving.

BTW, I am so downloading this amazing soundtrack.

Also, Keanu Reeves made a cameo as the goalie and may or may not have been sporting a Russian accent. This shit is '80s sports movie gold.

I'm just going to copy and paste this to my blog and pretend I wrote a post.

Blogggin

I, by the way, still exist. I am in joyous vacation/not really vacation mode because I need to be reading about 1200 books recommended by my thesis committee (proposal accepted, topic form submitted to grad college, woot!) and a couple PhD apps to finish up. But whatevs. I am going home later on this week for the Christmas. I plan on watching much TV and TV on DVD with the sister on the couch in the parents' basement until Isaac comes to town, after which he will join us on the couch (with a short break inserted for New Year(')s in Seattle). It is a very large couch. Much nicer than anything my parents owned while I actually lived at home, of course. Perhaps I will blog, perhaps I will continue in laziness. But I still exist. Oh, and I can link to some things. Amanda Marcotte talks about douches being douchey to service employees. THESE PEOPLE HAVE SHITTY JOBS, GOOD GOD GIVE THEM A BREAK. Two summers working at a grocery store were QUITE enough to make me work hard to never have to serve the public again. People are assholes just because they can be. Upwards of $7.00 is not enough to deal with your bullshit. I'm talking to you, lettuce-complaining lady with her young son at 11:30 p.m. one weeknight at Safeway in Helena, MT in summer 2005. I AM BUT A LOWLY CASHIER WHO WANTS TO GO HOME AND GET DRUNK, IT IS NOT MY FAULT THAT OUR PRODUCE IS NOT TIP-TOP LATE AT NIGHT, BUT NO ONE WHO WORKS IN THAT DEPARTMENT IS HERE RIGHT NOW AND I DON'T CARE IF WAL-MART IS CHEAPER. I HATE YOU. I HATE MY JOB. I HATE MY JOB MOSTLY BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU. Also, your child is learning that it's okay to treat service employees like shit. You're lucky I forgot your name immediately, or I would have so started harassing you in retaliation. Anyway, I'm still bitter about that one. But, go look: Let's just take it all out on the powerless! (Pandagon). And for laughs: Not Always Right, funny & stupid customer quotes. Service employees are doing us all favors all the time for crap pay, so let's behave gratefully and give them the benefit of the doubt when they're having a bad day because other people treat them like shit.

I flatly refuse to be stigmatized

Apparently some asshole thinks that the government shouldn't give out food stamps because it makes us too lazy. SRSLY. Unfortunately for John J. Miller, I am NOT ASHAMED of receiving food stamps, they are awesome. I am in grad school so I don't have to get a real job. The state of Ohio is funding my education and paying my measly assistantship stipend anyway, so why not keep mooching off the government for my groceries too? I like my dependency just fine, thank you very much. See for yourself: In Praise of Stigmas. (John J. Miller at The Corner, National Review Online) Don't worry, I don't actually read the National Review, my friends at Sadly, No! brought this gem to my attention.

Exotic Vacation: Upper Midwest Edition

Hellooo friends, Guess who is going on vacation for, like, eight whole days. Can you guess? It's me! And Isaac! Hooray! And we are going to the magical college friend-filled land of Minnesota where I will have what will surely be a lovely but short reunion with my WIG Anne, who might become Canadian or something, as she rushes off to her next European adventure. Also, copious drinking and eating and cavorting that I can't really afford will occur and also HARRY POTTER 3D IMAX AWESOME. Then we will head up to the Perpetual Roommate's grandparents' abode in Wisconsin to drink in the sun on the lake, the sleazy rural bars, and all the classiness that Wisconsin generally has to offer. We are leaving tomorrow. Huzzah! I am not sure if I will blogging, as it is vacation and I don't want to make any solid plans besides making sure I drink at all my favorite places while I'm in town. My dear, kind Pal N has agreed to let us stay at her place in Minneapolis while she's out of town in exchange for not killing her cats. I'm bringing lots of sudafed and benedryl. But we should have the webernets there, so I'll probably at least check in during that first part of the week. Anyway, I thought I'd let you know, dear readers, what the what was. I'm going to try and work for home for a bit, and then my dear friend Emily of Obamanagrams fame will be here for one crazy night only. Fun is fun, isn't it? Love and cheap, region-specific liquors of odd coloring and taste, Lauren

UPDATE: Thiefy McThief Edition

Hey dudes, Turns out I've just been stealing the interwebz from my Jesus-y neighbor all this time, and she's moved away and another Jesusy lady has moved in who does not have an unsecured wireless network. I will be knocking on neighbors' doors to see if I can split wireless with them since I am poor and live alone and don't really need another $30 bill every month. So what I'm saying is that I'm working on the webernets situation. What with my two jobs and a class I am kind of busy these days. LAME. But my Best TV Friend Forever Ka$h is here for a few days, and I am taking tomorrow off and we will be headed out to the Garfield presidential palace near Cleveland. Huzzah! Hope to be back regular-like soon. Also: video awesomeness is in the works. Planning stages as of yet, but eventual killer koolness. Yeah, I did that. Not sorry. -The L

New Energy Drink Discovery: Unbound

Dear friends, While I am busy being a lazy grad student who researches energy drinks and masculinity and consumes energy drinks while doing said research, I have left you to fend for yourselves in the caffeine/taurine/stomach cancer-causing ingredient department. I apologize to the most profuse degree possible. But I have a recommendation for you today! Isaac picked me up and Unbound energy drink from the Big! Lots!, and I must say it is quite delicious and motivating me to blog rather than write my response paper that I have to turn in tonight. But as I just chatted to the I-Man: me: this Unbound "industrial strength" energy drink is actually quite delicious it's kinda mango-y or something without that energy drink chemical edge So, there you go: a review. Now I must try and get some work done so I can not fail out of grad school because getting a real job is not a viable option. Love and caffeine buzzes, The Lauren

Random technologies to be grateful for

I blogged this for my class blog and figured I might as well use it to take up space here, too! (I am so lazy.)

1. The fly ribbon. I have an insect situation in my kitchen sink area, and the $1.99 sticky strip from Walgreen's is collecting a satisfying amount of fly corpses.

2. Muffin tins. I was able to loan them to some friends who are making cupcakes because I believe a home is not a home unless you've got cookie sheets, pie tins, cake pans, muffin tins, bread pans, and cooling racks, at the very least. Who thought of making the pans have little cup shapes in them for tiny cakes and breads? Genius! It's so interesting how baking is so easy and produces such delicious results, and yet so many people never do it. My mom is a fabulous baker and all of us in the family can make a mean batch of cookies. Although, in the cases of my sister and me, those abilities may have been augmented by spending a disproportionate amount of time baking things for Mormon young women's activities.Perhaps one day I will bake for the class to demonstrate my superior skills. I will be very vigilant in keeping the flies out of the batter or dough.

3. TV on DVD. Best. Idea. Ever. Some people say, "I never see you out," and I reply, "That is because my boyfriend and I buy big handles of booze and drink at home while marathoning any number of TV shows on DVD. It is awesome and does not require us to leave my house."

A Most Negligent Blogger

Dearest Readers, I am sure you have been pining away for some regular posts, as I have been remiss in my internet duties. The semester began, and I have to actually do work sometimes. Also, my three classes are clustered on Tuesday and Wednesday, so things can get pretty intense for a couple days there. Also, one of my classes requires me to blog a couple times a week on a class blog. Boo. Also, Thrift Store Champion and I discovered that we are not actually hibernating mammals and should probably start going to the gym. And, as I have been telling one and all, I really cannot afford to buy all new pants. This in combination with a botched highlighting job by my mother over break that has led me to part my hair on the other (darker) side, and I am far brunetter and fatter these days. Of course, I can still claim to be blonder and thinner than SOMEONE out there, and we all know that gives me a moral upper hand in this life. Anyway, this is an excuse-filled update. I will try to drop a history post in this weekend. I hope all is well in reader-land. Love and shots of whatever it was those Dr. McGillicuddy's promotional people were handing out for free at 149 the other night, Lauren

Still awake at 8:00 a.m.: random ramblings

Since returning from the west coast homestead, I have been hit with a nasty bout of insomnia. No, not the kind where you can't sleep at all, but the kind where you can't go to sleep until some ungodly early hour of the morning like somewhere between 6:00 and 8:00 a.m. But then I don't get out of bed until 4:00 p.m., and I'm sure the caffeinated alcoholic beverages I hold so dear don't help matters much. I've taken to coming out to the couch to read so as not to disturb the slumbering boyfriend (or sometimes reminding him that he has his own house). Doesn't seem to be working today. Maybe I'm just super-excited that we will be doing a real-life tour of a presidential museum tomorrow (AKA this afternoon)! Have I mentioned that Isaac gave me this awesome 3-CD set, Of Great and Mortal Men: 43 Songs for 43 U.S. Presidencies, which is pretty much the best idea ever, if nothing else. I haven't gotten to volume 3 yet, but so far I really dig the songs about Tyler, Taylor, and Arthur. God knows I love me some obscure one-term nineteenth-century presidents! Gaza's burning. So, that's awesome. On BBC news on PBS earlier, we were depressed/unsurprised to learn that not only are the vast majority of casualties civilians, but the Israelis won't let more doctors and humanitarian workers in to help. Luckily (somehow-dear lord, seriously?-STILL) President Bush ♥ Israel! So we're totes not going to do anything until they're good and done defending themselves. In other news, apparently the Frankenmeister has probs won the Minnesota senate race. Douchebag McColeman's gonna sue, but hopefully that won't pan out.

Back in Ohio, Lounging on My Own Couch

My parents have an awesome couch. Mine is somewhat inferior, but it was the cheapest full-length one I could find at Ikea this summer. It only comes in brown. But it actually looks kinda purple. And I'm on it. Annnyway, thought I should post to prove that I am still alive (somewhat). Got some history posts coming up that should be sweet. I have a light cold that I am choosing to blame the man in shorts that sat across from us in the airport, paperback novel in one hand and using the other to NOT COVER HIS MOUTH WHILE HE COUGHED EVERYWHERE. It was awesome. He gave me TB. Or SARS. Or whatever. In a tragic turn of events, the GUVMENT is butting into my personal business once again. Yes, it is true, they have forced MillerCoors to stop making Sparks. FUCKERS. I like the alcohol/caffeine combo. I like feeling like my beverage will give me cancer. Assholes. They're going to "reformulate" that shit sans caffeine. Websiteunder construction. In the meantime, Thrift Store Champion and I are hoarding four-packs. we have about ten right now.