Mini-That Old Chesnut: Important buffalo-related updates

Guys, remember when we talked about buffalo and bison? I just learned about the origins of buffalo wings! You know, the chicken wings with the orange sauce. Apparently they originated in Buffalo, New York. So stop trying to make jokes about buffaloes being able to fly, because they're talking about the city, which was apparently named for Buffalo Creek, which I'm assuming at some point related to some sort of bovine beast living in the area.

Go buy some pint glasses with this terrifying image on them.

Also note that dudebro-oriented chain restaurant Buffalo Wild Wings' grand re-opening created one of my favorite local news stories and accompanying photos last year. Do you see all those bros camped out in line to get a year's worth of free wings? I do not miss you, Bowling Green bros--except for comedy purposes, obvs.

Or I'm just a monster

It's possible I've been reading too many outraged/incredulous feminist responses to Ross Douthat's recent lamentations about how few babies (white) American ladies are having these days, but I totally thought this Frigidaire tweet (I don't actually follow Frigidaire, I swear) said "kid-free" instead of "kid-friendly."

DO NOT MAKE SPAGHETTI OUT OF YOUR CHILDREN, PEOPLE!

I suppose non-child-meat-containing foods are technically "kid-friendly."*

*Also, what is going on with the uneven capitalization here? All or none, people. "Kid Friendly" is not a brand name. I can tell by how there is not a trademark symbol next to it.

Two items of business

1. I made a preview/outtakes vid for the French Toasted Tuna Sandwich recipe of the I Love America Diet:



2. Via Shakesville's Quote of the Day by Herman Cain:

"The more toppings a man has on his pizza, I believe the more manly he is."
 
As a former Godfather's Pizza employee, I have to say that it wasn't very manly when we got trained to count how many pieces of pepperoni we could put on each pizza or when we had to weight how much cheese we used. Holding back our masculine expression by limiting how many toppings we could put on was BULLSHIT, H.C.  Bullshit.

UPDATE: Here's that awkward Pat Robertson old man exercising clip Will references in the video:

Pat Robertson Presses 2000 Lbs. - Watch the top videos of the week here

The I Love America Diet Caters Your Next Party!

Guys, have you been looking for that perfect snack to serve your friends that will impress them and also fill them with cheese, patriotism, and federal dietary standards? Phyllis Ann George has come through for you, then!

Brock and I made the Beef and Cheese Log. It is as ridiculous as it sounds:

I flatly refuse to be stigmatized

Apparently some asshole thinks that the government shouldn't give out food stamps because it makes us too lazy. SRSLY. Unfortunately for John J. Miller, I am NOT ASHAMED of receiving food stamps, they are awesome. I am in grad school so I don't have to get a real job. The state of Ohio is funding my education and paying my measly assistantship stipend anyway, so why not keep mooching off the government for my groceries too? I like my dependency just fine, thank you very much. See for yourself: In Praise of Stigmas. (John J. Miller at The Corner, National Review Online) Don't worry, I don't actually read the National Review, my friends at Sadly, No! brought this gem to my attention.

Grim-ASS, bitchez!

The Grim.

I bought a sweater a long time ago. It has a Grimace icon. Grimace seems to no longer have his own 'Pedia page, tragically. I think it was a McDonald's manager sweater. Sometimes Grimace eats babies:

That's a pretty late-term abortion.

Pressing current events accompanied by my sarcastic commentary!

A lot has been happening in the news since I have been buried under a shroud of work and more work and stupid responsibilities which look an awful lot like work. But I check out the headlines on the HuffPo and am up on all the latest news. And I know all y'all are wondering what I, your lovely blogmistress, has to say about them. So, off to the races! 1. Tonight's top story: Were you aware that Michelle Obama wears CLOTHING and has ARMS?! (See: everything on HuffPo's page devoted to Michelle Obama.) Slightly amusing and/or embarrassing anecdote. Remember how I used to be Mormon? Ah yes, well, the Mormons don't let their ladies show their shoulders. So, growing up, I never had tank tops, except to wear under stuff. But when I ran away to live with my boyfriend one summer (when I was 20, so I don't know if "run away" is the right term, but whatevs, it was totes scandalous) and kinda decided I didn't really want to follow the Mormon rules anymore, I bought a couple of tank tops (two words? one?). And I'm not going to lie, the first time I wore a tank top out and about with friends, I felt a little bit weird about taking my sweater off. True story. But now I am a full-fledged shoulder and upper-arm ho. As evidenced by this blurry picture of me from last July 4th.* 2. The Twitter is sweeping the nation! In the comments recently, my friend Matty said Twitter was like blogging-lite for him. However, I have never changed my cell phone plan since I got it a year and a half ago and I still pay for each separate text message. I might be Amish. I also take issue with Matty's assertion that Twittering instead of blogging, "It isn't a replacement, but it's like masturbating to get you through the coital dry spells." Now, I sure do enjoy coitus, but I am a lady with those finicky ladyparts and resent your relegation of masturbation to less than main-event status. That is all. 3. The GOP is totally phat now, G. And Michele Bachmann continues to embarrass the state of Minnesota with her public displays of incompetence and faltering mental health. 4. Rush Limbaugh is still an asshole. No link necessary, that fact is in the public domain. 5. Apparently the economy is not doing well. Whatevs, I already got food stamps. (Still awesome, by the way. Thanks for the organic energy drinks, regular supplies of fresh produce, chocolate Silk, and the occasional block of non-cheddar cheese, State of Ohio! I know, decadent, right?) Though we should probably all be worried about the print media going under, because if it does, we'll be hard pressed to find materials for the roofs of our Hooverville shanties!** Anyway, The Jon Stewart tells us exactly where we should look for advice and information in this time of recessive capitalism:

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

CNBC Gives Financial Advice

Daily Show Full Episodes Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor Joke of the Day

*So blonde! So thin! Ah, those were the days... **Good news: my recently laid-off father is now re-employed (assuming my commie pinko feminist blog posts don't cause his background check to get held up by Homeland Security), but one of my friends here got laid off and is now looking to start a hobo gang. Don't get me wrong, hoboes are great, but riding the rails is always more fun when you've got a day job you can go back to.

Love.

Now Crowned a Welfare Queen, I Give You: Food Stamps in America, A Primer

Dear friends, Do not fear, for I have taken your historical topics to heart and said posts shall be appearing in the near future. However, due to the fact that I was approved to received food stamps today, I thought I'd celebrate that bounteous joy bestowed upon us by the federal government in this week's post. Today the program is known as the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program or SNAP. Like the dragon. Or what beatniks do at poetry readings. It is a form of federal assistance administered through the Department of Agriculture. And my impoverished graduate student state qualifies me to received its benefits. According to this detailed article at Wiki-source of all universal knowledge-pedia, ten percent of the U.S. population receives SNAP benefits. I am proud to join their ranks. Annnnnyway, the first food stamp program was implemented in 1939, partly under the leadership of VP of communists and poultry Henry Wallace, of agricultural fame. The program was designed to put food surpluses into the hands of needy people. Which were a lot of people in the '30s. You know. Like now! Stamps were recieved through a purchasing program. Participants had to buy certain amounts of food to get vouchers for other food that were in surplus.

The program fizzled out by 1943 when the economy was doing better and there was that whole "World War II" thing going on. Whatevskis. So we didn't have food stamps for a long time. People in Congress tried to work on it, passing a bill in 1959. Eisenhower didn't do anything with it though. Kennedy made a campaign promise to launch a pilot program, and with his first Executive Order did so. From 1961-64, America tried out having a food stamp program again. Then! In 1964! There was a Food Stamp Act! LBJ wanted the program to be made permanent, so Congress put it into law, leaving the states in charge of eligibility. In 1971, we expanded benefits to our Imperial Islands of Guam, Puerto Rico, and the Virgin Islands. The program officially went nationwide in 1974. In more exciting developments, the purchase requirement was eliminated in the late '70s, huzzah! At which point (January 1979) the program increased in size by 1.5 million recipients in one month. Totes. Why would we try to help poor people buy more/healthier food if you're going to require them to spend money first to do it? Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose? Do some people in Congress not really understand what the phrase "low-income" means? For cereal, people.

Anyway, in a shocking turn of events, St. Ronald of Reagan and his crew made some serious cutbacks to the program in the early '80s. Because god forbid we make any progress in improving our social safety net. Social... Socialism.... SOCIALIST!!!! AMERICA IS SOCIALIST AND I LOVE IT BECAUSE IT GIVES ME FREE FOOD! Ahem. But shitty economic conditions required us to re-expand the program in the mid to late '80s. And no we have no sales tax on food stamp purchases. Also, the first EBT (electronic benefits transfer) programs emerged at this time. Which is good, because I am a PRO at swiping cards at the store, and not at keeping track of tiny paper stamps. But then... I don't know if you guys remember the mid-'90s much. There was great music, I began to experience puberty, and douchey douche Newt Gingrich signed a Contract with America. Some bullshit about "personal responsibility" and "work opportunity" screwed over people on welfare for awhile. The Farm Bill of 2002 restored rights to (legal) immigrants to collect benefits, and us ABAWDs (able-bodied adults without dependents) got helped out too. Anyways, the fact of the matter is that especially in urban areas, housing costs in the U.S. far outweigh the percentage of income devoted to food purchases. So the benefits are largely used for income maintenance. I'm definitely on that train. Anyway, we don't do a great job with helping people in America, but some days, some of us are poor enough, and we benefit.

RAMEN: I can't stop eating it; AL FRANKEN: I can't stop loving him

I've always been a fan of the instant ramen noodles. I like the chicken flavor (orange package). I cook the noodles with the flavor in the water, then drain it all and put butter on the noodles. This is unequivocally delicious. I cannot stop with the ramen lately. Every time I eat it, my stomach and my soul are filled with warm, buttery joy. Thrift Store Champion is making me some right now. Because he's nice. And I'm lazy. And blogging. Anyway, apparently Al Franken has yet to kick Norm Coleman's douchey ass out of the Senate. Talks of "mystery ballots" abound. I am beginning to lose hope. I never should have registered to vote in Ohio. Apparently Al really needed me. (Star Tribune) Haven't chosen a history topic yet for this week, feel free to leave suggestions!