Naughty Policewoman: "Bang bang! I shooted him because he was bwown!"
Horny Internal Affairs Investigator:"It was clearly an accident. You're free to go...DOWN ON ME!" #socialcommentary
Virtually all American women aged 15–44 who are sexually experienced have at some point used a contraceptive method other than natural family planning (99%). This is also true of Catholic women, 98% of whom have used a contraceptive method other than natural family planning.If we include all the heterosexual men who are also not having babies by having sex with ladies using contraception, that's basically everyone in the country at risk for making babies except the Duggars**. So even though clearly they're all actually using it in their personal lives just like the rest of us communist hippies, conservatives are only okay with saying people can use contraception if it keeps adorable liberal gays on TV from being born.
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| Some of my favorite things. |
At best you tolerate each other sexual tastes and if be in moods pretend for like, but easy listen will always feel unnatural for you and you will never be able for orgasm for Josh Groban.
Profuse apologize Svutlana for last times, but in ends you may need for dump easy listen fiancé and find heavy metal lover, Ms Ohio.
Chainsaw murder is pretty terrible, true, but if you are reading this, my guess is that you have never been murdered with a chainsaw. It’s unlikely that a movie is going to cheapen, sensationalize or trivialize your experience as a chainsaw murder victim.
Privileged men's achievement gap, and the associated atrophy born of the observable resistance, or inflexibility, to make quick course corrections, is the inevitable result of a culture that continues to sell privileged men a patriarchal narrative of birthright entitlement, despite the fact that it is nothing but an empty promise of an illusory bounty in which most men will never share.-Melissa McEwan at Shakesville, The End of...Something
In modern times, however, the code of chivalry has certainly evolved a bit: Thou shalt pay for her Miller Lights, before you retire to thy bed; thou shalt withdraw her chair, in preparation for her ass; thou shalt open thy lady’s door, in deference to her tiny dinosaur arms; and thou shalt punch out any man who stareth at thy lady’s bosom.
The definitive moment at which you become an Anti-Virgin is hard to peg! In fact! And, honestly, gives too much credit to the first person to definitively Stick It In. Like, it’s not like no-one has visited these territories before! Those dudes are like Christopher Columbus. They, like, Claim This Land for Spain, but fail to notice all the people who were already there. Uh. Sort of.
Republicans will pretend to be outraged that Sotomayor is “racist” because she doesn’t believe that white people are better than everyone else, though perhaps they’ll branch out into arguments about how she’s not a woman because she’s both female and adult and she’s not a judge because she writes court decisions.Supreme Court justice hearings as political theater (Pandagon) Rant I'm sure I've ranted before on this here blog: Stupid "reverse racism" bullshit. NO SUCH THING, ASSHOLES. Even if it is true that there are people of color who hate white people just for being white... well, it's not true. It's about resenting undeserved privileges afforded to whites. And let's face it, while I'm pretty awesome anyway and pretty much just have to send people pictures of myself and they'll be like, "Please, Lauren, come work for us/study on our tab/take over The Daily Show/other awesome things," I know I benefit from white privilege. Duh. Okay, bad example because the pictures would clearly demonstrate that I am a whitey white whitester. But anyway, I just don't understand getting pissed off about affirmative action. Oh, that highly qualified person of color who may or may not be more highly qualified than I am according to certain subjective standards got the job/position instead of me? There's a decent chance they've had to work harder and/or will have to continue to work harder to get where they are and also, it is likely that I will never even know who they hired instead or why. Duh. "Reverse discrimination" is not possible. It's called "let's try to stop screwing over people who have been historically subordinated quite so much, even if it will force those cute suburban white kids to feel the sting of rejection for once in their goddamn lives." IT IS NOT RACIST TO MENTION OR RECOGNIZE RACE AND/OR WORK TO MITIGATE THE EFFECTS OF AND ALSO END RACISM. But on a lighter note, I like to inform/remind people regularly that the Canadian Supreme Court dresses like Santa & Mrs. Claus:
Look at how many lady judges they have! 50% of their highest court! How... how do the Quebecois say it? FAIR. (Though there's a lot of caucasian going on there, obvs.) And also, front and center is the Right Honourable (fun Canadian spelling!)* Beverley McLachlin, P.C. Chief Justice of Canada, LADY JUDGE, BITCHEZ! (They usually shorten that title a little bit, but I'm giving you the full official name for informational and also lady-gloating purposes.)
*Ever since we saw an X-Files episode in which awesome Canadian actor William B. Davis AKA Cigarette-Smoking Man had lines about a diplomatic pouch that contained some space rock which in turn contained the black oil or something, Isaac and I cannot stop saying that word all Canadianly. Try it, it's fun: POUCH. /pʌʊtʃ/ Hee hee. What a cute word, amirite? BTW: Just discovered there is an Oxford Canadian Dictionary. Politely make a bit of room next to yourself there on the shelf, OED, the CanOD was wondering if perhaps it could join you in the reference section. If it doesn't trouble you too much, that is. It would be greatly appreciated.
I mean, did Superman and Batman hang around the Justice League and Batman would say, “You know what really bugs me? The liberal media! Like, have you read that Clark Kent guy? He’s so obviously biased!” and then Superman would say “Well, what about that jerk Bruce Wayne? Inherited all that money and is he doing anything worthwhile with it? He’s probably putting most of it into overseas tax dodges!” That all just seems awkward.At least he doesn't have a car to get towed (The Comics Curmudgeon)
You sully the name of the Royal Brotherhood of the Beard, douchetron.
Man-Child resides in the beautiful, carefree, recess-all-day-long, ice-cream-for-dinner world of Man-Childsvania. Man-Child nevertheless feels the nagging lack of the social status and power that comes from being a Successful, Important Grown Man in patriarchy. Man-Child finds some lady to drag him, kicking and screaming, from Man-Childsvania into the real world. Man-Child makes the bittersweet sacrifice of his freedom, unless he doesn't have to, because a really, truly nice lady will make do with a few superficial changes (like, say, getting a job, or spending only 80% of your time with your bros instead of the more desirable 99.987%) and let you stay a Man-Child forever. Blah blah offensively blatant Republican-family-values conclusion, The End.Go read her, it is teh awesome (she writes on each movie individually at her blog). Also, a note from me: Dear Paul Rudd and Jason Segal and Michael Cera who are cute and I want to like but I can't if your politics suck too much, Stop producing/being complicit to this kind of bullshit. Seriously. Love, Me & other people who don't hate women
Oh, Jesus. Yes, what feminism needs is a man’s perspective on what women need. That’s exactly what feminism is about! That, and looking for awesome shoes. Chicks love shoes.Well, if we're talking about The SEXY GAY Jesus, then he totally has something to contribute. Also, he knows where to find the best shoes.* FACT: I have way too many shoes. FACT: The Lesbo-Feminist Gestapo lets you keep your Feminist Card if you have more than just a pair of birkenstocks and some combat boots these days. Just don't overdo it, okay? BTW, I saw 1994's cult classic/stoner/college movie PCU over the weekend, and actually quite enjoyed it. There may have been a few mitigating factors. Namely: a) being in a slightly altered state of mind, also b) I am a sucker for the Jeremy Piven, even in his prematurely-balding, obviously-way-too-old-for-college state. But anyway, I quite enjoyed the "PC" stereotypes, what with having gone to a small liberal arts college and all. The Womynists cracked me up, as did the stoner/frisbee kids, the protester kids, but especially the underground fraternity, led by a young David Spade. This role was built for everybody's favorite whiny comedian who looks like he's twelve years old. It is unfortunate that he continued to play this exact same role for the next ten years in everything he's ever been in. But this was perfect for him. Anyway, you should check it out some time. I think the stereotypes poke fun without insulting, which is an important distinction to draw. It's obviously more of a "guys'" movie, but that's kind of how (non-romantic) comedies tend to skew (unfortunately). (Just felt like I should put one more thing in parentheses.) *ANECDOTE: A dear friend of mine who didn't come out to many of us until our senior year of college spent the summer after freshman year selling women's shoes at Nordstrom and claiming that his long-distance significant other was a woman (so not the case). It was ridiculous at the time, and even funnier in retrospect. But damn, was he good at selling shoes!
I could actually understand abstinence-only education if it were some sort of performance art aimed at making parents understand the need to talk to their children honestly about sex before some nutjob gets them to sign a pledge to the God of the Commons. Unfortunately, that’s in my dream world where all cars are replaced with unicorns and I solve crimes with my Ph.D. supermodel best friend.-Jesse Taylor of Pandagon on reality-based education I do take issue with a unicorn dreamworld. Because seriously, we'd have to fucking RIDE HORSES EVERYWHERE. And not just regular big, smelly, scary (to me) horses: HORSES WITH BIG FUCKING POINTY HORNS THAT CAN IMPALE YOU IN A TRAFFIC ACCIDENT. I think this is a bad idea. But other than that, Jesse is totally in tune with my "Grow up to become Veronica Mars" fantasy.
I couldn't help but notice how much you people hate America. I don't know why. It's obviously the best country. I suppose you all just want to move to France and eat snails off the genitals of your same-sex partners while surrendering to Islamofascism!?He's got us pegged, kids! Who leaked the Agenda?
The new additions to this bill, apparently intended to increase legibility and accessibility, were made by my daughter, who is four.Fiveargh. (Crooked Timber) 3. "Scientology. Scientology is younger than John McCain." A fun new website to check out. (Things younger than Republican presidential candidate (oh, and did I forget to mention "war hero"?) John McCain) 4. I had a car full of douchebags (gross, right?) honk at me the other day when I was walking down the street, just wearing a regular old t-shirt and jeans. When I looked up to glare at them, they waved at me, as if to say, "You're welcome." Assholes. Adorable, adorable Ezra Klein parses out perfectly why catcalling is so creepy and disrespectful ('tis the season!):
It's a way of covering insecurity, of asserting your existence by underscoring your physical dominance. It's utterly disgusting.Catcalling. (Ezra Klein at the American Prospect) 5. William K. Wolfrum once again demonstrates his vast satiristic skillz in Cleveland Cavaliers, Utah Jazz must drop out of playoffs for the good of the NBA. (Shakesville)
