in an instant

So often in my life I have heard various people (teachers, friends, neighbors, co-workers, etc.) talk about the importance of living a good life because it could change, or even end, in an instant.  I am not quite sure that I ever really grasped this concept until recently.  With the most important events in my life so far (getting married, the births of each of my girls) life has certainly changed in an instant and will never be like it was before.  But I speak more about the drastic changes that can happen when we least expect it, of the tragedies and life-altering events, whether good or bad.  I am a firm believer that "bad" things happen to good people for very good reason.  Those experiences refine us and mold us into even better people.  It definitely does not feel that way in the midst of the challenge, yet the very act of trying to see beyond the day-to-day struggles and simply doing what we can, even the smallest efforts because we are just so tired, lead us to a better place.

Growing up, I was surrounded by a community of great neighbors, all of whom contributed to my upbringing.  Because of many, many good individuals in addition to my own family, I am who I am today.  My next door neighbor, Ned, who had previously fought cancer was diagnosed with lung cancer this past October and has since rapidly declined in health while fighting a courageous battle for his life.  On Saturday, Nathan and I attended a benefit dinner on Ned's behalf where our hearts were filled and our understanding of the purpose of life grew.  Ned spoke as best he could about the importance of living a good and honest life continually, of doing what is right, because you never know when your life will change in an instant.  His life changed dramatically and almost instantly in October, and the end of his earthly journey is quite possibly very near.  Seeing Ned so sick, gathered by loved ones and 400+ people at this weekend's event, caused us to pause and reflect on what is truly important for us to be doing with our lives.  Not only our plans for the tomorrows, but this very moment.  And every moment.

For us, right now our little girls are everything.  Our marriage is everything.  Our devotion to Heavenly Father and His plan is everything.  And caring for each other and all of our family, including our extended family and neighbors, is truly a part of it all.  We are in this thing called life together and no matter our personal preferences, beliefs, what-have-you, we need each other!

My dad has been in a state of decline for a few years, although there was no official diagnosis until Fall 2012.  Dementia.  It has been life changing for him.  And, for us (I could go on and on with detail).  The neurologist told me that at some point in time, the dementia becomes more about the caregivers than the actual patient.  That time is now.  And, it is hard!  This weekend, Ned and the rest of the Toponce family taught me that we can do hard things.  I can do hard things!  And so the journey begins; arranging power of attorney, taking over finances and managing a trust, renovating and preparing the home that I grew up in for eventual sale, providing/arranging for 24/7 care for Dad, arranging for his inevitable passing, putting life "on hold" so to speak to give back to the man who gave me life and provided a wonderful upbringing for me.  It is only the beginning and it is already hard!  But, I can do hard things.

I can already see that my life and that of my little family has been orchestrated over the past few years to lead us to be in a place where we are able to help provide for Dad.  We are not strapped down to a home and will be able to move in to be able to provide a watchful eye on a more regular basis until the dementia progresses to a state that requires something different.

While it is difficult and really not so fun to watch a parent, and great neighbors, decline in health, the small glimpse of the greater picture and purpose of life keeps us going.  These are sad times for my family, and for others around us, but even so we are able to maintain hope because of the blessings we have been promised by living good lives!  Here's to keeping the fire within lit and understanding a little more of the truly GREAT things that are in store after this life!

By documenting some of the struggles we face in caring for a family member with dementia I hope that I can provide help and understanding for those around us, anyone experiencing a similar situation with a loved one, and simply show that none of us are alone in our struggles whatever they may be.  And of course, it is a great outlet for me to write down the things that are happening inside of me!  Talking about the struggle already gives me a greater hope for good things to come.