Relaaaxxx

I have been spending these last few days on vacation at the Proskine Cabin at Casowasco. It is gorgeous and lovely and has been really delightful. 

I've noticed, though, how bad I am at relaxing. 

Now, before I elaborate, let me say that I really dislike the habit we have, that clergy have (maybe this is a problem for everyone else too, but I'm talking particularly about my colleagues here), of trying to "out busy" each other. Busy-ness is not next to godliness, I swear. 

What I want to say, though, is that I find it very hard to relax, and that it being so hard to relax is pretty sad, a sad reflection on ministry and culture and perhaps a statement about my need to more faithfully cultivate a practice of Sabbath. 

Yesterday, I had nothing on my agenda except having lunch with friends. But all day, I couldn't escape a sense of "should be." I should be doing this, I should be doing that. Was I in town away from the cabin too long? I really should be at the cabin so I can relax. Should I check my email? I would enjoy checking email, but shouldn't I be happy to not check my email? I have a couple of emails that I want to send, but I want to go for a walk before dark, but shouldn't I really get to those emails? 

The first day I was here I found myself a bit frantically wanting to do everything I had brought with me to do to relax. I tossed some 10 lb weights and my kettlebell in with me for exercise, a vegetarian slow-cooker cookbook to look at, some library books I've had out, some movies I rented at red box, my journal, which I've neglected writing in of late. And Monday night, I was stressed out because I was try to make sure I "relaxed" with all of those things right away. Even though I had the whole week to "relax" and even though relaxing should actually involve some joy, not more stress. 

The best vacation I ever had in my life was when I went on a cruise a few years ago. It was awesome, because I was cut off from so many things - it was expensive to use the internet for more than a couple minutes at a time, if at all. I could barely tax my mind enough to read a magazine while I was laying on the deck. Playing trivia games didn't count. But I can't afford to go on a cruise every time I need to relaaaxxxx. (Alas!) 

I'm trying to take a deep breath, and ask myself this week: What do I want to do right now? What would I most enjoy during this time? What would be really satisfying? 

My favorite Bible verse has been, since high school: I have come that you might have life, and have it abundantly. (John 10:10 b) That's what Jesus came for - for us to have abundant life. I'm trying to remember that, and let it guide my life. I'm trying to let it shape even my vacation, and I suspect if I let it guide my ministry more I would find the fruit of that endeavor as well. 

And now, I'm going to go watch some cheesy movie that I've seen 100 times already. And I think I will enjoy it. 

Beyond Day to Day: Visioning

Lately I've been struggling with what I expect is a typical pastoral dilemma. There are so many things I think about us doing together as a congregation long term, so many visions I have, so many things that float through my mind as possibilities for our direction together. We struggle with lots of typical issues, but we also have lots of potential for growth, discipleship, social change, etc...

But, when it comes down to it, I spend so much of my week just taking care of the 'regular business' of being a pastor. Writing a sermon. Preparing for the worship service. Leading the worship service. Meetings. Sunday School. Seasonal plans. Meetings. Statistical tables. Visitation. Meetings. District/Conference obligations. Planning baptisms, weddings, funerals. Even occasionally reading a great book about things I'd like to be doing in my congregation.

How do you move beyond the things that just have to get done every week to carve out time for thinking on a grander scheme? I relate to my brother's recent post about the plans we make with our time and what we actually end up doing, except without the cute kid to make my lack of action seem quite so valuable.

How do you make time for going beyond the day to day life of the church? Do you think it is necessary to have a 'bigger picture' plan in ministry? Maybe if what I was involved in doing day to day seemed more like really being in ministry, really responding to God's call on my life, and less, sometimes, like checking boxes of things to do that aren't essentially of critical importance, maybe then I would think living day to day was all we needed to do. After all, I'm pretty sure Jesus said something about not worrying about tomorrow so much.

On the other hand (and there is always the other hand, isn't there?) - this Lent we've been using songs from the musical The Lion King each week to talk about Jesus' journey to the cross. Up this week? "Hakuna Matata." "No worries." I find myself writing a sermon that contrasts the motto "hakuna matata" with a woman ready to receive living water. The characters in The Lion King use their claim of "no worries" to run away from responsibility. Jesus tells us in this passage, though, that true life-sustaining food is found in "do[ing] the will of [God] who sent me and [completing God's] work." Not worrying doesn't mean not doing either.

How do we find balance? How do you handle the day to day necessities of ministry (which, to clarify, can be extremely rewarding in themselves) with your hopes for the future?



*Image source: http://leejagers.wordpress.com/2006/06/04/what-me-worry/

Reflections: Bishop's Convocation - Part 1

Finally, a chance to blog about the Bishop's Convocation. The theme of the event was "In the Spirit of Fellowship," and on that note, Bishop Devadhar invited my colleagues Joe Tiedemann, Chris Heckert and me to present a workshop on blogging and how blogging can be used to create/enhance/nurture community. This is the second time I've taught a workshop on blogging, and I find it an interesting experience. Particularly for older people (clergy in this case), I find there is still a bit of fear/anxiety when it comes to using the computer/internet, etc. But once you walk people through how very simple it is to read and start a blog, people become hopeful and full of ideas about what they might do, how they might connect via blogging.

Question: I've been asked to retool my workshop to present to youth next week. Actually, I feel like most young people will know virtually everything I've presented in my other workshops. What would you say in a workshop about blogging to young people?

Monday evening we had a sort-of open dialogue time with the Bishop. (Bishop Devadhar is one of the most hospitable bishops I know. I know he reads my blog, but I can 100% tell you I'd be saying this even if he didn't. He must have stopped to chat with me 5 0r 6 times throughout the event to see how I was doing. He really goes out of his way to connect - I appreciate that!) Clergy were invited simply to comment, ask the bishop questions, bring up matters of concern. The conversation seemed to focus on the lack of young clergy in particular and young people in general in the church. The bishop said, (rightly, I think) that he believes young people are simply not finding the church relevant. (Actually, I think the bishop was quoting someone here, but you get the point.) Some young clergy in the conference shared that they didn't feel respected or equal or included in the conference. People seemed to want to show their appreciation for these voices, but I'm afraid much of the conversation continued with people referring to young clergy as if we weren't there in the room!

Tuesday, following up on the previous night's forum, the Bishop shared this thought from Brian McLaren, from a magazine - not sure which - anyone know the source?:
(paraphrasing) We are at a juncture where the changes we need are very profound. We don’t just need a few small tweaks . . . when you’re asking new questions, that’s what revolution is all about. I think we’re at a place where we need to ask a whole new set of questions . . . I think we need to face a few realities. Mainline churches realize they are using younger generations. (think answer is music, but jazzing up music won’t help if not answering real questions) Another kind of discomfort our churches will feel if they don’t address these questions. (Loss of younger generations accelerated) See the church as a religious country club – if they want to make a moral difference in the world, the church isn’t the place to do it in . . . In our mainline churches we have been so accustomed to the cold war between liberal and conservative that we haven’t imagined a new arrangement, a convergence . . ."

Our keynote speaker on Tuesday was Garlinda Burton, the General Secretary of COSROW. I thought her presentation was very powerful, heartfelt, and moving. She spoke on the theme of General Conference 2008, “A Future with Hope.” She asked, "what do we believe the future should be? There's a distinction between just having hope and putting legs on our hope."

Here are my mostly unedited notes on Garlinda's presentation:

Part I

Hope in Jesus Christ. A difference between hopes in institutions (clergy, churches) rather than hope in one who actually holds the future (Jesus). “built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness.” Getting a paycheck from the church is not the definition of who we are as Christians.

Speak God’s truth to power when we see power capitulate to money, sexism, racism, etc.

Risk. Risk. Risk. We’re called by God to use the power we have. To transform the church. Clergy have considerable power.

Clergy: balanced, biblically grounded, spiritually healthy, self-loving. We ordain and assign too many unbalanced, ungrounded, unhealthy, self-important and self-loathing clergy. If they aren’t out of balance when we get them, the church can sometimes smack people out of balance.

We are not meant to be in ministry in isolation.
Finding covenant group and worship setting for yourself.
A future with hope requires that clergy be equipped to supporting ministries beyond institution.

Life in Christ can’t be only in our heads or hearts – our hearts have to be changed so we can’t see hunger, etc., without feeding! Walk out of the church into places of darkness and declare that the light has come. Sermon her pastor preached titled – “It’s been nice, now get the hell out of here.” Views shaped only by those who look like us, afraid to offend our congregations.

We’re not scratching where society is itching. Our love affair with our privilege is preventing us. Avg. household income of a General Conference delegate last time around was $110,000!!!!!!!!!!!

Establish RELATIONSHIPS.
You gotta get out there. (My note: "Get out There" is also the slogan of Royal Caribbean. Guess I still have cruising on the brain!)

By teaching/speaking recovery, repentance, reconciliation for racial/gender injustice. People of color – 25%-30% country, but only 10% umc, Less than 6% of our large membership churches led by women. People in pews – higher incomes, higher educations. UMC is climbing away from poor. Institutional racism, classism, and sexism.

“Diversity fatigue” – CEOs, one UM bishop, say they are "tired of being guilted." Patient thousands of year of racism, but not 40 years of diversity training.

You speak and act like the kingdom of God is coming today. If Jesus had suffered diversity fatigue…


Part II

Three Simple Rules – Rueben Job
(From JW) "First do no harm, do all the good you can, and stay in love with God"

$50million dollars in misconduct and related details spent this (year, quadrennium?)

Attending worship. Self-care.

Question: If you're a clergy person, do you have a place outside your own congregation where you can/do worship regularly? I've been meaning for years to try to find someplace where I can attend worship midweek.

Strengthening healthy boundaries.

Things we must stop saying:
• We’ll take a woman or person of color as long as he or she is qualified. Assumes men/whites are automatically qualified.
• We had a woman superintendent (or etc.) and they almost split our church. We’re just afraid to have another one….Don’t hear “we had a male bishop and he was so bad and we just don’t want another.”
• Their worship is so different than ours – they like to dance and clap and they don’t want to worship with us boring white folks. If your worship is boring, no matter what color you are, you have a problem!
• Ethnic churches are not financially viable. They can’t sustain themselves and become a drain on the resources of the conference. When we invest in people they will invest in the church and not a second before.


Song: “I will not harm you with words from my mouth.”

Prophetic pastors create more God-focused congregations.

Staying in love with God.

If I am unable to demonstrate love to _______, I am a noisy gong and clanging symbol.

“Cindy has a part of Jesus’ story that I need” (poor, but also (me) conservatives)

Clergy: moving up means moving away from the poor


I'll have another post with Part 2 (Leonard Sweet) tomorrow.

Review: Personality Type and Religious Leadership

As I mentioned a couple weeks ago, I recently retook a short Myers-Briggs personality test, which pegged me (so accurately, I think) as an INFJ. While I was unpacking books this past week (an aside: one of the movers said he loves watching items come of the moving truck - it is like Christmas, because people never recognize their own stuff!), I came across this book: Personality Type and Religious Leadership. I bought it at a continuing education event in Maine a few years back and forgot about it.

Since I've been thinking about personality type again a lot lately, I quickly gave this book a 'thorough skim' and found it fun and thought-provoking. The book specifically looks at clergy and how different personality types function in the ministry. The focus is really Protestant clergy, although some attention is given both to Catholic clergy and people in religious non-clergy positions.

Here's what I discovered:

- Even though INFJs (Introverted / Intuiting / Feeling / Judging) are the rarest personality types, they are the fourth most likely personality type for clergy, and the only Introverted type to be in the top five.

- Introverts, as you might expect, have a hard time dealing constantly with the people-interaction that ministry requires. I suspect that most pastors are tired by Sunday afternoons, but I've always felt seriously drained after being 'on' all of Sunday morning. I remember feeling this way too in CPE when I was in seminary - visit after visit after visit was so difficult, and though I got better at how to do it, it never really got easier to walk into rooms. Even just this week, in my office, my hand hovered over the telephone as I tried to make myself call a parishioner. I've always hated talking on the telephone. I made the call because I have to make calls! But it is still and always hard.

- Introverts come across as spiritually deep, and tend to be better about engaging in spiritual disciplines. But they have a harder time with church growth. 'Sales', as the authors put it, "is the Extravert's cup of tea more than the Introvert's." (32) Introverts also have a hard time with conflict, and find themselves triangulated frequently. I can see that in myself.

-Introverts have it easier than Extroverts in one way though - sermon preparation. "You can expect . . . depth from Introverts in their sermons, more reflective material, good exegesis of biblical texts - all delivered with an economy of words." (44)

I talked over this book with my ENFP pastor-friend, and we especially laughed over the sections on sermon preparation, which seemed quite right to us.

Hopefully I'll be back to posting more regularly, as my internet service will finally be connected tomorrow!

burnout

*No, not me. Please, I've only been a pastor for four years. Thankfully, it is a little early to feel burnt-out yet. I have my days, of course, and times when a particular event/person/situation makes me feel a touch of burnout. But I'm still an optimist about the church and my ministry on most days. I have hope.

But, I've been thinking about burnout. Clergy burnout in particular is something we hear a lot about in the church. New clergy burnout quickly. Young clergy burnout quickly. Female clergy, struggling through a still male-dominated field, have high rates of burnout. I don't have a figure handy, but I remember hearing, for example, that female clergy have an average local church ministry of just eight years. Burnout, and preventing burnout, is serious church business.

I'm thinking of it because of a book I'm reading now (which I'll eventually review). In it, the author talks a lot about burnout, and how to help pastors and parishioners avoid burnout. He talks about traditional expectations of clergy (by parishioners and clergy themselves) that practically guarantee burnout. And I can relate to what he's writing.

But then I was thinking . . . does anyone in the Bible get burnout? Maybe it is a silly question, but I was trying to think of a biblical figure who throws in the towel because of burnout and stress. Maybe Moses comes closest - he seems burnt out sometimes. But burnout seems to be a very modern problem. How can we experience burnout if we are being disciples? I suspect - I fear - that our way of trying to be disciples has gotten so disconnected from Jesus' teaching about discipleship that it makes it possible for us to experience burnout. We're spinning our wheels, and somehow, still, with all our work and busy-ness, we're still missing the mark when it comes to discipleship, still living lives that are very disconnected from what Jesus had in mind for us when he talked about "abundant life."

What do you think?


*Image source: http://www.slowleadership.org/2006/12/understanding-burnout-part-1.html

The Cast: Day 5 of 42ish...hopefully...

Things I've learned in the first five days of being in my lovely bright orange cast:

- Using crutches is not nearly as easy as I thought it would be.
- My cat is scared of my crutches, but only when they are in use by me.
- Capri pants are my friend.
- I can still hold my nephew and my godson even with my cast, only it is trickier with my godson, since he just turned one, and moves, now, a lot faster than me.
- My church's hallways are longer than I thought they were.
- I have a whole new perspective on what it means to call something 'handicap accessible'. My church is accessible on each floor, though we have no elevator. But there is access from outside to each level, accessible bathrooms, etc. However, I've borrowed a wheelchair to use for getting around at church, and discovered glitches already - for example, our front doors don't unlock from the outside. You have to unlock the door by the office, and then unlock the main sanctuary doors from the inside. Problem: the door by the office is not accessible - it is two steps up. Hm. Also, the side aisles in the sanctuary are wide enough for a wheelchair, but just. How you get down the aisle without scraping your knuckles is a mystery to me. And this is something I will only be forced to think about for a very few weeks. Eye-opening.
- My mom is a life-saver. She's stayed at my house for the first few days. I hate having to be waited on, especially by my mom, since she's already racked up enough of waiting on her four kids her whole life, and it should now be her turn to be waited on, but I would have been in deep trouble without her here for these first few days. How does one pour a bowl of cereal and eat it in a different room from the kitchen with crutches? Answer: ask Mom for a bowl of cereal. She'll bring it to you. She went back home tonight for the first night and within 30 minutes of her leaving, I fell. I was trying to move from the crutches to the wheelchair so I could have my hands free, and before I even tried to sit down in the chair, I lost my balance and fell right over. Ouch! I think everything is OK, but of course, I called my mom for her advice. (Besides being a mom, she's a nurse, which is also handy.)
- My colleague Betsye Mowry, who is pastor at the other UMC in Oneida, called on me today. I think it was my first experience of being on the other side of a pastoral call. (I've had surgery twice before, at ages 12 and 17, but I wouldn't even let my mom but my name on the prayer list either of those times. Ironically, I'm very private usually about all that. A pastor's nightmare parishioner, right?) It was nice. Betsye is a neat person, and she's remembered exactly when my surgery was going to be since I told her about a month and a half ago.
- I promise not to blog *solely* about my cast for the rest of the summer ;)

Oops...

So...in December I fell while I was running at the park. I hurt my ankle pretty badly, but, that night I was hosting the UMW Christmas party at my parsonage, and so I didn't go to the ER or anything. I just figured it would get better.

A month later, the ankle was still causing a lot of pain, and every time I tried to run again, I would make it about 60 seconds before it hurt too much. I got X-rays. The X-ray showed some spurring on my ankle, but nothing serious.

I visited an orthopedic surgeon. He sent me to physical therapy. I've been doing that twice a week, without seeing much change.

My orthopedic surgeon sent me to have an MRI. I got the results finally today. I have, among other issues, a fracture, spurring in two places, a torn tendon, and lots of fluid buildup.

Oops. Guess I should have gone to the ER that first day. Not sure yet what treatment will be now, but I have a bad feeling that some sort of surgery may be involved.

Satisfied Clergy

My sister-in-law, who works at a newspaper, passed along this article to me recently, with the tagline, "If you want to be rich, get an MBA. If you want to be happy, go for an MDiv." The article talks about results of a study by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago. The study found that clergy had the highest job satisfaction - a whopping 87% said they were satisfied with their jobs, followed by firefighters and physical therapists.

The study also found that clergy topped the list as 'happiest', with 67% of clergy responding that they were "generally happy." In general, those most satisfied with their jobs were either in helping professions of professions with a great deal of creative expression, and those with the least satisfaction were those in low-skill jobs or with customer service positions.

There were mixed reactions to the study - some were not surprised that clergy were so satisfied, since clergy enter the field "with no expectation of getting rich and every expectation of being able to make some difference in the world." But one researcher at least was surprised at the high satisfaction rating because clergy also have such stressful jobs.

I'd be interested to know more about who was included in the study - which kind of pastors, which denominations, etc., and I could probably find that out if I had more motivation...

Pastors, what do you think? Are you satisfied? Happy? Surprised at the research?

Pastors and Working Time

John recently linked to this article (via this post) about the recent study on how pastors use their time and how much time pastors spend working. Of course, a common joke is that pastors work only one hour a week - the worship hour on Sunday morning - but most(!) people know pastors work more than that. But how much more? And what exactly are they doing during that time?

Interesting questions, even for those of us who are pastors. What are we doing with all our time? I usually don't keep specific track of my hours in a week, but I do occasionally do a tally just to see how and when I am actually spending my time. I would say my weeks aren't very consistent from week to week. Some weeks I spend more time on worship than others, some weeks I seem to be frequently at the hospital, some weeks it seems all my annual conference responsibilities are scheduled in one five-day stretch. I suspect that this is typical for many pastors.

How do you who are pastors spend your time? Do you match up with the study? Personally, I am a real night owl. I like the flexibility my schedule generally gives me, actually. Since I am single, and I am also a solo pastor with a fairly small church staff, I have a great deal of control over when, where, and on what I work, which is something I treasure. Sure, I have appointments and meetings and worship services that are at appointed times, but for other work, I definitely get rolling in the afternoon and probably do my best sermon work after 11pm.

What I found most interesting in the study were differences reported between how male and female clergy spend their time (women spend more time in administration and pastoral care, men spend more time planning worship), between how Catholic priests and Protestant clergy spend time (priests work longer weeks and spend more time working administratively), between African-American clergy and other clergy (African-American clergy work much longer weeks), and between 'conservative' clergy and 'mainline' clergy ('conservative' clergy spend more time in prayer and meditation, and less time in meetings). The study doesn't suggest reasons for these differences, and I'm not really sure what I would suggest for these differences. Thoughts?

Prayer

As I mentioned in a recent post, at St. Paul's during Lent we have weekly communion services. This year we are focusing on prayer. Things aren't all planned out yet (hey, I still have 6 hours til the first session!!), but we'll be looking at prayer from different ways, exploring different prayers and types of prayer, looking at the Lord's Prayer, experimenting with Lectio Divina, etc.

My own 'prayer life' has gone through many incarnations. When I was little, and having a spiritual crisis in fourth grade (no joke), my mother asked me if I was praying everyday. "No!" So she told me to pray every night and that I should do that by telling God about my day. I took her quite literally, and being an obedient child, I did exactly what she said. I would first pray the "God bless"es, systematically going through each family member and each extended family member, including all two dozen or so cousins and occasionally even select second cousins. And then I would tell God about my day, in nauseating detail: "Dear God, today I went to school and first we studied math and then we had a spelling test and then we had lunch and then..." If I made it through all of this, I would end with the Lord's Prayer, but more often than not, I fell asleep somewhere through my recitation of events. Actually though, this, along with the daily Bible reading my mom suggested, really helped me through that time and comforted me.

As I got older, I experimented with different ways of praying, never quite returning to that childhood pattern. Now I like to think of my prayer life as more intertwined with everything I do. Isn't conversation with God supposed to be part of all we do? But, still, I have to admit that I'm more likely to do the talking and less likely to do the listening. Intertwining prayer with life only works if there is a space in there to hear as well. I'm not so good at emptying out all the bustling noises of my head to make space for anything other than myself to talk back to me. (I'm reminded of this excellent post by my brother about his meditation experiences...)

Having a disciplined, set-aside, formatted prayer time frankly seems tedious to me sometimes. But I guess that is part of the reality of discipline. If it was something we would do outside of a disciplined routine, then we wouldn't need the discipline of it. But like all disciplines, they are there to shape us even when we don't really want to be shaped.

Praying together is a different matter. I hate reading unison prayers if I feel like I (or we) don't really mean all the words we are saying. And yet, I find that praying together is important, and that we have corporate things to share with God as well as individual. I can think of some specific times when corporate prayer was very meaningful, but I find it hard to consistently avoid feeling like we're just going through the motions.

Do you have a favorite way of praying? Do you find (and how do you find) corporate prayer to be meaningful? Do you have a disciplined way to pray?

Weekend Update

Nothing too lengthy and/or profound to say, so here's what's left:

- I like watching the Oscars, but I hate listening to acceptance speeches. I find them so awkward 50% of the time. I give people about one sentence to see if they will actually give a good speech, and then I hit mute until the speech is over.

- I think I like facebook better than myspace.

- I've given up Diet Coke for Lent (all soda, but I only drink Diet Coke anyway.) Two of my members challenged me - one is giving up soda and the other is giving up meat in exchange for me giving up soda. The one who said she would give up meat is being very delinquent so far (not unlike Melissa at Going on to Perfection :).) I've been wanting to stop drinking soda for a while (at least so much soda) because it seems that all those chemicals can't be very good for you, but I really love my Diet Coke, and haven't made myself take the plunge before. But I am extremely competitive, so I'm finding it easier to hold up my end of the deal this time around...

- I've added some new blogs to my regular read list: Will Samson, Lisa Samson, TallSkinyKiwi are a few to check out.

Paying Attention

I've been reading on various blogs about what different pastors/seminarian/theology-types are doing for Lent - giving something up, some even abstaining from the internet or blogging for Lent (eek - brave souls)... I don't usually give something up for Lent. Sometimes I try, but I rarely keep at it through the whole season, and more often than not, I just don't give something up at all. I'm not sure quite what my plan will be this year, but the time is fast approaching!

I do feel a bit more prepared for Lent this year - some of my clergy colleagues and I - other young women in my conference who are pastors - have been getting together to plan worship for Advent and now Lent. We talk over ideas and themes and texts together, and I've found it extremely helpful. Advent and Lent have ways of sneaking up on me, but this time around, I actually have at least a general plan to take me from Ash Wednesday to Easter.

Still, though, one of the hard things about being a pastor is that you never get to fully immerse yourself in the season you are actually in - at least, this is a struggle I have. By the time Lent is actually here, my mind is already halfway into the post-Easter season, thinking about April and May and June. I find it hard to be fully present in the time we're in. And when I'm worrying about the details of each service, I find it hard to also have a sense that I am also a worship participant. Of course, I find ways to nurture my spirit on my own, but I do miss being part of a corporate worshipping body in non-pastor ways!

One thing we do at St. Paul's that I have really come to cherish is our weekly Communion and Soup Supper Service. Each Wednesday, we meet for dinner - we bring cans of soup - one for the food pantry, and one to eat, along with different breads. We start out with a short communion service. Last year we focused on learning about communion - celebrating different ways, learning what each part of the liturgy means. This year, we will focus on prayer and ways that we pray. We usually have 15-20 people for this service, and we meet in our small chapel, and I enjoy the quiet, intimate, reflective service. I'm still leading, but the atmosphere also allows me to feel like I'm participating too.

What are you doing to pay attention to the season this Lent? Are you giving something up? If you are a worship leader, how do you participate while you are leading?

Interlude

It's been a quiet week on the blog because it has been a busy, busy week in real life, and a long week too. Today I led a funeral for a member of the congregation, and his death has hit our congregation pretty hard. I'm blessed to serve a church that really functions as a pretty close and supportive family. This surely can be a challenge from time to time - not always a group that is fast to change or try new things - but my congregation is pretty welcoming and friendly and fiercely supportive and protective of its 'children', our members.

So anyway, this was a hard funeral because the grief of the congregation is just so palpable. I've done lots of funerals since coming to St. Paul's, and there's a strange truth to the saying that funerals really tie together pastors and parishioners. But it also gets harder the longer I'm at St. Paul's. The longer I'm there, the more I've been a part of these peoples' lives, and visa versa, and the more difficult it becomes to say goodbye, for many reasons. I guess in a good way, one person's death is not just their death alone - it is an event that impacts lots of people in different ways, and though some of these ways may be positive in the long run, I grieve in particular the sadness that this death brings to so many people.

Guess that's all. Hopefully back to regular blogging this weekend. Heck, I still have one more set of Congress on Evangelism reflections to write!

Bishop's Convocation: Deepening the Well

Last week I went to our annual Bishop's Convocation, a gathering for clergy in the New York West episcopal area. It was the first time I've attended. The Convocation is always the same time as Drew's (my alma mater) annual Tipple-Vosburgh lectures, which I've been in the habit of choosing over the Convocation. Let's face it - Drew can usually pull in 'bigger' speakers, I get to see friends that I don't often see otherwise, and going to New Jersey for away time is more exciting than going an hour and a half away to Rochester. But...that said, I decided very last minute to attend the Convocation instead of Tipple. I'd just come back from GBCS in DC, and didn't feel like traveling very far. Plus, I guess I think it is important to invest myself here in my hometown area more than I have been. It's been three and a half years now since I graduated from seminary. I loved it, and I loved the people. But I love here too, and need to be more intentional about forming relationships here. Anyway, the convocation...

The theme was Deepening the Well and was focused on issues of clergy wellness and renewal. I did indeed find the time apart to be relaxing and renewing. I enjoyed the speakers and preachers, and just spending time with my colleagues. I don't know how other pastors in the conference feel, but I feel that in general we have a strong sense of collegiality in NCNY. It is one of the reasons I came home to this conference after seminary.

Some highlights:
One of the preachers was Rev. Margaret Scott. She did a monologue-as-sermon, as Peter's wife. She said, "Where the presence of Jesus is felt, people show up." True words! She reminded us that Jesus was "not immediately accessible," focusing on a passage (where? I forget and am too lazy to look it up) where we read that the disciples and crowds are hunting for Jesus. She challenged us about our sense as pastors that we must be always immediately accessible. And, a good line that got a good laugh: "If there's one thing men hate, it's logic in the midst of panic."

One of our speakers was Kwasi Kena, who is Director of Evangelism Ministries for the General Board of Discipleship. He talked about knowing the difference between "what is urgent and what is important." He gave us a journaling prompt for 'spiritual writing' saying that when you write, you're supposed to "write what you know" - the usual motto anyway, but in spiritual writing, you're supposed to "write what you don't know." He urged us to "create a stop doing list." I liked that suggestion! He also talked about visions, and our tendency to "come up with" visions for churches, conferences, committees. He told us this is going about things the wrong way. "The vision is sent by God," he said, "it isn't just conjured up because we want to write something down on paper."

Rev. Marilyn Wolfe was another preacher, who gave a very moving sermon. She talked about loving the marriage blessing that is in our United Methodist Book of Worship that has the line: "So that those to whom love is a stranger will find in you generous friends" and challenged us and encouraged us, reminding us: "We are Jesus" to some people. We are the only experience of Jesus they may ever have had. So our hope is to be to others, to those to whom love is a stranger, a good representation of the love of Jesus.

Of course, my uncle, Bill Mudge, was also one of the preachers, and I heard great things about his sermon, but I managed too arrive too late for that one. Alas!