ouch, fei, ouch...

Arsenal Farewell? Welcome to Barca?

buttmaaannn nananananana buttmaan

Women Are Lightweights

When Ogden Nash commented that "candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker," he was most definitely talking about alcohol as the liquid panty remover. It's supposedly faster and more effective than witty conversation, flowers or even dick jokes. Give a girl a shot of tequila and she'll be a giggling puddle of uninhibited goo the moment it hits her bloodstream, while men can slam back the rest of the bottle and still be ready for anything.



What Science Says:

It's true, but not for the reason you're thinking, which is most likely body size, right?

According to researchers, the real reason why women can't hold their liquor as well as men is because men and women have very different water to fat ratios to their bodies. Men's bodies are made up of about 61 percent water, whereas women average about 52 percent. While this doesn't sound all that important, it basically means that male biology acts like a cheating bastard of a bartender, watering down every drink a guy consumes nearly 10 percent more than a woman's internal barkeep.



Women are also lacking in the liver department. Specifically, they produce less of the liver enzyme dehydrogenase, which is that magical substance that converts alcohol into an inactive state and ensures you're sober by the time Monday morning rolls around. Because they have less of the enzyme, women also feel the effects of alcohol much faster than men and it hits them harder.



So there's a medical reason why there's a drunk coed at every nightclub who will drunkenly protest she's only had one little drink just before she passes out on the bar and shows everyone her business. A MEDICAL REASON, we tell you.

Lum Yi Rong finds this guy attractive.

Q: Hope, ah.. a queer thing indeed.. it can bring life and at the same time crush another's.

A: Hope with effort and patience brings life, hope only will crush one's life.

Are we dead? Or just not living?

131 goals..........far from Tin's 193........

Ronaldo top scorer with 131 goals.......still far from 193.........

Tae's Fifa Best Win so far

My best win so far...........

Job Application

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION
: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

WAY TO GO LYRAA!!