And now, The Great...

Canadian/American Expat Friends/Old Friends Sky/Road Trip!

I had hoped to get this posted earlier, but I’ve been a tad obsessed with Internet coverage of the US Department of Justice DOMA brief and then I had a conference that started today. In short, the brief - called odious, dreadful, hideous by friends - lays out all of the [alleged] reasons that DOMA is not unconstitutional. And, to provide examples of cases where states have been permitted to prohibit marriages that are deemed to violate public policy, it cites cases that prohibit incestuous marriages and marriages between adults and minors. To say that people are outraged doesn’t begin to capture what’s happening. Major donors are withdrawing from a DNC GLBT fundraiser scheduled for next week. I don’t honestly know that I’ve ever seen this kind of collective outrage from the GLBT community. The Internet has provided an amazing tool for organization, communication, etc. But, back to my trip.

Beware – this is longgggg! And, I’m skipping a lot of detail – ‘cause, well, most of you were there for part of it!

I was up at 3:15 am last Thursday in order to make a 6 am flight to Toronto. After an uneventful trip I think I was at L-girl’s shortly after 8, Toronto time. It was just fabulous to meet her and Allan - and, of course, the dogs, too! Tala is a bundle of squirrel-chasing-I-love-ya-but-I-have-to-run-fun. And, Cody is just a doll. The old girl is soooooo sweet. It was just great. But, I had places to go and people to see and L-girl had a party for which to prep!

I knew that the coffee shop, Jet Fuel, was next door to Sweet Creamery so I headed in that direction. As I guessed, I was able to get connected via their Wi-Fi so I had a mocha and checked mail, etc. I had called Adam and he was going to meet me and I checked in with Tom. I hung out, read the paper, and met Adam shortly before noon. We went next door and found Emilio and I got to see Sweet Creamery – but didn't start sampling just yet! Tom arrived soon after and we hung out there for a bit. Customers started arriving almost as soon as the doors opened! Excellent!

Adam and I were able to coerce Tom into going to lunch and the three of us had a great visit. It was great to see Tom again and I was really happy to meet Adam. It’s so strange (to me) how well you can feel you get to know folks through our blogs. I mean, we sat and chatted as though we hadn’t just met. At least it seemed that way to me. Tom had to get back to work, Adam had things to do, and I was advised (Thanks, L-girl!) to get back to Mississauga before rush hour really commenced.

So, back to Sweet Creamery. I was so full from lunch, but I couldn’t leave without sampling the wares. Emilio gave me a sample of the lemon-mint gelato that was amazing! But, I also had to check out the Cappuccino ice cream. It was soooo creamy. I was stuffed, but glad that I hadn’t been reasonable and left without checking out the goods. That evening I had dinner and a great visit with L-girl and Allan. But, I had been up since 2:15 am, Toronto time, and I was toast so, while they watched the Red Sox-Yankees match-up, I toddled off to bed.

Between Friday morning and Saturday noon I got to see Tom and Emilio again and met L-girl, Allan, Adam, John, and Gito! I’d call that a great trip, no? A while back I met Mary and Diane and Bob. His partner, “drf,” was back in Florida at the time so I missed him. I’m tempted to be a real sociology geek and do a chart of who has met whom - Is that right? I’m not grammar perfect… Our own one-degree of separation.

The only down side to the trip is that I missed wmtc4. It was the same time as the wedding that was the main reason for my trip. But, I hear that the weather cooperated and a great time was had by all! Hopefully we’ll make it another time!

Now, backing up a bit. I was supposed to do a road trip in May and had to cancel because P got that job. I had realized that the main place I wanted to go - a small town in New York where folks from my family lived in the 19th and early twentieth centuries - was four hours from Toronto. I had been wishing that I had planned to go there while in the area, so to speak. On Friday afternoon when I realized that I had seen everyone I was going to be able to see (Eric is working, working, working and might have still been out of town; I wasn’t able to connect with Mason and Nick), I thought, “Hmmm… road trip?”

I did some quick calculating and realized that I could be in Hornell, NY by about 11 am, do what I wanted, and then be in Cleveland that evening. If available, I could visit one of my very best pals and still make Windsor for lunch with Gito and John the next day. Toronto is great, but hanging out in the city alone when I could accomplish this just wasn’t so appealing. So, Friday morning I hit the road by about 7:15. I was in Hornell by 11:15.

First I went to City Hall to get information regarding my great-great grandfather’s death. I had ordered a certificate from the state, but parts of it were unreadable so I was getting that information from the town. I then started walking the cemetery. It was my second trip to try to find my great-grandmother/grandfather's and her parents' headstones, along with a few other relatives. Alas, I was unable to meet up with the caretaker and I couldn’t find them. I climbed down hills, looked at fallen headstones under brush, got soaked by a drizzle, and ended up with a ridiculously stressed knee. Then I went to the (wonderful Carnegie) library and was able to record information from town directories from the 1870s, 1880s, and 1890s. I was also able to look up a few brief articles in the paper, recorded to fiche. Although I had already checked and seen that the last house they lived in was replaced by a new one in the early 1900s, I drove down the street thinking, “That mountain was there then – that’s what they saw each morning.” It was cool, even without their house still standing. I went back to the cemetery and tried again. No luck. I did end up talking with the caretaker by phone and while he was unwilling to come out and help me on a Friday afternoon, suggested that I call ahead next time and he would arrange to meet me.

Around 5:00 I got in my little rental car and started out toward Cleveland. I love driving – in daylight, on the open road. I passed – and passed up – the Zippo Case Museum in Pennsylvania. But, I’ll bet it’s fascinating. I made it to the outskirts of Cleveland shortly before 9 and met up with my friends. We headed back to their house and ordered dinner from a couple of local restaurants. Again, I’m reminded that what I miss most in New Brunswick is decent options for dining out/ordering in. I had some terrific eggplant parmigiana and great company. But, after sitting up chatting until around 11:30 it was off to bed. We were all going to be up and on the road by 8. M, my friend’s husband, went out to pick up bagels before we were even downstairs. By 8:15 we were on the road.

Let me tell you. The radio between Cleveland and Detroit? Fantastic. I didn’t know that stations still played old Casey Kasem shows from the 1970s! I loved that as I approached Detroit I was listening to Madonna’s Holiday! Makes me think of Boston Pride, 1984, every time. Country, hip-hop, oldies, jazz – I heard it all. Very fun.

As I entered Michigan, I was reminded of one of my best-buds from law school, AV, so I called her just to say, “Hi, I’m in Michigan and thought of you.” Even though she’s from the UP, she was tickled.

I arrived in Windsor around noon. Gito and John met me at the bridge and I followed them to Little Italy. We had a fabulous lunch at a little place called Mezzo. I highly recommend the squash ravioli with mutzu apple in a bacon sun-dried tomato cream sauce. Yum! Again, I had a great visit with more of our little family. Turns out that John and I were at the University of Arizona for a one-year overlap. I got there in 1990 and he left in 1991. Too funny! They were just delightful, and I had a great time chatting with them both. They then guided me to the tunnel back to Detroit and with a wave, we were on our respective ways.

I headed to the hotel in Utica, MI and, oh my, I drove past every retail establishment you could possibly imagine. Consumption Junction come to life. Between getting off the Interstate and heading to the hotel, 8 miles away, there were two, count ‘em, two Targets and two McDonald’s. I got checked in and immediately went to find my pal, N, and her husband, M. N and I were roommates in the Army, in Germany, 1978-1980. Her husband was room mates with my friend J, who was getting married. It was great to see M as he has been working every time I’ve blown through Chicago for the past 20 years. They had brought three photo albums with them so we had a blast going through those! It has never – really, never – occurred to me that other people have a record of your life in a way that is likely unknown to you. Wow.

Shortly after 6 we headed over to the hall. There was J, in all his splendor. We had not seen each other in 27 years. He visited me in NYC the summer of 1982. One hug reduced that to nothing. With the three of us standing in front of him, his eyes just filled with tears. We met his husband-to-be, R, and then we went to find our seats.

J had seated us at a table with a few other military folks from more recent times. Let’s just say, we had nothing in common with these guys, but the three of us had a great time. Joe had made a photo album for the table. OMG!!! I saw photos I didn’t know existed. Yikes! He had intended to make a CD of photos for each of us, but had trouble with the scanner. I really hope he is able to do so. I couldn’t believe the photo of me at a Halloween party holding a beer. I mean, seriously, who was that woman (child)? Regarding our tablemates – while we were light years apart. e.g., Person 1: “Is your son thinking of joining the military?” Person 2: “He doesn’t have to think about it. He is.” – let me hasten to add that they traveled to Detroit to see their old (and former!) sergeant marry a man. There’s not much I like about the military these days, but I do have to say that people would be surprised if they really got to know any number of service members. The broad brush isn’t broad enough.

The ceremony was brief and I was almost in tears. And that’s unusual. As posted a while back, J came out to me in 1979, but spent the next 28 years single and pretty much expecting to remain that way. Then he met – or re-met – R, literally the boy who had grown up next door. I honestly don’t know that I have ever been as thoroughly, profoundly, happy for someone as I was for him. It was great!

J made a few comments, including asking us to think about the military personnel serving overseas – he’s retired Army and works for the VA. But, he added that he hopes that they all come home safely and are able to marry whomever they wish. He thanked the Canadian government for giving him the opportunity to marry the man he loves. Privately he told me that he planned on emailing the White House to say how pathetic it is that a man who served the US Army for 20 years had to leave the country to do so.

After a terrific buffet, I took a trip to the Candyland Cornucopia. They had a table filled with Bazooka bubble gum, Pop Rocks, Mary Janes, wax lips, candy necklaces, Pixi Sticks, licorice sticks, and much, much more, along with cellophane bags in which to take your stash. Score – present for 8YO! Later that evening, the four of us were able to visit and look at all of the photos together, reminiscing. One guy, B – who I also last seen in NYC in ’82 – was supposed to be there, but had brain surgery – for debilitating migraines - scheduled for Tuesday. A few of the photos were just J, B, and me being crazy. I was sorry he couldn’t join us and hope all goes well. It was getting late and we needed to go, but, even with a really bad knee I couldn’t resist going without one dance. So, when Holiday came on, J and I danced. And talked. And danced. And then, we – well, me – hobbled off the floor and let all the youngsters keep whoopin’ it up.

It was a really cool wedding. Almost everyone was extended family – from kids who could barely walk to folks in their 70s, if not their 80s. His lesbian aunt and her partner of 27 years were there. People were of all colours and classes in everything from suits and dresses that were, um, a little too tight to jeans and shirts that celebrated the American flag and motorcycles. And, everyone was there to see two men say their vows and become hyphenated-gay-men.

I returned to the hotel around 11 and crashed. The next morning I was on the road back to Mississauga. I got to hear great music, again. Lots of oldies. And, NPR, too. It was really weird to be in Canada, picking up a US NPR station, doing a show on Health Care in Rural America and the potential health program being outlined by the Obama administration. Surreal. I arrived in Mississauga with time to spare. So, I went directly to our old friend, Panera. I knew that P would flip – so I bought bagels and cookies and packed them in my bag for delivery to New Brunswick.

That’s about it – minus about 1000 details. But, all in all I had an absolutely wonderful trip. It was such a great mix of old friends and new friends, good music and nice driving… Gd, I love a good road trip.

That's it for now!

One Year

On the one hand, it doesn't seem like a year. On the other hand, it seems like an eternity. But, yes, one year ago today we arrived in Fredericton.

It feels somewhat odd that I don't have anything remarkable to say about it. I'm glad we're in Canada. On most days I'm glad we're in New Brunswick, or at least in the Maritimes. On my travels last weekend I found myself thinking, as a I drove, "This seems nice... but there's no ocean!" When we got here I found myself wondering how I had ever lived in land-locked Minnesota for 13 years! Note: The 10,000 lakes don't count!

Today, I'm particularly glad to be in Canada. I just send a message to the White House, expressing my disgust over the Department of Justice brief on DOMA. 2012? I don't think so.

But, let's recap the year, shall we?
12 June: Left Saint Paul, MN
16 June: Arrived in Fredericton, NB
16 June - 1 October: Lived on Charlotte Street
1 October - 16 October: Lived on Bridge Street
16 October - 17 November: Lived on King Street
17 November: Moved into the incomplete house in Douglas, NB

P was, unexpectedly, back in Minnesota from 20 August to 10 December, with a few visits in between. From January to April she completed her last credits of law school by doing a practicum at UNB and graduated with her JD. She is now working again and will start a new job in her field - libraries - on Monday. Woo-hoo! And, it's a government job. Even better.

8YO - who, L-girl reminded me, was 5YO when I began this blog! - has had a wonderful year. Having done K and grade 1 in French Immersion, this year in an English school has been great for him. He has caught up with his reading - nothing short of a miracle if you had seen last summer's meltdowns. He was able to ski this winter and is now playing soccer. He's anxiously awaiting trips to Killarney Lake to look for tadpoles and lives to play in the water down on the Bay.

Me? I'm still walking better some days than others, having trouble with my shoulders, and waiting to be seen by a doctor in Canada. Oh, well... I'm hangin' in. After waiting 51 weeks for the powers that be to figure out that it was okay, my work situation is set for the next two years. I'm thankful for that as it means I can teach, mostly, from here, but for my "home" institution. I was able to teach a class at UNB this winter and will be doing another next year. I'm [still] being sued by our crooked builder and one of the subs he failed to pay. But, I try to be hopeful that everything will, eventually, be fine - both with my health and the house.

I often ask myself what I would do differently. Honestly? I'm not sure that we would have come to New Brunswick. When I tick off the reasons it's a great place for us versus why it's not, I think that we might still have done so. The only reason I really continue to wonder about the decision is the health care situation. I have come to the conclusion that I would still have built a house. It made sense in terms of finance, timing, and lifestyle. And, we absolutely love our location. Not just the area, but the exact lot is perfect. But, if I'd had a crystal ball, I would simply have hoped it would have told me to use a different builder - or to have not worried about being perceived as a bitch for insisting that they do things right. But, as above, I try to have faith that eventually it will all work out.

We've met some absolutely great people and 8YO has some really good friends. But, I'm also thankful for the cyber-community. It sounds kind of lame when I look at the words, but I really think that communicating with my friends - expats in particular, family, students/alums, and colleagues - be it via blogs, email, or facebook, kept me sane. Well, as sane as I am, regardless of locale. I loathe to think of what this year would have been without that ease of contact.

This summer we will visit the shore in Nova Scotia - celebrating a special occasion with another expat family, spend a week in a small village in Quebec, and, if we can swing it, spend a weekend on Campobello Island. We'll get down to the Bay again for various day trips. A friend from Saint Paul will spend a week with us in July. At summer's end I'll be driving to Minnesota for the "opening games"of the academic year, returning with my mother in tow. She will probably stay for 3-4 weeks, able to see the change of seasons. For the past 21 years my life has been lived on the academic calendar. That hasn't changed. Summer? I have the good fortune for that to mean more than that the weather has become warmer.

So, one year. Wow. What will the next year bring? I'm almost afraid to consider the question! But, we're here and, as I said earlier, I do like to think that we've "turned a corner." I just remind myself that, regardless of the challenges, we're living in a place where our family is treated equally under the law. That's enough to make it all worthwhile.

I am not kidding, but...

perhaps we really have turned a corner. Hold on to your hats, we may on the way to having two good posts in a row in this blog!

You may recall that, in late April, P was offered a two-month position at UNB. I don't even recall whether or not I posted about it, but that was then extended until April 2010. Of course they love her, it has been great, etc. Let me hasten to add that some of these work-related posts would be far more interesting if I included details, but I hesitate to do so in a public forum. So, the Cliff's Notes version is that yesterday she received a call from the director of the New Brunswick Public Library System. And, if everything goes through HR without a hitch, she'll have a new job. It's a one-year, but it's a provincial job paying $6/hr more than the position at UNB. She will have an opportunity to work on her rusted-out French and, most importantly, she'll be internal. Right now, with a provincial hiring "freeze" I guess they can actually hire; they just can't advertise. The folks at UNB have been great and, after originally declining interest, they encouraged her to pursue it since it's in her career field. Fingers crossed that it all works out! I actually went shopping without stressing about the cost of groceries. What a difference it makes for us to both be gainfully employed.

In other news, you may know Richard Florida's work - The Rise of the Creative Class and The Flight of the Creative Class? His latest book is Who's Your City? - with Canadian content! He, too, moved from the US to Canada. Imagine my delight...

Best cities for families, overall -
Ottawa/Gatineau, Toronto, Calgary, Fredericton, Guelph

Best cities for cost, overall -
Ottawa/Gatineau, Quebec City, Fredericton, Toronto, Montreal

Best cities for families, gay & lesbian -
Ottawa/Gatineau, Toronto, Fredericton, Calgary, Guelph

Best cities for cost, gay and lesbian families -
Ottawa/Gatineau, Quebec City, Montreal, Toronto, Fredericton

I'm not sure what the last ranking says - maybe that those in Fredericton feel compelled to spend more money traveling to spend some time in more queer-friendly large cities?!? Weird that it would be ranked lower in "best for cost" than the bigger cities listed. Anyone with a guess as to what explains this?

I'm sure we can quibble with the methodology and I've not read the book yet, but just seeing that Fredericton was even on the radar was great. But, get this - I had looked at the book in a store and decided I'd pick it up at the library as it isn't one I feel compelled to have in my collection. The library has the original hardcover - sans Canadian content! Grrrrr!! The above, therefore, is from the website.

So, there you have it. We're on a roll!

And, another great Sunday!

Yesterday morning we drove down to spend the day in St. Andrews-by-the-Sea. It was just lovely. We arrived around 11 and first stopped at the Visitor Centre to check out the best places to walk along the water. Then, we went to the Gables Restaurant for lunch. Although it was a tad chilly in the shade, we sat on the deck watching the tide come in. Broiled scallops, lobster roll, and, of course, chicken fingers, all with excellent fries. It was almost high tide. This place is sort of known for the fleece wraps they keep on the wall, for those wanting to sit outside but being a bit chilled. P and 8YO each ended up wrapped in one.

From there we went over to the Blockhouse, not to visit the Blockhouse, but to walk out the "spit" that was created as the tide was going out. From there we went to the aquarium at the Huntsman Marine Science Centre. It's a very small, and not terribly well maintained place, but it is primarily a working site - as opposed to an "attraction" - and 8YO had an absolute blast. The seals, Loki and Snorkel, were old news to him. But, he loved the touch pool. He was able to pick up seastars, though he skipped the crabs, and was able to touch anemone and sea cucumbers. The touch pool in Minnesota is occupied by rays - and he would never touch them. We had to drag him away - his hands were red and freezing by the time we were successful!

From there we drove to the other end of town and parked near the water. We walked the trail at Pagan Point Preserve, walked along the shore for a ways and then back. With a stop for a treat along Route 3, we were home by 6:30 and threw some brats on the grill. Not a bad day! Here, of course, are a few snapshots.

Out to the end of the "spit" near the Blockhouse.

If it involves water - but doesn't involve soap - 8YO is in heaven.

Along the coast at St. Andrews, New Brunswick.

Fun/day

I think that Fun/day is what you get when you have fun on a Sunday along the Fundy. In short, we had a great day yesterday. One of the few since last summer that actually made me feel glad to be here.

We started out by meeting up with a small group of other transplants at someone's house in New Maryland. One couple moved from Toronto with their young son almost two years ago. Another family with three girls came from the UK. And one woman has lived all over Canada and I can't recall where she lived last. Anyway, we headed off on the Trans-Canada and picked up 7 to head toward Saint John. First we passed a porcupine walking by the side of the road and then a ground hog that made it across the road. This is a stretch of highway that is one of, if not the, worst for vehicle-moose collisions. Last August, in the fog of early morning, we saw two dead moose. A good deal of the road has had fencing run alongside the trees. But, yesterday... we had our first live sighting of a moose! And, it was a juvenile, just strolling along the fenceline - on the other side, thank goodness. And, 8YO saw it too which is even better because he often can't spot things when one of us says, "Look!"

We got down to where you go left to Saint John or right toward St. Stephen and turned right. Our first stop was the Musquash Head Light. On the way to the trailhead I even got to have my first Subaru moment. Our fearless leader was driving her great, but two-wheel drive, Mazda 3 and was having trouble negotiating a point where the gravel was very uneven. We just rolled on through. We were prepared to ferry folks to the trailhead, but she persisted and made it in the Mazda.

We parked and walked the trail to the lighthouse, perched on the edge of some pretty steep cliffs. It was very foggy, but nice. I'd like to go back when we can actually see more of the water than a tiny slice at the bottom of the cliff.

This is the group, strolling down the trail, toward the fog!

Here you can see a little bit of the water down below.

From there we drove into Lorneville and stopped at a little public park/playground for a picnic. As we sat, we looked out across the salt marshes of the Musquash Estuary. The kids had a blast running and running and the adults got to visit. 8YO, of course, ended up in a ditch with his shoes covered in mud. First change of the day. Swap the shoes for clean socks and rubber boots and the jeans for shorts.

From there we drove over to Chance Harbour and stopped at Cranberry Cove. Our fearless leader had checked the tide tables before organizing our little jaunt and the timing was perfect. The kids were able to walk quite a way out on the mud before getting to the water's edge. 8YO - true to his zodiac - loves, loves, loves the water. Of course he was advised not to go so far as to have the tide wash over the top of his boots, but, c'mon, that just made it more fun. So, off came the boots. Then, off came to t-shirt so that he'd have something dry to put on later. By the time we were packing up to leave he was riding back in a towel and the dry t-shirt and later his rain pants and the t-shirt. And. That's. It. I had brought more extras and then had forgotten I had done so! Funny thing is that, when he heard we were stopping at a beach, he asked if I had packed his swimsuit and I said, no, that it was too cold to go in the water. Guess I've learned my lesson.

The kids playing when we first arrived.

8YO, near the end of our visit - no boots, no t-shirt, wet shorts...
and having a blast!

We headed back to Fredericton and even made it home before the rain came. On the drive back we saw a juvenile deer on the other side of the fence, but no moose.

The day was fabulous. P even re-connected with someone in the library system here and will be following up, per her request, with her resume. Not bad for a lazy Sunday!

This morning has been busy, too. Our realtor stopped by to see the deck, we had two cord of wood delivered, and the new contractor's guys are putting up sheetrock in the basement. Maybe we're turning a corner...

While I'm here, a few more photos before I sign off -

Our Green Cone digester and Earth Machine composter.

The beginnings of our square foot garden.
Still have to make Mel's Mix and then we'll plant with the moon.

The deck! Well, part of it anyway.

The house, from the back, sans snow!

That's it for now. Little by little...